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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 13, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on May 13, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Love Guru,
I am in a bit of a pickle and would highly appreciate your advice.
My love story in short:
Me and my girl are in relation from our college days and are of different caste and girl’s family are in no way interested to entertain our love.
They got her married to a person of their choice and moved to US. She has been married for four years as of today.
Right after marriage she moved to the US. She used to message me and wanted to be in constant touch to know how I was doing and all. I kept mum and ignored her for a good part of a year.
Later I budged in and responded to her messages and started talking not regularly but once or twice a month.
Then she came to India, we both met and at no point of time in our relation and till this date we were physically involved with each other.
So recently her husband got hold of her WhatsApp chats in which  she expressed she didn't want to go back to US and how she loved me, she missed me and all, and all the chats that showed that we met each other.
Now they are going back to US and the husband doesn't want to involve parents so right now divorce is not what they are seeing but might consider after few months depending on how things go.
I am stuck here and not sure about her whereabouts and her situation. The feeling that this has happened because of me is killing me. If things go bad she might end up losing all her family and no one to care for her.
Looking forward for your advice.
Thanks a ton!!

Ans:

You’re having an affair with a married woman, but that’s on both of you, not just you. She should have stood up to her family instead of getting married against her will.

It’s a good thing there are no children in the picture yet, or the situation would get even messier.

Forget what her husband decides, why won’t she just decide what she wants to do with her life and leave him? What’s the point of her going back to the States?

She should start thinking for herself and do the needful before the situation goes from bad to worse.

If her family has any sense, they will accept her decision and stand by her. And if they don’t, well, she’s got you, hasn’t she? 

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

Relationship
Hi Love Guru. Please keep my identity as anonymous as possible.  I have few issues going on in my mind and want your suggestions. First, to get out of block and unblock chain. I met a girl who is my brother’s friend in 2017. We started chatting on FB, then exchanged numbers. We had a rapport till six months. There was a unique attachment between us during that period. Not chatting with her for even one day would make me uneasy. In October 2017, her engagement was fixed. I was normal, knowing that there cannot be much between us except being in contact. One day, at the end of our talk, she said, Love you. I laughed, saying “What nonsense that you always call me with different weird names. Now, after your engagement is fixed, you are telling me this.” Then, she blocked me on WhatsApp and I really felt like I was in a cage. Then, after a few days, she unblocked me. She got engaged but, after a few months, her engagement broke. We then again got in good contact. After few months her marriage got fixed. Now she is married. After her marriage, our contact was very, very less as priorities changed. I proceeded with my studies and job and she carried on with her personal and professional life. Two months back, she called me and said I am bored and feeling irritated with life so I called you to freshen my mind. I was also happy talking to her. I am that kind of introvert person who opens up with few and she was among them. For one or two weeks, we used to talk 30 to 45 minutes daily. Suddenly, she blocked me on WhatsApp. I called her and she behaved like a stranger to me -- like who’s this, I don’t know you, who you are and she ended the call and blocked me. Till date, she has blocked me. I think there are many things she is hiding from me -- from why her first engagement broke to marring another guy who is not of her caste when she is from a conservative family  Post her engagement, there were many times she blocked and unblocked me. She is running in my mind. I want to get rid of her. Please suggest how and what shall I talk to her so I get an end to this. Thank you for bearing to read all this. My second issue is I think I am addicted to pornography. Two to three years back, I used to watch a lot of porn and would prefer MILF porn, ie senior pornstars videos. I think, due to this, I don’t get much attracted to girls of my age. I respect them but I think, because of my addiction, I see females elder to me attractive rather than females of my age. Please help. Suggest how I shall get out of this as this also affects me academically, personally and professionally. Thank you, Anon
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

I don’t think you really have any serious problems in your life at all; it’s your perceptions that are all wrong.

Let me straighten this out for you, one issue at a time.

First off, you have one weird, unpredictable friend who once told you she loved you and then went and married someone else.

Not once have you stated that you are in love with her or have feelings for her. In fact, when she said she loved you, you brushed it off.

She contacts you when she’s bored and cuts you off when she’s not.

And now, it’s come to the point where you really need to be the one blocking her and not the other way around...

You want to get rid of her? Block her once and for all. And if she still manages to get in touch, tell her politely that you have had enough of this one-sided friendship and not to contact you again.

Second, about what you think is a porn ‘addiction’... An addiction is something that interferes with your normal life, career and relationships. It’s an obsession that consumes you every waking hour.

And, from what you’ve said, I don’t think you’re watching such volumes of pornography every day, are you?

Furthermore, unless you’re into grannies, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to women older than you... everyone has a type!

If after everything I’ve said you still fancy you have problems, I’d suggest visiting a therapist. But before spending that kind of money, think long and hard about what I’ve said and decide for yourself whether you think you need it.

 

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Mam. I like a girl precisely 23 years back through one of my relative. We met quite often.she was from different city. She confessed that she loves me and we were going good. The meetings used to happen only with the knowledge of my relative. One day I called her and requested for a meeting without the knowledge of my relative . There she confessed that she loves somebody else. It was shocking . I supported her and she went back to her boyfriend. I dont know what happened between them afterwards.As the time passed we married to different spouses. In 2016 she mailed me.( requesting for my number and for a meeting). We met and there she confessed that she does not love her husband. I asked about her boyfriend . She said that they are facebook friends. After that we talked quite often. We met also many times. Three years back I realised that she is still in touch with her boyfriend and they both are liking each other post and profile pics and used to talk long on whatsapp calls. When I confronted her she said that she still have feelings for each other.Lately she has started defending him and used to put status on whatsapp only where they both have good times. I can see that. I dont know how their spouses are reacting when they like each other post and pics. Myself and my wife had an arranged marriage . We are poles apart on many things. Somehow we both are managing our lives. She knew my past. What is bothering me Mam that she has only treated me as time pass. I gave her so much of my time. I Respect her. She has always used the word parallel ( for me and her boyfriend). Though she has hided me from her husband , but once I met him because she wanted that.Her boyfriend is in all her groups and social media apps like fb, insta. Kindly suggest me what should I do. Its an old feeling. Though we have moved on.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you have realized that she is using you as a 'Time Pass', why exactly are you still mulling over the whole issue?
Do you still want to be her 'only available person' when she chooses to connect with you?
Going weak with feelings now from 23 years back doesn't really make sense, does it?

She hasn't quite figured out who she is with or who she wants to be with. (That's what I can gather from what you have shared in your email). So, why are you putting yourself in the equation as one the one men around her?
Take yourself out of it and focus on your life and its happenings. You and your wife maybe poles apart, but that need not be a reason to be someone's 'Time Pass.'

If you say that you have moved on, then truly move on. No point wasting your time on the past and someone from the past who has little respect for you, your feelings or your time.

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |5024 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 24, 2025

Career
My son get crl rank 32179 and ews rank 4424. Which college is better to take admission for CEC
Ans: Here is, How to Predict Your Son's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Have some other options also as back-ups instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your son's admission and a bright future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |5024 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2025
Career
Hello sir Can I get computer science in NIT/IIIT in general category with 98.02 percentile in jee mains 2025
Ans: Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Have some other options also as back-ups instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admission and a bright future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

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