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Anu

Anu Krishna  |825 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Ravi Question by Ravi on Jun 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi for some reason nowdays, I am having this fetish about my wife having an affair. It does not help that she is good looking flirty with other guys and they flirt back at her. But instead of getting angry the idea of her having sex with some other guy turns me on like crazy. Is there anything wrong with me and what should I do to change this mindset.

Ans: Dear Ravi,
What happens with two consenting adults and in your case, the two of you are married...it is strictly between them.
Now, the challenge would be if your fetish is something that your wife does not want to indulge into...
Also, if this becomes the only way that you can be intimate with you wife, then you will start to become dependent on it. That's when you become a slave to it and without it, you will feel no attraction.

This way can possibly be a good add-on spice to your intimate life. But, also bring back the spice between the two by spending more quality time with each other...Do remember, there's a good reason why you married her and you do know the reason why you used to be attracted by her. Bring that back and use this add-on more as something that you summon only at times. It's not that difficult, a bit of effort to connect more meaningfully as a couple can help here...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |825 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I don't want to disclose my name. I am married and have two children. I have a beautiful wife but I always tend to think about having a relationship with other women. I haven't had any relationship but I also want to be loyal to my wife. Our sex life is average. Everyday I try to avoid thinking this is useless but I can’t. Please advice.
Ans:

Dear IS,

What we try and avoid, we obsess over that more.

What is the real reason for wanting a relationship outside of marriage?

It is very easy and tempting to run away from facing issues that might be plaguing your marriage and hold on to something outside. Justifications maybe many.

Have you and your wife worked out issues at an emotional level.

Sex is one element of marriage and not the only one.

Maybe she feels emotionally disconnected from you as you might feel physically disconnected from her.

Whatever it is, bringing another person into a marriage isn’t going to sort out anything.

But if you have decided that a few complications aren’t going to hurt, well that is what is leading you to obsess over wanting another woman.

Instead, can you actually think of rebuilding the marriage? Of course, the want needs to be there else it’s a pointless exercise.

It takes a lot of work and patience and calm understanding between spouses to make a marriage work. Slippages can cost a parson his/ her marriage.

So, maybe it’s time to actually list down the best qualities you see in your wife and oh, yes WHY the two of you married in the first place, This WHY can re-energize you to look at things differently and more usefully.

The fact that you want to be loyal to your wife does suggest that there is a lot of love and care still in the marriage.

Who knows, the obsessive thoughts may fade…give your marriage another chance. I am sure you know that it deserves that chance!

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |825 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am happily marrried for 11 years with no kids. This doesnt hamper our relationship and I wish to continue my life happily. Issue is i feel urge to chat with female friends, get into sexting and in a couple of instances got physical as well. In this process i have lost a few friends also as they did get intimate during the chat but later on felt guilty. I do not feel guilty. Me and my wife indulge in roleplays during foreplay and i am also open to be a cuckold during that. Sometimes she enjoys the talk of someone else but sometimes she gets turned off by it. I truely love her and would never leave her. But this habit of mine has cost me a few friends and i am afraid if she would come to know about this, it will destroy her emotionally which i do not want.
Ans: Dear Suraj,
Well, if both of you consent to this experimentation in the bedroom, alright...be happy! But, if she is not comfortable with something, then better to talk about it rather than push it any further. It's fun as long as both the partners enjoy it.
But, what seems to bother you is losing your friends due to intimate chats. Why are you indulging in it? Is it another form of experimentation? Is it an experience that serves you in a way that you can be closer to your wife?
Human beings do things that ultimately results in some form of gain to themselves. But if this is impacting your social circle, then it's time to understand that you must STOP!
Maybe what started off as harmless, turned into something more serious in your female friends and they feel guilty.
You might feel open and quiet fine with these intimate chats, but for them it doesn't end well and they have begun to move away from you. So, seriously turn this off and if you feel that this will hurt your wife, why then?
Making sense?

