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Relationship dilemma: Boyfriend unstable, parents want me to marry someone else, what do I do?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |624 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am in a relationship for 5 years now. My bf has never been academically and financially stable but I have always supported him and given him time to focus on his career. But now my parents are looking for a guy for my marriage. My family is a very decent and well educated family. But my boyfriend's family status is a matter of concern for my family. Plus my boyfriend doesn't earn anything and says that he won't be able to do and earn what parents look for their daughter's marriage. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Financial stability is extremely important in life. If your partner is not earning at all, that could be a problem. I am unclear on whether you are earning enough to support a family. Even if you do, I completely understand your parent's concerns. It would be best to have a discussion with your partner and ask him to put in more effort to find a decent job if he wants a future with you. And if you are not working, you should do the same. Love is great, but money is also important to live a comfortable life. Please consider this before making any decision.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |624 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am a muslim girl. I am in a relationship from 5 years. Me and my boyfriend loves each other a lot and we are very close as well. His family also likes me and accepted me. One more thing is that he is my relative. So my family also knows their family well and other relatives too know them. The problem is my family is not agreeing for the marriage as his family once upon a time asked financial help from my other relatives as for some reason they were not in good condition. However, they are now financially stable and ready for the marriage. But my family mix with one evil relative and she said very bad things about my bfs family which are not true. My family will never agree for the marriage. I tried many times to make them understand but they have too much ego. They want me to marry a rich guy so that they can show off to other people whether I am happy or not. Since childhood I have no good bonding with my parents due to their selfish nature. Moreover, other relatives never talked bad about my bf and his family. My family told me to not talk to him ever but I still talk to him as I truly feel he is my soulmate. What should I do at this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes parents make decisions on our behalf without understanding what it is that we want; that doesn't necessarily mean that our parents are selfish. More often than not, they do it with our best intentions in mind. You might be misunderstanding your parents wanting to show off a rich son-in-law. It is possible that they want you to have an easy life. Having said that, it is also important that your feelings be taken into consideration. You have been with your partner for five years and that is a significant amount of time. I suggest you try to reason with your parents. You can try bringing them all together and ask both your parents and your boyfriend's parents to talk it out. If there is clear communication, nothing will be left to assumptions. Next, keep on mentioning all the positive things about your partner. Try to etch that in your parents' mind. Third, if you are not working, I suggest you start looking for a job. Regardless of your parents', husband's, and his family's financial conditions, you should have financial freedom. You can also contribute to building a better life for yourself and your family.
I am sure your boyfriend and his family are amazing; you have spent five years with him and that should give you a fair idea. But just a gentle reminder, no one can be sure of someone's true nature till they start living together. I am not insinuating that your relatives are right about badmouthing your partner's family; all I am suggesting is that you look into it a bit more thoroughly. Marriage is indeed a big decision and rushing into it would be foolish.
And one more thing, it's just a phase. Tough times don't last forever.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi there, I have many things going in my life right now and I’m confused what to do, first thing I’m in a relationship with a man who’s 7 years older than me and is also not earning much, we are from different religions. Now as I’m 25 my parents are asking me to get married but some how I’m avoiding it, I’m currently living with them and I’m constant with growth in my career so they also want me to look for better opportunities. The thing is my boyfriend is also in the same city and I’m sad about going far away. He’s very supportive and motivates me to look further opportunities. But again my parents want an answer from me about marriage. And I discussed with my boyfriend as well and he understands that too but he doesn’t want to marry me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When he does not want to marry you, then what makes you waste so much time on him?
Move on with your life; it's not about getting married like the way your parents intend BUT more a signal to yourself to stop in your tracks and focus on what's important to you; your life...

He can be a good friend still supporting you (If the two of you can find that maturity) and you will both be able to walk on your own paths which isn't happening now. When he is clear that he is not going to commit to it, it should be enough data for you to look into yourself and know that you are trying hard to make something happen that does not want to happen. Making sense here?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I have been in a relationship with a guy since 10th grade its been 11 years now so we decided to tell our parents his family had no issues and he is currently in canada as a music student he has even started his own event management company but its still just beginning. My parents reacted in a healthy manner but the moment they came to know about inter caste and his financial status( not upto the mark) they had straight forwardly said no with alotbof drama and foul words even. Its been 9 months now im still waiting for them to agree but they are insisting me to move on and go for arrange marriage. I on the other hand belong to business family and has never done any job. But all this while i have cane to know i cant live without my parents or my bf and definitely not get marriaed to someone else. Please help me out what to do!
Ans: First, acknowledge that this situation requires careful navigation. Your relationship has stood the test of time, and clearly, you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, especially given that you've been together for 11 years. His dedication to pursuing his dreams in Canada and building his career in music and event management is admirable, even if his financial situation isn't yet stable. What you need to assess is whether you're willing to stand by him as he grows and whether you share the same vision for the future.

