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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
M Question by M on Jun 15, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

I have a strange problem at my end.

My wife has a different mood, in the morning she would be fine and all of a sudden without any issue from my end then too her mood gets off and she keeps quite.

When I ask her she replies saying it is nothing. This annoys me a lot. I keep quiet and this goes for 2-3 days. If her mood is ok, she will talk.

I do understand that if I hurt her then her mood goes off; then it's ok. But if I have not done anything then also it happens. What should I do?

We fight over past events.

We are not able to close the issue and come to a solution.

Currently we are not talking to each other for the last 4 months.

I have 2 daughters --aged 14 and 10. i am very much worried about them.

Ans: Dear M, the lockdown has been straining on many families in terms of relationship maintenance and connecting 24/7.

Even if this is not the issue, it is imperative to understand the reason for her mood ups and downs.

Since I don't have any information on her age, if she’s in her 40s, it could hormonal also. Bringing the past can simply be a manifestation of what’s going on within her.

It is possible that she is simply exhausted from all the house-work that has surely gone up for all homemakers in the past year or so.

Give her a day off every week and offer to take care of the household chores with the help of your daughters.

They are old enough to be part of this and they maybe able to reach out to their mother faster.

Also set aside some time from your schedule as a couple to talk about the day/week and plan for some activity to do together that involves just the two of you.

Marriages after a point in time reach a plateau and needs some spice and excitement.

Taking each other or each other’s needs for granted can cause a deterioration in relationships and it helps if every individual in that relationship takes the onus of doing ‘more’, thinking ‘more’, feeling ‘more’ for the other individual.

This definitely helps recreate the relationship and you get a chance to start all over again.

Best wishes for a beautiful life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 25, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Kanchan! I am a 36 yrs old guy married for 5 years now and we have a 2 yrs old daughter also. My wife has serious mood swings issue. When she is happy, she keeps everyone at house very happy with her jolly nature but when she gets upset, she cribs about being alone rather than having a marital setup and even threatens to leave me. This keeps me distressed and everyone at home has to daily judge her mood and act accordingly which is frustating for them also. I believe she is genuinly a good hearted person and love her too but I always remain in doubt that she will leave me one day and that thought keeps me distressed. Please guide me how to cope up with this.
Ans: Hello there,
Dealing with a partner's mood swings can be challenging, and it's understandable that you're feeling distressed Encourage her to share her feelings and concerns, and express your own thoughts as well. Healthy communication is vital for understanding each other's perspectives Suggest the idea of seeking professional help together, such as couples therapy. A trained therapist can assist in identifying the underlying issues contributing to the mood swings and offer strategies for managing themEmphasize the importance of self-care for both of you. Encourage your wife to engage in activities that bring her joy and relaxation. Additionally, make time for your own self-care to manage stress Learn more about mood swings, potential causes, and coping mechanisms. Understanding the nature of mood swings may help you approach the situation with empathy and patience Reinforce the stability and commitment in your relationship during moments of calm. Remind each other of the positive aspects of your connection to build a sense of security Explore mindfulness or relaxation techniques together. These practices can help manage stress and enhance emotional well-being.

Best wishes

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 25, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu! I am a 36 yrs old guy married for 5 years now and we have a 2 yrs old daughter also. My wife has serious mood swings issue. When she is happy, she keeps everyone at house very happy with her jolly nature but when she gets upset, she cribs about being alone rather than having a marital setup and even threatens to leave me. This keeps me distressed and everyone at home has to daily judge her mood and act accordingly which is frustating for them also. I believe she is genuinly a good hearted person and love her too but I always remain in doubt that she will leave me one day and that thought keeps me distressed. Please guide me how to cope up with this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is heartwarming to know that you have observed something that might be going on with your wife and want to sort this out and help her.
Many women get into a space after a few years of marriage and motherhood where they don't feel satisfied with what they are doing, This may not have anything to do with you. It maybe just be the monotony and exhaustion of being at home and managing the child.
To infuse some energy into that monotony:
- Find someone who can stay with the child for an hour or two everyday (preferably a family member) so that your wife can step out for her Me-Time
- Try and give a break over the weekend where she can go out with her circle of friends
- Encourage her to take up some online learning course that gives her a sense of confidence
- Spend some quality time with her and go out on 'dates'

These are just suggestions that may work if the problem that she has is one of boredom of being at home. So employ these suggestions and if the challenge still exists, then you might have to look deeper.
I hope you understand that this has nothing to do with you and there is no point thinking that she might leave you. By harboring these thoughts, you are unnecessarily adding a dimension that may not exist and it will not help you help your wife.

