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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 22, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
PPK Question by PPK on Jul 22, 2023Hindi
Relationship

Please keep my question anonymous I am married for last 12 years and I have a daughter. After marriage I lost my father and he was 70. I have a mother and we have a house with two floors that my father constructed. I am well educated and earn well. I am 42 now. After 4 years into marriage I suffered from cancer and suffered for 2 years with treatment and surgery. Still I managed to work and earn for my family and continued to work. After I fought cancer completely and did not have any cancer left in me. I am doing fine supporting my family. My wife and inlaws started accusing me of dowry constantly there after because I am a cancer survivor and there is no guarantee of my life and I may die any moment or my illness may take me away anytime. I am working and still providing for my wife and daughter from clothing, schooling, rent, food, recreation, trips. My wife does not spend even a little for family. She hoards all the money. My mother is a widow and she gets some pension and my wife stops me from giving money to my mother. My inlaws and my wife harassed me & my mother for the house asking to give the entire house. I have another brother and sister who are also entitled to own my father's property but my inlaws and wife harass me for full claim of my father property because I fell ill. This has been constantly faced by me in the last 10 years into my marriage. I am out of my illness and I am leading a normal life for last 8 years. I also safeguarded my wife and my daughter by purchasing a property of 2 crores from the money that I earned and have given full control of the property to my wife. Still my wife and inlaws behave the same that I may die anytime and they are always behind my mother's house for complete will and ownership. I am tired of all this, even during my illness, i supported myself financially and with my savings. I have worked for 20+ years and I have spent all my earnings and savings and purchased a 2 crore land property for my wife and daughter's future. I also have health issues and medical expenses for which I have no money left or savings left. My inlaws are rich and own 2 commercial complex which gives them about 2Lac rent per month. I have never asked for them for any financial help but still they are behind me and my family for money and property which all seems too much harassment for me. I need to save money for my daughter's education and marriage. Or I am telling my wife that we can use the property that I have made for her education and marriage but she does not agree and asks me to construct a new house worth 50Lac and again she does not want to pitch in and contribute. Can you guide me on how should I handle this financial committment that never seems to end inspite of giving off everything I have to them ?

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing with your wife and in-laws. It's clear that you have been through a lot, including battling cancer and overcoming financial challenges to support your family. It's important to remember that you deserve support and understanding from your spouse and in-laws during these trying times.

Here are some suggestions on how to handle this ongoing financial commitment and the issues you're facing:

Open communication: Have an honest and open conversation with your wife about your financial situation, your concerns, and the importance of working together as a team. Explain the financial constraints you are facing due to your health issues and medical expenses. Ensure that she understands the importance of planning for your daughter's education and future.
Seek professional advice: If necessary, consult with a financial advisor or a family counselor to mediate the discussions and help find a resolution. A neutral third party might be able to provide insights and suggestions to manage the financial matters more effectively.
Legal consultation: Since there are disputes over property and ownership, it might be wise to consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and options related to your father's property. They can help you navigate the legal aspects and protect your interests.
Support from extended family: Reach out to your brother and sister for support and understanding during these challenging times. They may be able to provide emotional and even financial support to help you and your mother.
Set boundaries: Clearly communicate with your wife and in-laws about your expectations and boundaries. Make it clear that you won't tolerate harassment or demands that are unfair or unreasonable.
Financial planning: If possible, create a financial plan for your daughter's education and future needs. Discuss with your wife how you can contribute together to achieve these goals, considering your current financial constraints.
Seek support for yourself: Going through so much stress can be emotionally draining. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor to help you cope with the situation and manage your emotions.
Stay strong and assertive: Remember that you have been through a lot and have worked hard to provide for your family. Stay assertive in protecting your interests while maintaining respect and empathy.
Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize your daughter's well-being and future. Ensure that the decisions made are fair and in the best interest of all involved parties. If the situation becomes too overwhelming, don't hesitate to seek legal advice to protect your rights and assets. Remember, it's okay to seek help and support when dealing with challenging circumstances like this.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Please keep it anonymous I am married for last 12 years and I have a daughter. After marriage I lost my father and he was 70. I have a mother and we have a house with two floors that my father constructed. I am well educated and earn well. I am 42 now. After 4 years into marriage I suffered from cancer and suffered for 2 years with treatment and surgery. Still I managed to work and earn for my family and continued to work. After I fought cancer completely and did not have any cancer left in me. I am doing fine supporting my family. My wife and inlaws started accusing me of dowry constantly there after because I am a cancer survivor and there is no guarantee of my life and I may die any moment or my illness may take me away anytime. I am working and still providing for my wife and daughter from clothing, schooling, rent, food, recreation, trips. My wife does not spend even a little for family. She hoards all the money. My mother is a widow and she gets some pension and my wife stops me from giving money to my mother. My inlaws and my wife harassed me & my mother for the house asking to give the entire house. I have another brother and sister who are also entitled to own my father's property but my inlaws and wife harass me for full claim of my father property because I fell ill. This has been constantly faced by me in the last 10 years into my marriage. I am out of my illness and I am leading a normal life for last 8 years. I also safeguarded my wife and my daughter by purchasing a property of 2 crores from the money that I earned and have given full control of the property to my wife. Still my wife and inlaws behave the same that I may die anytime and they are always behind my mother's house for complete will and ownership. I am tired of all this, even during my illness, i supported myself financially and with my savings. I have worked for 20+ years and I have spent all my earnings and savings and purchased a 2 crore land property for my wife and daughter's future. I also have health issues and medical expenses for which I have no money left or savings left. My inlaws are rich and own 2 commercial complex which gives them about 2Lac rent per month. I have never asked for them for any financial help but still they are behind me and my family for money and property which all seems too much harassment for me. I need to save money for my daughter's education and marriage. Or I am telling my wife that we can use the property that I have made for her education and marriage but she does not agree and asks me to construct a new house worth 50Lac and again she does not want to pitch in and contribute. Can you guide me on how should I handle this financial committment that never seems to end inspite of giving off everything I have to them ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I hope things are better for you now. I have answered your question on July 22 itself...You may copy paste the link below on your browser to view the answer:
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/keep-anonymous-married-12-daughter-marriage-lost-father-70-mother/5142258

