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Should I tell the guy I met on Hinge that I like him, even though he's been flakey?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |678 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I met a guy on hinge almost a year ago, we had a really nice time and since then we have been chatting on and off. He has been a red flag like so many times he has replied after weeks etc. But I really like him should I tell him?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think this person has been showing warning signs, then the best course of action would be to take things slow to speculate that it's just a misunderstanding or you are reading him right and he is a red flag. If he is one, do you think you deserve to be with someone who would disappear on you time and again? It might be adding to the thrill right now, but in a long-term relationship, consistency is everything. Pick the right time and address your concern- if his reasons don't satisfy you, reconsider the relationship. There are plenty of people out there who would not make you wait for weeks for a single reply; you can consider finding someone a little more sorted on that front.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, How are you? Hope you are doing well. So my situation is: I'm 23 years old. Due to my extremely toxic past experiences in relationships, I chose to be single to bring a balance in my life. I have been single for almost a year now. But last month I was on a sabbatical. I had travelling plans but I had to cancel everything due to the rise in the covid19 pandemic. I joined a dating app (I swore that I would never use a dating app. But then this year I wanted to do something that I would never consider doing. So I decided to join a dating app just to see what goes in there). I wasn't looking for any relationship or anything like that. I was mostly fine with my single life (except the physical intimacy part of course). Then I got matches with guys. But I had no interest in any of them. I chatted with a couple of them but got bored within minutes. I matched with a guy and started talking to him. He seemed nice from the start. I could connect with him very easily. We were on an equal intellectual level. But that was just day 1. From day2, he was not really into the conversation. He was only answering my questions, not really asking anything. But while talking, he clearly told me that he wasn't into relationships or dating currently as he broke up 1 year ago and needed time to clear his mind space. I didn't really care about all this stuff since I wasn't looking for anything at all. But his prosaic interview type answers were very irritating and I had to get back to my work too. So I deleted my profile without apprising him anything and by that time we already connected on IG. But after that conversation, he was kind of all over my mind. It was really difficult for me to focus on my work for the next 2-3 days. So I thought if I text with him for 2-3 days, I would be fine probably. But when I texted him on IG, he wasn't surprised that I’d deleted my profile on that dating app without even telling him anything. Moreover, he was texting in a very formal manner. After a while, he stopped replying. I didn't text after that. I was done with him.Since that day, my mind has been craving for his attention. I know that he isn't the guy I should spend my time with no matter how good I found him initially. But my focus and concentration is really getting affected by his thoughts. On VDay I thought maybe he was going to ask me out(because last month he made it conspicuous that he was going to meet me on V -day). But he is a ghost now. Please tell me how do I erase his thoughts from my mind totally so that I can focus on my work as I have piles of work to get done.
Ans:

Dear SD,

Ghosting of a high order.

Why exactly were you anticipating him to give you all the attention?

Why were you craving for validation from someone who you haven’t chatted or met with?

Why did you base so many emotions on a ‘connection’ that wasn’t one in the first place?

Dating apps are an ocean of people who have different needs to be met and distractions are heavy.

Every moment, the mind is seeking an association with a new person in the hope that he or she will be better than the previous one.

How did you expect him to feel the same way as you did at that very moment? Maybe it’s time to introspect what you learned during your sabbatical.

Did you pour enough self-love so that you wouldn’t wait for someone else to love you? If No, then time to step back and validate yourself for ONCE.

You must learn to look at yourself with a fresh pair of eyes, laud yourself and love yourself even more.

Fill yourself with so much care are love that the next time, you are on an APP, it’s for a very good reason and with a lot of confidence that you can hold your space and not get swayed by who is messaging or who isn’t!

Life offers you with so many opportunities to change from within; start right away and as far as this “Ghost Guy”, even if he is back, he will scout around for more greener pastures as far as an unsteady mind goes.

So you possibly might just be one of them. Investing so much time in all of this is straining.

Join groups that meet often and on a common theme and maybe you might find someone interesting and someone who has similar values and ideals as you.

