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Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2023

Ravi Question by Ravi on Jun 02, 2023

Hi for some reason nowdays, I am having this fetish about my wife having an affair. It does not help that she is good looking flirty with other guys and they flirt back at her. But instead of getting angry the idea of her having sex with some other guy turns me on like crazy. Is there anything wrong with me and what should I do to change this mindset.

Ans: Dear Ravi,
What happens with two consenting adults and in your case, the two of you are is strictly between them.
Now, the challenge would be if your fetish is something that your wife does not want to indulge into...
Also, if this becomes the only way that you can be intimate with you wife, then you will start to become dependent on it. That's when you become a slave to it and without it, you will feel no attraction.

This way can possibly be a good add-on spice to your intimate life. But, also bring back the spice between the two by spending more quality time with each other...Do remember, there's a good reason why you married her and you do know the reason why you used to be attracted by her. Bring that back and use this add-on more as something that you summon only at times. It's not that difficult, a bit of effort to connect more meaningfully as a couple can help here...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2022

Hi Anu, I don't want to disclose my name. I am married and have two children. I have a beautiful wife but I always tend to think about having a relationship with other women. I haven't had any relationship but I also want to be loyal to my wife. Our sex life is average. Everyday I try to avoid thinking this is useless but I can’t. Please advice.

Dear IS,

What we try and avoid, we obsess over that more.

What is the real reason for wanting a relationship outside of marriage?

It is very easy and tempting to run away from facing issues that might be plaguing your marriage and hold on to something outside. Justifications maybe many.

Have you and your wife worked out issues at an emotional level.

Sex is one element of marriage and not the only one.

Maybe she feels emotionally disconnected from you as you might feel physically disconnected from her.

Whatever it is, bringing another person into a marriage isn’t going to sort out anything.

But if you have decided that a few complications aren’t going to hurt, well that is what is leading you to obsess over wanting another woman.

Instead, can you actually think of rebuilding the marriage? Of course, the want needs to be there else it’s a pointless exercise.

It takes a lot of work and patience and calm understanding between spouses to make a marriage work. Slippages can cost a parson his/ her marriage.

So, maybe it’s time to actually list down the best qualities you see in your wife and oh, yes WHY the two of you married in the first place, This WHY can re-energize you to look at things differently and more usefully.

The fact that you want to be loyal to your wife does suggest that there is a lot of love and care still in the marriage.

Who knows, the obsessive thoughts may fade…give your marriage another chance. I am sure you know that it deserves that chance!

All the best!


Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2023

Hi Anu, I am happily marrried for 11 years with no kids. This doesnt hamper our relationship and I wish to continue my life happily. Issue is i feel urge to chat with female friends, get into sexting and in a couple of instances got physical as well. In this process i have lost a few friends also as they did get intimate during the chat but later on felt guilty. I do not feel guilty. Me and my wife indulge in roleplays during foreplay and i am also open to be a cuckold during that. Sometimes she enjoys the talk of someone else but sometimes she gets turned off by it. I truely love her and would never leave her. But this habit of mine has cost me a few friends and i am afraid if she would come to know about this, it will destroy her emotionally which i do not want.
Ans: Dear Suraj,
Well, if both of you consent to this experimentation in the bedroom, happy! But, if she is not comfortable with something, then better to talk about it rather than push it any further. It's fun as long as both the partners enjoy it.
But, what seems to bother you is losing your friends due to intimate chats. Why are you indulging in it? Is it another form of experimentation? Is it an experience that serves you in a way that you can be closer to your wife?
Human beings do things that ultimately results in some form of gain to themselves. But if this is impacting your social circle, then it's time to understand that you must STOP!
Maybe what started off as harmless, turned into something more serious in your female friends and they feel guilty.
You might feel open and quiet fine with these intimate chats, but for them it doesn't end well and they have begun to move away from you. So, seriously turn this off and if you feel that this will hurt your wife, why then?
Making sense?

All the best! Do the wise thing!
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |78 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2023
I'm 36 yr old married man and have sex with my wife 2-3 times a month. We both satisfy each other as each session last for 20-25 mins. Only problem is I feel like having sex every single day and my wife doesn't feel the same. What should I do?
Ans: It's common for couples to have different levels of sexual desire, and this difference can sometimes lead to feelings of frustration or dissatisfaction. Here are some steps you can consider to address this situation:

Open Communication: The first and most important step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your desires and feelings. Make sure you approach this discussion with empathy and without judgment.

Listen to Her Perspective: Ask your wife how she feels about the frequency of your sexual encounters. It's important to understand her perspective and any factors that may be contributing to her lower libido, such as stress, health issues, or changes in her life.

Explore the Reasons: Try to understand the reasons behind your different levels of desire. Sometimes, underlying issues like relationship problems, stress, or unresolved emotional issues can affect one's libido.

Seek Professional Help: If the difference in sexual desire is causing significant tension or dissatisfaction in your relationship, consider consulting a sex therapist or couples counselor. They can help you both explore your desires, identify any underlying issues, and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

Compromise: In many cases, couples find a compromise that works for both partners. This might involve finding ways to enhance your emotional connection outside the bedroom, exploring different ways of being intimate that don't necessarily involve intercourse, or finding activities that both of you enjoy.

Self-Care: It's important for you to take care of your own needs and desires as well. Engage in self-care activities and hobbies that can help you manage your sexual frustration in a healthy way.

