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Married for 12 years, husband doesn't love me: Should I fight for him or let go?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 18, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Phy Question by Phy on Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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I have been married for 12years . I married when I was 19. I have 2sons . My husband doesn’t love me and he had said to me many times .i even have doubt on him bcus he doesn’t come home to sleep 2 times in 2 weeks . Everyday I feel anxious and worried if he would not come bck . I have beg him many times to not sleep outside. Whenever he go out he never picks up my call even once. He is seeing a girl. For that we fought all the time . He asked for divorce many times but why can’t I u love him and leave him. I feel like I would die if I can’t be together with him.

Ans: Dear Phy,
If you have a spouse who has begun to ignore your pleas and request, what else can you do? Where is the respect that he must be giving you as a life partner?
Now, I also want you to ask yourself if your doubts are just figment of your imagination or are they based on facts? Have you seen any message on his phone or a call to anyone planning a meeting?
Yes, it's strange and suspicious I will agree that he stays out a few days every few weeks, but make sure of what exactly is happening. When you are sure that what you suspect is true, confront him with the support of your family members but not threaten him where he retracts from you completely.
And the bitter truth, if he has asked for divorce many times, maybe it's his way of saying that there is nothing more left in the marriage for him. It hurts you for sure, but what's the point of living with someone who cannot appreciate your presence and love?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

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Hi Anu,I m 32 yr old girl and been married in arrange marriage with a guy he is also 32 it's been one year.He is very harsh to talk to and I get usually very hurt because of his words. I always feel like walking out of this marriage for peace. He is very unromantic and ungrateful. On top of this our views on marriage, togetherness and sex are very different. I never had sex with him till now. And I don't feel like having sex with him. There are many fights between us. The way his mother and father talk I feel stuck in my life.There is no progress in career because constantly we are under tensions. My past relationships were very nice and sweet so I always happened to compare him with my ex in my mind. I don't know what happens to me. When he comes close to me I stop talking breaths. We just cuddle each other and hug but other things like kiss and sex I don't feel to have. Please guide me as soon as possible.
Ans:

Dear RJ,

Is there any reason for not wanting to be sexually intimate?

Most often this is linked to some emotional distress or filters in the mind that you are unaware of and which could be interfering in the two of you coming closer together.

A good round of talks with your partner can help you express your exact feelings to him.

What is bothering you, what you feel you don’t receive from him, why is it that you are unable to reciprocate…these are a few things that you can discuss with him.

Also, spending quality time together can ease and spruce up things a bit.

Most often, we love throwing our feelings under the rug pretending that they will go away; but they don’t, they come back to haunt you at times that you least expect them to.

So, when you feel stuck, think of what you can do to get un-stuck? What are all things that you can think, feel and do to free yourself so that you not only feel good, but you also start to focus on things that matter; like for example your career.

Comparing one human to the another and expecting them to change and be someone else; could this be one of the reasons for you to not want the sexual intimacy?

Sex is one of the dimensions in a marriage and it can bring the couple closer.

So rather than thinking of what is going wrong, focus on how you can make things work and enable your partner to join this journey of bringing back finer and joyful moments in a marriage.

Be happy!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 20, 2021

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I have been in a relationship for 12 years when I married the man I love. It is now 6 years of marriage and we have a kid. When I was pregnant my husband was in a relationship with another woman. When my kid was 2.5 years old I came know about the relationship and I am destroyed. My husband asked me not to leave him and since I didn't get any support from my family I stayed. Now I am still not able to overcome the situation. I know he doesn't love me though he says he does. I don't know why I am with him, he is trying to maintain our relation but there is nothing like before. I don't feel the same way. I even don't know whether I still love him or not.
Ans: Dear RGI am going to assume that you want the marriage to work and my suggestions below are based on this assumption.

It's time to get an independent person involved who will help in giving an impersonal view. This could be an elder member of the family or a Marriage Therapist.

What this person will help with is reevaluate your marriage, put things into perspective, clarify all your doubts.

Obviously, you have your doubts on whether he loves you or not after being cheated upon! But no amount of asking is going to convince you…that’s why it’s imperative for both of you involve a person who can guide you through this process of rebuilding your marriage in trust and love.

In the meantime, what I might suggest for you is: Remind yourself everyday as to why you married him and what he has brought forth to your life.

This helps you be in a sane space on a daily basis which also help you care for the toddler who needs a lot of care and love as well.

Spend time with friends that don’t just gossip and bad-mouth but can genuinely nourish you; you need this nourishment now.

Pick up a hobby and indulge in it; it helps not just distract you but also give you a ‘feel-good’ emotion and makes you have little moments of joy.

