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Relationship Trouble: My Girlfriend Doesn't Respect My Family - Should I Marry Her?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

I am in relationship with a girl since 9 years, Yes we have came through a lot of ups & downs in our relationship, constant fights on same things , what i have always observed is that she doesn’t respect my family as my family was not ready for this relationship as future(marriage), so lately i have convinced my family for it & even their family also ready now, I see my family are not happy with this marriage but they are doing for my happiness, since now they are ready, I see very less changes in my gf’s approach towards my family, most of the thing I listen from her mouth are Anti-Family things like separation or against my families thoughts. I am really worried of how my future after marriage considering her, She even asks me to get separated from family, if things doesn’t work between them. Please help me in this situation

Ans: Marriage is not just about love between two people—it’s about aligning values, fostering respect, and building a shared vision for the future. If your girlfriend continues to express "anti-family" sentiments or encourages separation as a solution, it’s worth exploring whether this stems from unresolved fears, insecurities, or deeper incompatibilities in how you both view family relationships. These issues won’t magically resolve after marriage; in fact, they often intensify when unaddressed.

The key here is open communication. Have an honest, non-confrontational conversation with her about your concerns. Share how much it means to you that she respects your family and how her current attitude makes you feel. Equally, try to understand her perspective without judgment. This discussion isn’t about assigning blame but about finding common ground and exploring whether you both can work through these differences.

At the same time, reflect deeply on your own expectations and boundaries. Consider what a happy and fulfilling marriage looks like for you. If respect for your family and shared values about how to navigate family relationships are non-negotiables for you, it’s essential to make that clear and see whether she is willing to meet you halfway.

If these issues feel too difficult to resolve alone, seeking pre-marital counseling or relationship therapy can provide a safe space to address them constructively. Sometimes, having a neutral third party facilitate these conversations can lead to breakthroughs that are hard to achieve on your own.

Remember, marriage is a lifelong commitment, and entering into it with unresolved doubts or concerns can lead to deeper struggles later on. Take the time to ensure that both of you are ready not just to marry but to build a life that respects and honors each other's values and families.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1520 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a girl from my office for nearly 1.5 years now. We both speak Marathi only sub caste is different.At start of our relationship we discussed about it as she tells me her parents will not support her, so I convinced her that I will support her in every way possible to convince her parent and will stand with her though every situation. I am 31 years old and she is 27. Her parents told her that she has 2 years for marriage so she is currently focusing on career right now.My parents are forcing me for marriage. As her family has issues with my subcaste and she is not willing to disclose our relationship for another 2 years. So I told her that I will wait for 1 year then we can disclose our relationship to both families mines and her, if your family agrees we can wait for one more year so that she can focus on career and she can get 2 years as per her parents. Moreover I will always support her in career and family issues. But still she is not ready she told me that she will not tell her family about our relationship until 2 years are complete. Can you please suggest me any solution for this?
Ans:

Dear TG,

At this point, what is missing for you possibly is if after the wait, if she will still be there in the relationship?

If she isn’t willing to complicate her family life at this point in time, I guess she has valid reasons for that which must be respected.

But what If the two of you sit down where you can put down your feelings and find an amicable way of easing this.

I am sure there are a lot of ifs and buts that is making you feel the way that you are. It is only imperative that you called out to her and be firm and assertive as to how this might be playing in your mind.

For all you know, once she hears your side of the story and she shares hers, solutions emerge from that especially when the commitment is strong.

