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Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 19, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 02, 2023

Hi Ma’am, My parents are not agreeing for my marriage with an intercaste marriage and this is not the first intercaste marriage one of cousin tried convincing their parents for 5 yrs but eventually gave up and opted for court marriage today they are very happy even their parents has also accepted the marriage. In my case , my parents are mocking me for my feelings and emotionally abusing me and have crossed all their limits. They know my boyfriend from class 10th and their family too but the only issue is with then what others will say . My mother called my boyfriend and kept on saying leave me alone and in return my boyfriend said aunty I know this is the big thing we will not take any drastic step and without your approval we will not get married and I’m willing to wait for your daughter even if it is waiting for for 5-6 yrs . We both are doing pretty good in our career we both have been so focused with out life. But after this call she kept on saying he’s very manipulative as he did not disrespect my mother and as a result of this my mother and father kept on harassing me by saying ill and foul words to me. They are so lost in their ego that I am suffering from 104 degree fever and they are ignoring this fact kept on saying foul words to me. My mother day and night she’s entering my room is saying Every second I’m giving you baddua ( wishing something bad happen to me) . I put forth my point but they are not in state of listening and somewhere very unhappy that I’m not financially dependent on them so they are keep bashing my job. I have stopped talking to them regarding this topic and just having very minimal conversation with them and I’m not misbehaving with them for this also they are scolding me they want to act normally and come sit with them.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Inter-faith marriages are still unaccepted in many societies and the challenges that come with it are not just with family acceptance but adapting and adjusting to different cultures, tastes etc...
Yes, on the one hand, love does not have any boundaries BUT massive changes in society have still not taken place to accept inter-faith marriages and your parents also belong to that very same society that hinders more than supports.
It has come down to a choice for you now!
Family or your Love?
If you choose Family, all will be well except you and your boyfriend. It will be giving up what you dreamed of together.
If you choose Love, you can of course live life on your terms but your family may vow to never see you again (it seems evident from all the vibes at your home).
Since, you are financially independent, you are in a better position to decide BUT it is going to be a decision that will leave someone unhappy. Who that is going to be and whether you can harden yourself with it is the question!
Now, Family and Love can go hand in hand only when both integrate which means an uphill task for both sides to negotiate, navigate and live in harmony. If this can be achieved by some neutral person bringing both sides together, please attempt this first before making a final decision. But make the choice soon, so there is a resolution either way.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

Dear Anu, I have been married for 3 years. Everything is going well with my husband except there is one problem. If there is anything wrong done by his parents, he never takes a stand or protests.My in-laws are not very friendly people.After our marriage they have never tried to keep in touch with my parents or at least have the courtesy to invite once to their house. My parents have frequently tried to invite them and also tried to keep contact but nothing is achieved if it's one-sided. I told my husband about all this but he never ever tried to explain or correct them of their wrong doings.My mother-in-law had also insulted me few times raising questions on how I was brought up within the first year of our marriage. And later as well. I work and sometimes due to prolong working hours I am not able to contribute to household work. My mother-in-law started asking if at all I do any household work or whether I am always busy with my office work. She already knew that I would be working after marriage and was fine with it.Because of the lockdown we are staying with them for a long period and I am embarrassed to tell this but every day is killing me. When I stay with them I have to be a totally different person. I have to live their lifestyle which is totally opposite to how I used to live with my husband alone.Because of all the above circumstances, I am not keen on staying with them. I don't see a future where I can stay with them. I am ready to take care of them but can't stay under one roof. My husband is well aware of my feelings. But never does anything about it. Every time I tell him, he blames me that I don't want him to stay with his parents. Else he takes good care of me and is a good person. My parents also like him except this one complaint.I am totally clueless now how to make him understand because we end up fighting rather than discussing. In the long run I can't stay with my in-laws because our lifestyle doesn't match and of course the hurtful things they have done. They are not even ready to adjust rather would expect me to completely change for them. And that's what dreads me.I can't live in this way for long. It is causing me a lot of mental stress.Please provide your valuable suggestions.

Dear SN,

Hasn’t the lockdown ended for a while now?

Why are you still with them?

What was the initial reason of moving in with them?

Does that reason still exist?

Being part of a joint/extended family system isn’t a cake walk; each person is unique and so are their thoughts and experiences and they will want the other person to live by their experiences and rules. But of course, an emotionally mature person would believe in giving space for another person grow and evolve and swim around the family dynamics. Well, it isn't the case here.

Why don’t you drop down a pros and cons list for When I move out and for When I stay here.

Weigh it down to its granular detail. Also, try and figure out why your husband is so against talking to them.