Respect Boundaries: It's crucial to respect your wife's boundaries and not pressure her into more frequent sexual activity than she's comfortable with. Consent and mutual desire are essential for a healthy sexual relationship.

Stay Patient and Understanding: Remember that sexual desire can fluctuate over time and may be influenced by various factors. Continue to communicate openly with your partner and be patient as you work through this issue together.
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Sushil Sukhwani  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2023
I am doing WILP M.Sc IT first year BITS It is a course of 2.5 years in BITS. Can i join for 2nd year in abroad universities
Ans: Hello,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am happy to hear about your plans on deciding to pursue the 2nd year of your WILP M.Sc IT BITS Pilani program at a university overseas. As an answer to your query, I would like to inform you that a number of factors including overseas universities’ guidelines as well as your BITS Pilani program’s acknowledgement play a vital role in deciding whether or not you are eligible to pursue the second year of the program at a university abroad. Please take the following factors into account:

1. Consider the program’s acknowledgement and accreditation: Accreditation or getting certified guarantees a student that his/her degree is legitimate and recognized by universities across the globe. As the first step in the process, I would suggest that you make sure that the pertinent academic institutions in India as well as overseas, both recognize as well as accept the WILP M.Sc. IT program at BITS Pilani.

2. Get to know the Transfer Guidelines: Transfer students are generally accepted by certain universities. Nevertheless, they possess unique prerequisites and constraints, and thus, in my opinion, it’s best to consult your preferred universities overseas in order to understand their guidelines with respect to the credit transfer from other schools/universities.

3. Familiarize Yourself with prerequisites for Admission: For transfer students, varying prerequisites for admission may be set forth by varying universities. I suggest that you get to know and adhere to not only their education criteria but also their prerequisites for language competency.

4. Ensure a coherence between the course curriculum: You will need to make sure that there is a coherence between the course of study that was completed by you at BITS Pilani and the program of study at the international university. Remember that in order to fill in any gaps, you may be needed to appear for other extra courses.

5. Plan your Finances: Pursuing studies overseas can be a costly affair, and for this reason, you will need to ensure that you have sufficient funds to pay for your living costs, tuition fees, as well as other miscellaneous expenditures.

6. Get in touch with education counselors: To better comprehend the consequences and the steps involved in the process of transferring to a foreign university, I highly recommend that you get in touch with education counselors at BITS Pilani as they will be in a better position to offer specialized advice based on your circumstances.

7. Get to know the Application Deadlines: You should get to know the last date to apply to your preferred universities overseas. For that, I recommend that you start planning well in advance and send in your application as per schedule.

8. Follow Visa and Immigration Prerequisites: There are visa and immigration prerequisites associated with studying overseas that you will be required to look in. To be able to study in your preferred country, I suggest that you adhere to the visa requirements in order to acquire the appropriate authorization.

I would like to inform you that transferring to an overseas university to pursue the second year of your studies is indeed possible. Nevertheless, you will need to take into account all the aforementioned aspects and plan meticulously. To see if you qualify and to understand the likelihood of transfer, I recommend that you conduct an extensive study and directly get in touch with each university as each may have unique prerequisites and guidelines.

For more information, you can visit our website.

Kanchan Rai  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2023
I'm 27 year old female eldest in family, I was brought up by my grandparents and parents who always told me I need to be good at studies get a job earn well. I did whatever was asked I taught myself to be 'good girl'. But my siblings rebelled and they don't do anything listen to elders and still get away with everything, but they get treated the same way, they get same affection, all their demands are met, while I was their age I was made to earn whatever I wished for and even constantly told no. Now my whole life feels pointless, since all the principles I was taught made my life miserable and I feel like loser. I am not able to appreciate life. Nothing makes me happy, I don't feel like doing anything, whatever I do feels like a chore that I am doing for others. I just wish I die so that I don't have to keep living like this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but it's important to remember that you're not alone in experiencing these feelings. Many people go through similar struggles, and it can be helpful to talk about your emotions and seek support. Here are some steps you can consider:

Talk to a Therapist or Counselor: Speaking to a mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial. They can help you explore your feelings, provide guidance on coping strategies, and assist you in finding a sense of purpose and happiness.
Express Your Feelings: Don't keep your feelings bottled up. Share your concerns and frustrations with trusted friends or family members who may be understanding and supportive.
Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your own desires and what truly makes you happy. It's essential to prioritize your own needs and goals, rather than solely conforming to the expectations of others.
Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that everyone's path in life is different. Comparing yourself to your siblings or anyone else can lead to unnecessary stress and unhappiness. Focus on your own journey.
Seek New Experiences: Sometimes trying new things and stepping outside your comfort zone can help you discover what brings you joy and fulfillment. This could involve pursuing new hobbies, interests, or career opportunities.
Practice Self-Care: Make self-care a priority. Engage in activities that bring you peace and relaxation, such as meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature.
Find Your Passion: Discover what truly excites you and gives you a sense of purpose. It might involve exploring different career paths or pursuing further education in a field you're passionate about.
Set Small Goals: Break down your long-term goals into smaller, manageable steps. Achieving these smaller milestones can give you a sense of accomplishment and motivation.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Challenge and reframe negative thoughts. Cognitive-behavioral techniques can help you change your perspective on life and your own worth.
Seek Support Groups: Consider joining support groups or communities where you can connect with others who may be going through similar experiences. Sharing your journey with others can be empowering.
Remember that it's okay to seek help and take the time you need to find your path to happiness. Your life is not defined solely by the expectations placed on you in the past, and you have the power to shape your own future.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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