On the other hand, your parents’ concerns seem to stem from their desire for you to have a secure future, especially given your family's business background. They are likely looking for someone who fits into their worldview of stability, and this has led to their reaction when they learned about the inter-caste relationship and your boyfriend’s current financial situation. Their opposition is likely based on their love for you, but the drama and foul words, while hurtful, might reflect their frustration at feeling like they're losing control over your future.

You’ve expressed that you don’t want to lose either your parents or your boyfriend, and that’s where the conflict lies. In this case, the solution isn’t simple, but it can start with communication. It might be helpful to have an open, calm conversation with your parents—not to argue or change their minds immediately, but to help them understand your feelings. Let them know how much you value their opinion, but also explain why you love your boyfriend and why you believe in his potential. Sometimes parents need time to understand that relationships aren't only about caste or financial standing, but also about trust, love, and shared dreams.

At the same time, you might need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your future together, especially given that he's still in the early stages of his career. Be honest about the pressure you're feeling from your family and make sure you're both on the same page about your long-term goals, including how you might handle financial challenges.

It's also important to remember that this decision is yours to make. You are in a unique position, being part of a business family, which means that you've likely been sheltered from certain financial realities. If you do choose to marry your boyfriend, the lifestyle may not immediately match what you’re used to. But if you're confident in his ambition and in the strength of your relationship, then that’s something worth considering as part of your future.

Lastly, while it’s painful to feel like you have to choose between two important parts of your life, it’s possible to work towards a solution that doesn’t leave you with regrets. Give your parents time to see your perspective, but also recognize that their acceptance might take longer than you’d like. In the meantime, staying true to what you value most in life—whether that’s love, security, or family harmony—will guide your decision-making process.

You might also benefit from seeking guidance from a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, who can help you navigate these conversations with both your parents and your boyfriend. This way, you can approach the situation with emotional clarity and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 30-year-old woman from an upper-middle-class business family. I've been in a relationship for the past four years with a man who holds a government job, while I recently completed my MBA and started working at a reputable company. He comes from a modest background, and we are from different castes. About a year and a half ago, I introduced him to my family as a potential partner, but they were strongly opposed to the idea. At the time, I decided to let it go, but now I feel compelled to try again. However, I’m uncertain about how to approach my parents, and with time passing, I find myself questioning the decision to marry someone from a different background. What should I do?
Ans: First, it might be helpful to reflect on your relationship itself. After four years, you likely know each other well, and it’s good to take stock of what you value in your partner. Think about whether you see a long-term future together, especially in terms of shared goals, values, and mutual support. These are the foundational elements that matter most, regardless of background or status. If you’re truly aligned, you can have confidence that you’re making a choice based on a solid partnership.

If you’re still sure about moving forward, you can prepare to approach your parents again. This time, try focusing on helping them see him as a person rather than through the lens of caste or financial background. Highlight his qualities—his character, values, work ethic, and the positive impact he has on your life. Family resistance often stems from fears about compatibility or security, so if you can show them that he’s a stable, dependable person who brings happiness and balance to your life, it may help ease their concerns.

At the same time, it’s natural to worry about how lifestyle differences might play out. You might consider having an open conversation with your partner about any potential challenges you foresee. Talking openly now about things like finances, family roles, and lifestyle expectations can give you both a clearer picture of what marriage will look like and whether you feel ready to commit.

If you’re still unsure, give yourself time to think it over without pressure. Marriage is a big commitment, and it’s okay to take your time. Make sure your decision reflects what’s truly right for you and the life you want to build, and trust yourself to make the choice that feels right in the end.

