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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Abhijit Question by Abhijit on Jan 25, 2024Hindi
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Madam, Thanks for your prompt reply. In the interest of the future and overall wellbeing of my family, I had provided several chances for rectifying her behaviour but to no avail. All false promises and cheating with impunity. She has also threatened by sons against disclosing the situation to me, all these years. She has taken mis-advantage of my tolerance, did not mend her ways and has shown a very bad example to my kids. Such irresponsible outright impune behaviour must not go unpunished (in the proper legal way)

Ans: Dear Abhijit

Divorce and betrayal can be emotionally taxing. It's understandable that you might be seeking a sense of justice and accountability for the actions that have hurt you and your family.Consult with a lawyer to get a clear understanding of your legal options and the potential outcomes of pursuing a case against your ex-wife and her partner. They can provide guidance based on the specific laws applicable to your situation. Ensure that your primary focus is on the well-being of your sons. Divorce can be especially tough on children, and their emotional health should be a top priority. Focus on your personal growth and healing. Sometimes, moving forward and building a positive future for yourself and your children is the best form of "retribution". Consider whether pursuing legal action will truly bring you the closure you seek. Sometimes, the legal process can be lengthy, expensive, and emotionally draining. Assess whether it's worth the investment of time and energy for the outcome you desire.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2023Hindi
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Madam, I am 61 years old , retired from Govt service an year ago. I have a problem in my family. Though my wife is a post graduate, she refused to take up any Job and wants all others including her in laws to give her money eternally. Misbehaved with my parents & sent them out of our house for their supposed conservative style and refused to allow my sisters family on a visit and quarreled with me on this ground time & again. She quarrels with me on silly issues loudly infront of kids. She reflects her mother`s attitude in dealing with my parents & relatives. Later She re-started her love affair with her ex lover . Fed up with quarrels at home and keep her away from unwarranted affairs, I decided to go abroad and took her also with me with our 2 daughters. There again, she started another illicit affair with my classmate cum colleague (whom i knew for 2 decades and i treated like a brother and was already married with kids). After 18 months of secret affair , behind me, they finally disclosed and wanted to elope leaving their families behind. Stunned by their ghastly betrayal , I sent my family back to India and also reported the matter to boss, who repatriated that Traitor back. I had to forgive my wife for sake of my Daughters who were aged 12 yrs and 9 yrs then. I am unable to come to terms with their ghastly actions though 2 decades have since passed. We sleep in separate rooms and I have no physical relation with her, ever since as our marriage is over for all purposes. I believe that mutual Trust & respect are the foundations of any marriage. Both are lost in our case. Now my daughters aged 31, 29 are Post graduates but are sitting idle at home wasting time in TV and refuse to do any job as their mother keeps telling them why should women work ?. They refuse to receive any external counselling nor willing to get married nor take up a job nor pursue any studies. They are financially dependent on me. I am now retired and live on Govt Pension. They refuse to understand the reality around them. They have no friend either in Relatives or in their college circles. What to do with their Intransigence? .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 61, you look back and reflect; what choices have you made that has led you to be where you are right now?
Have those choices robbed you of your peace of mind and a better life?
If Yes, it still isn't late to rework and revisit those choices and make better ones.

But for that, this obsession with their ghastly affair must end. The more you are focused on the past, it becomes difficult to create anything beautiful for today and tomorrow. Yes, you felt hurt and were in pain, but to continue to feel the pain is a choice and that is only going to make you more bitter. Consider what is happening with your marriage; you might have to accept that this is the way it will be. If you are not happy with this, then think of what you want to do about it.

