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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |189 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Abhijit Question by Abhijit on Jan 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Madam, Thanks for your prompt reply. In the interest of the future and overall wellbeing of my family, I had provided several chances for rectifying her behaviour but to no avail. All false promises and cheating with impunity. She has also threatened by sons against disclosing the situation to me, all these years. She has taken mis-advantage of my tolerance, did not mend her ways and has shown a very bad example to my kids. Such irresponsible outright impune behaviour must not go unpunished (in the proper legal way)

Ans: Dear Abhijit

Divorce and betrayal can be emotionally taxing. It's understandable that you might be seeking a sense of justice and accountability for the actions that have hurt you and your family.Consult with a lawyer to get a clear understanding of your legal options and the potential outcomes of pursuing a case against your ex-wife and her partner. They can provide guidance based on the specific laws applicable to your situation. Ensure that your primary focus is on the well-being of your sons. Divorce can be especially tough on children, and their emotional health should be a top priority. Focus on your personal growth and healing. Sometimes, moving forward and building a positive future for yourself and your children is the best form of "retribution". Consider whether pursuing legal action will truly bring you the closure you seek. Sometimes, the legal process can be lengthy, expensive, and emotionally draining. Assess whether it's worth the investment of time and energy for the outcome you desire.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |873 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2023Hindi
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Madam, I am 61 years old , retired from Govt service an year ago. I have a problem in my family. Though my wife is a post graduate, she refused to take up any Job and wants all others including her in laws to give her money eternally. Misbehaved with my parents & sent them out of our house for their supposed conservative style and refused to allow my sisters family on a visit and quarreled with me on this ground time & again. She quarrels with me on silly issues loudly infront of kids. She reflects her mother`s attitude in dealing with my parents & relatives. Later She re-started her love affair with her ex lover . Fed up with quarrels at home and keep her away from unwarranted affairs, I decided to go abroad and took her also with me with our 2 daughters. There again, she started another illicit affair with my classmate cum colleague (whom i knew for 2 decades and i treated like a brother and was already married with kids). After 18 months of secret affair , behind me, they finally disclosed and wanted to elope leaving their families behind. Stunned by their ghastly betrayal , I sent my family back to India and also reported the matter to boss, who repatriated that Traitor back. I had to forgive my wife for sake of my Daughters who were aged 12 yrs and 9 yrs then. I am unable to come to terms with their ghastly actions though 2 decades have since passed. We sleep in separate rooms and I have no physical relation with her, ever since as our marriage is over for all purposes. I believe that mutual Trust & respect are the foundations of any marriage. Both are lost in our case. Now my daughters aged 31, 29 are Post graduates but are sitting idle at home wasting time in TV and refuse to do any job as their mother keeps telling them why should women work ?. They refuse to receive any external counselling nor willing to get married nor take up a job nor pursue any studies. They are financially dependent on me. I am now retired and live on Govt Pension. They refuse to understand the reality around them. They have no friend either in Relatives or in their college circles. What to do with their Intransigence? .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 61, you look back and reflect; what choices have you made that has led you to be where you are right now?
Have those choices robbed you of your peace of mind and a better life?
If Yes, it still isn't late to rework and revisit those choices and make better ones.

But for that, this obsession with their ghastly affair must end. The more you are focused on the past, it becomes difficult to create anything beautiful for today and tomorrow. Yes, you felt hurt and were in pain, but to continue to feel the pain is a choice and that is only going to make you more bitter. Consider what is happening with your marriage; you might have to accept that this is the way it will be. If you are not happy with this, then think of what you want to do about it.

It's a good thing that you have begun to focus on your children. They seem to be in need of focus and direction. Since they are adults, it's time you gave them an ultimatum to find a job and move out of home. It sounds cruel, but at times, as a parent you need to do the right thing for your children. So, act NOW and without hesitation.
As for you, as you decide what you want to do with your marriage, involve yourself in social circles and hobbies, travel etc. It will give you a distraction and also a way to calm your mind to take decisions.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |873 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