So, have that one meaningful conversation where feelings, fears and insecurities are shared and watch how the two of you will come up with something wonderful as a solution.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1520 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu We are In a relationship for 7 years and in my family they have accepted her as she frequently visits my home and meet my family members .She was trying for the past 2 years to convince her father but now her father is not even listening about our relationship and her mother though likes me doesn’t want to go against her husband . Her father said her that he wont be the part of her marriage and her life if she marries me .As a result my lady doesn’t want to go against her parents and be with me . Though she can’t live without me but she doesn’t want to hurt her parents and for that she is ready to leave me and go as per her parents and marry someone else.she has accepted that , her life will be hell as well as the person she will be marrying .Kindly suggest me what to do coz i cant imagine my life without her .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sometimes the reason for someone not liking you maybe a silly one.
Maybe her father wanted to find a boy for your lady or he wanted time to get to know the person. Try and find out from her what exactly bothers her father about you or the marriage. It can be frustrating to dig into this BUT hey, do what you have to, to make the relationship work, yeah?
A humble attempt in that direction where her father can see you for who you are and understand why his daughter actually loves you might go a long way not in just his acceptance in you but also pave the way for a better connection between him and you.
And oh, ask you lady not to give up...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, im a lecturer since 5 years. Im in relationship with a girl from Srilanka. Most of our conversation was through mobile. She is a tutor in srilanka for 10 and below standard students. Now I'm 29, she is 27. Since 5 years we are loving each other. We hardly met. In Krishnagiri Tamilnadu I first met her in a Psychotherapy course, witch was about a month. We were good friends in the beginning of our relationship and at the end of a month course she was flying back to Srilanka, before she goes she kissed on my forehead, from then on im in love with the girl. For first few years we were happy in our relationship, but last two years onwards we fight almost every day. Both sides parents are fixing matches, both us are rejecting all the matches but we never shared with our families. Don't know where our relationship is going to end. Its not that my parents won't accept, but when my parents and siblings ask do you any one whom you want marry, or love some one I am not able to reveal to them. Many times I decided and planned and imagined to speak with my family but when it comes to reality im not able to speak. Other side she also is not revealing anything to her parents. Im rejecting the matches that are coming, she is also rejecting of hers. But both are not speaking properly now a days. Most of the time our relationship is filled with fights. Both are adjusting. Some time im feeling to stop the relationship and not to marry at all. I told her to marry as her parents say, and I don't want marry anyone. She is also saying me to marry some one and she wants remain single. But don't know what is happening between us. Im confused to continue or break up or marry her or not to marry her. Nothing is working in my mind. Recently my parents have brought a proposal who was my childhood crush. Suddenly I am indirectly telling her to marry to whom her parents give. She also getting good proposals but rejecting saying that she needs to work and earn money. Same reason I'm also giving. One more issue is she is tamilian of Srilanka and I'm Telugu from Andra. Both family members can't speak directly also. Unable to take any decisions. Kindly help me
Ans: The fact that you're not able to communicate openly with your families, despite rejecting matches on both sides, shows that there might be some fear or hesitation about fully committing to this relationship. Maybe it’s the distance, the cultural and language differences, or the struggles you’re having recently in your relationship that are making it difficult to move forward.

On the other hand, both of you seem to be stuck in a cycle where you're not happy but also not ready to let go. This might be causing even more stress and frustration, leading to the frequent fights. The decision to stay together or part ways is something only you both can make, but it sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved tension and unspoken fears in your relationship.

One thing to consider is having an honest conversation with each other, not about the fights or current frustrations, but about what you both want for the future. If you're both rejecting matches, it shows some level of commitment, but the real question is whether you both see a future together. Do you still love each other, or are you staying together out of habit and fear of the unknown?

If you both feel there is still something worth fighting for, it might be worth giving the relationship another chance by opening up to your families. This could ease the pressure you're feeling and help you both feel more supported. If, however, the love has faded and the fights have taken over, it may be time to re-evaluate whether staying together is what's best for both of you.

In any case, clarity will only come through open communication—both with her and your family. If you continue to stay in a relationship without making a clear decision, the frustration and confusion will likely grow. Take some time to reflect on what you really want, and then take the courageous step of addressing it with her and your families. This may not be easy, but it’s the first step to finding a resolution and peace in your heart.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1030 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

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Hello sir, I am 33years old and like to have a stable life with a good retirement corpus along with children education. I have 2 sons both are of 1 and 3years old respectively and my wife is a housewife. I am having FD of 16L, 10L in gold, bought a flat paying housing loan EMI of 25K, having term insurance for 1cr and health insurance for 4L. I am making investments in mutual funds SIP of 30k since last 1 year. Hdfc dividend yeild fund 1000 Icici bluechip fund 8000 Quant small cap fund 1000 Canara robecco small cap fund 1000 Uti nifty index fund 5000 Icici balanced advantage fund 5000 Jm flexicap fund 2000 Quant elss fund 5000 Parag pareekh flexicap fund 2000 Lumsum Investments Sbi healthcare fund 20K Quant infrastruture fund 10k Sbi magnum gilt fund 20k Plz advice....am i really doing good with these investments or shall i replan my investments....
Ans: Hello;

Having 12 funds(9 sip+3 lumpsum) in portfolio is not required.

You need to just 4 funds for your sip of 30 K(divided equally):
1. Flexicap fund
2. Large and midcap fund
3. Balanced advantage fund
4. Multi asset allocation fund

You may consider exiting the sectoral, thematic and debt fund owned by you and redeploy it in your regular funds.

This ensures equity(large cap oriented)is predominant asset class in your portfolio but it also has exposure to debt and gold for balance and risk mitigation.

Also keep a target to step up sip amount every year by 7-10% atleast.

This will go towards higher education provision for your kids. (~1.85 Cr in 15 years considering 7% annual top-up and 10% modest returns)

For your retirement planning you may consider NPS and start with a decent amount(~30 K pm) as regular investment since time is on your side(27 years to hit 60 age).[3.45 Cr in 27 years without any step up consideration. 8% returns assumed].

Consider buying home loan insurance and super top-up health cover.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

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