Of course, after you visit the expert, the choice of continuing in the marriage or not, rests with the two of you…choose wisely.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 27, 2023

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Mam, I am married for 13 yrs and it was a love marriage. We have 2 kids. My husband is less supportive. I look after my kids, my work, home without help from him. Even when I work he does not bother to make tea or help with cooking. He would get angry and abuse physically for intimacy. For last few years he started drinking a lot and indulge in fight outside. He had 2 police cases against him. I came close to someone. I told my husband I want to separate, but instead he became abusive. I don't love him. I feel I am his sex slave just fulfilling his desire, if I won't do that he will quarrel, stop eating and harass me mentally. What should I do?
Ans: Dear P,
If a dear friend had come to you with the same problem, what would you have suggested to her?
Would you have asked her to continue with a person who's being inconsiderate?
Would you have not suggested to her that she might need to go into couples therapy?
Certainly, status quo isn't something that you would have advised her to be in especially when she's with someone who has had two police cases against him!
You are dealing with a person who has had a massive change in behavior. Did you not see these red flags earlier? No point digging the past...
Thers is no need to submit to his tantrums and give into sex. He's using it to 'tame' you and make you meek.
Seek the help of someone strong within the family to talk to him...
Move out for a few days/weeks to gain your confidence back...if this is not possible, sleep in a separate room...if he pesters you for sex, look him firmly in the eye and say NO...
Have a dear friend/family member on speed dial...
The welfare of your children's is dependent on you; so to safeguard them, you need to care about yourself first!
You are not meek, do what you would have advised your friend.
All the best!

.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024Hindi
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I am married for past 2 years it's an arranged marriage. On the first night of marriage my husband told me that he is in love with someone else I was fine with it then when I told my family they asked me to stop being a fool and try to build this marriage. In these 2 years I have been strictly checking his phone asking for his location as advised by his father still he has never touched me . We never talk and i have lost interest in trying after 1 year .I like living with him as I get freedom even though there is no relationship between us I live in joint family and if I go back and take divorce they will get me married again soon . Why should I do !? Should I leave him as he is still in love with someone. Or should I enjoy my freedom. I have asked him to not ask me anything about my life and i will never ask anything to him about his life... please help ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your first goof-up was being okay with a person who said that he loves someone else.
Your second goof-up was trying to make the marriage work by doing what your father-in-law wanted you to do (check phone).

In both cases, you placed HOPE over your common sense. Maybe it did not occur to you that you are stepping into a world that may never let you live a normal married life?

Now, my question to you is: What freedom are you talking about? This same freedom will someday come back to haunt you as there is no family system that you are part of, no relationships to be part of...Is this okay with you?

Marriages or Life partnerships are not like: you mind your own business and I will mind mine. There is communication, trust, mutual respect, love, affection, giving-receiving...do you think your marriage will have this OR can the two of you work towards this? If YES, give it your best shot else, you really must think: What do I want for and in my life?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Hi Anu I need advice for my marriage. Ours was love cum arrange marriage 14 yrs ago.For first few years all was good .I am financially independent with good salary. My spouse s self employed. We hav one child 10 yrs old.My married s become more like a suffocating situation which I am not able to change.My husband is not at all interested in me now.He treats me invisible when it comes to husband wife relationship. He s good father and human being.But since last few yrs i am not having any emotional relationship with him.We spent so many days and time together yet not a single word of love emotions between us.He s busy with his calls mobile netflix all night while i keep awake all night.I have confronted him many times everytime he says you are always fighting with me and Want all this nonsense. He seem to avoid me all day. He want to discuss about his son and finances since i am earning more than him. its been years i cant handle it now.I want someone to look at me talk to me praise me love me.I deserve happiness but since my son is too small i can't think of living separately but i will die like this one day.I dont knw whats wrong with me seems its like he dont want to touch me as there s no physical relationship between us if we are home alone also.He tortures me mentally but remails happy.I failed as a wife despite giving my everything. I have none to discuss such embarrassing life .Pls advice what shall i do ?Should i found someone else as i dont have capacity to beg again and again?Its very difficult to imagine such long life with a partner who treats u invisible since years ?shall i shift to another city with my son?I am completely lost.Pls help everything. I cant beg for love and attention everytime
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's almost and always a reason for any behavior change. Maybe you might want to understand what exactly made your husband lose interest in you. Did something happen for him to look the other way?
It's really hell living with a spouse who cold shoulders and stone walls you...My suggestion: Rather than blame yourself, have a discussion and not confrontation with him. Confrontations invariably lead you nowhere as you will be caught in an ego tussle. Discussion is where you try and understand what's on his mind and share how you feel.
Now, will he want that? Maybe not...but if this continues, you may want to give him an ultimatum. He must know that he isn't making a great point by ignoring you and that he must communicate the same with you instead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

