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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |474 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Abhijit Question by Abhijit on Jan 25, 2024Hindi
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Madam, Thanks for your prompt reply. In the interest of the future and overall wellbeing of my family, I had provided several chances for rectifying her behaviour but to no avail. All false promises and cheating with impunity. She has also threatened by sons against disclosing the situation to me, all these years. She has taken mis-advantage of my tolerance, did not mend her ways and has shown a very bad example to my kids. Such irresponsible outright impune behaviour must not go unpunished (in the proper legal way)

Ans: Dear Abhijit

Divorce and betrayal can be emotionally taxing. It's understandable that you might be seeking a sense of justice and accountability for the actions that have hurt you and your family.Consult with a lawyer to get a clear understanding of your legal options and the potential outcomes of pursuing a case against your ex-wife and her partner. They can provide guidance based on the specific laws applicable to your situation. Ensure that your primary focus is on the well-being of your sons. Divorce can be especially tough on children, and their emotional health should be a top priority. Focus on your personal growth and healing. Sometimes, moving forward and building a positive future for yourself and your children is the best form of "retribution". Consider whether pursuing legal action will truly bring you the closure you seek. Sometimes, the legal process can be lengthy, expensive, and emotionally draining. Assess whether it's worth the investment of time and energy for the outcome you desire.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1426 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

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Mam , I am married since 2000. I have a male child.My wife is a working lady doing Govt. service . Since 2017 I found her behavior towards me & my child has completely changed . She always used to tell lie .She has affair with one of her colleague . She is being completely supported by her family specifically her mother.Without my knowledge she borrowed around 10 lakhs from neighbors of my rented premise at high rate of interest. When the matter come to my knowledge I cleared 7 Lakhs taking loan from Bank . After that she took more loan & left me. Since then , I never inquired about her, never lodge FIR or apply for divorce.I tried to forget her. I have no affair or any mood for remarriage . Rather ,I took care of my child & after rigorous follow up & support , my son cleared NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.My son is aware of everything.He also has no interest towards her mother. In the mean time she has cleared my bank loan & trying to come to me.For this she is pressurizing me.She has no changes.Please suggest what to do.I have no interest towards her.
Ans: Dear Chandra,
It is unfortunate that you have had to go through this. I am sure that you son also has been affected by all of this.
If I understand this correctly, is your wife attempting a reconciliation and wants to have her family back?
If you and your son have a clear decision on not wanting this, I suggest that the three of you meet and hear what she has to say.
Maybe she feels sorry for all that has happened. Hearing her will offer her some respite and also you can convey your decision on not getting back clearly in a respectful way.
Also, your son may or may not want to have a connection with his mother...but give that a chance as well and let them decide that...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |474 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 25, 2024

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Hello, I am recently divorced after a simple case as per due legal SOP, staying with my 2 sons who are coming to terms with the reality. my ex-wife had the affair for very long time during which she left home twice (I brought her back), lied, cheated, manipulated, and made misuse of my trust, my home, my belongings and my efforts to restore near normal life (minus physical intimacy) for the sake of my sons. It has been a very tough time for me, not to mention the continuous stress on my innocent lovely sons. I have a good mind to seek legal recourse and get retribution (not revenge) for the severe injustice done to me. She and her partner have to face the consequences of their actions and cannot simply be happy away, leaving my house in shambles, after all the love and equality bestowed by me, my sons, my parents and society, which was her right as long as she was virtuous, and can be called my grace since the time she became illicit. Indian Laws do not have strong sections in such case but I can sue for breach of trust, house tresspass and perhaps 1-2 other clauses. The process will take time, expense, patience and the result may not be imprisonment, but compounding by a small fine. But I am more interested in the conviction. I want them to realise, through legal recourse, that you cannot destroy someone's life and sit happily elsewhere, you have to bear the fruit of your deeds, after mis-using all that I and our society has provided. She is aware that the divorce is decreed and is expecting me to accept it and get over with it. Please provide your guidance.
Ans: Remember that legal processes can be time-consuming, emotionally draining, and may not always bring the emotional satisfaction you seek. It's crucial to weigh the potential benefits against the costs and consider what will be in the best interest of you and your children in the long run.