Good luck to a new way of thinking and acting!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Shalini, I am in an awkward position. I am 34, single. I have been chatting under a false identity with a guy who is cute and charming. In the last 2 years, we got really close where he told me a lot of things about his personal life, how he was coping with an ugly divorce and politics at work. Without realising we helped each other get better in our lives. In fact, he has been my greatest cheerleader, pushing me to do better at work, even get a promotion. While he has been honest about his intentions, I have never shared my real name. I got the shock of my life, when he sent me his recent picture. This guy turned out to be my current boss. It can't be a coincidence right? I feel so wrong to have led him on. Now I can't even send him a picture or should I just send it? He is in his early 50s and I am pretty junior to him at work. Will he think I manipulated him? Ever since I have known that I am dating my boss, I have been avoiding him. I have also noticed that he is distant and stressed at work. I feel guilty. What should I do? It's been two weeks and I have kind of ghosted him, he is worried sick and wants to know if I am alright. He texts me almost every day and night. He thinks I don't like him because of how he looks, but I don't have the courage to tell him that I was talking to him pretending to be someone else, while we worked in the same office. How do I explain this without hurting both of us?
Ans: The longer you avoid the situation, the more painful it will become for both of you. Ghosting him may feel like self-protection, but to him, it’s abandonment—especially after the emotional bond you both developed. And more than anything, that silence feeds his worst fear: that he is unlovable.

So, what can you do? You begin with honesty, not by confessing everything at once, but by taking responsibility gently. You can say something like:
"There’s something very difficult I need to share, because I value the connection we’ve had and the kindness you’ve shown me. When we first started talking, I didn’t expect it to mean so much. I used a different name and didn’t realise who you really were until recently. That discovery shocked me, and I’ve been scared—of your reaction, of mine, of the consequences. But I also feel immense guilt, because the connection was real for me. You’ve been someone I admire deeply, and I didn’t want to disrespect or mislead you."

This is not about asking him to forgive you or continue anything. This is about closing the gap between who you were and who you are now—with courage, clarity, and care.

He may feel betrayed. He may take time to process it. He may even need space. But you will have done the right thing by coming clean. And regardless of what happens next—whether the connection continues or not—you will walk away knowing that you chose truth over fear.

Also, give yourself grace. You’re human. We all make decisions that seem easier in the moment but become difficult to carry later. What matters now is how you handle the truth—not just for him, but for your own growth and peace.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |678 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 06, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi im 27 year old girl. My parents are looking for an alliance and liked a profile through matrimony. The guy also liked mine and asked for my no. He did chat well on the first day but then it felt like i was aksing majority of the questions and he was just responding to that. It has been a week. He just starts everyday with good morning or good noon. He doesn't ask anything else about me. Thing is im an intorvert but im trying hard to continue the conversation and understand him. Since his family is busy with some function they said they will fix first meetup in mid of the month with both families. He also asked for my insta. He doesnt seem to have much followers the no. Is in single digit. When asked he said he just opened recently and he doesnt use insta much. And he is also following these couple pages filled with wierd makeout videos. Im losing interest in him and also doubt his character. I dont know what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It’s okay to have doubts. Your feelings are valid. Low effort from his side can be a concern. You can communicate the same worry with him and express that you wish him to be a little more involved in the conversation. Next, the instagram follower count is not a red flag in itself, but if the pages he follows bother you, have an open conversation about the same. It’s an arranged marriage setup and you do not have the luxury to “see where it goes.” Even if it’s awkward, it’s best to talk it out rather than regret later.
If nothing improves even after you express your concerns, you can rethink this relationship. An alliance is not a commitment. You both are measuring each other right now and if you think he isn’t the right fit, you do not have to pursue the connection forcefully.

Hope this helps

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My parents often judge my friends based on their background, habits, or social media presence. We chat, make reels, bunk classes or talk late nights because we like spending time, gossipping, discussing college. They think my friends are a bad influence, even though they don’t really know them. They don't even make the effort. This makes me feel misunderstood and embarrassed. How do I handle this situation without choosing between my friends and my family?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Most often parents disregard or are unhappy with the company that their children keep when:
- you stay out of home late and eat out mostly
- you ignore responsibilities at home which includes cleaning your room
- your behavior has begun to change negatively towards studies, relatives, family
- your priorities has begun to change due to late night chatting and constantly being on social media

Now, I wonder if there's any other reason; you know that better. By blocking family and well-wishers, all you will do is push people who care for you. If that happens, you won't even know when you will hit the rock bottom.
So, keep a check on your studies and home, maintain a balance and there's no reason why your parents will get at you. Try bringing your friends home, so that they can assess for themselves if what they have been imagining about them is fair or not.
Focus on what's important at your age; friends and social media are just pieces of your life and not your entire world.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 22, 2025

