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20 Years Married with No Physical Connection: Should I Fight for Divorce?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 31, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

i am married for 20 years and have a 13 year old daughter, there is no physical connection with my wife for the last 10 years. i have got into a relationship twice in last 8 years. the first one didn't go through. i am in my 2nd relation now which i want to take it ahead for the rest of my life. my wife knew my first relationship and she has a doubt about my 2nd relation. considering the non cooperation in house hold activities and marital responsibilities , i decided to call it quits and asked for divorce and she is adamant, not willing to give divorce saying that if she divorces me i will remarry and it should not happen as i should suffer as she so also suffering. my parents and her parents tried their level best to patch up, but in vain. i am staying alone separately from a year. what should be next step in trying for mutual consent for the divorce?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This may sound a bit harsh and judgemental to you but if there was trouble in the marriage, was it not possible to actually have a conversation with your wife about it? After 2 relationships outside of marriage to escape the trouble, how did you assume that your wife is going to excited about the prospects of a divorce?
It's always better talking things through and agree mutually rather than go behind someone's back to get what you want.
The best option since you have mentioned divorce is to contact a lawyer and proceed as per their advice.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

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I am married person since 2015. From last 2 to 3 years it is not working properly. Due to some following problems, 1. I am only one boy in my family. I don’t have any brother or sister. My father is also passed away, so there is need of child in my family because now I am at the age of 30. But my wife is not physically strong. There is always some health issue with her. 2. There is education gap too in between us. She is metric level education and I am engineer. Due to this we don’t have that much effective communication leads to conflicts in every situation. She never give respect to my mother and never do regular house works to and at the end of the day again conflicts arises between my mother and my wife. 3. I want to give divorce to her but unfortunately she is purposely not ready for that because she knows very well that she will never been happy in another house like my house. 4. Same problem when I discussed with her mother and father, they straight forward refuse to give divorce; they said, “if you have any problems or want to give divorce then go to those person who are responsible for marriage or who finalize your marriage”. Lastly, I am now at dead end and don’t know the solution of how to escape from this situation.
Ans: Dear Rajesh,
First and foremost, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, as well as that of any potential children involved. While divorce may seem like the only solution, it's also worth considering seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling or therapy, to try to address the issues in your relationship and explore potential avenues for improvement.

If communication is a significant challenge due to education and cultural differences, a therapist or counselor can help facilitate more effective communication and understanding between you and your wife. They can also provide guidance on how to navigate conflicts and differences in a constructive manner.

Additionally, it may be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a religious or community leader, to mediate discussions between you, your wife, and your respective families. They may be able to provide support and guidance in finding a resolution that is mutually acceptable and respects the well-being of all parties involved.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue divorce or to work on improving the relationship is a deeply personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to take the time to carefully consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals as needed.

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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Sir I have completed my 15 years marriage period. I loves my wife so well. Due to over love and affection i have doubted her that is costing our relationship and she asked me for mutual divorce suddenly in November 2023 She want to be a good friend of me only . We have a 14yrs daughter. At present she is with me as good friend only even i said sorry for hurting her. Please suggest how can i avoid divorce. Thank you sir
Ans: It's clear that your love and affection for your wife have always been genuine. However, doubts and insecurities can sometimes cast shadows even in the strongest relationships. Here are some steps to help you navigate this challenging situation and possibly mend the relationship:

1. Understanding the Root Cause
Reflect on what led to your doubts. Was it a specific incident, a pattern of behavior, or perhaps a deeper insecurity within yourself? Understanding the root cause can help in addressing the issue more effectively.

2. Open and Honest Communication
Sit down with your wife and have a candid conversation. Share your feelings and insecurities without placing blame. Listen to her perspective as well. Communication is key to rebuilding trust.

3. Seek Professional Help
Consider seeing a marriage counselor or therapist. They can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your feelings and work on the underlying issues. A professional can offer strategies and exercises to improve your relationship dynamics.

4. Rebuild Trust
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Show her through your actions that you are committed to change. Be consistent, transparent, and reliable. Trust takes time to rebuild, so be patient.

5. Focus on Yourself
Work on your own emotional health and self-esteem. Engaging in activities that make you feel confident and fulfilled can help reduce insecurities and make you a better partner.