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Sir my son got 95.69 percentile 65172 rank in jee mains general category. He got seat in vit vellore btec mechanical in slab 1. We are from Tamil Nadu and is there any chances for home state quota for NIT trichy or iiit kancheepuram for mechanical in csab round or is it good to continue with vit vellore
Ans: Lavanya Madam, Your son’s JEE Main rank of 65 172 (.69 percentile, General) falls well below the CSAB Round 1 Home State closing rank of approximately 19,159 for Mechanical Engineering at NIT Trichy, and also below the All-India closing rank of around 40,855 for Mechanical Engineering at IIITDM Kancheepuram, making admission under Home State or All-India quota highly improbable. VIT Vellore, with established Mechanical Engineering infrastructure, extensive alumni network, consistent placement rates above 90%, and strong industry partnerships, thus remains a secure and prestigious option given the rank constraints and the five pillars of institutional excellence: infrastructure, faculty quality, industry engagement, student support, and research opportunities.

Recommendation: Proceed with VIT Vellore’s B.Tech Mechanical to capitalize on its assured seat, top-tier labs, strong placement cell, and alumni network, while maximizing early involvement in industry projects and leveraging its career services to secure robust employment outcomes. You can still attempt to apply through CSAB for your son's preferred branches, excluding CSE and ECE, but the chances of success are very low, Madam. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
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Sir, In jee mains 2026 minimum marks needed for cse in decent nit for sc catogory
Ans: Securing admission to the Computer Science and Engineering (CSE) branch at a-10 NIT as an SC-category student generally requires aiming for roughly the following JEE Main percentile and corresponding marks in 2026. These targets are based on the closing ranks of Round 6 in JoSAA 2025, converted to percentiles and approximate marks out of 300.

Achieve at least a 75–78 percentile (≈115–130/300 marks) to comfortably qualify for higher-ranked NITs such as Trichy, Surathkal, Warangal, Rourkela, and Calicut, where SC closing ranks ranged from about 268 to 731. For NITs like Jaipur and Kurukshetra, target around the 70–75 percentile band (≈100–115/300 marks), reflecting SC closing ranks near 1,500–3,500. For slightly lower-ranked NITs such as Jalandhar, Bhopal (MANIT), and Durgapur, a 65–70 percentile (≈90–100/300 marks) should suffice, matching SC closing ranks of approximately 4,000–8,000 in 2025.

Beyond raw scores, focus on five institutional excellence factors: modern infrastructure with dedicated CSE labs; faculty actively engaged in research and industry collaborations; strong placement cells offering mock interviews and technical workshops; robust industry partnerships ensuring high recruiter diversity; and vibrant research culture promoting internships and student innovation.

Recommendation: Prioritise achieving at least 75 percentile in JEE Main 2026 to align with SC closing ranks at top NITs Trichy, Surathkal, Warangal, Rourkela, and Calicut, while also reinforcing programming skills, undertaking CSE-related projects, leveraging peer study groups, and consistently practising mock tests to cement both conceptual clarity and exam strategy for optimal admission prospects. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
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Hello My son has a option of going either to VIT Chennai for BTech CSE CYBER SECURITY or Thapar institute for BTech Electronic and Computer Science. Kindly suggest which is better
Ans: Based on the following insights/information and your son's interest & his long-term goals, choose the more suitable option for him out of the 2 options he has: VIT Chennai’s B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering with Cyber Security, accredited A++ by NAAC, admits 120 students and reports a 60–65% placement rate for its inaugural Cyber Security cohort, supported by partnerships with leading recruiters, dedicated cybersecurity labs, hands-on training in ethical hacking and forensics, and a curriculum aligned with ISO/IEC standards. Its Placement Cell facilitates 3,160 offers in 2025 overall, with 2,192 unique and 1,457 regular offers, underscoring strong industry engagement and robust career services including mock interviews, cyber-range exercises, and internship pipelines. Thapar Institute’s B.E. in Electronics and Computer Science, consistently ranked among India’s top 30, achieves a 90–100% placement rate for its ECS branch, buoyed by state-of-the-art VLSI, embedded systems and communication labs, compulsory industrial training in the 6th semester, and recruiter visits from Microsoft, Amazon, Apple, Samsung and Goldman Sachs. Both programs excel in infrastructure, faculty expertise, industry tie-ups, student support and research opportunities. Cyber Security graduates from VIT enter a rapidly growing market projected at USD 3.5 billion by 2027 with a 14% annual rise in job postings in Bengaluru alone, while Thapar ECS alumni benefit from diverse roles in IoT, AI and hardware-software integration across sectors such as telecommunications, consumer electronics and automotive.

