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Heartbroken Man Seeks Advice: Should I Move On After Girlfriend's Father's Death?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |599 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 20, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

We met through matrimony, she was quite fun to talk to and we use to talk 2-3 hrs a day, but her dad died recently (its been 2 months now) , she is not returning my msg or calls , we live afar but i have regularly msg/call her first 2 weeks of the mishap, but now its been 2 months and still she is not returning msgs, i have also given her time and didnt msg call her past 2-3 weeks (thinking she might need some time). yesterday i left her a msg that i want to talk to you, she didnt reply(but saw) , should i move on ???

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand it is difficult to be in your position but if you think about it, she is in a worse place right now. Losing one's parents tops almost everything else. I'm glad you decided to give her space, but she might need more time and you might not be in her mind at all right now. And that's alright. She gets to feel all the feelings and can keep you aside for as long as she needs. Talking to you is not her priority right now.

Now, whether you should move on or wait for her is up to you. There is really no wrong choice here. If you do move on, don't think you are being selfish. And if you wait around, do not expect her to bounce back to normal any time soon. Give her time to grieve and process this massive loss, while you consider what's best for you. Just remember, there is no wrong choice here.

Best Wishes.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |213 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 13, 2022

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Hi Love Guru, I am in a bit of a pickle and would highly appreciate your advice. My love story in short: Me and my girl are in relation from our college days and are of different caste and girl’s family are in no way interested to entertain our love. They got her married to a person of their choice and moved to US. She has been married for four years as of today. Right after marriage she moved to the US. She used to message me and wanted to be in constant touch to know how I was doing and all. I kept mum and ignored her for a good part of a year. Later I budged in and responded to her messages and started talking not regularly but once or twice a month. Then she came to India, we both met and at no point of time in our relation and till this date we were physically involved with each other. So recently her husband got hold of her WhatsApp chats in which  she expressed she didn't want to go back to US and how she loved me, she missed me and all, and all the chats that showed that we met each other. Now they are going back to US and the husband doesn't want to involve parents so right now divorce is not what they are seeing but might consider after few months depending on how things go. I am stuck here and not sure about her whereabouts and her situation. The feeling that this has happened because of me is killing me. If things go bad she might end up losing all her family and no one to care for her. Looking forward for your advice. Thanks a ton!!
Ans:

You’re having an affair with a married woman, but that’s on both of you, not just you. She should have stood up to her family instead of getting married against her will.

It’s a good thing there are no children in the picture yet, or the situation would get even messier.

Forget what her husband decides, why won’t she just decide what she wants to do with her life and leave him? What’s the point of her going back to the States?

She should start thinking for herself and do the needful before the situation goes from bad to worse.

If her family has any sense, they will accept her decision and stand by her. And if they don’t, well, she’s got you, hasn’t she? 

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |599 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I’m 36M, I met a girl in my office, who works in the same department. It was love at first site for me, but I was scared to tell her that. As time passed, I used to strike some casual conversations with her or her team to connect with her and there were some clear signs that she liked me, for example, she would call me or text me why I’m not talking to her if I didn’t message her for some time (a week) or she would ask me if I was coming to office as we were working Hybrid if not she would also not come to office. But she always refused to come out with me for a movie or date/meet saying she had a very strict family and cannot come out other than office. I used to think that this was a real thing. But all this went on until her birthday arrived. I got some gift to give her on her birthday only to know that she suddenly stopped talking to me, no replies to my messages, calls or anything. At first, I was bit concerned if there was any problem or if she was in any trouble. But little did I know it was not the case at this time. After few (many) attempts trying to reach her. I though maybe she could be busy or something and I understood may be if I did not disturb her, she might call back. Time went on I again met her after 4 or 5 months in Office with no contact. By this time, I had already realised there was something wrong and she had already lost interest in me. But still I felt like I wanted to have a closure on this and I went on and gave the gift and proposed her, that is when she told me that she was in a relationship with some other person for 4 years. This blew my mind to pieces, as I was thinking why would someone shows any sort of interest on someone when they are already in relationship with some other person. I tried to move away from her after this incident, but fate we still are working in the same department and that I have to see her more often than not. I still have strong feelings for her, but I cannot show this to her and worst act normal. Whenever I see her, I want to talk to her and If I talk to her, I fall for her again and again. But she is happy and casual about all this as if there was not casualty in whole of this thing. Even now she asks me if I’m coming to office so that she could meet me. So, through all this, I have some questions 1. Why does a women show any sort of Interest on someone else when she is already in a relationship, so she can use me as a options and throw away when done 2. How do I move on, as I did not love her for some superficial features, rather I really liked her character, and that is the worst as I feel like I’ll never be able to find anyone like her in my life. Feeling down for a long time now. I’m already 36, feels like all the doors have closed for me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurt and upset, and rightfully so. You thought she liked you but turns out, she is with someone else. It's a good enough ground to be upset. But I want you to understand one thing- you thought; she never gave you verbal confirmation. You assumed it all. So to answer your first question- all of her interest in you might have been friendly. It is difficult for me to say it with confidence because I have not seen any of this while it happened; I am only hearing your version of it. But my guess is that she thought of you as a friend or maybe, for a while there, she might have had feelings for you, but then realized that she was committed and pulled herself back. Again, all of these are my assumptions. We do not know the truth. Only she does. The next time, whenever you think someone likes you, get verbal confirmation before you act on it.

I understand that whether she showed friendly interest and you mistook it for romantic interest or she actually showed romantic interest and ghosted you, your pain remains the same because everything was real and romantic from your end. I suggest that you focus on yourself. It's unfortunate that you have to see her every day, but so be it. Take it one day at a time. Stick with your friends in your office. Find some hobby that makes you happy and when you are ready to move on, be open to finding love. I understand that this experience was bad, but it won't be the same way every time.

Best wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |599 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2025
Relationship
Ravi Sir, I've been dating this girl for over 3 years now. I have done everything for her, supported her when she changed her job, dealt with her family drama, and emotional breakdowns. Our parents and friends know about us too. She is now in a better job and mental space. I am 34, she is 31. Last week, I took her on a date. She was looking beautiful and I thought we should discuss our future. She simply ignored. When I asked again she said 'I'm not ready for anything serious now.' I was so hurt and betrayed. I felt like she used me during her bad time. She just continued to eat and drink through the rest of the conversation while I was trying to control my emotions. She didn't even text me after I dropped her home. Was I just a temporary comfort? It's been five days. She is online but hasn't texted me. I want some clarity, because I loved her whole heartedly.
Ans: Dear anonymous,
I understand how hurtful it must have been. I am sorry you were made to feel this way. No one deserves it, and least of all, you, who has been there for her at all times. I can’t tell if you were only temporary comfort for her, but I can tell that her behavior was not normal for someone in love. I would suggest waiting a little longer and if she still does not contact you, text her and let her know that you want to have a clear discussion with her about your future. If she still ignores the topic, you can directly ask her about her intentions. A direct approach is what’s needed right now. Let her know that you will not be dragged without purpose. See where things go from there. No one should be kept on the hook like this. You deserve better treatment.
Hope this helps

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