6. Respect Her Wishes
If she wants to be friends at this point, respect her wishes. Show her that you value her as a person and not just as your spouse. Sometimes, relationships can be mended when there is less pressure and more mutual respect.

7. Create Positive Experiences Together
Spend quality time together as friends. Engage in activities that you both enjoy and that can bring you closer. Positive shared experiences can rekindle feelings of love and affection.

8. Focus on Your Daughter
Your daughter needs both of you, regardless of the nature of your relationship. Co-parenting amicably and showing a united front can have a positive impact on her well-being. This, in turn, can bring you and your wife closer as you work together for your daughter's best interests.

9. Give It Time
Healing and rebuilding a relationship take time. Be patient and give each other the space needed to process emotions and experiences. Don't rush the process.

10. Accept the Possibility of Change
While it's important to work towards saving your marriage, also accept that the outcome may not be what you hope for. Sometimes, relationships change form, and it's essential to be prepared for all possibilities.

Remember, the journey of mending a relationship requires effort from both sides. By demonstrating genuine change and understanding, you may create an environment where love and trust can flourish once again.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1664 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am married with a seven year old daughter. We have been married for eleven years our was an arranged marriage , and we did not have the best compatibility in early years of marriage. My wife had gone through a breakup just before marriage , she took some time to come out of it and I gave her that space. Things began to turn slowly after 2 years of marriage and finally we were blessed with a daughter on 2016 . Due to my job i had to stay apart from my family for nearly four years, during this time she felt very lonely and i tried to console her about our long distances but things did not work out. Gradually i came back to my native after 4 years and things began to slowly fall in place . All was going well but for the last three to four months she felt that all this time she has been mentally adjusting with me since we were not compatible and she wants to break this relationship. I still love her , but she is bent on filing divorce petition. We are separated for the past two months, please advice
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Obviously she never healed from the break-up and you came into her life only to live away that has not helped your marriage.

Right time to seek professional help. Do appeal to her that Divorce only causes a lot of turmoil especially when there is a child involved in the equation. Your wife needs someone to tell her that she has to act like a grown-up. Running away from a marriage and playing the past events isn't going to help and Divorce is only going to accentuate it. Now, if you say this to her, she will most likely call you a villain. So, ASAP go to a marriage therapist...give it a chance...A lot of marriages are saved through this process and your child does deserve a loving home and loving parents.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Sir what should my daughter consider iiit sri city cse or bit mesra cse?
Ans: Already answered. Anyway, please note, IIIT Sri City’s CSE program records a 93.6% placement rate in 2025, engaging leading recruiters such as Amazon and Google, while Birla Institute of Technology Mesra’s CSE branch averaged 75–84% placements over the past two years. IIIT’s compact 15 air-conditioned classrooms, dedicated research centres, and seamless on-campus hostel model support immersive learning, complemented by faculty clusters organized by research groups and early internship opportunities. BIT Mesra offers extensive infrastructure with over 65 specialized labs, a central CAD facility, and a vast library housing 1.5 lakh volumes, backed by PhD-qualified faculty, notable international collaborations, and strong alumni mentorship. Both institutes maintain robust industry interface via structured placement cells and internship pipelines, yet IIIT’s leaner student-to-faculty ratio fosters personalized mentorship and rapid curriculum updates, whereas BIT Mesra’s legacy amplifies research depth and campus diversity.

Recommendation: IIIT Sri City stands out for its higher placement consistency, focused research groups, and agile infrastructure, making it the preferable choice for CSE; BIT Mesra remains an excellent alternative for those prioritizing broader research and legacy campus ecosystem. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10031 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 42 yr old. Have rental income 1.2 lakhs per month. I have dept of 26 lakhs as home loan. 15 L in MF, 14 L in PPF, 5 acre land which is giving 1 L per year. Epf 35 L. I want to generate 2.5 L per month after 8 yeats and retired. I can sabe 1L per month during this 8 years. Please suggest how can i target 2.5 l per month after 8 years.
Ans: You have built a very solid base. Regular income, assets, EPF, and savings ability are strong. Your clarity on retirement at 50 and income target is very helpful. That’s a very realistic and reachable target with careful planning.

