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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 24, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

HI I AM 44 YEARS OLD MALE MARRIED MY PROBLEM IS THAT WHEN I GO WITH MY WIFE I CANT MAKE THE PHYSICAL RELATION BUT WHEN I SEE A GIRL OR LADY I GO EXCITED TO MAKE PHYSICAL RELATION WITH HER SO I WANT TO KNOW WHY THIS HAPPENS WITH ME

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sex is not just a physical act. Learn to first connect as partners first; love, care trust...these help in intimacy.
If you are able to get all excited over other women what you are looking at is LUST and not LOVE...In your marriage, focus more on Love and intimacy will follow. Spend time together even at 44, this is a must!
Rekindling the spark in your marriage and you will have a partner who is not just welcoming but will also share your interest in sex and more...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2022

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Hi Anu, I don't want to disclose my name. I am married and have two children. I have a beautiful wife but I always tend to think about having a relationship with other women. I haven't had any relationship but I also want to be loyal to my wife. Our sex life is average. Everyday I try to avoid thinking this is useless but I can’t. Please advice.
Ans:

Dear IS,

What we try and avoid, we obsess over that more.

What is the real reason for wanting a relationship outside of marriage?

It is very easy and tempting to run away from facing issues that might be plaguing your marriage and hold on to something outside. Justifications maybe many.

Have you and your wife worked out issues at an emotional level.

Sex is one element of marriage and not the only one.

Maybe she feels emotionally disconnected from you as you might feel physically disconnected from her.

Whatever it is, bringing another person into a marriage isn’t going to sort out anything.

But if you have decided that a few complications aren’t going to hurt, well that is what is leading you to obsess over wanting another woman.

Instead, can you actually think of rebuilding the marriage? Of course, the want needs to be there else it’s a pointless exercise.

It takes a lot of work and patience and calm understanding between spouses to make a marriage work. Slippages can cost a parson his/ her marriage.

So, maybe it’s time to actually list down the best qualities you see in your wife and oh, yes WHY the two of you married in the first place, This WHY can re-energize you to look at things differently and more usefully.

The fact that you want to be loyal to your wife does suggest that there is a lot of love and care still in the marriage.

Who knows, the obsessive thoughts may fade…give your marriage another chance. I am sure you know that it deserves that chance!

All the best!

(more)
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

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I am 41 years old and married. My sexual desires are high and generally I need variety in terms of partners. Till now I had a relationship with almost 5 partners outside marriage. When it comes to my wife our sex life is ok. I love her very much. However, sometimes I do not get excitememt while having relation with wife. How I can work on this?
Ans: It sounds like you are experiencing a conflict between your desire for sexual variety and your love for your wife. It's important to recognize that infidelity can be damaging to a marriage, both emotionally and physically. It's essential to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings and desires, and work together to find ways to enhance your sexual relationship.

One way to work on this is to explore different sexual experiences with your wife. You can try new things together, such as different positions or incorporating toys, fantasies, or role-playing. You can also make an effort to create a more romantic and intimate atmosphere in your relationship, which can help increase excitement and pleasure during sex.

It's also important to address any underlying issues that may be affecting your desire for your wife. Stress, anxiety, depression, and health problems can all impact sexual desire. Talking to a therapist or a medical professional can help you identify and address any underlying issues.

Ultimately, it's important to remember that sexual desire fluctuates over time, and it's normal to experience highs and lows. With open communication and a willingness to try new things, you can work together to create a fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship with your wife.
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