All the best! Do the wise thing!
(more)
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 06, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello. Although i am married for 12 years and have a 9 year old son, the relationship with My Wife when it comes to Intimacy is not good. There was a Female Colleague in My Last Company who was very much similar to me when it comes to hobbies and interests. Although i and her left that Job sometime back, but till date i am in touch with her and love talking to her. I talk with her everyday wishing her on WhatsAPP and sometimes chat on life. But i guess have developed feelings for her but i am not sure. Due to lack of sex in my married life, i sometimes also fantasise about her making love. She is ok always meeting me but i fear that if i meet her i might cross the line. Is it ok to feel like that and should i share my feelings with Her?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

A long-term relationship might seem mundane and routine after a while but that does not permit you to develop feelings for someone else. While meeting up with your female colleagues is no big deal, when you have feelings for that colleague and doubt that you might cross a line, do you still think it's worth considering the meet-up? I doubt that.

I understand that you have a good bond with this person, and you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage, but that still does not allow you to cheat on your wife in good conscience. I suggest three things-

1) Introspect and evaluate why you are having these feelings outside of your marriage.
2) Have a clear discussion about the same with your wife.
3) Work on the issue one step at a time, and work on it together. If needed, see a marriage counselor. We all need a little extra help once in a while.

Every marriage hits a bump or two. It will be okay once you shift your focus to the right place.

Best Wishes!
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |939 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am looking at imvesting around Rs.20,000 per month in SIP with good returns and overall balanced portfolio along with some us stock exposure (Parag Parikh kind of funds). Please provide your valuable suggest in which mutual funds should I invest or is ETF better option
Ans: When considering your investment strategy, actively managed funds can offer distinct advantages over ETFs. Actively managed funds are overseen by professional fund managers who actively research and select investments they believe will outperform the market. This active management can potentially lead to higher returns compared to passively managed ETFs.

Furthermore, actively managed funds have the flexibility to adapt to changing market conditions and exploit emerging opportunities. Fund managers can adjust their portfolios in response to market trends, economic indicators, and company-specific developments, aiming to optimize returns while managing risk.

On the other hand, ETFs, while offering low expense ratios and broad market exposure, often deliver only mediocre returns. Since they passively track an index, ETFs are unable to take advantage of market inefficiencies or capitalize on undervalued securities in the same way actively managed funds can.

Considering your desire for balanced returns and exposure to US stocks akin to Parag Parikh-like funds, actively managed funds offer a more suitable option. They provide the potential for superior performance while aligning with your investment objectives and preferences. Working with a Certified Financial Planner can help you identify the most appropriate actively managed funds to include in your portfolio.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |939 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello, I am 25 years old. Due to personal reasons I invest in only 100% equity mutual funds that do not invest in banking stocks. Currently I am investing in 3 mutual funds: Nippon India Power & Infra direct growth, Taurus Ethical fund and Tata Ethical fund. I have set Tata ethical fund aside as a retirement fund. Can you suggest where can I invest more (sectoral mfs or gold etf etc.)to correctly diversify my portfolio.
Ans: Given your current allocation to 100% equity mutual funds without exposure to banking stocks, let's explore other avenues for diversification while respecting your investment preferences.

One option is to consider adding a component of debt instruments to your portfolio. Debt mutual funds can provide stability and income generation, complementing the growth-oriented equity funds you're already invested in. Look for funds with high-quality debt securities and a track record of consistent returns.

Another avenue to explore is allocating a portion of your portfolio to gold. Gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds can act as a hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations, diversifying your portfolio and reducing overall risk.

Additionally, you might consider increasing your exposure to international equities. Investing in global markets can provide access to a broader range of opportunities and reduce reliance on any single market or economy.

Ultimately, the key is to maintain a balanced portfolio that aligns with your risk tolerance and long-term financial goals. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can help you navigate these options and tailor a diversified investment strategy that suits your needs.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |939 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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I have a lumpsum amount of 20lakh to invest but have no idea how to invest to get a steady monthly income.
Ans: It's understandable to feel uncertain about how to make your lump sum work for you. As a Certified Financial Planner, I'm here to help navigate this journey with you. Have you considered the power of diversification?

