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Relationship Trouble: My Girlfriend Doesn't Respect My Family - Should I Marry Her?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

I am in relationship with a girl since 9 years, Yes we have came through a lot of ups & downs in our relationship, constant fights on same things , what i have always observed is that she doesn’t respect my family as my family was not ready for this relationship as future(marriage), so lately i have convinced my family for it & even their family also ready now, I see my family are not happy with this marriage but they are doing for my happiness, since now they are ready, I see very less changes in my gf’s approach towards my family, most of the thing I listen from her mouth are Anti-Family things like separation or against my families thoughts. I am really worried of how my future after marriage considering her, She even asks me to get separated from family, if things doesn’t work between them. Please help me in this situation

Ans: Marriage is not just about love between two people—it’s about aligning values, fostering respect, and building a shared vision for the future. If your girlfriend continues to express "anti-family" sentiments or encourages separation as a solution, it’s worth exploring whether this stems from unresolved fears, insecurities, or deeper incompatibilities in how you both view family relationships. These issues won’t magically resolve after marriage; in fact, they often intensify when unaddressed.

The key here is open communication. Have an honest, non-confrontational conversation with her about your concerns. Share how much it means to you that she respects your family and how her current attitude makes you feel. Equally, try to understand her perspective without judgment. This discussion isn’t about assigning blame but about finding common ground and exploring whether you both can work through these differences.

At the same time, reflect deeply on your own expectations and boundaries. Consider what a happy and fulfilling marriage looks like for you. If respect for your family and shared values about how to navigate family relationships are non-negotiables for you, it’s essential to make that clear and see whether she is willing to meet you halfway.

If these issues feel too difficult to resolve alone, seeking pre-marital counseling or relationship therapy can provide a safe space to address them constructively. Sometimes, having a neutral third party facilitate these conversations can lead to breakthroughs that are hard to achieve on your own.

Remember, marriage is a lifelong commitment, and entering into it with unresolved doubts or concerns can lead to deeper struggles later on. Take the time to ensure that both of you are ready not just to marry but to build a life that respects and honors each other's values and families.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a girl from my office for nearly 1.5 years now. We both speak Marathi only sub caste is different.At start of our relationship we discussed about it as she tells me her parents will not support her, so I convinced her that I will support her in every way possible to convince her parent and will stand with her though every situation. I am 31 years old and she is 27. Her parents told her that she has 2 years for marriage so she is currently focusing on career right now.My parents are forcing me for marriage. As her family has issues with my subcaste and she is not willing to disclose our relationship for another 2 years. So I told her that I will wait for 1 year then we can disclose our relationship to both families mines and her, if your family agrees we can wait for one more year so that she can focus on career and she can get 2 years as per her parents. Moreover I will always support her in career and family issues. But still she is not ready she told me that she will not tell her family about our relationship until 2 years are complete. Can you please suggest me any solution for this?
Ans:

Dear TG,

At this point, what is missing for you possibly is if after the wait, if she will still be there in the relationship?

If she isn’t willing to complicate her family life at this point in time, I guess she has valid reasons for that which must be respected.

But what If the two of you sit down where you can put down your feelings and find an amicable way of easing this.

I am sure there are a lot of ifs and buts that is making you feel the way that you are. It is only imperative that you called out to her and be firm and assertive as to how this might be playing in your mind.

For all you know, once she hears your side of the story and she shares hers, solutions emerge from that especially when the commitment is strong.

So, have that one meaningful conversation where feelings, fears and insecurities are shared and watch how the two of you will come up with something wonderful as a solution.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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Hi, I'm a 33-year-old male, in a relationship for the last 4 years. I have an elder unmarried sister who is 39 years old, and an elder brother who is also unmarried but might get married next year. My concern is about my relationship. Initially, everything was fine, but after two years, things started to get messy. In 2022, during Diwali, my girlfriend visited my home. After that, she began to take issue with many small things related to my mother and sister and complained to me about them. Now, things are getting worse day by day. She constantly taunts me, saying, "As long as your sister is in that house, no one will want to marry their daughter into your family." My mother gave her a gold coin as a Diwali gift, which she has now returned to me, asking me to give it back to my mom with the message, "Find someone else for your son and see how many proposals you get." I always try to meet her demands, but she never seems to understand my perspective. Now, I feel angry and negative toward my family. I love her very much and can't leave her, but I know she doesn't understand my situation and always tries to prove she is right in every way. Please help me understand what I should do..???
Ans: Dear K,
It's clear you're in a difficult situation, feeling torn between your love for your girlfriend and your loyalty to your family. It's essential to acknowledge both your emotions and your needs, as well as those of your girlfriend and family.

