Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |552 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

HI ma'am, i am 30 years old women. I hv never been in any relationship with anyone in my life. But from one year 4 months I'm talking with my cousins neighbor, we both became good friends.6 months ago we decided to get into relationship. We both are in a very good relationship, we are very very happy with each other. He is my home and I'm his home, But the most serious issue here is He is married and have 4 year old son. But they both are not living together from past 2.4 years because they both have issues with each other and with each others families. 8 months back he went to court asking his wife to come back to him because his lawyer suggested to not to send divorce notice directly in the beginning itself. But now she is not willing to come back to him, Her lawyer said that she want Alumnae. my bf is very good guy he loves his son ,he don't wanna give any money to his wife because he is feeling like giving money means accepting that he made some mistake, But he didn't made any mistake and we all know him very well. And also he love me so much. but now in mean time i got match, My parents got this match through my brother in law, they are forcing me to get married to the alliance guy, But I'm not at all interested. My BF divorce is still in pending. my parents are forcing me to marry a guy . i told to the alliance guy that i don't like him, But he is not telling it to anyone and forced me to get married to him. what should i do?

Ans: Since your boyfriend's divorce is still in the process and there are unresolved issues with his wife, it’s important to be realistic about the timeline and possible complications. Divorce proceedings can be lengthy, especially when financial matters and custody are involved. It may also be challenging for him to fully commit to a new relationship while he's handling these issues. This period can give you both the chance to think through your future together carefully and see if it aligns with your values and goals.

With the family pressure, it can help to calmly explain to them why you aren’t ready to move forward with the arranged match right now. If you feel comfortable, you might express that you need more time to consider what you want for your future. Remind them that their support in finding a fulfilling relationship is important to you, and rushing into a marriage when you’re not ready or interested may not lead to happiness for anyone involved.

This situation is about respecting your own feelings while also managing family expectations, which isn’t easy. Give yourself the time you need to weigh your options and avoid rushing into any commitments. It’s okay to put your own happiness and well-being first, and if you need more time to let things play out with your boyfriend’s divorce, be clear with yourself and your family about that. This decision is deeply personal, so whatever path you choose, make sure it aligns with your true feelings and future vision.
Asked on - Oct 26, 2024 | Answered on Oct 26, 2024
Listen
thank you for the reply maam
Ans: all the best