Ultimately, the decisions you make should align with your goals for the future and contribute to your overall well-being and that of your family.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1426 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 06, 2024Hindi
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Madam me and my wife were married for 13 Odd Yrs and have been blessed with 2 kids aged about 12 and 8 respectively, while things were quite good but my wife addiction to social media ( FB / Insta ) spoilt entire relationship and she making up friends who are totally unknown spoilt her and also found out in the long run she was involved with other men, eventually we got divorced and kids custody was given to me but after about 2 Yrs i realised my kids needs support of an mother at home as it was making things difficult for me as a single parent to manage, thereby i happend to meet a person who had advertised thru marriage portal, though she was a widow with 2 kids, felt she cd be able to handle it better as her kids have lost their father, felt this would work, first few months she was quite okay later on she starting unnecessarily issues and made sure my kids return back to their biological mother as they felt things were more comfortable over there, and this partner of mine expects me to show love attention only to her and her biological kids, though she doesnt say it straight, her reactions and unnecessary disputes and fights after me visiting my kids or meeting them or even if i have gone to visit my mother or had lunch or dinner with her, make her feel very restlesness, i have always told and advised her to maintain good relationship with my family, but due to her arrogance and ignorance my own family members have distanced her and continue to talk to me or meet me outside, she has gone to the extent saying she wants to get out of the relationship and i had borrowed money due to my hardtimes and she keeps saying she wants money to be returned so that she steps out and want to stay independently with her kids, I am also fed up and completely lost being away from my kids and my mother Is it advisable to go for divorce or just seperation will do, or can a bond paper specifiying that i have returned her money and have ended this relationship and no claims further will be entertained, can i have this - Pls guide, its better to stay single and take care of my own kids and mother than being away from them and taking care of other kids as own...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's a lot of mess...where and how things went downhill is something that you surely know. Take care of the children first. The kid are caught in the middle of all of this.
Yours and hers as well...
Sadly, she hasn't matured to understand the concept of embracing your children as her own but wants to cling on to you and literally draw a wedge between you and your family.
RED FLAG, right there...

Now, you need to think about how all this is affecting the children and the impact it is having in your daily life. Is there a way by which this lady will be able to understand that you all will be one big unit; children, the two of you and your family and hers as well...If she is prepared for this, then it gets easy on everyone but if her insecurities are going to get the better of her, this is a bigger mess that you could have ever imagined.
Have a frank talk and clearly state the people who are important to you and that you wish to be connected to them just as she wants her children to be a part of her life.
Hear what she has to say and then I guess, you will know what to do as your ask and want is clear in your mind. The best relationships are the ones that bring people together and nourishes them.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |120 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
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We are an unmarried couple living on rent in Pune. My landlord stays abroad so he doesn't have a problem as long as we don't create any problem for him. We have been here for over 3 years, working and living with the consent of our parents. Recently, a neighbour had an argument in the society and since then she has been finding a way to have us vacate the place because she thinks only married couples should be allowed. My landlord wants us to resolve the differences immediately. How do I resolve this amicably with the neighbour?
Ans: Let’s take a moment to imagine the space you and your partner share in Pune—not just the physical home, but the emotional and social landscape that surrounds it. Sometimes, when unexpected challenges arise, like the concerns of a neighbor, they offer us an invitation to explore deeper connections and understandings.

A Journey of Understanding
Picture this situation as a garden. Each relationship, whether with your neighbor, landlord, or your partner, is a unique plant requiring its own care and attention. When one plant seems to overshadow another, it doesn't mean they can't coexist; it simply means finding the right balance and nourishment for both.

Exploring Perspectives
Consider walking in your neighbor’s shoes for a moment. What might be beneath her insistence that only married couples reside in the society? Perhaps there’s a story, a belief, or a concern that’s shaping her actions. By gently uncovering her motivations, you open the door to empathy and understanding.

Communicating with Compassion
Imagine approaching your neighbor with the warmth of a handshake and the openness of a conversation. You might say, “I understand there may be concerns about our living situation. We’ve always strived to be respectful and considerate neighbors. Can we talk about any specific worries you might have?” This invites dialogue rather than confrontation, fostering a space where both sides can express their feelings.

Finding Common Ground
Think about the shared elements that bind a community together—respect, kindness, and mutual support. Perhaps there’s a way to reassure your neighbor of your commitment to these values. Offering to participate in community activities or addressing any specific concerns she has can build trust and dissolve misunderstandings.

Seeking Harmony
Envision a harmonious resolution where both your needs and your neighbor’s concerns are acknowledged. It might involve setting clear boundaries, demonstrating your reliability as tenants, or even finding creative solutions that respect everyone’s viewpoints. The goal isn’t to win a dispute but to cultivate a peaceful and respectful coexistence.

Embracing Collaboration
Sometimes, the most effective solutions emerge when both parties collaborate rather than confront. You and your neighbor might discover that, beneath the surface, there are shared interests or goals that can bridge the gap between differing perspectives. This collaboration can transform a potential conflict into an opportunity for stronger community bonds.