Relationship
My son is a B. Tech (computer Science) second year student in a well reputed Private University in Greater Noida. He is working very hard in studies but not able to get good grade or passing marks. He is introvert type and has not many friends. He has been introduced to many teachers and senior students for hand holding purposes and guiding him but he not coming up to meet them and sort out his problems. He is a hosteler. To whom should we take him (Professional Counsellor/ Psychologist/ Psychiatrist) to assess and know the exact reasons or issues he is facing to address his problems. How can we help him to come out of present situation.
Ans: Dear Maheshwar,
It's wise to ask your family doctor/close friend/someone with experience in counseling/therapy to recommend someone they know in Greater Noida area; that way it will become easy for your son to access that professional due to proximity. Alternatively, these days a lot of counseling and therapy sessions are done online. Whatever you choose, let it be on the recommendation from any of the above mentioned individuals.
When you choose a professional, please bear in mind if they have:
- expertise in handling youngsters in this digital world
- experience in dealing with the case with patience rather that jumping to prescribe medications

Ask your questions and only when you are satisfied that he/she is the right person to work with your son, engage with them professionally.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10908 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 20, 2025

Money
Hello Sir I am investing in 5 different 7200 per month total 36000 fund as below Axis large and midcap
Ans: You have shown strong financial discipline.
Regular monthly investing reflects serious intent.
Staying invested needs patience and belief.
Your effort over time deserves appreciation.

» Current Investment Structure Overview

– You invest Rs. 36,000 every month.
– Amount is split across five equity-oriented strategies.
– This shows diversification intent.
– Diversification reduces single-style risk.

– Monthly investing suits salaried income patterns.
– SIPs align well with long-term goals.
– Equity exposure suits wealth creation goals.

– Five funds is manageable but needs review.
– More funds do not mean better safety.
– Proper role clarity matters more.

» Portfolio Intent and Goal Alignment

– Your goal appears long-term wealth creation.
– Equity suits goals beyond seven years.
– Time horizon supports market volatility absorption.

– Long-term goals need consistent behaviour.
– Discipline matters more than fund selection.
– Staying invested creates compounding benefits.

– Your approach matches long-term thinking.
– This mindset improves outcome probability.

» Asset Allocation Perspective

– Your portfolio is equity-heavy.
– Equity brings higher volatility short term.
– Equity rewards patience over time.

– Ensure debt investments exist separately.
– Debt brings stability and peace.
– Debt supports emergencies and near-term needs.

– Keeping debt separate is sensible.
– It improves mental clarity.

» Diversification Quality Assessment

– Diversification across market segments exists.
– Exposure covers large and mid-sized companies.
– This balances stability and growth potential.

– Too much overlap can reduce benefits.
– Similar stocks may repeat across strategies.
– This reduces true diversification.

– Over-diversification also reduces conviction.
– Fewer focused strategies work better.

» Need for Portfolio Simplification

– Five equity strategies may be reviewed.
– Simplification improves tracking and control.
– Monitoring becomes easier with fewer holdings.

– Each fund must have a clear role.
– Avoid duplication of investment styles.

– Consolidation improves portfolio efficiency.
– It also reduces emotional confusion.

» Actively Managed Strategy Advantage

– Actively managed funds use research-based decisions.
– Managers adjust allocations with market changes.
– They respond to valuations and risks.

– Indian markets reward active stock selection.
– Corporate quality varies widely here.
– Active monitoring adds value.

– Fund managers avoid weak businesses earlier.
– This protects downside during market stress.

– Active management suits long-term Indian investors.

» Why Passive Strategies Have Limitations

– Passive strategies track markets blindly.
– They stay fully invested always.
– They cannot reduce risk during excess valuations.

– Overvalued stocks remain included.
– Weak companies stay until index changes.

– There is no human judgement.
– No valuation discipline exists.

– During corrections, losses are full.
– There is no downside protection.

– Actively managed funds handle volatility better.
– They aim to protect capital also.

» SIP Amount Adequacy Review

– Rs. 36,000 monthly is meaningful.
– Consistency matters more than starting amount.

– Income growth should drive future increases.
– Step-ups improve long-term results.

– Avoid stretching finances for higher SIPs.
– Comfort matters for sustainability.

» Step-Up Strategy Insight

– Step-ups should match income growth.
– Aggressive step-ups increase stress risk.