Her threatening to leave you could simply be her way of asking for your attention and care. So, extend that even more...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Relationship
Hi I am 52 yrs man having kids and wife, from last so many years my wife start arguing on small - small discussion and it became very high some times. due to this whole house became tense. I am a very emotional Person some times her discussion and arguments hearts me lot resulting became very upset. she has brain problem in past. please advise how can I handle this situation.
Ans: Dear Savendra

Navigating through frequent arguments and tension at home can be incredibly challenging, especially when they leave you feeling emotionally drained and upset. It's understandable that you're seeking guidance on how to handle this situation. Given your wife's past brain problem, it's essential to approach these conflicts with patience, empathy, and understanding. Firstly, try to remain as calm as possible during arguments, even when emotions run high. Active listening and validating her feelings can help create a more constructive dialogue. Setting boundaries around communication and behavior is crucial, ensuring that discussions remain respectful and productive. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, can provide valuable support in addressing underlying issues and improving communication skills. Additionally, taking care of yourself through self-care activities and seeking support from friends and family members can help you navigate through these challenging times. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being and seek assistance when needed to foster a healthier and more harmonious household for yourself and your family.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7036 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

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Sir Is it advisable to invest in Silver mutual fund as iam already investing by SIP in Sundaram multi asset allocation fund regular at the rate of 2000 p.m.
Ans: Silver mutual funds primarily invest in silver or silver-related assets. These funds aim to track the performance of silver in the market. They are volatile due to price fluctuations in the precious metals market. While they can diversify your portfolio, they come with risks.

Assessing Your Current Investment
You are already investing in Sundaram Multi Asset Allocation Fund through SIP. This fund diversifies across equity, debt, and other asset classes, potentially including gold and silver.

Benefit: It provides exposure to multiple asset classes, balancing risk and reward.
Drawback: Adding a silver mutual fund may duplicate your exposure to silver indirectly through this fund.
Points to Consider Before Investing in Silver Mutual Funds
1. Understand the Risk

Silver prices are influenced by industrial demand and global trends. This makes it highly volatile.
Returns may not be steady compared to equity or debt funds.
2. Evaluate Your Financial Goals

If your goal is wealth creation over a long period, equity-focused funds may be better.
If you are looking for hedging against inflation, gold may offer more stability than silver.
3. Diversification Balance

Diversification is essential but over-diversification can dilute returns.
Adding silver should be based on your overall asset allocation. If you already have exposure through Sundaram Multi Asset Allocation Fund, silver-specific investment may not add much value.
4. Liquidity

Silver mutual funds have liquidity constraints as they depend on underlying silver markets.

Alternatives to Silver Mutual Funds
1. Continue with Multi-Asset Funds

Multi-asset funds already balance equity, debt, and commodities. Stick to your existing SIP.
2. Consider Actively Managed Equity Funds

Equity funds may offer better long-term returns and wealth creation opportunities.
3. Increase Exposure to Debt or Gold

If you want to hedge risks, increase your allocation to gold or balanced funds.
When Should You Consider Silver Mutual Funds?
You have a high-risk appetite and understand silver market dynamics.
Your portfolio lacks sufficient diversification in precious metals.
You can hold the investment for the long term (5-10 years) to mitigate volatility.
Final Insights
Investing in silver mutual funds is not necessary if your Sundaram Multi Asset Allocation Fund already includes silver exposure. Instead, consider focusing on equity or balanced funds for consistent long-term returns. Ensure your investment strategy aligns with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon. Regular review and disciplined investing will help you achieve your objectives.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7036 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 17, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir I want retire by corpus 3cr by 50, currently I am 39 age. Doing sip 50k and existing corpus of 50L in Mutual funds and fd of 25L,EPF 15L,
Ans: Retiring with a corpus of Rs. 3 crores by the age of 50 requires a clear strategy. Let us evaluate your current financial position and provide actionable steps to achieve your retirement goal.

Current Financial Overview
Age: 39 years (11 years to retirement)

Existing Mutual Fund Corpus: Rs. 50 Lacs

Fixed Deposit Corpus: Rs. 25 Lacs

EPF Corpus: Rs. 15 Lacs

Monthly SIP Contribution: Rs. 50,000

Retirement Goal: Rs. 3 Crores at age 50

Assessing Your Current Progress
Your combined existing corpus is Rs. 90 Lacs (mutual funds, FD, EPF).