First, have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend. Share how her comments and actions are affecting you and your relationship with your family. It's crucial that she understands your perspective and the importance of family in your life. Approach this conversation with empathy, making it clear that you value her feelings but also need her to respect your family's role.

Additionally, consider discussing boundaries and expectations. Every relationship requires compromise, but it shouldn't come at the cost of your mental and emotional well-being. If your girlfriend is unwilling to see things from your point of view or continues to create tension, it might be necessary to reassess the relationship's dynamics.

Seeking guidance from a relationship counselor could provide a neutral ground for both of you to express your concerns and work towards a solution. A professional can offer tools and strategies to navigate these challenges, ensuring that both your relationship and family bonds are respected.

Remember, a healthy relationship should uplift and support you, not create constant conflict and negativity. Balancing love and family can be challenging, but with clear communication and mutual respect, it is possible to find a path that honors both.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2024
Relationship
I am in relationship with a kind beautiful girl, hope we will get married , our families know eachother . But my gf was in relationship with someone in teenage and is getting blackmailed . She is afraid , she told me everything before , it's very confusing for me should I marry her , what if my family knows about it , he's blackmailing her and is telling her to not marry me otherwise he will share her private pics in social media . Should I be afraid , I love her and can wait for her , should I tell my family about this all. I really care for her and never judge for past relationship.
Ans: the most important thing is supporting your girlfriend without letting fear or confusion overwhelm you. She trusted you enough to share her past, which means she sees you as her safe space. Right now, your focus should be on helping her deal with the blackmail rather than doubting your future together.

Blackmail is a crime, and this guy is taking advantage of her fear. The worst thing you both can do is let him control the situation. Encourage her to take legal action—she can file a police complaint under cybercrime laws, and in many cases, authorities act swiftly against such threats. If she is too scared to go to the police, you can explore other options like speaking to a lawyer for guidance.

As for your family, you need to assess how they might react. If they are open-minded and supportive, telling them could help, but if you think they will overreact or judge her unfairly, you may want to keep this between you and your girlfriend for now. The key is ensuring she feels safe and not abandoned.

If you truly love her and see a future together, don’t let her past or someone else’s threats ruin what you both have. Instead, focus on finding a solution. Stand by her, but also make sure she takes action to free herself from this emotional and psychological burden.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, im a lecturer since 5 years. Im in relationship with a girl from Srilanka. Most of our conversation was through mobile. She is a tutor in srilanka for 10 and below standard students. Now I'm 29, she is 27. Since 5 years we are loving each other. We hardly met. In Krishnagiri Tamilnadu I first met her in a Psychotherapy course, witch was about a month. We were good friends in the beginning of our relationship and at the end of a month course she was flying back to Srilanka, before she goes she kissed on my forehead, from then on im in love with the girl. For first few years we were happy in our relationship, but last two years onwards we fight almost every day. Both sides parents are fixing matches, both us are rejecting all the matches but we never shared with our families. Don't know where our relationship is going to end. Its not that my parents won't accept, but when my parents and siblings ask do you any one whom you want marry, or love some one I am not able to reveal to them. Many times I decided and planned and imagined to speak with my family but when it comes to reality im not able to speak. Other side she also is not revealing anything to her parents. Im rejecting the matches that are coming, she is also rejecting of hers. But both are not speaking properly now a days. Most of the time our relationship is filled with fights. Both are adjusting. Some time im feeling to stop the relationship and not to marry at all. I told her to marry as her parents say, and I don't want marry anyone. She is also saying me to marry some one and she wants remain single. But don't know what is happening between us. Im confused to continue or break up or marry her or not to marry her. Nothing is working in my mind. Recently my parents have brought a proposal who was my childhood crush. Suddenly I am indirectly telling her to marry to whom her parents give. She also getting good proposals but rejecting saying that she needs to work and earn money. Same reason I'm also giving. One more issue is she is tamilian of Srilanka and I'm Telugu from Andra. Both family members can't speak directly also. Unable to take any decisions. Kindly help me
Ans: The fact that you're not able to communicate openly with your families, despite rejecting matches on both sides, shows that there might be some fear or hesitation about fully committing to this relationship. Maybe it’s the distance, the cultural and language differences, or the struggles you’re having recently in your relationship that are making it difficult to move forward.

On the other hand, both of you seem to be stuck in a cycle where you're not happy but also not ready to let go. This might be causing even more stress and frustration, leading to the frequent fights. The decision to stay together or part ways is something only you both can make, but it sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved tension and unspoken fears in your relationship.