Let us now evaluate and structure your plan in a 360-degree view.

» Monthly Income and Debt

– You earn Rs.1.2 lakh monthly from rent
– Your home loan outstanding is Rs.26 lakh
– Check your loan interest rate.
– If high, you may try to refinance or prepay partly
– Don’t rush to close the loan. Low-cost loans can stay longer
– Instead, invest your savings for higher growth over 8 years
– Let your investment returns beat the loan rate gradually

» Existing Mutual Fund Investments

– You have Rs.15 lakh in mutual funds
– Keep them invested. Don’t redeem early
– Review your fund quality with a Certified Financial Planner
– Stay invested in regular mutual funds via MFD under CFP guidance
– Don’t go for direct mutual funds
– Direct plans miss professional review, tracking, and course correction
– Regular plan with CFP support gives strategy, timing, and goal focus
– Use a diversified mix of equity and balanced mutual funds
– Rebalance yearly with your CFP to match risk and goals

» Avoid Index Funds

– Index funds are passive and follow the market
– They don’t protect your downside in bad markets
– No fund manager means no active planning
– They also don’t suit near retirement phase
– Your goals need better control and tailored returns
– Choose only actively managed mutual funds with CFP support
– Active funds adjust portfolio based on markets, economy, and valuations

» PPF and EPF Holdings

– PPF balance is Rs.14 lakh
– EPF is Rs.35 lakh, which is substantial
– PPF will mature once 15 years complete
– These give fixed but limited returns
– Don’t increase exposure here further
– Returns won’t beat inflation in long term
– Keep them for safety but don’t rely on them fully

» Agricultural Land

– You have 5 acres giving Rs.1 lakh annually
– Keep land for emotional or family reasons if needed
– Don’t depend on it for main retirement income
– Returns from land are low and inconsistent
– It lacks liquidity and is hard to monetise quickly
– Real estate value appreciation is unpredictable
– Avoid further land buying or development for income

» Debt Repayment Plan

– Your home loan is Rs.26 lakh
– Avoid full prepayment now unless interest is above 9%
– If loan is affordable, focus more on investing
– Use EMI benefits for tax reduction till 60
– If surplus is available, part prepay 10%-15% once in 2-3 years
– Use windfalls or bonus income to reduce principal slowly
– Don’t use mutual fund corpus to repay loan now

» Monthly Saving Ability

– You can save Rs.1 lakh monthly for next 8 years
– This is a big strength
– With this discipline, you can create strong wealth
– Begin SIPs in 5-6 good mutual funds via regular plan
– Allocate major part to equity mutual funds
– Keep some in balanced or dynamic funds
– Increase SIPs by 10% every year if possible
– Top-up SIPs help combat inflation

» Asset Allocation Strategy

– You already have EPF and PPF as safe options
– New monthly SIPs should target higher equity exposure
– Around 70%-80% in equity funds and balance in hybrid funds
– This will help wealth compound better in 8 years
– Too much safety will reduce your returns
– Your CFP can adjust allocation yearly as you approach age 50

» Target Retirement Income Plan

– Your goal is Rs.2.5 lakh monthly income after 8 years
– That’s about Rs.30 lakh per year
– After retirement, you can withdraw from mutual funds smartly
– Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) can help generate monthly cash flow
– Equity mutual funds give better post-tax income via SWP
– After age 50, shift part of equity to hybrid and debt funds
– Your CFP will guide reallocation for smoother post-retirement income

– Equity mutual fund SWP taxation:

LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

STCG taxed at 20%

– Debt mutual fund SWP:

Taxed as per your income slab

– Plan redemptions after retirement as per tax-efficient withdrawal strategy

» Emergency Fund and Risk Management

– Keep 6 months expenses in liquid mutual funds
– Avoid using PPF or EPF for emergency
– Emergency fund must be quickly accessible
– Refill emergency fund if used anytime
– Also buy pure term life insurance if not already done
– Medical insurance for self and family is also a must
– Don’t depend on employer coverage alone

» Inflation Impact and Income Protection

– Your monthly income target must consider inflation
– Today’s Rs.2.5 lakh may need Rs.3.5 lakh after 8 years
– Invest aggressively for now, and then shift gradually to safety
– Don’t chase short-term performance
– Long-term investing gives more stable wealth
– Stay disciplined and let compounding work