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1540 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Listen
Relationship
hi maam im in love with a guy who i met in hyd im 24 years nd he is 28 we both r in love with eachother and wanna marry eachother but the prblm is that i come from a christian family and he comes from a hindu family my mom is not ready to accept him just because he is a hindu and my family r forcing me to get married to a christian guy itself they r mentally forcing me everyday to leave him just because he is a hindu nd our caste is different my family seperated me from him and forcing me to get married to a guy of their choice and in my family there r 16 members who have had love marriages i took help of my relative who also had a love marriage to convince my parents and help us to get married but she is the one who add more fake rumors and more fuel about him that he is doing timepass even if they talk to him in calls they say that he is not lifting our calls at all i have all the recordings but still they r lying to me nd my mom saying that he is not ready to talk about her it became difficult for me to convince them my mom listen to my relatives as they say and so they do i dont have anyone to support me to get married to my bf plz help i wanna marry him only and i see future with him he is the only one who make me laugh play with me like how a dad plays with his daughter i havent got the love from my parents when im getting the love from him they seperated me from him and forcefully bought me to my native place nd not letting me meet or see him im depressed asking my parents to meet him but they r like no we dont like him my parents r not ready to understand and they r saying he is with u only for ur money he also told my relatives that i dont want money but still they r keeping on adding fuel and mentally harrasing me to get married to someone else they r forcefully trying to get me married to someone else i wanna marry him only what should i do plz help i love him so does he
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
What caught my eye was the fact that you seem to have found the love that parents give their children with this person. This is not healthy as you are searching for what you lack in someone else. Work on this...and if this is the reason that you actually are in love with this person, you really need to work it.
Now when it comes to your parents' acceptance, your partner has to put in efforts to win them over and on your part rather than playing this emotionally with them, make your parents see what you see in your partner in terms of traits, qualities etc...And the less you involve family members into this circus, the better. At times, people come to have their share of fun by making things worse...So, be wise about who you involve.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |15 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |15 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Dear Dr Upneet My Wife was having breast Pain Since 1.5 years, we consulted her gynaecea she advised for mammography and in mammography there were two test one done by solely a female staff and another was done by a male staff in presence of a female staff where she has exposed herself and I totally ignored this or gave consent as this was her medical need and as a result we came to know this is due to hormonal changes as she is going to be 40 shortly or she is going to have menopause shortly. We consulted homeopathic doctors and get relief until she intakes medicine only and felt pain again when medicine ends, this December/2024 she again asked that she is having pain and I asked her to consult lady doctor and we went to government hospital and went to breast department but due to non-availability of duty doctor we were advised to consult surgery department and we found a male doctor there. I submit our OPD slip and as this was a male doctor, so I worn my wife to ask me before obeying doctor. On our turn my wife told her problem and doctor ask her to come behind curtain and she went behind curtain without asking me. Behind the curtain doctor asked her to show her breast and she was going to pull her bra up, but I suddenly reached and shout (In Our Mother Tongue ) and stopped this and get my mind lost due to this shock. Then doctor asked me what happened I totally ignored him as I was in intention to talk with my wife and take her back. Then doctor asked her why she stopped and what I said, my wife said that he is asking for female staff and doctor said “I am a doctor and I am not having female staff and there is nothing male and female in doctor’s consultation” my wife got convinced and told me that we are continuing with this doctor I also Shaked my head as consent sign but not aware with the upcoming surprise and then she open her upper body part and doctor did whatever a husband does And I was not ready for this So, I am still in trauma due to this, but I don’t want her to show her body to any male doctor. That picture comes again and again in my eyes. I was in depression for one month and still in trauma. I have done violence once also and our relation is bitter now. My wife was not having pain on that day (as she agreed on asking) and she get her checkup by a female doctor 10 minutes after that incident and also after 3 days of that incident by a female doctor only. My Marriage is not arranged but one-sided love marriage (from my side) we know each other for 5 years before marriage and didn’t instead of proposing a girl directly I gave proposal of marriage through her mother and through one of my friend who is just like her brother. We have consulted with 3 male doctor before but they Just gave her medicine and nothing else, even she went alone sometime but never happened like this and I was also comfort, but act on that day was totally disgusting and unfavourable. As per my opinion as an example in (a+b)whole square and (a-b) whole square having distinguish sign in (2ab) in the same way consulting a male doctor and a female doctor should be distinguish unless an emergency and unavailability of female doctor in any circumstances We have two daughters one is going to 20 by September and another is going to 15 by October and she has started honouring another paralleling disobeying me since before 2020. And get this thing realized to her 6 days before that incident and she fight on that This act of disobeying was fade due to love among us but now recalled after this incident. Now as our relation is bitter now and I am in a dilemma whether to continue with that type of character or get separated. I am not going to compensate on the ground of character shown by her but unaware of law. Please advise. A part from this as you may be a sikh we are connected with Gurbani and Gurmukhi. With the gurus blessing I am damn good in Gurmukhi reading and have taken hukumnama in 2022. And My wife also learnt Gurmukhi in 2022 and having nem of 2 or 3 banis. JAP, SO-DAR and perhaps sohilla Bani Says "Khasam wisare te kamjaat" "Khasam wisaar khuari keeni" As this incident come again and again in my eyes Bani Says "Ant Kaal Jo Istri Simre aisi chinta mein je mare, besua jon wal wal autare" So she demolished the trust and my remaining life as well as the life after death. While writing the above message i can recall aboves only. Please advise whether to live together or get seperated
Ans: Hello sir,
This incident was not your wife's mistake. As doctors, our intentions are pretty clear while we are dealing with the patients. But of course there are some rules and regulations of medical practice. This is a rule that whenever patient is female and doctor is male then a female staff or attendant should be there for examination.
But if in case it was done without female staff, in that case also your wife is not at fault. Secondly breast examination is done only after touching and properly examining the breasts. It's a normal procedure. So plz don't bring this in your mind and continue to live with your partner happily. I hope your dilemma is gone now. Take care !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

...Read more

Niharikka

Niharikka Budhwani  |13 Answers  |Ask -

Dietician, Lifestyle, Nutrition Expert - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

Listen
Health
my age is 50 & weight is 75 KGs. Height is 5 feet 4 inch. i am not taking any type of medicine. i walk daily 10000 steps but not in one go. please suggest me to reduce weight.....
Ans: Hey Amar,

To lose weight, you need to create a calorie defict. Which means you need to eat less than what your body burns. Sounds technical but if you just follow your body's hunger-satiation signals it should be good. There are a couple of ways you can manage to feel full
1. Have a glass of water 15-20 min before your meals. This will help you understand exactly how hungry you are when you sit to eat your main meals.
2. Have a balanced meal. Have 2 servings of vegetables (salads/sabzi), 1 serving of protein and 1 serving of carbohydrates (roti/rice). This will ensure you don't over eat and exceed your caloric requirements
3. Remove 30 minutes for exercise at least 5-6 days a week. We cannot eat very less calories since that can compromise our nutrient intake and create deficiencies in long run. And exercise is the simplest form to create calorie deficit to compliment your fat loss journey.
4. Try to sleep before 12am. Sleep plays a very vital role in your fat loss journey. Research states that inadequate sleep leads to fat gain and also, excess caloric intake. So clock in 7-9 hours of good quality sleep.
5. If you routine is stressful then ensure to practise deep breathing exercise, or yoga or meditation to manage stress. Cortisol (stress hormone) is responsible for fat deposition around the belly. So manage your stress levels and prioritise mental health.