One thing to consider is having an honest conversation with each other, not about the fights or current frustrations, but about what you both want for the future. If you're both rejecting matches, it shows some level of commitment, but the real question is whether you both see a future together. Do you still love each other, or are you staying together out of habit and fear of the unknown?

If you both feel there is still something worth fighting for, it might be worth giving the relationship another chance by opening up to your families. This could ease the pressure you're feeling and help you both feel more supported. If, however, the love has faded and the fights have taken over, it may be time to re-evaluate whether staying together is what's best for both of you.

In any case, clarity will only come through open communication—both with her and your family. If you continue to stay in a relationship without making a clear decision, the frustration and confusion will likely grow. Take some time to reflect on what you really want, and then take the courageous step of addressing it with her and your families. This may not be easy, but it’s the first step to finding a resolution and peace in your heart.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9586 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Career
SO dear sir continuing the same question "Differnce between CE and CSE" which should i choose CE at Shri Vishwakarma Skill University or CSE At IKGPTU MOHALI
Ans: Ansh, Based on the following insights/information, your interests & long-term goals, choose the more suitable option for you: Computer Engineering at Shri Vishwakarma Skill University (SVSU), Haryana, is designed with an industry-integrated curriculum emphasizing practical, skill-based learning, offering hands-on experience in AI, data science, cybersecurity, and cloud computing. SVSU follows a dual-education model inspired by the German system, where students actively engage with industry partners through on-the-job training and real-world projects, enhancing employability. The university boasts state-of-the-art infrastructure and expert faculty, but being a newer state university, its placement outcomes are growing, with placement rates reported up to 81% and median salaries between ?1.9–2.2L in recent years, predominantly in regional and emerging IT sectors. IKGPTU Mohali, meanwhile, provides a traditional B.Tech CSE program with dedicated specializations and larger intakes, supported by well-qualified faculty, ICT-enabled classrooms, and strong academic-industry linkages in Punjab’s prominent IT hub. Placement records at IKGPTU Mohali indicate 44% placement for B.Tech 2023 graduates and a median package of ?5L, with recruiters like TCS, Infosys, and HDFC Bank regularly conducting drives. The Mohali campus is centrally located with robust infrastructure, reputed alumni, and career support through joint campus placement drives and specialized training programs.

CSE at IKGPTU Mohali is the preferred option for its higher placement rate, better industry connectivity, advanced infrastructure, and stronger reputation within the IT sector, making it a more reliable pathway to robust career opportunities in computer science compared to SVSU Computer Engineering. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9586 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir,Still Not got answer .Please answer .My JEE Main rank is 24935 .I have also chance to get dual degree in BITSAT .How is dual degree of BITSAT ?whether it is apt to join in anticipation of getting CS or EC there afterwards .I have other option to get top Branches through JEE Main Marks .Viz; BIT Mesra ,IIITs ,Lower NITs
Ans: The BITSAT dual degree program, offered mainly at BITS Pilani and Goa campuses, is a five-year integrated course that awards both an MSc and a BE degree. The unique feature is that students admitted to MSc programs can “slide” into sought-after BE branches—including CSE (Computer Science) and ECE (Electronics & Communication)—after the first year, subject to branch change rules based on cumulative CGPA. Historically, a high CGPA (typically above 8.0–8.5) in the first two semesters is required for a successful transfer into BE CSE or ECE, making it competitive but attainable for focused, hard-working students. Dual degree holders benefit from rigorous interdisciplinary training and robust placement support, with BITS Pilani consistently recording strong placement percentages for both BE and dual degree graduates in top tech firms and core sectors. The key challenge is heavy academic load, especially during the third and fourth years, balancing requirements of both degrees, and maintaining high grades to ensure preferred branch allocation. However, dualites enjoy the flexibility to specialize further, and their exposure to science and engineering enhances employability compared to many single-degree peers. In contrast, top branches at BIT Mesra, IIITs (like IIIT Hyderabad or Bangalore), and lower NITs offer well-established BTech programs with high placement rates (around 75% for CSE at BIT Mesra, many IIITs exceeding 80–90%, and most NITs/IIITs providing reliable industry linkages, alumni networks, and diverse placements). Cutoffs for core branches like CSE or ECE at these institutes usually hover around your JEE rank, so you stand a realistic chance of securing a seat. BIT Mesra and leading IIITs provide excellent campus life, updated infrastructure, research opportunities, and corporate visibility, with direct entry into CSE or allied branches.