» Avoid Insurance Investment Products

– Don’t buy ULIPs or endowment plans for retirement
– They offer poor return, low flexibility
– Only term plan is needed for protection
– If you already hold ULIPs or endowment, consider surrendering
– Reinvest surrender value into equity mutual funds
– Insurance and investment must stay separate

» Review and Monitor Annually

– Track fund performance every 12 months
– Don’t make frequent changes
– Review goals, income, and fund health with CFP
– Make changes slowly and logically
– Emotional investing can damage long-term outcomes
– Avoid timing the market or reacting to noise

» Income Streams After Retirement

– Your rental income of Rs.1.2 lakh can continue after retirement
– With SWP from mutual funds, aim to generate another Rs.1.3 lakh
– EPF can give lump sum support if kept untouched till 50
– Avoid withdrawing EPF now
– Use it post-retirement gradually if needed
– Don’t buy pension plans or annuities for income

» Will and Nomination Planning

– Prepare a proper Will before age 50
– Add nominations in all MF, PPF, EPF, and bank accounts
– Land should also be clearly documented and inherited properly
– This helps your family in smooth asset transfer
– Review nominations every 3-4 years

» Final Insights

– You are in strong financial health
– Continue Rs.1 lakh savings with discipline
– Avoid property investments or insurance-based products
– Focus on equity mutual funds through regular plan with CFP
– Track every year and take help to rebalance if needed
– Don’t disturb EPF or PPF till retirement
– Rental income + mutual fund SWP can meet your income goals
– Target asset value, not just monthly income

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10031 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2025Hindi
Money
43yr, 7-8 lac per month. Plan to work till 60yr. One child6 yrs. SIP in MF 1.2 lac since 1 yr. Ppf maturing next year. Life insurance 2 cr. 2 house, few plots. Kindly advice how to invest my fund for maximum benifit in long term
Ans: You have already taken wise steps. Investing through SIP, having life cover, and PPF maturity next year show good discipline. Your income level gives strong potential for long-term wealth. With right planning, your goals can be met peacefully.

Let us structure the answer with a complete 360-degree assessment.

? Income and Savings Potential

– Monthly income of Rs.7-8 lakhs gives excellent saving ability
– Maintain at least 30%-40% of your income as regular investments
– Your current SIP of Rs.1.2 lakh per month is a good beginning
– There is room to gradually increase this by 10%-15% every year
– Avoid lifestyle inflation. Save first, then spend

? Existing SIP in Mutual Funds

– Continue SIPs in actively managed mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner
– Don’t shift to direct mutual funds.
– Direct funds may look cheaper. But guidance is missing.
– Without CFP’s supervision, there is risk of poor fund selection
– Regular plan with CFP and MFD gives handholding, reviews, and corrections
– Professional advice helps in fund curation and rebalancing
– Regular plans can also help avoid emotional investing errors
– Don’t stop SIPs in correction phases. That’s when most wealth gets built

? Stay Away from Index Funds

– Index funds have low cost, but very little active strategy
– They mirror the market. They don’t protect from market falls
– No downside protection, no active reallocation in tough times
– Index funds lack fund manager’s expertise and judgment
– Active funds can outperform in sideways or volatile markets
– Stick to actively managed funds that are reviewed by your CFP

? PPF Maturity Next Year

– PPF maturity should be reinvested wisely
– Don't spend it unless it is for a goal
– Reinvest in long-term equity mutual funds via regular plan
– Discuss asset allocation with your CFP before reinvestment
– Avoid putting into fixed deposits or insurance-based schemes
– Consider staggering this lump sum in equity via STP over 12-18 months

? Life Insurance Cover – Review Needed

– Rs.2 crore cover is good. But may not be enough now
– With Rs.8 lakh income and child’s future expenses, a review is needed
– Ideally, have a cover of 15-20 times of annual income
– Go only for pure term insurance. No ULIPs or investment-based plans
– If you hold any ULIPs or endowment plans, consider surrendering
– Reinvest surrender proceeds in mutual funds after discussion with CFP
– Review your insurance every 3-4 years or at major life events

