I have been in a relationship for 12 years when I married the man I love.

It is now 6 years of marriage and we have a kid. When I was pregnant my husband was in a relationship with another woman.

When my kid was 2.5 years old I came know about the relationship and I am destroyed.

My husband asked me not to leave him and since I didn't get any support from my family I stayed. Now I am still not able to overcome the situation.

I know he doesn't love me though he says he does.

I don't know why I am with him, he is trying to maintain our relation but there is nothing like before.

I don't feel the same way. I even don't know whether I still love him or not.

Dear VM,

He is reluctant to have a physical relationship because deep down he has issues that he does not want to confront.

It could be emotional or physical issues that he is embarrassed to share as it might challenge his ‘manhood’.

Most people like to life in that false pride rather than solve the issue at hand.

So, he absolutely needs to go to a doctor or a therapist who can help him out of this issue and hence the two of you can begin to bond. Else today he accuses of cheating, tomorrow it will something else and then something else.

This issue is being beautifully masked by your in-laws who also possibly don’t know that their son needs HELP. So, it’s easy to blame it on you.

Staying with him or not is a personal decision that you must make. Ask yourself:

What is it that I am getting from being in this marriage?

What will I lose by walking out?

How will walking out impact the baby?

Do I have a support system that will stand by me as I choose to leave the marriage?

Evaluate your state of mind and focus on getting better by being happy and cheerful and reaching to those who can keep you in that state.

Whatever you choose to do, do not waste another moment here on wasteful situations and do what’s best for you and your baby which I am suer you can.

Best wishes!

Dear SS,

It is hard to walk out of an abusive relationship and when children are involved, you want to stretch it on longer.

But have you considered how this has already affected their minds?

Children from violent and abusive backgrounds do not grow up steady and face a lot of challenges later in life.

Now, coming back to you…Hasn’t it hurt your ego and pulled down your self-esteem? I am sure it already has hurt you beyond and more.

Usually, I never ever tell people what to do, but make my suggestions and share perspectives so that the mind has clarity to decide what’s best for them in their context.

But here, I am telling you this and listen hard…Physical abuse is a NO NO.

If what you say that his behaviour has changed, then I believe that he isn’t physically abusive anymore.

I do understand you are giving him the long rope for the sake of the children, but when the parents are unhappy, what environment will the children grow in?

Ask your family to step in as you are going to need their care and support hereon.

Take one day at a time and evaluate on a daily basis what his presence in your life is doing to you.

Is it draining you and keeping you on the edge or is it getting better with him improving?

This will clearly indicate what you need to be doing as the next step.

Just remember to value yourself every moment and make yourself your own priority first.

All the best!

Just like you had the choice of marrying this person or not.

Why exactly did you choose to be forced into it? And now that you have, don’t you think that you need to hold up your end of the bargain?

What did your wife and child have to do with it?

Also, did you tell your wife-to-be before marriage that you are marrying against your wishes?

At least, then she would have been able to have the choice of whether to go ahead with the marriage or not. If you haven’t, please know that they are not at fault for your actions.

When you say, she got pregnant, I would like you to know that it takes two people to make a baby; why do I sense that you are blaming her for all of this?

Surely, if you knew you didn’t want to be a father, you could have used protection.

It’s very easy to blame someone else for what’s not right with your life and that’s what I get a sense that you are doing. But if I were to give you the benefit of doubt, which I would…

I want you to ask yourself: Do I want to be in this marriage or not?

In either case, you have the moral responsibility to provide for your wife and child even if you DON’T love them.

Even if you don’t want to have anything to do with your wife, what wrong did your child do?

Just that he/she has been born into a home where there is so much confusion over love.

Let the child know that he/she is loved no matter what. That responsibility as parents is as much yours as it is your wife’s.

As adults, do bring this matter to the table and discuss what you want to do. Whatever you decide, keep the best interests of everyone in mind especially the child’s interests as a priority.

All the best and be happy.