Losing weight is simple, all it requires is discipline and consistency. And the journey doesn't end when you achieve that number on your weighing scale. I always give an example of income. For income, you need a job, if you lose the job you lose your income. The same way if you want to sustain weight, you need to keep the diet and lifestyle healthy forever. So, keep the diet sustainable. :)

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8068 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

Listen
Money
Hello Sir i am planning to go with SBI Magnum Children's Benefit Fund- Investment Plan- Direct Plan - Growth. and pls suggest can i go with lumsum of 300000. Can you please suggest is this is good
Ans: Investing in a children's benefit fund can be a good decision. But you need to assess if it fits your goals.

Your chosen scheme is a hybrid mutual fund. It invests in both equity and debt. This type of fund offers balanced growth and stability.

Let’s evaluate its suitability from different angles.

Understanding Hybrid Mutual Funds for Children's Investment
Hybrid funds invest in a mix of equity and debt.

The equity portion helps in long-term growth.

The debt portion offers stability in market downturns.

This balance makes them less volatile than pure equity funds.

However, hybrid funds may not give the highest returns over the long term.

Factors to Consider Before Investing
1. Investment Goal and Time Horizon
This fund is designed for child-related goals.

If your goal is long-term (10+ years), equity funds may offer better returns.

If your goal is short-term (3-5 years), hybrid funds may be better.

A mix of equity and debt funds may offer more flexibility.

2. Risk-Return Profile
Hybrid funds have lower risk than equity funds.

However, they also deliver lower returns.

If you are comfortable with volatility, equity mutual funds may be better.

If you want moderate growth with less risk, hybrid funds can be considered.

3. Tax Efficiency
Equity-oriented hybrid funds have the same tax rules as equity funds.

Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt-oriented hybrid funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

If tax efficiency is a concern, consider equity mutual funds for long-term goals.

Evaluating Lumpsum Investment of Rs 3 Lakh
1. Market Timing Risk
A lumpsum investment carries timing risk.

If the market is at a peak, your returns may be lower.

If the market falls, your portfolio will take a hit.

Instead, you can use a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP).

This allows you to invest gradually, reducing market risk.

2. Alternative: Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A SIP spreads your investment over time.

This reduces the impact of market fluctuations.

If you want lower risk, consider investing in smaller amounts over time.

3. Liquidity and Accessibility
Mutual funds offer liquidity.

However, some children's investment plans have lock-in periods.

Check the exit load before investing.

Ensure the fund allows withdrawals when needed.

Comparing with Actively Managed Equity Funds
Actively managed equity funds can offer better long-term returns.

These funds are handled by professional fund managers.

They adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.

Over long periods, actively managed funds can outperform hybrid funds.

If your child’s goal is more than 10 years away, consider equity funds.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
1. Disadvantages of Direct Plans
Direct plans do not provide guidance from experts.

You need to track and manage your portfolio yourself.

Without professional advice, you may make emotional investment decisions.

Market movements may tempt you to exit at the wrong time.

2. Benefits of Regular Plans with a CFP
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) helps you align investments with goals.

They guide you in rebalancing and tax planning.

They can help you avoid common investment mistakes.

A CFP can recommend better alternatives if needed.

Alternative Investment Options
1. Flexi Cap and Large Cap Funds
These funds provide long-term capital appreciation.

Large-cap funds invest in stable, well-established companies.

Flexi-cap funds allow fund managers to invest across market caps.

These funds may offer better returns for long-term goals.

2. Small Cap and Mid Cap Funds
Small-cap and mid-cap funds can deliver high growth.

They are riskier but perform well over long periods.

If your risk tolerance is high, you may allocate some funds to these.

3. Debt Funds for Short-Term Goals
If your goal is in 3-5 years, consider debt funds.

They offer stability and predictable returns.

Debt funds have lower tax efficiency but are safer.

Final Insights
Hybrid funds offer balanced risk and return.

They are suitable for medium-term goals (5-8 years).

For long-term goals, equity funds may provide better returns.

Investing Rs 3 lakh in one go carries market timing risk.

Consider SIP or STP to reduce this risk.

Work with a CFP to optimise your investment plan.

Review your portfolio regularly and rebalance if needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4255 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

Listen
Career
Sir I get 77.88%ile in 1st attempt, Gen-EWS candidate. As a student I'll definitely try to increase my score but would you clarify me what I get on the basis of this score any good GFTI . I have no chance to go south states and west Bengal, My parents only allow me to states in north like delhi, Up please guide me sir
Ans: You can take part in the JAC-Delhi Counselling Process, Saiyam. If your parents can afford it or if you get a scholarship, write 4-5 more entrance tests as backups. This will give you a Plan B and Plan C. If you want to know if you are eligible for GFTI, please read the answer I have been giving to people who have asked the same question based on their percentile score in the January session of JEE-Main.

How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT-Warrangal or any other NITs or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide for you.

Once the January JEE Main session results are declared, many students and JEE applicants start asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, and preparation strategies, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x