It's a good thing that you have begun to focus on your children. They seem to be in need of focus and direction. Since they are adults, it's time you gave them an ultimatum to find a job and move out of home. It sounds cruel, but at times, as a parent you need to do the right thing for your children. So, act NOW and without hesitation.
As for you, as you decide what you want to do with your marriage, involve yourself in social circles and hobbies, travel etc. It will give you a distraction and also a way to calm your mind to take decisions.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

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Mam , I am married since 2000. I have a male child.My wife is a working lady doing Govt. service . Since 2017 I found her behavior towards me & my child has completely changed . She always used to tell lie .She has affair with one of her colleague . She is being completely supported by her family specifically her mother.Without my knowledge she borrowed around 10 lakhs from neighbors of my rented premise at high rate of interest. When the matter come to my knowledge I cleared 7 Lakhs taking loan from Bank . After that she took more loan & left me. Since then , I never inquired about her, never lodge FIR or apply for divorce.I tried to forget her. I have no affair or any mood for remarriage . Rather ,I took care of my child & after rigorous follow up & support , my son cleared NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.My son is aware of everything.He also has no interest towards her mother. In the mean time she has cleared my bank loan & trying to come to me.For this she is pressurizing me.She has no changes.Please suggest what to do.I have no interest towards her.
Ans: Dear Chandra,
It is unfortunate that you have had to go through this. I am sure that you son also has been affected by all of this.
If I understand this correctly, is your wife attempting a reconciliation and wants to have her family back?
If you and your son have a clear decision on not wanting this, I suggest that the three of you meet and hear what she has to say.
Maybe she feels sorry for all that has happened. Hearing her will offer her some respite and also you can convey your decision on not getting back clearly in a respectful way.
Also, your son may or may not want to have a connection with his mother...but give that a chance as well and let them decide that...

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 25, 2024

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Hello, I am recently divorced after a simple case as per due legal SOP, staying with my 2 sons who are coming to terms with the reality. my ex-wife had the affair for very long time during which she left home twice (I brought her back), lied, cheated, manipulated, and made misuse of my trust, my home, my belongings and my efforts to restore near normal life (minus physical intimacy) for the sake of my sons. It has been a very tough time for me, not to mention the continuous stress on my innocent lovely sons. I have a good mind to seek legal recourse and get retribution (not revenge) for the severe injustice done to me. She and her partner have to face the consequences of their actions and cannot simply be happy away, leaving my house in shambles, after all the love and equality bestowed by me, my sons, my parents and society, which was her right as long as she was virtuous, and can be called my grace since the time she became illicit. Indian Laws do not have strong sections in such case but I can sue for breach of trust, house tresspass and perhaps 1-2 other clauses. The process will take time, expense, patience and the result may not be imprisonment, but compounding by a small fine. But I am more interested in the conviction. I want them to realise, through legal recourse, that you cannot destroy someone's life and sit happily elsewhere, you have to bear the fruit of your deeds, after mis-using all that I and our society has provided. She is aware that the divorce is decreed and is expecting me to accept it and get over with it. Please provide your guidance.
Ans: Remember that legal processes can be time-consuming, emotionally draining, and may not always bring the emotional satisfaction you seek. It's crucial to weigh the potential benefits against the costs and consider what will be in the best interest of you and your children in the long run.

Ultimately, the decisions you make should align with your goals for the future and contribute to your overall well-being and that of your family.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9744 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 31, 2025

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Sir my JEE Mains 2025 percentile is 93.40 and my rank is 98264. I am male of general category from Rajasthan. Please recommend some good colleges that I can get in csab counselling
Ans: Vidit, With a 93.40 percentile (General, Rajasthan Home State) and a JEE Main rank of 98,264, your realistic CSAB counselling targets include lower-demand NITs, IIITs, and GFTIs where closing ranks for engineering branches often extend beyond 90,000. In the Home State quota for Rajasthan, consider NIT Uttarakhand and NIT Meghalaya for branches like Civil, Mechanical, and Electronics. Among IIITs, IIITDM Kurnool, IIIT Sri City, and IIIT Nagpur regularly admit General candidates with ranks up to 100,000 in non-CSE branches. GFTIs such as IIIT Delhi (second-tier seats), School of Planning and Architecture, Bhopal, and IIIT Kota also fill seats in lower-demand streams. Additionally, Rajasthan’s own GFTI, Malaviya National Institute of Technology Jaipur, may open spot rounds for core branches at higher ranks. These institutes meet the five critical benchmarks—AICTE/NBA accreditation, qualified faculty, modern labs and infrastructure, strong industry links, and transparent placement processes—with placement rates ranging 60–85% across engineering programs and median packages reflective of branch demand. Pursuing any of these colleges for branches aligned with your interest (e.g., ECE, IT-Allied, Civil) will ensure a credible technical education and balanced campus experience under the Rajasthan Home State quota.