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Please keep this anonymous I am married for last 12 years and I have a daughter. After marriage I lost my father and he was 70. I have a mother and we have a house with two floors that my father constructed. I am well educated and earn well. I am 42 now. After 4 years into marriage I suffered from cancer and suffered for 2 years with treatment and surgery. Still I managed to work and earn for my family and continued to work. After I fought cancer completely and did not have any cancer left in me. I am doing fine supporting my family. My wife and inlaws started accusing me of dowry constantly there after because I am a cancer survivor and there is no guarantee of my life and I may die any moment or my illness may take me away anytime. I am working and still providing for my wife and daughter from clothing, schooling, rent, food, recreation, trips. My wife does not spend even a little for family. She hoards all the money. My mother is a widow and she gets some pension and my wife stops me from giving money to my mother. My inlaws and my wife harassed me & my mother for the house asking to give the entire house. I have another brother and sister who are also entitled to own my father's property but my inlaws and wife harass me for full claim of my father property because I fell ill. This has been constantly faced by me in the last 10 years into my marriage. I am out of my illness and I am leading a normal life for last 8 years. I also safeguarded my wife and my daughter by purchasing a property of 2 crores from the money that I earned and have given full control of the property to my wife. Still my wife and inlaws behave the same that I may die anytime and they are always behind my mother's house for complete will and ownership. I am tired of all this, even during my illness, i supported myself financially and with my savings. I have worked for 20+ years and I have spent all my earnings and savings and purchased a 2 crore land property for my wife and daughter's future. I also have health issues and medical expenses for which I have no money left or savings left. My inlaws are rich and own 2 commercial complex which gives them about 2Lac rent per month. I have never asked for them for any financial help but still they are behind me and my family for money and property which all seems too much harassment for me. I need to save money for my daughter's education and marriage. Or I am telling my wife that we can use the property that I have made for her education and marriage but she does not agree and asks me to construct a new house worth 50Lac and again she does not want to pitch in and contribute. Can you guide me on how should I handle this financial committment that never seems to end inspite of giving off everything I have to them ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The fact that you are sharing your story which is indeed sad tells me that you know what must be done but are hesitating to do it.
When there is no respect in a marriage and for the spouse and his needs and the issue has become money and to attain that money at all costs, that is not a marriage anymore. It only speaks of selfishness.
You are right in protecting your interests and that of your daughter. So, time to toughen up and say NO to your wife and her family. It may seem harsh to them at first, but be very assertive. You have the right to plan your finances especially when family around you have begun to act like predators.
So taking a loan is only going to bleed your finances more and if you are convinced you don't want to do that, then please don't.
Yes, there will be arguments and big fights, but do what is right by you and for you. It may seem selfish but it is only self-care and self-love. This should also help you become fitter physically and emotionally to lead a better quality life.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8342 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2025
Money
Greetings!!!! I am 43 years Old, I had started 10k per month TATA AIA SIP in previous year for total 7years Plan. I want to education plan for my 1 kid who is 6 years old now. Please advice and guide me about more investments plan, as i am still confused about future growth and any plan for my wife age 38years.
Ans: You're at a critical financial stage. Planning for your child’s education and securing your family’s future are both top priorities. You've already started a ULIP, which is a start. But let’s take a deeper 360-degree view of your situation.

Below is a detailed plan, broken into simple sections for better clarity.



Assessment of Your Current ULIP Investment

You're investing Rs. 10,000 per month in a 7-year ULIP.



ULIPs mix insurance with investment. That reduces the growth power of your money.



Charges like premium allocation, fund management, and mortality charges reduce returns.



Your actual invested amount is much lower in the first few years.



ULIPs have limited flexibility in fund switching and partial withdrawal rules.