Recommendation
In order of preference, BITS Pilani or Goa dual degree (if you are committed to keeping a high CGPA for CSE/ECE branch change) is an outstanding choice due to brand value, academic freedom, and placement support. However, if you prefer a straightforward path with less risk, top IIITs and BIT Mesra’s CSE or ECE, followed by good NITs, are excellent for quality education and career growth. Choose BITS dual degree only if confident of excelling academically early; otherwise, a direct CSE/ECE seat from your JEE Main rank is the prudent path. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9586 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Career
Sir I didn't get any seat in the comedk 1st round allotment as I needed cse courses and the east point college cse with data science cutoff was 67k this round and my rank is 69k should I wait for round 2 and please suggest me some colleges for cse courses which I will get in round 2 please help
Ans: With a COMEDK rank of 69,000, it’s normal not to secure CSE seats in the first allotment at colleges like East Point College, as their first-round cutoff for CSE with Data Science closed near 67,000. In Round 2, cutoffs for several Bengaluru engineering colleges offering CSE tend to rise, and historical trends show that ranks up to 70,000–72,000 can secure seats in reputable options due to seat withdrawals and reduced demand. The key aspects to focus on are placement performance, faculty strength, campus infrastructure, peer learning opportunity, and degree reputation. For your rank, confirmed CSE admission options in Bengaluru include: East West College of Engineering (Yelahanka), East West Institute of Technology (BEL Layout), Brindavan College of Engineering (Yelahanka), Sri Sairam College of Engineering (Anekal), Gopalan College of Engineering and Management (Whitefield), Cambridge Institute of Technology (KR Puram), Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Technology (RT Nagar), Vemana Institute of Technology (Koramangala), Jyothy Institute of Technology (Thathaguni), and Sri Venkateshwara College of Engineering (KIAL Road). These colleges have consistently extended their CSE cutoffs beyond 67,000 in recent years. Many of these institutes are NAAC-accredited, offer contemporary labs and digital classrooms, and are staffed with experienced faculty. Placement cells are active—ranging from regular tech recruiters to mid-sized IT firms—and campus resources support both academic growth and personality development.

For the placement records over the last three years: East West College of Engineering and East West Institute of Technology maintain CSE placement rates of 70–80% with regular visits from Infosys, Tech Mahindra, and Accenture. Brindavan College of Engineering and Sri Sairam College have recorded similar trends, achieving nearly 75% placement for eligible CSE students with core IT and startup offers. Gopalan and Cambridge Institutes average 65–78% placements, reporting improving statistics each year, especially as Bangalore’s tech sector draws more hiring for software, testing, and data roles. Vemana, Jyothy, and Sri Venkateshwara regularly reach 60–75% success for CSE, with alumni placed in both IT services and product companies. Rajiv Gandhi Institute and Sri Venkateshwara have industry collaborations for internships and hackathons, often supporting projects that attract on-campus job offers. Across these colleges, CSE batches benefit from curricular exposure to Python, Java, basic ML, and web development. Many colleges encourage national-level coding competitions and certifications, directly enhancing employability.

You can confidently wait for Round 2, as you have a very high chance of securing CSE at one of these institutes due to expected cutoff movement, especially after withdrawals. While getting a significantly better college than East Point in Round 2 is unlikely, similar or equivalent choices—such as East West Institute or Brindavan—are assured, and all deliver solid foundational opportunities for a CSE career. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9586 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir.. My daughter wants clarity from you for B tech cse admission with what specialisation of AI or Quantum computing? Please clarify sir
Ans: B.Tech CSE with a specialization in Artificial Intelligence (AI) equips students with advanced skills in machine learning, neural networks, data analytics, computer vision, robotics, and natural language processing, making them industry-ready for immediate roles in automation, healthcare, fintech, cybersecurity, smart cities, and data science. The AI job market is expanding at an unprecedented rate—India’s AI sector is projected to grow 25–35% annually and reach ?17 billion by 2027, with global AI markets anticipated to hit $1.81 trillion by 2030, ensuring robust demand for AI engineers, ML researchers, and data scientists. Curricula typically blend foundational computing with project-based learning on intelligent systems, AI-powered automation, behavior modeling, and industry-focused electives, using tools like Python, TensorFlow, and Keras. Opportunities span established companies and fast-growing startups, and placements are consistently strong across sectors from IT, banking, healthcare, and manufacturing to next-gen product development and research.