Sometimes, it maybe a minor adjustment that everyone needs to go through, but our movies and sitcoms have done enough damage to our minds where the drama looks never ending and where one party is to blame. Usually, the adjustment has to happen from both ends.

Bring this to a place where everyone gains, and everyone is happy. Maybe moving out is an option that you seek but will this go well with your husband and remember, he might do this for you, and in the long run in might end up blaming you for it. It’s complicated.

So, take time and work on the pros and cons, why your husband is against talking to them about this and also ask yourself: Have I done everything that I can to live joyfully under one roof?
You will have a path to your solution soon.

All the best!


Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!


Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

Dear mam, I am married for 14 yrs. Love marriage. I used to work earlier but quit because my husband was earning well and he said he will take care of me and my son. We used to be a happy couple but during the lockdown my mother-in-law and sister-in-law decided to move in with us. Slowly they started creating issues between my husband and me often badmouthing my behaviour or complaining about me. I was unaware about it until recently when we had a big fight. That’s when I realised that they have been planning to drive me out of the house and get him married to someone else whom they can manipulate. It’s been over a year now that my husband is not even talking to me properly. I went and stayed with my parents for some time but even they feel I am a burden and should adjust and accommodate instead of giving them reasons to fight. They don’t understand that all this is politics. Now my husband is talking to some girl whom I don’t like. That is causing more problems and fights between us. Anything I say is used against me now. Please help me mam. What to do?
Ans: Dear R, why did they start to create issues between you and your husband?

What led to this? It rarely happens that people go after people with no reason.

Did you have any reservations about them coming and staying over?

Did you express it in some form to them? (Ask these to yourself so that you know that any act on your part did not lead to this situation. Of course, nothing justifies their plotting to get their son married behind your back).

If the answer to this is NO, then it's time to confront your husband, get a mediator and put things on the table.

What does he want? What do you want?

Do you both want to continue in this marriage?

What are his responsibilities towards your son?

These need to be addressed without anymore delay. Being in a limbo state is not fun as it keeps you guessing and the uncertainty can cause a lot of stress.

Also, kindly sensitise your parents towards what you are going through, so that support you in this time of need.

Act NOW and whatever you decide, put yourself first and take care of you emotional state of mind.

Best wishes!


Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2022

I got married in 2018 and it was an arranged marriage. Everything seemed very perfect for me. But soon after things got weird as I realised my husband does not share good rapport with his own family. From day second, I felt I need to correct my husband' attitude towards his own parents. He loves me a lot and protects me from any type of problem while we were staying at my in-laws' house. But before completing 2 months we moved out and somewhere I knew there is no going back to his parents from that point. During the short 2 months stay I was told that my parents did not give me good stuff -- I mean bed, almirah and (that they) had not arranged our marriage function in the best way possible. I have seen them fighting among themselves for purchasing Maggi packets stating who will pay the price. I was told my husband who is eventually their real son contributed nothing to his sister's marriage, to their house construction and to his own marriage. I was asked to pay for the marriage album as my husband contributed nothing to his own marriage. Even after leaving their place bank payment related messages have been sent to me to pay the amount. One day after feeling helpless I asked them: If your son is having so much problem why did you marry him. They simply stated that they did it for the sake of society. The moments before leaving the house were tense. They threw a lot of tantrums -- they took the jewellery they'd purchased for me and also retained the jewellery given by my parents. I said nothing about it as those materialistic things never mattered to me. I had to take back a part of jewellery made by my parents from them as my parents wanted it back. But after leaving home they did not call to ask anything about our health or our problems with the new set up but instead called for money. They are threatening to come back if we don't talk to them on regular basis and bend their son on his knees to come back to his parents. Till some time, I was under the impression that my husband is having issues; that he is the monster who is abandoning his parents. When I learned his side of story, I realised he is not at fault completely. They never made him feel loved or accepted; and always compared him with others. They considered him as their investment plan as they are all the time cursing him for not providing any financial support without knowing at what salary he is working for, what are his monthly expenses and whether he is in a position to assist them financially.He doesn't have any good memories with his family. Still I tried to make him feel their pain to be left alone behind their only son. After leaving their house they started to abuse me on phone whenever they wanted. They cursed me and my parents for taking their son away from them. My husband is the typical Indian male who on the first night took control of my debit card as he thinks it is his birth right. He strictly told me what not to wear. Although these were major flaws in the attitude, he showed love towards me so I did also do the same. I am happy with him. But with this constant verbal abuse from his parents, I feel like I’m the one who is the culprit here. I was not ready to even extend my family with my husband but somehow I did take the decision after four years of my marriage. I am expecting now but my husband warned me to not inform about this to his parents otherwise, he will send me permanently to my parents’ house. My subconscious is shaking me in every 2 to 3 weeks that I’m the culprit here. I feel like my child will also leave me behind the way we left his parents behind. They insulted me in every possible way but I still don't want them to be left alone in their senior years like this. But I have no control over my husband he is way more detached towards them and maximum time insensitive to their problems. Also his parents always call to either abuse me or their son they did never ask us how we are if we are fine even in corona time I was positive and when they knew about they call my husband to make fun of this. Please suggest.

