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Married for 11 years, wife wants a divorce: Can our marriage be saved?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am married with a seven year old daughter. We have been married for eleven years our was an arranged marriage , and we did not have the best compatibility in early years of marriage. My wife had gone through a breakup just before marriage , she took some time to come out of it and I gave her that space. Things began to turn slowly after 2 years of marriage and finally we were blessed with a daughter on 2016 . Due to my job i had to stay apart from my family for nearly four years, during this time she felt very lonely and i tried to console her about our long distances but things did not work out. Gradually i came back to my native after 4 years and things began to slowly fall in place . All was going well but for the last three to four months she felt that all this time she has been mentally adjusting with me since we were not compatible and she wants to break this relationship. I still love her , but she is bent on filing divorce petition. We are separated for the past two months, please advice

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Obviously she never healed from the break-up and you came into her life only to live away that has not helped your marriage.

Right time to seek professional help. Do appeal to her that Divorce only causes a lot of turmoil especially when there is a child involved in the equation. Your wife needs someone to tell her that she has to act like a grown-up. Running away from a marriage and playing the past events isn't going to help and Divorce is only going to accentuate it. Now, if you say this to her, she will most likely call you a villain. So, ASAP go to a marriage therapist...give it a chance...A lot of marriages are saved through this process and your child does deserve a loving home and loving parents.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2023Hindi
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Me and my wife are married for 11 years now. Suddenly in 2020 she asked for a divorce out of no where. I tried for one year but then agreed to do mutual divorce since she was telling there is no more love. But when I was about to move on she came back telling lets try again. I tried again for 1.5 years and still she is telling there is no love. When I am ready for a divorce she tells me we will try again. But she doesnt message me or call me. We live in 2 places now and we have a son who stays with her parents. She has admitted that she had an emotional attachment with one of her colleague but that was only a crush like thing and he is already married. She says she doesnt love anyone now. What should i do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Now she wants you and then she doesn't!
Again she wants you and then she doesn't!
Is this some sort of a game? You are just getting pulled in and then tossed over...it's obvious that she is finding the lack of something in the marriage and hence is confused about what to do. The crush is also an act to find out if she get that lack fulfilled there which she hasn't figured out.
Put an end to this game NOW by having a conversation as two mature adults. Do this for the sake of your son who I am sure you will agree is getting affected by the fact that his parents live separately. Determine if going separate is the best way only after proper deliberation and a humble effort of making things right towards the marriage. Talk and communicate to each other about what could have gone wrong and if you both could set it right. If this fails, then at least you will know that you tried. Also, it will give you a fair chance of handling your son and his emotions with the decision.
Either way, please hasten this process before you are pulled in and tossed over in another game.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

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Hello Madam, thanks for your previous reply, as an update about the situation it has gone bitter today, where she has left me , taking away my daughter as well. This is after we had a fight on small little things where due to work related stress I tried to speak to her about me needing her help to understand the situation and also the situations about her past cheating episode keeps coming back affecting me. Thus leading to constant arguments. Today she has left home , leaving me totally unpreppared and feeling hopeless about the situation in life. I am going through a lot of work pressure stress and now this has really made a situation which is getting diffficult for me to deal with. No amount of contact with her is working, I just do not know how can I resolve this matter so that I can enjoy a happy life with my wife adn daughter again. she also threatens for divorce. I miss both of them dearly. I would really appreciate if you could advice on how to sort the matter out and get some sanity back into this relationship. I fail to communicate my thoughts and feelings clearly with my wife I believe. I try my best to speak her but she never gets it. Please assist in this. Thanks
Ans: I am so very sorry to know your situation which is very challenging It's important to approach the situation with sensitivity and patience.Take some time to reflect on how you communicate with your wife. Are there ways you can improve your communication style? Focus on expressing your feelings and needs without placing blame as this is very sensitive time.Communication is a two-way street. Make sure you actively listen to your wife's concerns and feelings. Understanding her perspective is crucial in finding common ground and working towards resolution. Given the mention of divorce threats, it may be wise to seek legal advice to understand your rights and options. However, keep in mind that legal proceedings can further strain relationships, so it's best approached with caution. Remember that resolving complex relationship issues takes time and effort from both parties involved. Professional assistance can be instrumental in navigating these challenges. If your wife remains unresponsive, it might be worthwhile to focus on your own well-being and personal growth while keeping the lines of communication open for potential reconciliation.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 31, 2024Hindi
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i am married for 20 years and have a 13 year old daughter, there is no physical connection with my wife for the last 10 years. i have got into a relationship twice in last 8 years. the first one didn't go through. i am in my 2nd relation now which i want to take it ahead for the rest of my life. my wife knew my first relationship and she has a doubt about my 2nd relation. considering the non cooperation in house hold activities and marital responsibilities , i decided to call it quits and asked for divorce and she is adamant, not willing to give divorce saying that if she divorces me i will remarry and it should not happen as i should suffer as she so also suffering. my parents and her parents tried their level best to patch up, but in vain. i am staying alone separately from a year. what should be next step in trying for mutual consent for the divorce?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This may sound a bit harsh and judgemental to you but if there was trouble in the marriage, was it not possible to actually have a conversation with your wife about it? After 2 relationships outside of marriage to escape the trouble, how did you assume that your wife is going to excited about the prospects of a divorce?
It's always better talking things through and agree mutually rather than go behind someone's back to get what you want.
The best option since you have mentioned divorce is to contact a lawyer and proceed as per their advice.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu Mam Im 27 yrs old ( married) and 10 yrs old daughter. Im seperated from my husband since 2 yrs due to several reasons like he is drinking and Totally addicted to it. And he is totally dependent and now today also roaming on the roads of some streets of hyd. I belongs to an orthdox family. Now the question is one backward caste man who is married age : 33 he is interested in me and proposed me to a marriage after knowing all my past and saying that he accepts my child too. And the thing is he said a lie to me at first that he is unmarried and even though i had a good impression on him about the way he behaves with me he even treat me in a very polite manner. He says he loves me even though i too had a good impression but the things are the castes and can we both settle down with a marriage can we be happy or he is only trying to convince me to get him a wife to care care of him or only for his parents, he always talks about his own sister and also the office colleagues calls them sister and get emotional about them those who left the office. And he cries a lot which i dont trust on him and the face i see him that was not an real cry that looks like an act which i dont like in him. May he is acting ? Or really loving me, ge cares alot i feel like he is over reacting
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are in doubt, then it's highly likely that he is putting on an act. Go with your intuition and hey hey, you said that he is married and so are you...You do realize that you just can't go ahead and marry while you are already to other people, right?
Focus on what's happening in your life; you obviously have to do something about it...Other relationships can wait!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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