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Mam , I am married since 2000. I have a male child.My wife is a working lady doing Govt. service . Since 2017 I found her behavior towards me & my child has completely changed . She always used to tell lie .She has affair with one of her colleague . She is being completely supported by her family specifically her mother.Without my knowledge she borrowed around 10 lakhs from neighbors of my rented premise at high rate of interest. When the matter come to my knowledge I cleared 7 Lakhs taking loan from Bank . After that she took more loan & left me. Since then , I never inquired about her, never lodge FIR or apply for divorce.I tried to forget her. I have no affair or any mood for remarriage . Rather ,I took care of my child & after rigorous follow up & support , my son cleared NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.My son is aware of everything.He also has no interest towards her mother. In the mean time she has cleared my bank loan & trying to come to me.For this she is pressurizing me.She has no changes.Please suggest what to do.I have no interest towards her.
Ans: Dear Chandra,
It is unfortunate that you have had to go through this. I am sure that you son also has been affected by all of this.
If I understand this correctly, is your wife attempting a reconciliation and wants to have her family back?
If you and your son have a clear decision on not wanting this, I suggest that the three of you meet and hear what she has to say.
Maybe she feels sorry for all that has happened. Hearing her will offer her some respite and also you can convey your decision on not getting back clearly in a respectful way.
Also, your son may or may not want to have a connection with his mother...but give that a chance as well and let them decide that...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |189 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |189 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 25, 2024

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Hello, I am recently divorced after a simple case as per due legal SOP, staying with my 2 sons who are coming to terms with the reality. my ex-wife had the affair for very long time during which she left home twice (I brought her back), lied, cheated, manipulated, and made misuse of my trust, my home, my belongings and my efforts to restore near normal life (minus physical intimacy) for the sake of my sons. It has been a very tough time for me, not to mention the continuous stress on my innocent lovely sons. I have a good mind to seek legal recourse and get retribution (not revenge) for the severe injustice done to me. She and her partner have to face the consequences of their actions and cannot simply be happy away, leaving my house in shambles, after all the love and equality bestowed by me, my sons, my parents and society, which was her right as long as she was virtuous, and can be called my grace since the time she became illicit. Indian Laws do not have strong sections in such case but I can sue for breach of trust, house tresspass and perhaps 1-2 other clauses. The process will take time, expense, patience and the result may not be imprisonment, but compounding by a small fine. But I am more interested in the conviction. I want them to realise, through legal recourse, that you cannot destroy someone's life and sit happily elsewhere, you have to bear the fruit of your deeds, after mis-using all that I and our society has provided. She is aware that the divorce is decreed and is expecting me to accept it and get over with it. Please provide your guidance.
Ans: Remember that legal processes can be time-consuming, emotionally draining, and may not always bring the emotional satisfaction you seek. It's crucial to weigh the potential benefits against the costs and consider what will be in the best interest of you and your children in the long run.

Ultimately, the decisions you make should align with your goals for the future and contribute to your overall well-being and that of your family.

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - May 12, 2024Hindi
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A friend of mine is aged 47 yrs is a salaried income is 1 lakh p m at present, he is away from his hometown and living in a good city in india with his family,he was having a 2bhk flat whick he has purchased in his hometown, against which he took a loan from someone fir 14 lakhs to repay his debt since 10 yrs ago,still the outstanding is 14 lakhs, in 2024 he will get some funds 4 lakhs approx ,what he must do in this situation, should he take back the property by paying slowly all the 14 lakhs in coming years ,or he will just leave the property and with his own money look for taking a new property, the old flat is in 4th floor not having lift.He is scared about the present property cost and how will he be building a new house in his hometown..kindly advise
Ans: Navigating Property Ownership: Assessing Options for Financial Security
Your friend's situation presents a complex decision regarding property ownership and financial stability. Let's evaluate the available options and recommend a course of action that aligns with his long-term financial goals and current circumstances.

Understanding the Current Situation
Property Ownership: Your friend owns a 2BHK flat in his hometown, which he purchased 10 years ago with a loan of 14 lakhs. Despite regular repayments, the outstanding amount remains the same.

Financial Constraints: With a monthly income of 1 lakh and family responsibilities, managing additional financial burdens can be challenging, especially considering the stagnant loan amount and potential property maintenance costs.

Evaluating Options
Repaying the Loan: Your friend can consider gradually repaying the remaining loan amount of 14 lakhs from the funds he expects to receive in 2024. This approach allows him to regain full ownership of the property, eliminating debt obligations.

Selling or Abandoning the Property: Given the property's location on the 4th floor without a lift and the uncertainty surrounding its market value, your friend may contemplate selling or abandoning the property altogether. This option frees him from loan liabilities and potential maintenance expenses but necessitates finding alternative housing solutions.

Exploring New Property Investment: With the funds received in 2024, your friend could explore investing in a new property that better suits his current needs and preferences. However, the feasibility of this option depends on various factors such as property costs, location, and financial constraints.

Considerations for Decision-Making
Financial Stability: Prioritize your friend's financial stability and ability to manage debt obligations and future expenses effectively.

Long-Term Goals: Consider your friend's long-term goals, including retirement planning, family needs, and property ownership preferences, when making decisions about property ownership.