Dear MB,

Too much going on in your mind all at once. Sometimes, it helps to compartmentalize.

It seems like you are being a nice human, have tried patching things between the son and his family.

Let it alone, it is unique and it’s their battle to fight. By you getting into this, it might eventually be pointed out that you are a bad wife and a bad influence on their son.

People when in distress lose sense of logic and blame everything on the external. So, you have done your bit, in vain…now stay away from their relationship.

What is meant to be, will be. Any more interference might only harm the relationship further.

As for you, when they call and abuse, kindly assert that you will not be talked to in that manner OR simply avoid their calls till the time they ask, then say: I do want our conversations to be had with respect both ways.

As for your husband taking away your debit card; it does seem his way of exercising control which he lacks with himself in relation to his parents.

He feels helpless and him taking charge of what you wear etc is his way of establishing ground rules by being a patriarch.

Please rework this soon else this will be observed by your children especially if you have a girl child.

Your meek submission is what she will learn from you.

Just like you took your streedhan back, what you feel you have a personal association and right over, kindly take it back.

His love for you does not mean that he owns you and it does not mean you need to submit.

Of course, if it is to maintain peace for the time being, alright…but over a period of time this has to change.

Enjoy the pregnancy without bringing unwanted worries that your child will also leave you etc.

Too much of commercial movies can instil these fears. Your husband and his family made this choice to harbor animosity towards each other.

Why will your child do the same with you? There is no transference. Simply, enjoy being pregnant, focus on yourself and your child.

Think good, eat good, feel good, laugh a lot and choose what who you want around you. It affects the child directly.

Please become responsible now towards your unborn child. He/she needs you.

Be with Nature a lot, listen to calming music…your baby will thank you someday for this. So smile and get on to enjoying your pregnancy.

Be happy and all the best!


Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

Hi Mam, I would like to remain anonymous.I'm in a very much stressed stage of my life. I had an arranged marriage in May 2020, I had known the guy only for 3 months. I had discussed everything before marriage itself. I am an only child and my father is not with us and my mom's health is not very good. After marriage everything was fine, but after a few days like a month or so, my sister-in-law started calling my mom and asked for gold ornaments, since we got married during the covid pandemic, the wedding was held in a temple. They wanted us to get gold in that money which was spent from our side. We were planning to buy a car so that travelling would be easy for me. I was still working in my old company and my husband had agreed to the same. When we refused to give them the gold. Communication was completely nil, my sister-in-law nor my mother-in-law spoke to me, just a hi bye. My husband was ok initially, but then later he started supporting his family and said what they demanded was right. I got pregnant and I didn't want to travel during this situation, my in-laws didn't agree to send me to my mom's place. They wanted me to quit my job. My sister-in-law who was married had come here and was staying with us. She started interfering in our life, I had to consult the doctor of her choice, quit my job and my husband insisted i listen to them.We had a huge fight and I came to my house. From that day none of them called or even messaged me. I even went to the doctor with my mom. Then after 45 days we got to know that the pregnancy was not viable and it had to be aborted. When i conveyed this message to my husband, he started blaming me saying that I did this on purpose and my sister-in-law started blaming me that i had aborted because it was a girl child. I was shocked that such baseless allegations on me, I couldn't digest this. They even threatened that they'll file a police complaint on me and my family. Then they wanted to get me checked with another doctor of their choice. I even went for the check-up. The doctor said that these things are common in first pregnancy and not to worry. Even after this my sister-in-law was blaming me and my mother told me that we didn't take proper care. Sister-in-law was present at every doctor's check-up. On the final day of check-up, I was in the hospital for 1.5 hours my husband didn't come. I left thinking he'll not come. But later he called me and started verbally abusing me and my family saying that he'll file a police complaint coz we didn't wait for him at the hospital. I mean I didn't know how to react to this. He used very vulgar language. I couldn't tolerate this. I told him I will not stay with him any longer. He then again started vulgarly abusing me, calling me and my family names which is not acceptable. Now I have filed for divorce and domestic violence. He has filed for restitution of conjugal rights and his sister has filed a defamation case on me coz I said that she has deserted her husband which is true. He's demanding money which they are claiming to have given for marriage expenses and litigation charges to sign mutual divorce papers. I don't know the total amount he might ask. Mam I don't know what to do. Kindly help me take a decision. Is my decision right to divorce him?

