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Married for 11 years, wife wants a divorce: Can our marriage be saved?

Anu Krishna |1745 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am married with a seven year old daughter. We have been married for eleven years our was an arranged marriage , and we did not have the best compatibility in early years of marriage. My wife had gone through a breakup just before marriage , she took some time to come out of it and I gave her that space. Things began to turn slowly after 2 years of marriage and finally we were blessed with a daughter on 2016 . Due to my job i had to stay apart from my family for nearly four years, during this time she felt very lonely and i tried to console her about our long distances but things did not work out. Gradually i came back to my native after 4 years and things began to slowly fall in place . All was going well but for the last three to four months she felt that all this time she has been mentally adjusting with me since we were not compatible and she wants to break this relationship. I still love her , but she is bent on filing divorce petition. We are separated for the past two months, please advice

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Obviously she never healed from the break-up and you came into her life only to live away that has not helped your marriage.

Right time to seek professional help. Do appeal to her that Divorce only causes a lot of turmoil especially when there is a child involved in the equation. Your wife needs someone to tell her that she has to act like a grown-up. Running away from a marriage and playing the past events isn't going to help and Divorce is only going to accentuate it. Now, if you say this to her, she will most likely call you a villain. So, ASAP go to a marriage therapist...give it a chance...A lot of marriages are saved through this process and your child does deserve a loving home and loving parents.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Question by N - Nov 09, 2023Hindi

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Hello Madam, thanks for your previous reply, as an update about the situation it has gone bitter today, where she has left me , taking away my daughter as well. This is after we had a fight on small little things where due to work related stress I tried to speak to her about me needing her help to understand the situation and also the situations about her past cheating episode keeps coming back affecting me. Thus leading to constant arguments. Today she has left home , leaving me totally unpreppared and feeling hopeless about the situation in life. I am going through a lot of work pressure stress and now this has really made a situation which is getting diffficult for me to deal with. No amount of contact with her is working, I just do not know how can I resolve this matter so that I can enjoy a happy life with my wife adn daughter again. she also threatens for divorce. I miss both of them dearly. I would really appreciate if you could advice on how to sort the matter out and get some sanity back into this relationship. I fail to communicate my thoughts and feelings clearly with my wife I believe. I try my best to speak her but she never gets it. Please assist in this. Thanks

Ans: I am so very sorry to know your situation which is very challenging It's important to approach the situation with sensitivity and patience.Take some time to reflect on how you communicate with your wife. Are there ways you can improve your communication style? Focus on expressing your feelings and needs without placing blame as this is very sensitive time.Communication is a two-way street. Make sure you actively listen to your wife's concerns and feelings. Understanding her perspective is crucial in finding common ground and working towards resolution. Given the mention of divorce threats, it may be wise to seek legal advice to understand your rights and options. However, keep in mind that legal proceedings can further strain relationships, so it's best approached with caution. Remember that resolving complex relationship issues takes time and effort from both parties involved. Professional assistance can be instrumental in navigating these challenges. If your wife remains unresponsive, it might be worthwhile to focus on your own well-being and personal growth while keeping the lines of communication open for potential reconciliation.

Anu Krishna |1745 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 31, 2024Hindi

Relationship

i am married for 20 years and have a 13 year old daughter, there is no physical connection with my wife for the last 10 years. i have got into a relationship twice in last 8 years. the first one didn't go through. i am in my 2nd relation now which i want to take it ahead for the rest of my life. my wife knew my first relationship and she has a doubt about my 2nd relation. considering the non cooperation in house hold activities and marital responsibilities , i decided to call it quits and asked for divorce and she is adamant, not willing to give divorce saying that if she divorces me i will remarry and it should not happen as i should suffer as she so also suffering. my parents and her parents tried their level best to patch up, but in vain. i am staying alone separately from a year. what should be next step in trying for mutual consent for the divorce?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This may sound a bit harsh and judgemental to you but if there was trouble in the marriage, was it not possible to actually have a conversation with your wife about it? After 2 relationships outside of marriage to escape the trouble, how did you assume that your wife is going to excited about the prospects of a divorce?
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All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationship

Dear Anu, me and my wife have emotionally and physically detached from each other for 7yrs now. We are 46and 40 with 11and 7yr kids. The reason for the detachment was lack of intimacy from beginning. I have healed my anxious attachment through therapy and she is an avoidant who says she doesn't want to change for me but wants get divorced and co parent. Since I do not want to get separated but want to resolve. We are in a gridlock situation. Should I stay passive and stay like roommates till she changes her mind and sees the good side of me or should I give a deadline to her and if she doesn't change file for divorce and fight for custody. Coz I find it too painful for me to get divorced and still be in touch with her like friends

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am guessing that if you have healed from what you say that you have worked on, you may possibly know ways of communicating with your wife you is different from you. You have had the opportunity to make this change but she still hasn't, right? So, why not actually help her through it (of course, if she wishes to). That way you will not be in a passive state. Make an attempt...
But if she's stubborn about wanting divorce, there's little that you can do!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Hi Anu, My husband doesn't do house chores. We both work full-time, but I still end up cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. When I ask for help, my partner will say, ‘Just tell me what to do,’ but then he conveniently forgets. Maybe he doesn't like it or he is genuinely forgetful. I have tried many ways to make him explain. Once I only did my share of laundry to make him realise but he simply ignored. Every week this pattern repeats. Is this normal? How can married couples divide responsibilities fairly to avoid fights?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Every home has a different routine and share of responsibilities. So, there's no standard norm to challenge it as normal or not!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1745 Answers |Ask -Follow

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Question by Santosh - Oct 20, 2025Hindi

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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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