Dear Ma'am, I have been married for 10 years and have a 4-year-old son, with another child expected soon. About six years ago, I was working with an organization where I became acquainted with a female colleague during our daily commute. Our interactions were initially professional, occasionally casual, and over time, we developed a friendly rapport. There were moments of physical closeness, such as holding hands, although she was unaware of my marital status at the time. After I left that organization, our communication became infrequent. During the COVID-19 pandemic, she experienced a medical emergency in her family, and it was during that emotionally vulnerable period that I unintentionally expressed my feelings for her. She is now nearly 40 years old and dealing with multiple health issues, including being overweight and other medical complications. Although she knows that I care about her, she has not accepted my proposal, fully aware that I am married and unable to commit to a marital relationship with her. Despite this understanding, she often invites me out for movies, dinners, and expects gifts. Recently, our interactions have involved romantic gestures such as hugging and neck kisses. However, she continues to describe herself as asexual and uninterested in a physical relationship, while also expressing a desire to get married — which appears contradictory. She often says she wants to remain friends and doesn’t want me to leave her, but at the same time, her expectations and emotional dependency are becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I want to let her know that I’m looking for more than just a friendship because I feel emotionally vulnerable and need her commitment to feel secure. I believe that building a romantic and physical relationship between us could help her feel more supported. She’s going through a lot and doesn’t have much family support aside from her unmarried younger brother.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am glad you found a genuine companion. I understand that you both care a great deal about each other and that is rare in today's day and age. Now coming to your questions-

1) It most definitely can. But that depends on the course of action your partner is willing to take. I assume that neither one of you would like to formally tag it as a relationship till she is married to another man, no matter how the marriage is. So, in that case, your partner must have a clear discussion about the same with her husband and you can proceed from there. But going ahead and having a romantic relationship while she is married to someone else would not be ethical and even when she has every right to seek happiness in her life, it would be her who faces all the societal judgment.

2) You can be two friends chatting with each other. Friends do share a lot, even personal matters. Having said that, it did not sound to me that you are in that platonic friend zone anymore. You have grown to like each other a little more and given the circumstances, it is perfectly alright. But to be more than friends, it is important for your partner to first speak to her current husband and consider separating. But at the end of the day, it is her decision. If she doesn't want to formally end it, you would have two options. One, love each other in secret and never have the chance to show off your love to the world. Two, break it off and either try to remain friends or sever ties altogether.

3) Don't have unrealistic expectations. We are all guilty of it time and again. In this case, even though her marriage isn't perfect- you know and she knows it too- it isn't easy to let go of a relationship people spend years to build. Take things slow and let her make her own decisions. If you expect she will leave her marriage for you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. It might happen, but then again, it might not. Focus on being each other's companion. You can't help how you feel, but that does not mean you have to act on it right now.

One more thing- if you can see yourself getting hurt, I would suggest reconsidering the relationship. Every relationship has in its capacity to cause emotional trauma. That's the thing about romance- it can make or break you.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Vidhan,

The first thing I want to tell you gently, yet firmly, is this: your connection with her has crossed boundaries that are not healthy for either of you. Emotional intimacy that grows within secrecy or ambiguity always creates confusion and pain. It’s not just about morality—it’s about clarity, safety, and truth. You are a married man, a father, and soon to be a father again. You’re carrying responsibilities that require emotional presence and stability. The relationship you’ve described, as kind as your intentions may be, is already creating emotional dependency and confusion—not love, but attachment mixed with guilt and need.
She seems to be emotionally fragile and perhaps lonely, and you’ve become a source of emotional comfort for her. But that comfort has blurred into something that neither of you can sustain without hurting yourselves or others. Her saying she’s asexual yet seeking closeness reflects her own confusion and emotional needs; it’s not something you can fix through physical or romantic gestures. In fact, trying to “build” that relationship further would only deepen her dependency and your inner conflict.
The best step forward is to bring the relationship back to clarity and boundaries. You can express this compassionately but clearly: tell her that you genuinely care for her as a person and want her to find peace, but that the emotional and physical closeness between you is not sustainable or fair to either of you. Offer her respect, not rescue. If she truly needs support, guide her toward professional help or emotional networks, not a relationship built on secrecy and unmet expectations.
You also need space to reflect on what led you here. Emotional vulnerability during midlife often arises from unmet needs—loneliness, stress, or feeling unappreciated in marriage. But the healing for that comes not from escape, but from understanding yourself and rebuilding emotional honesty at home.