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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
AD Question by AD on Oct 14, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am stuck in my marriage relationship for some time now.

I had an arranged marriage to a girl we knew in our family. She had lost her father and her mother begged me to marry her and give her a life.

I agreed because I knew her. Only recently I realized that she doesn’t love me at all.

I earn Rs 30,000 a month and we stay in my father’s 1BHK flat which he has shared in my name.

She wants a share of my property and wants to separate me from my family.

She is now threatening to divorce me and file a complaint against my parents and me for forcing her into marriage.

Her mother is also quiet and doesn’t interfere. My parents are very troubled. They can’t do anything and I am feeling stuck.

If I have to divorce her, I will have to pay her money which I can’t afford. Also I cannot stay with her because she doesn’t want to live with us.

She only wants my money. How to solve this problem? I don’t understand. Please help.

Ans: Dear AD, Kindly consult a good lawyer who is unbiased about divorce and client rights if divorce is the path that you want to take.

Lawyers on both sides can strike a good agreement and it can be settled through mutual consent.

If you want to settle the matter amicably and continue live under the same roof, I guess it requires everyone to set aside their differences and talk about it; and I only hope for your sake that, that can happen.

Whichever the path, never tread on the path of helplessness. Instead move to a space that empowers you in any which way.

Best wishes as always!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

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Relationship
Dear AnuWe got married in December 2015. It was love marriage arranged by our parents.From the first day of marriage my spouse started irritating me. But I love her from the bottom of my heart.She always disrespects my parents but they also didn't say a single word because they don’t want any dispute in our relationship.In July 2017, she forced us to shift to a new home. She’s always fighting with everyone in office, in train and in our society also.I told her to work on her anger otherwise some day we will lose our relationship.From 2017 to Nov 2021 I tried very hard to save my relationship with her but she never understood my love.At the end of 2021 I left my home. There are many complaints register by her in the police station, she harassed me and my family members.Now the divorce case is going on (don't know how many more days it will be)But what is my fault?I loved her truly.Why did she do this to me?How should I manage my life? I can't concentrate anywhere.Every day I am in tears.I want to keep this confidential.Thank you very much in advance.RegardsLR
Ans:

Dear LR,

What happened is beyond my comprehension.

Any relationship crumbles due to the weight of ego and misunderstandings.

Only the two of you will know what, why and how this happened. No point going behind this as all you will end up with is more resentment and sadness which isn’t going to help you anyway.

Divorce cases can go on for years if not settled mutually and amicably. So, it is quite possible that this might drag on.

What you need is resilience to put up a strong fight against all the cases registered against you and your family members.

Hire a good lawyer who understands the case not just as an ordinary one as cases against the husband and his family can be quite serious in a divorce situation.

In the meantime, you need to clear your mind to be less anxious and more productive.

I believe in changing the present for a better future rather than digging the past and robbing oneself of their peace of mind.

So,

  • Get deep into work and give it your all
  • Join a gym or anything that is a workout for the body
  • Indulge in a hobby that calm down the mind
  • Find joy in simple happenings
  • Express gratitude for everything and anything
  • Journal your thoughts and feelings daily
  • Spend a lot of time with Nature
  • Be with people who help you stand tall

Mind and body work in tandem and keeping both in the best condition is what is going to help you tide over this challenging phase.

Respect this and create a regimen of the above. It works. And be resilient and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and so focus on believing in that.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I married 1year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but within 3 months she had medical issues and went to her home for treatment. after informing all her activities now her father is threating me and my family, also making false allegations against me for all her problems. Now he is demanding to go separately from my parents to send her back. if not they will file case against me in the court and make me and my family suffer. Now she was not telling the truth with their parents about her mindset and acting according to their portents guidance that i am the reason for her medical issues and she was not interested in the marriage because i didn't take care of her well. she have depression and anxiety issues from childhood her mother refused to see her face when she was born, as 5th girl child as they expect atleast 1 boy kid she said this to a doctor. she faces refusal and ignorance in her family she said this too the doctor i dont know the truth behind it. she has chronic gastritis also she is under weight (35kgs still at 27years old) and cant increase weight even after trying for 5 years of medication. Doctor suggested for a therapy but she refused to come with because she already had therapy before which we don't know. . even though we lived in same house but she lived in separate room all the days she was with me. Now due to her inability to handle her father she is acting along with them like i was the one who refusing her. Her father even knows about all these matters to hide is fraud he is now threatening me like police case and court. I did nothing wrong in this except married her. what should i do now ?. And I lost hope that she would change here after.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are many cases like yours where men are being trapped with false allegations.
First evaluate:
Do I want this marriage to continue?
If YES, I feel it's time your parents also step in to state your side of the story. It will be an uphill task to bring her back as she clearly had mentioned to you that she was forced into this marriage. Also, how do you plan on working out the home situation given that the condition is that you separate from your parents?

If NO, will you be able to prove all the allegations put on you are false? Hire a good lawyer, because you will surely need one. Tread carefully and make very calculated moves in terms of what you say (even if it's on a text message) as everything can be held against you. Your lawyer will advise you on this.