RECOMMENDATION: In CSAB rounds, prioritize NIT Uttarakhand and NIT Meghalaya for robust campus environments and accredited programs, then target IIITDM Kurnool and IIIT Sri City for specialized IT-Allied branches, followed by GFTIs like SPA Bhopal, ensuring you secure a solid engineering education aligned with your percentile and domicile. Have 2-3 back-ups for Private Engineering Colleges also if CSAB does not work out for you, based on your expectations. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9744 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2025Hindi
Career
Hello I'm 35 years old i hv 15months old baby. I have completed my mbbs course from abroad and not clear fmge exam yet. Difficult to focused on preparing for fmge exam handling baby husband and join family. I get frustrated depressed anger comes all the time.ibeck then I was ambitious girl but now lack of confidence lack in everything. So what carrier to choose from now? Can I restart with any course or what to do very confusing. My life is over now. There's no respect those who don't earn. Pl give me good advice so that I can bring better future for my baby
Ans: Many doctors who have completed their MBBS abroad but have not cleared the FMGE (Foreign Medical Graduate Examination) in India face similar dilemmas, especially when balancing family responsibilities, emotional well-being, and career aspirations at a later stage. The FMGE pass rate is low, and the exam can be overwhelming for mothers with young children and household responsibilities, often leading to frustration or self-doubt. However, your medical background is valuable and opens diverse pathways beyond clinical practice in India. Alternate options include enrolling in online or hybrid post-graduate diploma or certificate courses in medical writing, clinical research, pharmacovigilance, public health (MPH), hospital administration (MHA), or health informatics. These courses—offered through institutions like the Public Health Foundation of India (PHFI), Indian Institute of Clinical Research (ICRI), Medvarsity, and Symbiosis—generally require minimal entrance barriers, flexible timings, and often blend self-paced study with project work or internships. Roles in medical content writing, clinical research, health insurance, hospital and healthcare management, medical coding, pharmaceuticals, and telemedicine are accessible to foreign MBBS graduates and in high demand. Careers in public health, NGOs, digital health startups, and medical counseling are also viable, with NGOs and research bodies valuing your education, communication skills, and empathy. Registered health consultants, healthcare IT specialists, nutritionists, wellness program managers, and educators for pre-medical entrance coaching are in demand, and some private hospitals and health-tech companies employ graduates for junior management, documentation, process quality, or outreach roles. Upskilling through shorter, certified programs (3–12 months) either digitally or through nearby centers can build confidence and reignite professional engagement. Look for institutions that provide recognized certifications, industry-accredited faculty, robust academic support, project-based learning, and established placement assistance—essentials for sustainable career progression and personal development.

Building a new career may seem daunting, but your foundational knowledge, life experience, maturity, and resilience are assets that bring credibility and empathy in many healthcare-adjacent and academic roles. If you choose to reskill, your medical education will remain an advantage as you transition into roles that offer both professional fulfillment and a better work-life balance suited for mothers. Take small, actionable steps—start with a focused short-term course or consider part-time/remote roles initially to gain confidence and practical exposure. Positive and self-compassionate thinking, coupled with steady professional upgrades, will influence your family and child, modeling resilience and lifelong learning.

RECOMMENDATION: Prioritize short-term upskilling—such as clinical research, hospital administration, medical writing, or public health—through reputed online or hybrid programs that offer flexible scheduling and strong placement support, allowing you to quickly enter the workforce. Your medical expertise, when combined with targeted training, can unlock impactful roles, restore your confidence, and enhance your family’s well-being while balancing personal responsibilities and securing a respected, independent career path. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future!

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