Market Analysis: Assess the current real estate market trends in your friend's hometown to gauge the potential returns on investment and property appreciation prospects.

Seeking Professional Guidance
Encourage your friend to consult with a financial advisor or real estate expert to assess his options comprehensively and make informed decisions aligned with his financial objectives and circumstances.

Conclusion
Your friend's decision regarding the 2BHK flat ownership requires careful consideration of various factors, including financial stability, long-term goals, and market dynamics. By weighing the available options and seeking professional guidance, he can navigate this situation effectively and secure his financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2424 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I am currently 24 years old am earning around 11lpa I am investing around 60k each month (5k sip) rest lumpsum. What should be my investing strategy to get corpus of 10cr, I want to retire within 50 years. I already hv invest around 8.1l
Ans: Crafting Your Path to a 10 Crore Corpus: A Long-Term Investment Strategy
Your proactive approach towards investing at a young age and setting ambitious financial goals demonstrates foresight and determination. Let's outline a comprehensive investment strategy tailored to your objective of accumulating a 10 crore corpus by retirement within 50 years.

Current Financial Landscape
Young Age Advantage: Starting your investment journey at 24 provides a significant advantage due to the power of compounding over an extended period.

Steady Income and Investments: Earning 11 lakhs per annum and allocating 60k monthly towards investments, including SIPs and lump sum contributions, reflects disciplined financial planning.

Long-Term Investment Strategy
Equity-Centric Approach: Given your long investment horizon and goal of wealth accumulation, adopting an equity-centric approach is prudent. Equity investments offer higher growth potential over the long term, albeit with higher volatility.

SIPs for Regular Investing: Continue with your SIPs, as they foster disciplined investing and provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging. Allocate a significant portion of your monthly investments towards equity SIPs to capitalize on market opportunities and mitigate risk.

Lump Sum Investments for Portfolio Boost: Utilize lump sum investments to bolster your portfolio and seize attractive investment opportunities. Consider diversified equity mutual funds or blue-chip stocks with strong growth potential and track record.

Diversification Across Asset Classes: While equity forms the cornerstone of your investment strategy, consider diversifying across other asset classes such as debt, real estate investment trusts (REITs), or gold to mitigate risk and enhance overall portfolio stability.

Monitoring and Adjustments
Regular Portfolio Review: Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions. Make adjustments as necessary to capitalize on emerging opportunities or rebalance your portfolio.

Stay Informed and Educated: Keep abreast of economic developments, market trends, and investment strategies to make informed decisions. Continuous learning and staying informed are essential pillars of successful long-term investing.

Conclusion
With a disciplined investment approach, focus on equity investments, and commitment to long-term financial planning, you can work towards achieving your goal of accumulating a 10 crore corpus by retirement within 50 years. Stay disciplined, stay focused, and trust in the power of compounding to realize your financial aspirations.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2424 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have a current corpus of 2.25 cr. I am 46 yo working having my own business. My yearly SIP is 40 lacs. I have no loan. I want to retire at the age of 65 years. How much corpus will i'll be able to achieve with same SIP taking inflation and 10 to 12% return ?
Ans: Estimating Future Corpus: Projecting Retirement Savings Growth
Your proactive approach towards retirement planning, coupled with a substantial current corpus and significant yearly SIP contributions, sets a strong foundation for achieving your retirement goals. Let's project the potential corpus you could accumulate by the age of 65, considering inflation and expected returns.

Current Financial Situation
Substantial Current Corpus: Your existing corpus of 2.25 crores provides a solid base for wealth accumulation, demonstrating prudent financial management and planning.

Significant Yearly SIP: A yearly SIP of 40 lakhs reflects your commitment to long-term wealth creation and retirement preparedness.

Projecting Future Corpus
Inflation Consideration: Accounting for inflation is essential to ensure your retirement corpus maintains its purchasing power over time. Assuming an average inflation rate of 6-7% annually is prudent.

Expected Returns: With a diversified investment portfolio and an investment horizon of 19 years until retirement, aiming for an average annual return of 10-12% is reasonable, considering historical market performance.

Compounding Effect: The power of compounding amplifies the growth potential of your investments over time, especially with consistent SIP contributions and favorable market conditions.

Estimating Future Corpus
Using a retirement calculator or financial projection tool, we can estimate the potential corpus you could accumulate by the age of 65 based on your current SIP contributions, expected returns, and inflation rate.

Conclusion
By diligently contributing to your SIPs and leveraging the power of compounding, you have the potential to achieve a substantial retirement corpus by the age of 65. Regularly reviewing your investment strategy, adjusting for changing market conditions, and staying disciplined in your savings habits will further enhance your financial security in retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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