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Anu Krishna |1057 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 01, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

I am a single working mother 52 years of age.My son is 27 years has completed his MBA but currently sitting idle at home.He is having a relationship with the maid and when I objected to it he beat me mercilessly.How do I handle the situation as he wants to marry her.He is living off my money.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Would you think it will be cruel if I suggested that you throw him out?.
He has to be taught a lesson and the one who resorts to physical abuse for being corrected by his own mother needs a bit of harsh treatment. It's sad that this is your son treating you this way but since he is dependent on you for money, the day you stop giving him money and ask him to leave, you will be doing not just yourself but your son a huge favor.
Parents from the bird and animal kingdom do just that to enable their young ones to fend for themselves as they will not be around them forever.
Instead of giving your son the message that you will take care of his needs, kindly enable him to take care of himself and then he can do what he wishes to...Remember, that you still have the upper hand as you are making the money!

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |1057 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

Question by KG - Oct 14, 2021Hindi

Hi...I feel totally stuck in life...not only me my husband too feel helpless. We both don’t know what to do in such situation. The problem is we have a son who is 22 yrs old, doesn’t want to work; wants to stay at home on pretext of preparing for any exam. He is not even studying at home. We can clearly see that but he refuses to go out for work whether at his own shop or for a job. We have given him enough time to stay at home for studies but every year there is different exam for which he wants to prepare. He doesn’t study sincerely at home. At least 5-6 years have passed. He’s not even attending his regular college for studies. All he wants is to stay at home. He refuses to step out from his comfort zone and has become too aggressive and abusive. Please guide us what we can do to motivate him to work. Thank you.

Ans: Dear KG, why would you keep indulging his whims?

The message to him from you as parents is loud and clear: Keep procrastinating by enrolling for new courses and then be in the comfort of home while you do this, and we will be absolutely okay with it.

When nothing else works, at times you need to take some drastic steps. Rewind to the time that you were raised by your parents… how much of leeway did you have? Did you get the long rope everytime?

There were rules, there were expectations to be fulfilled, there were needs to be met by you and the consequences of not adhering was not very pleasing.

Parents in this day raise entitled children who simply think that ‘anything goes’ with their parents.

It’s time you took the reins back from him; be stern and loving at the same time. He better realize that this time you mean business! No more entitlements…

You are helpless today because of what you were afraid to set down as rules…

Nothing is lost; so lean in and be the parents that he needs the most now to set his mind rolling in the right direction for him. Enable him to be responsible for his own actions and also evolve his own set of goals and achieve them.

A good Peak Performance Coach can absolutely do wonders for your son in terms of direction, goal setting and stepping up. Kindly look this up soon.

And as far as what you can do as parents is, help him build himself and if he falls, let him…pick him up lovingly BUT never step in to solve issues for him. Enable him…

Best wishes as always!

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Anu Krishna |1057 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

Question by KB - Oct 19, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu, I have been reading your articles for quite some time. I am 40 years old in a marriage for last 12 years. I have a 11.5 year old son.My marriage is going through a very rough phase. My husband doesn't leave any chance to abuse me, doesn't matter where and with whom we areMy husband proposed to me knowing I have Vitiligo (discoloration of skin). Plus I was not as rich as him. I did make him aware of this before going ahead. His family was against our marriage still he went ahead. From the day of marriage he suddenly changed, and started abusing me in and out. First I thought my mother-in-law is creating problems which she did every time we came together. Infront of every maid and in the absence of my husband she tried to humiliate me based on my skin condition and financial status. But she'd become caring in his presence.After five years of marriage, for a few years we were away from family. It was peaceful and we had a nice time. But during the lockdown and online school we were back with the same problem. Now the condition is that I cannot stay with my husband. My family is very supportive but suggest that before taking any step I should think of my child. And that we should both sit and talk.If I try talking to my husband I know it will end in a fight. Kindly suggest which way should I go?

Ans:

Dear KB,

Maybe someone from the family or his friends have commented on your condition and made him feel that he made the wrong choice.

Even if it’s that, when he knew and had no objection, what is a man’s word is that he keeps it no matter what!

Now that he has gone back on it, it’s natural for others to take advantage of it and mock you for what the society considers as ‘not beautiful’.

In a way, we are obsessed with some sort of standards for what’s beautiful and what’s not. Beauty standards, you might call it so!

He seems to be a different person with his family and without, it suggests that he may not have a very strong mind to back up the decision of marrying you in the first place possibly against the wishes of his family.

Abuse, at no point is justifiable and you need to take a strong stance and draw a boundary as this is going to continue.

Your family has made a wise suggestion and for the sake of the child, it might be worth the effort to sit down have that chat with your husband however hard that might be.

Do not compromise on the fact that this so-called beauty standards and labels within his family will continue. Be unapologetic about who you are and own your beauty your way.

This is non- negotiable and you need to state this clearly when you have that conversation with him. Period!

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |1057 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 11, 2024