Dear AV,

Clearly a lot has happened and is happening which is rather unpleasant for you. This will disturb your peace of mind.

To ask me if your decision is right to divorce him is not a wise thing to do as the decision is yours to make.

You know your situation and you know what’s at stake and you also know what and how much you can take.

Firstly, hire a lawyer who is adept in dealing with cases of dowry demands and verbal abuse.

The correct step will be to narrate the situation to the lawyer as is and also tell him/her what you want to do and what you can derive financially out of the case if the divorce progresses.

Be prepared with what you want from and out of the divorce as every divorce lawyer will ask you this.

Also going prepared will cut down on the initial lawyer consultation fees. So, hire a good lawyer first.

Make sure that the initial wealth; all movable and immovable property given to you by your parents during the marriage that includes cash as well must be demanded back from your husband and his family.

You have a right over this streedhan. So, if you are filing for divorce, bear this in mind.

Secondly, to help you restore your mental health, I suggest that you actually pen the story of your married life down and each painful memory needs a release from your system.

It’s okay to be angry and spiteful towards the people involved but in the end for your own peace of mind, tell yourself that every story has an end and that instead of playing the victim, you will transform into a person who can take charge of her life and give the story a positive end.

Stop mulling over WHY it happened and move to WHAT CAN I DO NEXT.

Easier said than done? But being a problem space for too long will erode your wellbeing, so it’s wise to seek a solution.

Be brave and do the right thing. Never allow anyone to kill your spirit. All the best!

Latest Questions

Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023


Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2023
Sir, I just retired from my service @60yrs. I will get my PF+other fund ₹50L. Please advice how to invest the amount so that my principal not disputed and I can get ₹30,000 pm for my monthly expenses. My family of 2 persons are covered ₹50L health insurance. Regards
Ans: Considering your age and your requirement, you will need to invest in a mix of debt and equity instruments. Here are some investment options available to you:-

• Senior Citizens’ Savings Scheme (SCSS) – This is a pure debt instruments and provides guaranteed returns of 8.2% per annum. The interest is paid quarterly. The maximum amount that you can invest is Rs. 30 Lakhs.

• Corporate FDs – It provides you return more than the regular bank FDs. It contains two options i.e. cumulative and non-cumulative.

• Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): This is another government-backed scheme that offers guaranteed monthly income. The current interest rate is 7.1%.

• Debt Mutual Funds: As your main concern is to protect the principal amount you may consider debt funds and monthly income can be achieved through the route of SWP (systematic withdrawal plan).

• Equity mutual funds: Equity mutual funds offer the highest potential returns, but they are also the riskiest. A small portion of the amount can be invested in the equity mutual funds for growth of the money in the long-term horizon.

It is good to know that you are adequately insured for any healthcare emergency.

Your requirement of Rs. 30,000 will be changing in the future due to inflation, hence you should consult with your financial advisor for a proper increasing income or SWP (systematic withdrawal plan) which can help you to ensure sufficient amount available for your monthly expenses.

Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023

Hi Sir, I worked a small level company between 01.02.2018 to 30.04.2021. They paid standard EPF contribution of Rs. 1800/- from my side they deducting the same of Rs. 1800/-. After I exit the company I applied the EPF Withdrawl (both contribution) on 06.05.2023 and it was rejected by the officer and the reason was mentioned "Claim Rejeced EQUAL SHARE 07/18". The Employer deposit the July 2018 share in wrongly i.e. The deposited Rs. 1800/- in Employee Share and Rs. 1800/- employer Share and Pension is " 0 ". instead of Rs.1800/- as employee, Rs. 550/- as Employer and Rs.1250/- as pension contribution. When I sent a 2 continues mail to EPF they taking my query as a grivience and sent a query to the employer. But Still they not close the issue. How to I approch them to clear my claim. Because there is no mistake from my side. Thanks in Advance. Narayanan
Ans: I understand that your EPF withdrawal claim has been rejected due to an error in your employer's contribution. This is frustrating, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people experience problems with their EPF claims, especially when their employers make mistakes.

When filing a grievance, be sure to provide clear and concise information about the issue. You should also include any relevant documentation, such as your EPF statement and the revised Form 11 from your employer (if you have one).

Once you have filed a grievance, the EPFO will investigate the matter and try to resolve it. This process can take some time, but it is important to be patient.

Here are some additional tips:

• Keep track of all your communication with the EPFO. This includes emails, phone calls, and visits to the office.
• If you are not satisfied with the EPFO's response, you can escalate the issue to the regional or national level. You can also mail on employeefeedback @ for the redressal of your grievance.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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