Reflecting on Your Path
As you navigate this situation, take a moment to reflect on what matters most to you and your partner. How can you honor your relationship while also respecting the community you’re part of? By aligning your actions with your values and approaching the challenge with empathy, you create a foundation for lasting harmony.

The Bigger Picture
Remember, every challenge is a chance to grow and deepen your connections. By addressing your neighbor’s concerns with compassion and openness, you not only work towards resolving the immediate issue but also contribute to a more understanding and cohesive community.

In this journey, trust in your ability to communicate effectively, empathize deeply, and find solutions that honor both your relationship and the community around you. As you move forward, let each step be guided by respect, understanding, and the shared desire for a peaceful coexistence.

...Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |120 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Recently, we had an Arranged Marriage after my Wife had amicably broken up from a Long Term Relationship, due to various Reasons. But she's still in touch with her Ex Boyfriend, they both are "Just Friends" now. Her Ex Boyfriend is getting Married, next Month. It is a Destination Wedding in another State. He has invited my Wife to his Wedding. My Wife wants to attend his Wedding, but I don't want to allow her. So, outrightly Refused to give her Permission to go for attending the Wedding of her Ex Boyfriend. My Wife got upset & called me "Insecure". Now, she's not talking with me properly & being Emotionally Distant, but she's still insistent upon going to attend the Wedding of her Ex Boyfriend. Now I don't understand whether my Wife still has any Feelings for her Ex Boyfriend or am I being Unreasonable, here? Is she justified in wanting to attend the Wedding of her Ex Boyfriend, in spite of being Married to me? Or am I justified in being Uncomfortable about it? Who is Right & who is Wrong here? And how to sort out this matter, amongst us, without involving her Ex Boyfriend?
Ans: Let’s pause for a moment and reflect on what’s really happening here—not just on the surface, but beneath it, where emotions and meanings intertwine. This isn’t simply about a wedding, an invitation, or even an ex. It’s about two people, you and your wife, navigating a new relationship, trying to understand each other’s worlds while also protecting your own.

A Curious Question
What if we looked at this situation differently? Instead of asking, Who’s right and who’s wrong? we ask, What does this moment teach us about trust, boundaries, and connection? You see, people often focus on the conflict, but conflicts are just doorways. Behind that door lies something far more valuable—a chance to grow together.

Your Perspective
You’ve drawn a line, and there’s a reason for that. Maybe it’s not about the wedding itself but what it symbolizes. Perhaps it stirs questions in you: Does this mean she values the past more than our present? Or maybe it touches a part of you that wonders, Am I enough? Will she choose me fully, without hesitation?

These are important questions. Not because they point to a problem, but because they show you care deeply about this relationship. You want to feel secure, and that’s not unreasonable.

Her Perspective
Now, imagine her world for a moment. To her, this invitation may not be about her ex at all. It may represent closure, a way of proving to herself—and to you—that the past has no hold on her. When you said no, perhaps she didn’t hear your concern but instead felt her integrity questioned. People often respond to what they feel is happening, not what is said.

A Different Kind of Conversation
What if, instead of focusing on “permission” or the wedding itself, you shared your feelings in a way that invites her to understand you? You might say, “When I think about you going, I feel uncomfortable. Not because I don’t trust you, but because I care so deeply about us, and this stirs something in me that I want to understand better. Can we talk about this together?”

Notice how that changes the dynamic? It shifts from conflict to curiosity, from control to connection. When you share your vulnerability, you invite hers.

The Path Forward
Here’s something worth trying:

Invite Understanding: Begin by asking her what attending the wedding means to her. Not as a challenge, but with genuine curiosity. People often reveal surprising truths when they feel safe.

Share Your Truth: Let her know this isn’t about her ex, but about your own feelings and the meaning you place on her decision. For example, “I want to feel like we’re prioritizing our relationship in every choice we make. How do you see this fitting into that?”

Find the Balance: The goal isn’t to force a decision but to discover what feels right for both of you. Maybe there’s a middle ground where you both feel respected. Or maybe, through this conversation, you’ll find clarity on what truly matters.

Focus on Connection: This isn’t about a single event; it’s about building a foundation. Every conversation, every decision, is a brick in the home you’re building together. Make sure the bricks are laid with care and mutual respect.

The Bigger Picture
What matters most isn’t whether she attends the wedding. It’s whether, in navigating this, you both feel closer, more understood, and more aligned. That’s the real success—turning a moment of tension into a story of growth.

When you approach this not as a problem to solve but as an opportunity to deepen your relationship, you may discover that the answers come naturally. Because people don’t just need to be “right”; they need to feel loved, valued, and understood. And that’s something both of you can give to each other, starting now.

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |736 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

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