Your SIP contributions over 11 years will add significant value.

Growth in your investments is critical to reaching the Rs. 3 crore goal.

Recommendations for Achieving Your Goal
1. Review and Optimise Existing Investments
Focus on actively managed mutual funds for potential higher returns.

Avoid index funds as they cannot outperform the market. Active funds offer better growth with expert management.

Diversify your portfolio across equity and hybrid mutual funds for stability and growth.

2. Reevaluate Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Fixed deposits offer low returns, which may not keep pace with inflation.

Shift a part of the FD corpus to well-performing debt mutual funds.

Debt funds provide tax efficiency and moderate returns, better than FDs.

3. Leverage EPF Growth
EPF offers guaranteed returns with tax benefits.

Keep contributing regularly and avoid early withdrawals.

Let EPF serve as a low-risk component of your retirement corpus.

4. Enhance SIP Contributions Gradually
Increase your SIP amount annually as your income grows.

Even a 10-15% yearly increase can significantly impact your retirement corpus.

Automate your SIPs to maintain consistency and discipline.

5. Address Mutual Fund Taxation Rules
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% above Rs. 1.25 lakh.

Short-term gains are taxed at 20%. Factor this into your maturity projections.

Efficiently plan withdrawals post-retirement to minimise tax liability.

6. Avoid Direct Plans
Direct funds lack personalised guidance and market insights.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner for expert recommendations.

Regular plans help you make informed decisions and adjust strategies.

7. Monitor and Rebalance Portfolio
Review your investments at least annually.

Rebalance based on market performance and your risk appetite.

Align your portfolio to your retirement timeline.

Risk Management
1. Health Insurance
Ensure adequate health insurance coverage to protect your savings from medical emergencies.

Opt for top-up plans for additional coverage, if needed.

2. Life Insurance
If you have any investment-linked policies (ULIP or endowment), consider surrendering them.

Reinvest proceeds into mutual funds for better returns.

Continue term insurance for family protection.

Final Insights
With your current savings, SIPs, and disciplined investing, you are well-positioned to reach Rs. 3 crores. Focus on optimising your portfolio, increasing SIPs, and managing risks effectively. Track your progress regularly and adjust your strategy as needed. Consistency and informed decisions will help you achieve your early retirement goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7036 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 17, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have a debt of 1 lakh i kept the gold as mortgage for my friends operation and i am still a student. Its been two weeks since its at the gold shop. What should i do, no one is there to help me even my parents dont know about it
Ans: First, stay calm and think logically. Your current focus should be on resolving the loan and retrieving your gold.

You have taken a responsible step by helping your friend in a medical emergency. This is commendable.

However, keeping your gold mortgaged for long can lead to additional interest charges. This will increase your financial burden.

Since you are still a student, it may be challenging to generate funds immediately. Hence, a structured plan is needed.

Exploring Immediate Solutions
1. Talk to Your Friend’s Family

Approach your friend’s family for assistance. Explain the situation politely and seek their help.

They might not know the extent of your contribution and may help you financially.

2. Seek Support from Trusted Adults

Though difficult, consider talking to a trustworthy adult. It could be a family member, teacher, or mentor.

They might guide you or offer financial support without judgment.

3. Part-Time Work or Freelancing

Look for part-time jobs or freelancing opportunities to generate income.

Focus on skills like tutoring, content writing, or online tasks to earn quickly.

4. Consider Student Loans

Many banks offer small loans for students with minimal documentation.

Approach a bank or financial institution for a short-term loan to clear your debt.

5. Negotiate with the Gold Shop

Visit the gold shop and request an extension or reduction in interest charges.

Be honest about your financial situation. Some shopkeepers might offer relief.

Avoid Risky Alternatives
Avoid borrowing from unverified sources. High-interest informal loans will worsen your financial situation.

Don’t resort to drastic measures. Selling the gold permanently is not recommended unless unavoidable.

Building Financial Discipline
Once the current issue is resolved, focus on building a small emergency fund. Even Rs. 500 saved monthly can be helpful.

Avoid taking financial responsibility beyond your capacity in the future.

Final Insights
Helping a friend during their difficult time shows your compassionate nature. However, now it is essential to prioritise your financial stability. Act swiftly to retrieve your gold, as delays can lead to compounded interest. Seek support from trusted people or institutions to overcome this challenge. Your current situation, though challenging, is a learning opportunity for better financial planning in the future.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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