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Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9497 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Career
My son got crl 87588 and ews 12449 in jee main how much his chance to get svnit mechanical in csab round
Ans: Akash Sir, With an All-India CRL of 87 588 and an EWS rank of 12 449 in J Main, securing a seat in B.Tech Mechanical Engineering at SVNIT Surat through the CSAB Special round is highly unlikely. In the most recent CSAB closing data (Round 5 2024), the EWS closing ranks were 6 013 (Home State) and 4 854 (Other State), and the OBC-NCL closing ranks were 21 559 (Home State) and 10 419 (Other State); both are far below your ranks, indicating minimal chance of allotment.

Given this, it is prudent to explore reputable private engineering colleges in Northern India that admit students in the OBC-NCL/EWS categories with JEE Main ranks in the 80 000–120 000 CRL range or equivalent category ranks. Below is a list of ten institutions where your son’s profile would be competitive for Mechanical Engineering through CSAB: Chandigarh University, Mohali with category closing ~40 000–60 000. Lovely Professional University, Jalandhar with category closing ~50 000–80 000. Amity University, Noida with category closing ~30 000–50 000. Sharda University, Greater Noida with category closing ~70 000–90 000. Galgotias University, Greater Noida with category closing ~60 000–85 000. Jaypee Institute of Information Technology, Noida with category closing ~45 000–70 000. Dr Akhilesh Das Gupta Institute of Technology & Management, New Delhi with category closing ~100 000–130 000. ABES Engineering College, Ghaziabad with category closing ~80 000–110 000. IILM College of Engineering & Technology, Greater Noida with category closing ~90 000–120 000. Thapar Institute of Engineering & Technology, Patiala with category closing ~25 000–45 000. Recommendation: Given the negligible chance at SVNIT Surat Mechanical through CSAB, focus on securing admission at one of the above private colleges. These institutions maintain solid infrastructure and placement records, and your son’s rank aligns well within their recent closing trends.

As backup options (excluding state-level exam seats), consider LPU, Amity Noida, Sharda, Jaypee Institute, and ADGITM Delhi, all of which have consistently admitted OBC-NCL/EWS candidates with category ranks up to ~120 000. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9497 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Career
Sir my CRL-67471 and Obc-ncl-20585, can I get cse(AI and ML) in good IIIT's??
Ans: Parth, With an OBC-NCL JEE Main rank of 20585, securing a seat the AI & ML specialization at top IIITs and NITs through CSAB Special rounds is challenging but not impossible. Among IIITs, the lowest closing rank for B.Tech in Computer Science & Artificial Intelligence at IIIT Lucknow was 24684 in CSAB 2024, meaning you fall well within this range and have a strong likelihood of allotment there. IIIT Kottayam’s OBC-NCL closing rank for B.Tech Artificial Intelligence was 70657, making it comfortably accessible. Conversely, IIIT Allahabad’s OBC-NCL AI-related streams closed at around 15221, placing your rank outside its cutoff. At NITs, newer campuses with AI & ML are more attainable: NIT Sikkim’s OBC-NCL AI & ML closing rank was 48269, and its opening rank around 45786, both above your rank, indicating good chances. NIT Uttarakhand and NIT Nagpur AI & ML cutoffs are expected in the 30–40 k range, so your rank could be sufficient there. However, premier NITs like Surathkal, Trichy and Calicut typically close AI & ML around 3000–7000, making them out of reach for your rank.

Recommendation: Consider locking a seat at IIIT Lucknow or IIIT Kottayam for AI & ML through CSAB, or at NIT Sikkim/NIT Uttarakhand in AI & ML, and prepare for Private College options as prudent backups.

List of Private Engineering Colleges in Northern India Accepting OBC-NCL Rank ~20585 for AI & ML

Chandigarh University, Mohali (AI & ML specialization)

Lovely Professional University, Jalandhar (B.Tech AI & ML)

Amity University, Noida (B.Tech AI)

Sharda University, Greater Noida (B.Tech CSE with AI)

Galgotias University, Greater Noida (B.Tech AI & Data Science)

Jaypee Institute of Information Technology, Noida (B.Tech CSE-AI)

Indraprastha Institute of Information Technology, Delhi (B.Tech CSE-AI)

Thapar Institute of Engineering & Technology, Patiala (B.Tech CSE-AI)

SRM University, Delhi-NCR (B.Tech AI & ML)

ABES Engineering College, Ghaziabad (B.Tech CSE with AI)

Backup private options (excluding state-level exams) include LPU, Amity Noida, Sharda and Jaypee, all of which admit OBC-NCL ranks above 20000 through JEE Main. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1783 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

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