– Stable step-ups are more practical.
– Even moderate increases work well.

– Review step-ups annually.
– Adjust based on cash flows.

– Flexibility is more important than targets.

» Behavioural Discipline Evaluation

– You stayed invested consistently.
– This shows emotional maturity.

– Many investors stop during volatility.
– You continued despite market noise.

– This behaviour creates long-term wealth.

– Avoid frequent portfolio checking.
– Market movements can trigger fear.

» Market Volatility Preparedness

– Equity markets move in cycles.
– Sharp corrections are normal.

– Expect at least one major fall.
– Emotional readiness matters most then.

– SIPs help manage volatility impact.
– They average costs automatically.

– Stay focused on long-term goals.

» Rebalancing Strategy Importance

– Rebalancing protects accumulated gains.
– It manages risk over time.

– Equity exposure should reduce gradually.
– Especially near goal timelines.

– Rebalancing must be rule-based.
– Avoid emotional decisions.

» Tax Awareness for Equity Investments

– Equity taxation rules have changed.
– Long-term gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh face tax.

– Short-term gains attract higher tax.
– Frequent churn increases tax burden.

– Long-term holding improves tax efficiency.

– Planned withdrawals reduce tax impact.

» Cash Flow and Emergency Planning

– Emergency fund is essential.
– Six months expenses is ideal.

– Emergency money should be liquid.
– Avoid equity for emergencies.

– This protects investments during crises.

» Insurance and Protection Planning

– Health insurance coverage must be adequate.
– Medical inflation rises fast.

– Term insurance should cover dependents.
– Coverage must match responsibilities.

– Protection supports long-term investing success.

» Lifestyle Inflation Management

– Income growth increases lifestyle temptation.
– Expenses should grow slower.

– Savings rate decides wealth creation speed.
– Control lifestyle upgrades consciously.

» Review Frequency Guidance

– Annual review is enough.
– Avoid monthly changes.

– Review after major life events.
– Income changes need updates.

– Market news alone needs no action.

» Monitoring Progress Towards Goals

– Track progress once a year.
– Use realistic expectations.

– Markets will not move linearly.
– Shortfalls are normal sometimes.

– Focus on consistency and discipline.

» Role of Professional Guidance

– Regular plans offer ongoing support.
– Guidance helps during volatile periods.

– A Certified Financial Planner adds value.
– Behaviour coaching matters most.

– Long-term success depends on decisions.

» Estate and Nomination Planning

– Ensure all nominations are updated.
– This avoids family stress later.

– Writing a simple will helps.
– It provides clarity and peace.

» Finally

– Your investing habit is strong.
– Your consistency builds financial strength.

– Portfolio structure is broadly suitable.
– Simplification can improve efficiency.

– Active management supports Indian markets well.
– Behaviour discipline will decide outcomes.

– Stay patient and review yearly.
– Wealth creation is a journey.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10908 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello sir I am investing 7200 per month in 5 different fund with expected step up of 20% in coming may 2026 detail below and xirr 14.24% Axis large mid cap 224070/ HDFC bse sensex 214998 Mirae asset midcap fund 231265/ Parag Parikh flexi 225912/ Quant large and midcap fund 210315 This is going since last 3 years started with 25k total accumulation 1133560/ This is for my long term goal like 8 cr in 10 year and used that fund accordingly Is this portfolio looking good ? Are any changes needed is step up good for target please help suggest and modification actually I got these funds 3 year back from my CA friend and since then they are as is with no changes please give your input and changes needed I am also investing govt employe regular scheme as well as debt fund but will be keeping them seperate from this portfolio please help reviewing
Ans: You are doing many things correctly.
Your discipline and patience deserve appreciation.
Three years of steady investing shows strong intent.
Your clarity on long-term goals is a big strength.

» Overall Portfolio Structure Assessment

– Your portfolio is fully equity-oriented.
– Equity is suitable for long-term wealth goals.
– A ten-year horizon supports equity exposure.
– Your diversification across styles is sensible.
– Exposure spans large, mid, and flexible strategies.

– This reduces dependency on one market segment.
– Your portfolio avoided extreme sector concentration.
– Volatility risk is still present and expected.
– Emotional discipline will be very important ahead.

– Your current value growth shows market participation.
– XIRR above inflation is encouraging.
– Returns may fluctuate sharply during market cycles.