So, time to think what is the best option...lay all the cards on the table and play this very carefully...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 27, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 18, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Anu, I am a 58 year old businessman and am very well to do. I am married for the last 36 years and have 2 adult children, a 28 year old son and a daughter who is 25 years. I expect my son to take over my business. Since 2010 I have been in an affair with a woman who is 12 years younger to me. I wish to marry her even after 13 years of relationship. I even sought a divorce with my wife who is also a director in my company. Her demands are so high that it will leave me a pauper. I cannot leave this girl in the lurch. She is now 45 and unmarried. Now after 13 years she too has started demanding probably due to growing age and insecurity. We regularly have sex. I have not slept with my wife for over 12 years now. I consulted many lawyers but all said that mine is a hopeless case. to top it all, my other directors have also ganged up against me in support of my wife. My children too are against me so much so that they do not allow me in my own house. My girl friend is getting increasingly demanding and calling and telling me if I do not give her money or marry her she will go to court. She is now saying that since her siblings have dissociated her from their family I should give her INR 10 crores + a 3 BHK flat. I do have 2 mercedes benz, a skodia yeti, a harley davidson, a small farm house in Wai, a bungalow in Alibag in addition to a plush 5 bhk flat in Thane. What should do? Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How does Love turn into Greed?
And you still 'wish' to get married to her after all her demands? It's blackmail for heaven's sake!
At least for now, kindly realign with your family...Your wealth and assets must be protected.
What evidence does your girlfriend have against you to go to court and intimidate you this way?

Please take a firm stance and choose the side that protects your wealth and also your personal identity. You have put yourself at grave risk and for what? You will end up losing your family as well. Your girlfriend being alienated by her siblings has nothing to do with you...so why would you pay her? It doesn't make any sense. Once you yield to blackmail, it will continue...and who knows for how long!

Choose a side wisely and then stick by it firmly...I am sure you know what is to be done...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |183 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

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Relationship
I am married person since 2015. From last 2 to 3 years it is not working properly. Due to some following problems, 1. I am only one boy in my family. I don’t have any brother or sister. My father is also passed away, so there is need of child in my family because now I am at the age of 30. But my wife is not physically strong. There is always some health issue with her. 2. There is education gap too in between us. She is metric level education and I am engineer. Due to this we don’t have that much effective communication leads to conflicts in every situation. She never give respect to my mother and never do regular house works to and at the end of the day again conflicts arises between my mother and my wife. 3. I want to give divorce to her but unfortunately she is purposely not ready for that because she knows very well that she will never been happy in another house like my house. 4. Same problem when I discussed with her mother and father, they straight forward refuse to give divorce; they said, “if you have any problems or want to give divorce then go to those person who are responsible for marriage or who finalize your marriage”. Lastly, I am now at dead end and don’t know the solution of how to escape from this situation.
Ans: Dear Rajesh,
First and foremost, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, as well as that of any potential children involved. While divorce may seem like the only solution, it's also worth considering seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling or therapy, to try to address the issues in your relationship and explore potential avenues for improvement.

If communication is a significant challenge due to education and cultural differences, a therapist or counselor can help facilitate more effective communication and understanding between you and your wife. They can also provide guidance on how to navigate conflicts and differences in a constructive manner.

Additionally, it may be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a religious or community leader, to mediate discussions between you, your wife, and your respective families. They may be able to provide support and guidance in finding a resolution that is mutually acceptable and respects the well-being of all parties involved.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue divorce or to work on improving the relationship is a deeply personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to take the time to carefully consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals as needed.

..Read more

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Chocko

Chocko Valliappa  |215 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Entrepreneur, Educationist - Answered on May 09, 2024

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Sir i am a civil engineer graduate 2023 i did my graduation in civil engineering from a tire 2 -3 college from mumbai university . I didn’t get any job its not like that i am dum student or else i was not good at studies u definitely found partility that in civil they took all diploma + degree holders with less knowledge also in companies such a worley , godrej , technimont etc mnc companies with salary of 6-7 lpa but sir i was scattered because i lost my dad in covid my mom is working but her salary is just 50k and now after trying out for jobs as fresher i found a job in IIT bombay as project technical assistant which gives me 30k but its in ocean department. Now i want to learn further i am seeing people doing masters from priavte university like nicmar adani symbiosis etc in construction or infrastructure management. I am stuck jn life what to do im trying for government but i know government junior engineers job wont pay me much to buy home for my mom . In such case what will be best please help
Ans: I fully empathize with your situation. Do focus on the positive of having completed BTech in Civil Engineering. Civil Engineering is the foundational engineering discipline and lends itself to use of new tools and technologies through use of of software to build structures using design elements that use newer materials to build infrastructure, homes, industrial townships that further sustainability. Use your current Tech Asstt job to learn about Oceanography as an added skills. Look at acquiring project management skills and explore opportunities with optimism and passion.

...Read more

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