? Property and Plots – Use Caution

– You already own two houses and plots
– No need to invest more into property
– Real estate lacks liquidity, rental yield is low
– Hard to exit, especially during emergencies
– Avoid locking more capital into additional plots or flats
– Instead, use surplus funds to invest in financial assets

? Planning for Child’s Future

– Your child is 6 years old now
– You have around 12 years for college planning
– Continue SIPs in child-specific long-term equity mutual funds
– Target higher education corpus using aggressive asset allocation
– Use separate folio for this goal to track easily
– Don’t mix this with retirement goal investments

? Retirement Planning – 17 Years to Prepare

– You plan to retire at 60. That gives 17 years
– Increase SIPs every year as income rises
– Allocate funds to a mix of equity and hybrid funds
– Don’t rely on property rent or inheritance
– Plan assuming self-dependence post-retirement
– Discuss retirement corpus estimation with your CFP
– Use goal-based planning to build retirement bucket separately

? Emergency Fund and Liquidity

– Keep at least 6-8 months of expenses in liquid mutual funds
– Don’t keep too much in savings account
– Use low-duration or overnight mutual funds for emergency buffer
– Review and replenish emergency fund after usage
– Emergency fund must be kept liquid, not in FD or real estate

? Tax Planning and Fund Selection

– Avoid investing only for tax-saving
– Let your investment be goal-oriented, not just tax-saving
– Choose ELSS under regular plan with guidance of CFP
– Diversify between equity, balanced advantage, and flexi-cap funds
– Understand the new mutual fund tax rules while exiting funds

– For equity mutual funds:

LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

STCG taxed at 20%

– For debt mutual funds:

Taxed as per your income slab for both STCG and LTCG

– Plan redemptions wisely with help of a CFP to reduce taxes

? Avoid Insurance-Based Investments

– Don’t mix insurance and investment
– ULIPs, endowment plans give low return and low flexibility
– If you hold such policies, check surrender values
– Surrender and switch to mutual funds after careful review
– Use pure term plan for life cover. Invest rest separately

? Annual Portfolio Review – A Must

– Investment journey needs regular tracking
– Once a year, do complete review with your CFP
– Remove underperforming funds, reallocate as per goal progress
– Adjust SIPs based on changed income or family needs
– Portfolio rebalancing keeps risk in control and improves returns

? Wealth Transfer and Estate Planning

– Prepare a Will to ensure smooth succession
– Mention nominations in mutual funds and bank accounts
– If plots are held, register them properly with clear documents
– Don’t ignore succession planning. It avoids family disputes later
– Also assign Power of Attorney to trusted person, if needed

? Behavioral Discipline – Most Important

– Avoid chasing hot funds or short-term trends
– Market timing doesn’t work. Stay invested for long-term
– Never pause SIPs due to market fear or noise
– Focus on your own goals, not others’ portfolio
– Long-term wealth needs patience and consistency
– Trust your financial planner and stick to the plan

? How to Scale Your Investment Strategy

– Increase SIPs by 10%-15% every year
– Use bonuses and windfalls for lump sum investments
– Diversify across 5-6 good equity mutual funds
– Don’t exceed 7-8 funds, else tracking becomes difficult
– Split investments by goals – child, retirement, emergency, etc.
– Take help from CFP to monitor each goal’s progress

? Checklist for 360-Degree Plan

– Monthly SIPs: On track, but scope to increase
– Life cover: Review and upgrade to 15-20x annual income
– Real estate: Avoid further investments, no liquidity
– Child’s education: Build separate corpus via SIP
– Retirement: Plan with 17-year horizon, increase SIPs annually
– PPF: Reinvest on maturity, via STP in mutual funds
– Tax planning: Use ELSS and goal-based planning
– Emergency fund: Maintain liquidity for 6-8 months expenses
– Estate planning: Prepare Will and ensure nominations

? Final Insights

– You are already ahead with your savings mindset
– Keep emotions away from investing decisions
– With the right review and planning, you can retire peacefully
– Continue SIPs, add more as income increases
– Stay invested in regular mutual funds under guidance of CFP
– Avoid real estate and insurance-based investments now
– Track your goals every year. Small corrections give big impact later

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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