» SIP Discipline and Behaviour Review

– Monthly investing builds strong financial habits.
– SIPs reduce timing risk over market cycles.
– Consistency matters more than fund switching.
– Your three-year continuity is a positive sign.

– Markets rewarded patience during volatile phases.
– You stayed invested during uncertain periods.
– That behaviour improves long-term outcomes.

– SIPs also support emotional stability.
– They prevent impulsive lump-sum decisions.

» Step-Up Strategy Evaluation

– A 20 percent annual step-up is aggressive.
– Aggressive step-ups suit rising income profiles.
– Sustainability matters more than intention.

– Review income growth before committing yearly.
– Ensure lifestyle expenses remain comfortable.
– Avoid stress-driven investment decisions.

– If income growth is uneven, reduce step-up.
– Even 10 to 15 percent works well.

– Flexibility is better than forced commitments.
– Step-ups should feel easy, not painful.

» Goal Feasibility Review for Rs. 8 Crore

– A large goal needs multiple support pillars.
– SIP alone may not be enough.
– Step-ups improve probability, not certainty.

– Market returns are not linear.
– Ten-year periods can include flat phases.
– Expect at least one deep correction.

– Equity helps beat inflation over time.
– But equity never guarantees fixed outcomes.

– You must prepare for shortfall scenarios.
– Backup plans are part of smart planning.

» Portfolio Concentration and Overlap

– Multiple funds can still overlap.
– Similar stocks appear across strategies.
– Overlap reduces true diversification benefits.

– Too many funds dilute conviction.
– Fewer, well-managed strategies work better.

– Portfolio simplicity improves tracking and discipline.
– Monitoring becomes easier with fewer holdings.

– Consider consolidating into fewer categories.
– Keep allocation intentional, not accidental.

» Fund Management Style Balance

– You hold growth-oriented strategies.
– Mid-segment exposure increases volatility.
– Flexibility helps adjust across cycles.

– Actively managed strategies add value here.
– Skilled managers adjust allocations dynamically.
– They respond to valuations and risks.

– This is helpful in volatile markets.
– Active decisions reduce downside impact sometimes.

» About Index-Oriented Investing Reference

– One holding tracks a broad market index.
– Index strategies follow markets blindly.
– They cannot avoid overvalued stocks.

– Index portfolios stay fully invested always.
– They suffer fully during market falls.
– No defensive action is possible.

– Index funds ignore business quality shifts.
– Poor companies remain until index changes.

– Actively managed funds avoid weak businesses earlier.
– Fund managers use research-based decisions.
– They manage risk, not just returns.

– Over long periods, good active funds outperform.
– Especially in emerging markets like India.

– Indian markets reward stock selection skill.
– Active management adds meaningful value here.

» Risk Management Perspective

– Equity risk rises near goal timelines.
– Ten years may feel long today.
– It will reduce faster than expected.

– Gradual risk reduction is essential later.
– Do not stay fully aggressive always.

– Portfolio rebalancing must be planned.
– Shifting gains protects accumulated wealth.

– Risk capacity differs from risk tolerance.
– Income stability defines risk capacity.
– Emotions define risk tolerance.

» Tax Efficiency Awareness

– Equity taxation rules have changed.
– Long-term gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed.
– Short-term gains face higher taxation now.

– Frequent churn increases tax leakage.
– Staying invested reduces unnecessary taxes.

– Goal-based withdrawals help manage tax impact.
– Random redemptions reduce efficiency.

» Behavioural Finance Observations

– You trusted advice and stayed consistent.
– That discipline deserves appreciation.

– Avoid frequent performance comparisons.
– Social media creates unnecessary anxiety.

– Markets move in cycles, not straight lines.
– Patience creates wealth, not speed.

– Avoid reacting to short-term news.
– News is noise for long-term investors.

» Role of Debt and Government Schemes

– Keeping debt investments separate is wise.
– Debt adds stability to total wealth.

– Government schemes support capital protection.
– They also provide predictable cash flows.

– Use debt for near-term goals.
– Use equity only for long-term goals.

– This separation improves mental clarity.

» Portfolio Review Frequency

– Annual review is sufficient.
– Avoid quarterly tinkering.

– Review after major life changes.
– Income changes need strategy updates.

– Market events alone need no action.

» Emergency and Protection Planning

– Ensure adequate emergency reserves exist.
– Six months expenses is ideal.

– Health insurance should be sufficient.
– Cover must rise with medical inflation.