Diversification is like spreading your bets across multiple horses in a race rather than putting all your money on just one. In the investment world, it means allocating your funds across different types of assets like stocks, bonds, and maybe even commodities or real estate investment trusts (REITs). This way, if one asset underperforms, others may compensate, reducing overall risk.

Active funds are managed by professional fund managers who actively research and select investments they believe will outperform the market. This active management can potentially lead to higher returns compared to simply tracking an index.

Regular funds, accessed through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD), provide a structured approach to investing. Your MFD can offer personalized advice and support, helping you navigate the complexities of the market and make informed decisions.

Ultimately, the goal is to create a portfolio that balances risk and reward, tailored to your unique circumstances and financial goals. Together with a Certified Financial Planner and your MFD, we can design a strategy that aims to provide you with a steady monthly income while safeguarding your financial future.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |939 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |939 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I'm an 18 year old male, recently turned on January of this year, the first thing I did was to open a bank account. I have saved around 1Lakh approx, to be specific 96-97K, from the past two and an half or so year. Currently I have no debt, I don't use credit card, currently no loan. I have a debit card which I use to purchase stuff, my spending is very frugale, except from needs. I have recently opened a demat account and invested around 26-27K in the Indian market, to get a gist of things actually work. I have divided the money into Index/ETF, mid cap and Large cap. Mostly the money is in Index. What should be my next steps to grow, and can you suggest me some demat accounts that are good to use, currently am using INDmoney. I also have plans to study abroad, especially do my bachelor's. I need an amout of around 40-45Lakhs, a safe side of 50Lakhs, if the duration of the study is 3-4years with 2 years extra of work visa what should I do to repay the loan and still have money to progress forward with my career.
Ans: Firstly, congratulations on taking proactive steps towards financial responsibility at such a young age. Your disciplined approach to saving and investing is truly commendable.

As you embark on your journey to grow your wealth and prepare for your studies abroad, it's crucial to strategize wisely. Have you considered the potential benefits of diversifying your investments through actively managed funds rather than relying solely on passive index funds? While index funds offer broad market exposure, active funds are managed by professionals who aim to outperform the market.

For your demat account, have you thought about seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner or a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) to ensure that you are making well-informed investment decisions? Digital platforms are convenient, but the personalized advice and support from a certified professional can add immense value to your investment journey.

As for planning for your education abroad, have you contemplated exploring investment avenues beyond the stock market? Given the specific timeframe and financial goal, alongside potential currency fluctuations, it's crucial to explore a mix of investment options that align with your risk tolerance and time horizon.

Wishing you the very best as you navigate these financial decisions, and may your journey be filled with learning and growth.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |939 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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Money
Sir what are the best thematic mutual funds giving high returns . Can you share a few. I just found icici infra structure fund . Similarly can you suggest any thematic funds giving high returns onky for lumpsum investment for 3to 5 years tome frame
Ans: Naveen,

It's wonderful to see your proactive approach towards exploring thematic mutual funds for potential high returns. Thematic funds can indeed be enticing with their focus on specific sectors like infrastructure, technology, or healthcare. While thematic funds have the potential for high returns, they also come with increased risk due to their concentrated exposure.

Have you considered the risks associated with investing in thematic funds? As these funds are heavily dependent on the performance of a particular sector, fluctuations in that sector could significantly impact your investment. To mitigate risk and ensure a more balanced portfolio, it might be beneficial to diversify your investments across different sectors by considering diversified active equity funds.

Certified Financial Planners often recommend a diversified approach to investing as it helps in spreading the risk and capturing opportunities across various sectors. By opting for diversified funds, you can benefit from the growth potential of multiple sectors while managing the inherent risks associated with thematic funds.

It's essential to align your investment choices with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Before making any investment decisions, I encourage you to consult with a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized guidance based on your unique circumstances.

Invest wisely, stay diversified, and may your financial journey be filled with growth and stability.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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