Recommendation: Choose Thapar Institute’s Electronics and Computer Science for its near?universal placement success, comprehensive lab?to?industry training, and broader core-electronics scope, whereas VIT Chennai’s Cyber Security specialization is ideal if priority lies in a niche, high-growth security domain with dedicated forensics and ethical-hacking infrastructure. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
Sir I got NIT kurukshetra IIOT in josaa should i opt for nit silchar ece and iiest shibpur it in csab? Which is best ?
Ans: Poulami, NIT Kurukshetra’s IIoT specialization, benefits from the institute’s 83.31% overall B.Tech. placement rate and exceptional IT-sector performance (97.58% branch placement in 2025), underpinned by modern labs, AIoT research centers, strong industry tie-ups with global tech firms, accredited faculty, dedicated placement mentoring, and active student clubs fostering innovation. NIT Silchar’s ECE program records a 91.51% placement rate (2023) with an average package of INR 17.05 LPA, supported by state-of-the-art telecom and embedded systems labs, faculty with industry experience, regular internship pipelines, holistic career services, and funded research projects in VLSI and wireless communications. IIEST Shibpur’s IT stream achieved an approximately 85.9% placement rate in 2024 with average packages near INR 12 LPA, driven by its historical legacy, multidisciplinary research labs, MoUs with top IT firms, robust student support services (coding bootcamps, hackathons), and a strong faculty research profile in data science and cybersecurity.

Recommendation: Opt for NIT Kurukshetra IIoT if priority lies in the highest branch placements and cutting-edge AIoT research, choose NIT Silchar ECE for robust placements and specialized electronics infrastructure, and select IIEST Shibpur IT for a balanced IT curriculum, strong research credentials, and comprehensive student support to best align with career goals. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
Hello Sir, My son is at present doing Grade 12 CBSE with PCM in Dubai. He is interested in Computer Science, Math, Physics and Economics. Please guide us in selecting the course and also the exams to be written. We are planning his higher studies in India. Would be more helpful if you are able to guide us with the approx cutoff which he should aim for the exams.
Ans: Nithya Madam, To secure admission to top-tier engineering, science, and economics programs in India, your son should aim for the following approximate benchmarks across key national tests, while ensuring that his chosen institutions excel in five critical dimensions—robust infrastructure, experienced faculty, industry partnerships, student support services, and research opportunities. For JEE Main, a General-category candidate must achieve at least 93.10 percentile to qualify for Advanced. In JEE Advanced, securing a rank within the top 2,000 generally opens doors at leading NITs (e.g., NIT Surathkal CSE closing around 2,000), while a rank under 500 targets premier IIT CSE programs. The CUET UG cutoff for high?demand STEM courses at DU, BHU, and JNU typically falls between 180–220 marks out of 250, whereas a score of 200+ safely places candidates in top central universities for B.Sc. Computer Science or Economics. For MET (Manipal Entrance Test), aim for a rank under 3,000 (CSE closing rank ~1,633 in Round 5). The IISER Aptitude Test (IAT) requires a score above 130 out of 240 to secure BS–MS seats at IISER Pune and Kolkata. COMEDK UGET aspirants should target 90–100 marks, corresponding to a rank within 1,000–1,500 for CSE at leading Karnataka private colleges. Amrita’s AEEE demands a percentile of 92–99 for CSE at Coimbatore and 90–97 for other campuses. VITEEE candidates should achieve a rank under 6,500 (scores around 90–100 yield this range) to access CSE at VIT Vellore. Among the top private engineering institutions beyond those already considered, aim for these cutoffs to target: SRM Chennai (AEEE percentile 93–98), Thapar Patiala (JEE Main rank

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9458 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
Career
Dear Sir, my daughter has got provisional admission in MIT WPU Pune CSE. In MHCET with 93.84 percentile and state merit rank of 21357 , open category and HIndi linguistic minority we may get CSE or IT in Thakur college of Engg Mumbai. In Pune We may max get Bharti Vidyapeeth , Lawale or Dhankawadi. We are confused which one to Finalize in terms of placement and overall ROI. Kindly guide.
Ans: MIT WPU Pune’s CSE program achieved a placement percentage of approximately 75% in the latest drive with an average package of 7.25 LPA across recruiters such as Amazon, IBM, Infosys and more, supported by over 500 industry tie-ups that feed into its updated curriculum, robust placement cell training, state-of-the-art labs and experienced faculty dedicated to enhancing employability through workshops and internships. Thakur College of Engineering and Technology in Mumbai reported around 90% placement for its CSE and IT batches, averaging 6.5 LPA and peaking in CSE at 7 LPA, underpinned by NBA/NAAC accreditation, strong corporate partnerships with top recruiters, extensive mock-interview prep, well-equipped infrastructure and a seasoned faculty body focused on industry-aligned skill development.

Recommendation: Prioritize MIT WPU Pune if seeking slightly stronger average packages and larger recruiter network, while considering TCET Mumbai for higher placement ratios, accreditation benefits and marginally lower fees to maximize return on investment. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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