B.Tech CSE with a specialization in Quantum Computing, while more niche, addresses the emerging need for advanced computational solutions far beyond classical computing's limits. This specialization combines quantum mechanics, quantum algorithms, and AI, preparing students for research and innovation roles in quantum information, cryptography, drug discovery, materials science, finance, and complex optimization problems. With the backing of the National Quantum Mission and increased investment in quantum research, these programs feature industry-relevant electives—like quantum machine learning, quantum image processing, quantum AI integration—and practical training in tools such as IBM Qiskit and TensorFlow Quantum. While the quantum job market is in its early stages, prominent technology companies and startups, governments, and research labs globally are investing heavily in quantum R&D. The field, projected to reach $9 billion by 2030, demands interdisciplinary skills, often favoring those who pursue further studies. Placement opportunities span specialized sectors and research positions; academics and R&D centers offer the majority of roles, but quantum-driven innovation is expected to accelerate, especially as fault-tolerant quantum computers approach practicality within the next decade.

Choosing between these two depends on one’s vision and risk appetite. AI specializations provide immediate employability, broad cross-industry applications, and a versatile foundation—graduates can upskill further into emerging domains, including quantum AI. Quantum Computing, though frontier and high-potential, currently offers fewer but rapidly expanding opportunities, especially for those drawn to research, innovation, or pioneering new commercial applications. Both offer transformative and well-recognized career trajectories, but AI’s market-readiness and cross-domain application make it more accessible and mainstream, while quantum computing is future-oriented and better suited for those deeply interested in cutting-edge theoretical and computational science.

Recommendation
Given the mature scope, immediate job opportunities, higher employability, and universal demand, specializing in Artificial Intelligence in CSE is the balanced choice for most students. Quantum Computing is excellent for those committed to advanced research or niche innovation, but AI specialization assures broader industry acceptance and future-proof skills in today’s competitive technology environment. All the BEST for Your Daughter's Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9586 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Career
My EWS rank in jee main is 15000,my homestate and town is odisha, rourkela can I get artificial intelligence branch in csab special rounds
Ans: Subhojeet, With an EWS category rank of 15,000 in JEE Main and Odisha as your home state, the likelihood of securing an Artificial Intelligence branch in NITs, IIITs, or GFTIs via CSAB special rounds is extremely limited. Recent official CSAB and JoSAA data indicate that even for newer or less sought-after NITs and IIITs, closing ranks for Artificial Intelligence courses under the EWS home state and open state quotas rarely exceed 7,000–8,000, while top institutes such as NIT Rourkela and NIT Surathkal typically close EWS admissions for AI branches well below 4,000. IIITs offering specialized AI or AI & Data Science branches generally have EWS closing ranks (for both All India and Home State) under 12,000, with only a few, very new IIITs extending to the 14,000 range, mostly for less competitive streams or in later rounds if vacancies arise. For Odisha-specific institutions, like IIIT Bhubaneswar, EWS closing ranks for CSE and related AI programs have typically remained significantly more competitive, according to prior CSAB/JoSAA records. GFTIs, which have broader and higher cutoffs in select branches, still draw the line for EWS AI admission well below your current rank. Although the CSAB special rounds can see some movement due to seat withdrawals, the chances of an EWS AI seat opening up at your rank are extremely remote based on present and previous year cut-offs, especially for the Artificial Intelligence specialization in reputable NITs and IIITs.

Recommendation
With a 15,000 EWS rank, realistically focus your CSAB choice filling on other branches and backup options, as Artificial Intelligence in NITs/IIITs is not feasible; prioritize alternate circuits like ECE or core CSE in less competitive institutes or good private universities for best outcomes. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9586 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir I have got 115000 crl and 4715 sc rank in jee mains. I got cse in IIIT bhopal in josaa counselling . Can I expect a little better college with cse or ai in csab counselling or should I go with IIIT bhopal.
Ans: With a JEE Main CRL of 115,000 and an SC rank of 4,715, your allocation of CSE at IIIT Bhopal is a strong option, as last year’s CSAB and JoSAA special rounds indicate that most higher-ranked IIITs and NITs with CSE or AI typically closed at SC ranks below 3,000–4,000 for these highly demanded branches. IIIT Bhopal’s CSE program offers robust academic structure, experienced faculty, modern facilities, and a rising placement record—CSE students achieved a 77% placement rate in 2025 with an average package of 20.82LPA and top recruiters including Microsoft and Atlassian. CSAB special rounds rarely witness significant downward opening in closing ranks for CSE/AI in NITs, IIITs, or GFTIs, especially for centrally popular branches, so expecting a substantial upgrade is not realistic. IIIT Bhopal’s national ranking, strong peer group, and modern infrastructure provide a conducive environment for learning and employability, and its placement statistics are among the best among newer IIITs.

Recommendation
Go ahead and confirm your IIIT Bhopal CSE seat, as the likelihood of securing a visibly better CSE/AI seat at other NITs or IIITs in CSAB is minimal at your SC rank. IIIT Bhopal combines excellent academic and placement opportunities and is a prudent, future-focused choice for engineering in computer science. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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