– Term insurance should protect dependents.
– Coverage should match responsibilities.

– Protection planning supports investment success.

» Inflation and Lifestyle Planning

– Inflation erodes purchasing power silently.
– Equity helps fight inflation over time.

– Lifestyle upgrades must be planned.
– Avoid increasing expenses with income fully.

– Savings rate matters more than returns.

» Estate and Nomination Planning

– Ensure nominations are updated.
– This avoids future family stress.

– Write a simple will.
– It gives clarity and peace.

» Rebalancing Strategy Guidance

– Do not rebalance emotionally.
– Follow predefined asset ranges.

– Shift profits after strong rallies.
– Add equity during deep corrections.

– Rebalancing improves risk-adjusted returns.

» Monitoring Progress Towards Goal

– Track progress annually.
– Use realistic expectations.

– Do not anchor to fixed numbers.
– Markets rarely cooperate perfectly.

– Focus on process, not prediction.

» Finally

– Your foundation is strong and disciplined.
– Your intent and consistency are commendable.

– Portfolio structure is broadly appropriate.
– Some consolidation may improve efficiency.

– Step-up should remain flexible.
– Sustainability matters more than aggression.

– Active management suits your long-term goal.
– Behavioural discipline will decide outcomes.

– Continue reviewing holistically each year.
– Adjust strategy, not emotions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Naveenn

Naveenn Kummar  |237 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF, Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 20, 2025

Money
hello, i took an insurance policy in 2021 from TATA AIA SAMPOORNA RAKSHAK which has 12 premium for 12 years and the policy goes on for 80+years with 50 lakh insurance i paic my first premium of 1,35000 yearly, but my fortune change and i lost my handsome salary job and i was unable to pay that premium so i needed to stop that as my family primary expenses comes first.sir the insurance company say you wont get this premium back as its already written in terms and condition book,but for me its an huge amount. i would like to know from you that can i get this money from company legally or not and if so how can i get it back. thankyou.
Ans: Hello. I understand why this hurts. ?1.35 lakh is not a small amount, especially when life takes an unexpected turn. Let me explain this calmly and clearly so you know exactly where you stand and what is realistically possible.

First, the hard truth about this policy
Tata AIA Life Insurance Sampoorna Rakshak is a pure term insurance plan.
In term insurance:

There is no savings or investment component

The premium is paid only for risk cover

If the policy lapses early, there is no surrender value

Since you paid only the first year premium and could not continue, the policy lapsed. As per IRDAI rules and the policy contract, term plans do not refund premiums once risk cover has started, even for one year.

So from a legal and regulatory standpoint, the insurer is technically correct.

Can you get the money back legally?
Let me be very honest and practical.

1. Legal refund claim
Not possible, unless there was:

Mis-selling (false promises of return, savings, maturity value)

Incorrect information given in writing

Forged consent or wrong policy explained as an investment plan

If the agent verbally said things like:

“You will get money back”

“This works like an investment”

“You can withdraw later”

and you have proof (WhatsApp, email, brochure), then you may have a case.

Without proof, a court or ombudsman will side with the policy wording.

2. Free look period option
This allows refund within 15–30 days of policy issuance.
Your policy is from 2021, so this option is long gone.

What options are realistically left now?
Option 1: Escalation request (low success, but try)
You can still request a goodwill consideration, not a legal claim.

Write a calm email to:

Tata AIA grievance cell

Mention job loss, financial hardship

Request partial refund or conversion to paid-up (they will likely say no, but try once)

Do not expect much, but sometimes insurers offer ex-gratia rejection confirmation which helps closure.

Option 2: Insurance Ombudsman (for peace of mind)
You may approach the Insurance Ombudsman, but I want to be clear:

Ombudsman follows policy terms

For term plans, verdict is usually in favour of insurer

This is more for mental closure than recovery.

Why this feels unfair but is still allowed
Think of it this way:

For one year, your family had ?50 lakh protection

The premium paid was for that one-year risk

Just like car insurance, unused years are not refundable

I am saying this not to justify the system, but to help you accept reality without guilt.

One important emotional point
You did nothing wrong by stopping the policy.
Choosing food, rent, education, and survival over insurance is financial wisdom, not failure.

Many people continue policies out of fear and end up in debt. You didn’t.