Maturity benefits are taxed if the annual premium exceeds Rs. 2.5 lakh. Be cautious of this.



A ULIP is not ideal for education goals or long-term wealth building.



As a Certified Financial Planner, I suggest surrendering this policy and moving funds to mutual funds.



You can continue till 5 years to avoid surrender charges if already started.



But do not renew after the 7-year term. Don't increase contributions in this ULIP.



Planning for Your Child’s Higher Education

Your child is 6 years old. You have around 11-12 years.



College education in India or abroad can cost Rs. 30–60 lakhs or more.



Instead of ULIPs, invest in diversified mutual funds. This will give better inflation-adjusted returns.



Use a mix of large cap, flexi cap and small cap mutual funds.



Start SIPs in these funds with a long-term horizon of 10-12 years.



You may also consider goal-based child education funds that are actively managed.



Don't invest in direct funds. They look cheaper, but don’t offer guidance.



Always invest through a Certified Financial Planner via a regular plan.



Your investment will stay aligned with your goal as the planner will guide with rebalancing.



Use a dedicated SIP only for child’s education goal. Don’t merge it with retirement planning.



Suggested Action Plan for Child’s Education

Shift future contributions from ULIP to SIPs in active funds.



Start with Rs. 20,000 per month SIP only for education.



Review this SIP every year and increase it by 10%-15% annually.



Add lump sums like bonuses or yearly increments into the same goal fund.



In the last 2 years before the education goal, shift to debt funds slowly.



This will protect your accumulated amount from equity volatility.



Investment Plan for Your Wife (Age 38)

She has a long horizon. She can invest for both retirement and her independent needs.



Open a separate mutual fund folio in her name.



Start SIPs in flexi cap, large & midcap, and hybrid funds in regular plans.



You can start with Rs. 10,000 per month and increase gradually.



You may also use her PPF account for additional tax-free corpus.



Avoid investing in gold, insurance policies, or real estate for her.



Ensure she has her own health insurance and a term insurance if she’s working.



If she’s not working, then create an emergency fund in her name.



That gives her independence and safety if she needs cash.



Family Protection with Insurance

You did not mention your term cover. You must have it if not already.



Ideal cover should be 15–20 times your yearly income.



ULIPs or LIC endowment policies should not be considered for protection.



Avoid investment-linked insurance plans. Keep insurance and investment separate.



Review your existing insurance covers. Add riders like critical illness and accident if needed.



Tax Efficient Planning

Use Section 80C wisely. Don’t just rely on ULIP or LIC plans.



Max out PPF, ELSS mutual funds, and children tuition for tax saving.



Invest in actively managed ELSS funds for better returns than ULIPs.



Avoid index funds for tax planning. They may underperform in volatile markets.



Debt funds are taxed as per slab now. Use carefully if short horizon.



Track capital gains if you sell mutual funds. Use new tax rules for equity funds:



  - LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

  

  - STCG taxed at 20%



Plan redemptions well in advance to manage taxes efficiently.



Retirement Planning (For You and Wife)

Start a separate SIP for your retirement corpus. Do not merge with other goals.



You have 17 years for retirement. That’s good for wealth accumulation.



Invest in a mix of actively managed flexi-cap and large-cap funds.



Add hybrid funds to reduce volatility as you near retirement.



Continue EPF, and increase VPF if possible. It is tax-free and safe.



Don't consider NPS if liquidity is important. Maturity rules are rigid.



Use mutual funds with regular advice to stay on track till age 60.



Exit ULIPs and Poor Insurance Products

You mentioned TATA AIA ULIP. Continue for 5 years to avoid penalty.



After that, exit and move funds to SIP in mutual funds.



If you or wife have LIC endowment, Jeevan Saral, or ULIPs, surrender them.



Reinvest maturity amount into SIPs in regular mutual fund plans.



Do not fall for insurance agents who pitch plans as tax saving or guaranteed.



Emergency Fund and Liquidity

Keep at least 6 months of family expenses in a liquid mutual fund.



Don’t use your SIP or education fund as emergency source.



You may open a separate savings bank linked sweep account for this.



This fund will help if there is any job loss, health issue, or urgent need.



What Not to Do

Don’t invest in new ULIPs or insurance-linked plans.



Avoid direct mutual fund investments. You won’t get guided rebalancing.



Do not use your child’s education fund for house down payment.



Don’t pick index funds. They underperform in sideways or bear markets.



Don’t buy land or gold as an investment for your goals.



Final Insights

You are at a very strategic life stage. You have time and income strength.



ULIPs will not help you grow wealth. Shift to goal-based mutual fund SIPs.



Separate goals: child education, your retirement, wife’s security, and emergencies.



Invest only through a Certified Financial Planner for customised long-term support.



Review all goals every year. Increase SIPs with income.



Protect family with pure term insurance and health insurance.



Focus on building wealth in regular mutual funds, not through insurance products.



Real financial freedom comes when goals are funded without stress.



You have a clear head start. Use it with discipline and right guidance.



Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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