You handled a tough phase responsibly. That matters more than a lost premium.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10908 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 19, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2025Hindi
Money
I have a credit card written off status on my cibil . This is about 2 lakhs on 2 credit card. I made last payment in 2019 and was unable to make payments later as I lost my job.Now i have stable job and can pay off 2 lkahs, My worry is will the bank take 2 laksh or add interest on that and ask me to pay 8 or 10 lakhs for this ? can anyone advice if this situation is similar and have you heard about any solutions . I can make payment of 2 lakhs outstandng as reflecting in my cibil report
Ans: First, appreciate your honesty and responsibility.
You faced job loss and survived a difficult phase.
Now you have income and intent to close dues.
That itself is a strong and positive step.

There are solutions available.

What “written off” actually means

– “Written off” does not mean loan is forgiven.
– It means bank stopped active recovery temporarily.
– The amount is still legally payable.
– Bank or recovery agency can approach you.

– CIBIL shows this as serious default.
– But it is not a criminal case.

Your biggest worry clarified clearly
Will bank ask Rs. 8–10 lakhs now?

In most practical cases, NO.

– Banks rarely recover full inflated amounts.
– Interest technically keeps accruing.
– But banks know recovery is difficult.

– They prefer one-time settlement.
– They want closure, not long fights.

What usually happens in real life

– Outstanding shown may be Rs. 2 lakhs.
– Bank internal system may show higher amount.

– They may initially demand more.
– This is a negotiation starting point.

– Final settlement usually happens near:
– Principal amount
– Or slightly above principal

– Rs. 8–10 lakhs demand is rarely enforced.

Why your position is actually strong

– Default happened due to job loss.
– Time gap is several years.
– Account is already written off.

– You are now willing to pay.
– You can offer lump sum.

Banks respect lump sum offers.

What you should NOT do

– Do not panic and pay blindly.
– Do not accept verbal promises.
– Do not pay without written confirmation.

– Do not pay partial amounts casually.
– That weakens your negotiation position.

Correct step-by-step approach
Step 1: Contact bank recovery department

– Call customer care.
– Ask for recovery or settlement team.
– Avoid agents initially.

Step 2: Ask for settlement option

Use clear language:
– You lost job earlier.
– Situation is stable now.
– You want to close accounts fully.

Ask specifically for:
– One Time Settlement option
– Written settlement letter

Step 3: Negotiate calmly

– Start by offering Rs. 2 lakhs.
– Mention it matches CIBIL outstanding.

– Bank may counter with higher number.
– This is normal negotiation.

– Many cases close between:
– 100% to 130% of principal

Rarely more, if negotiated well.

Important: Written settlement letter

Before paying anything, ensure letter states:

– Full and final settlement
– No further dues will remain
– Account will be closed
– CIBIL status will be updated

Never rely on phone assurance.

How payment should be made

– Pay only to bank account.
– Avoid cash payments.
– Keep receipts safely.

– After payment, collect closure letter.

Impact on your CIBIL score

Be very clear on this point.

– “Written off” will not disappear immediately.
– Settlement changes status to “Settled”.

– “Settled” is better than “Written off”.
– But still considered negative initially.

– Score improves gradually over time.

What improves CIBIL after settlement

– No new defaults
– Timely payments on future credit
– Low credit utilisation
– Patience

Usually improvement seen within 12–24 months.

Should you wait or settle now?

Settling now is better because:

– Old defaults block future loans.
– Housing loan becomes difficult.
– Car loan interest becomes high.

– Emotional stress continues otherwise.

Closure brings mental relief.

Common fear: “What if they harass me?”

– Harassment has reduced significantly.
– RBI rules are stricter now.
– Written settlement protects you.

– If harassment happens, complain formally.

Have others faced this situation?

Yes, thousands.

– Many lost jobs after 2018–2020.
– Credit card defaults increased widely.

– Most cases got settled reasonably.
– You are not alone.

Things working in your favour

– Old default
– Written-off status already marked
– Willingness to pay lump sum
– Stable income now

This gives negotiation power.

After settlement: what next

– Avoid credit cards initially.
– Start with small secured products.

– Pay everything on time.
– Keep credit usage low.

– Score will heal gradually.

Final reassurance

You will not be forced to pay Rs. 8–10 lakhs suddenly.
Banks prefer realistic recovery.
Your readiness to pay Rs. 2 lakhs is valuable.

Handle this calmly and formally.
Take everything in writing.
You are doing the right thing now.

...Read more

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