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Love Guru | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by SHASHANK on Jun 15, 2023Hindi

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Relationship

I'm 48 unmarried n looking gorward to get married. I once suffered with bladder cancer which is cured. Also takes medicines for epilepsy which is under control. I'm in contact with a 45 yrs old girl who is feeling unsecured of getting married as she thinks that its too late to get married n there will be complications in conceiving a baby. Pls help how i can assure her a good life even if we are not able to hv our baby. Is it really a problem in having a baby at this age?

Ans: Having a baby at your age can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. Plus there is your medical history to consider. With the help of medical science today, however, there are a lot of options available for you to explore. That said, the grounds for marriage should not be whether or not you can have a baby together. Many couples opt not to have children even when they can. Marriage is spending the rest of your lives together as a couple, not merely to have babies. If that is her mindset, maybe it’s not the best idea to keep pursuing her.

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Hi i m 41 yers old and my wife is 40 .we have one child. We planned next kid one year back but after 7 month my wife got some complications and after doctors advise we abort that ..now i want another chance but my wife not ready ..she is always wory about age. Can we plan or not or it will any difficulty in delivery. Please guide us. Thanks.

Ans: Hello. It is true that with increased maternal age chances of birth defects in the child are higher, however, we now have very good methods of checking for these defects early on and taking preventive action one way or another. If both of you are desirous of another child, I would say it is quite safe to try in the next 2-3 years also. All the best!

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I'm 48 years old never married guy. I once suffered from rare cancer which is cured now. Also hv epilepsy whose treatment will go life long. Doctor says that i should disclose my health issue with whom I'm thinking of getting married but no one takes talks further. I'm infact ready for divorcee or widow too but failed. Some ppl reject me as my salary is mot much, some says that i dont hv my own hm etc but i hv many friens who are getting less salary but are happily married. My whole family if highly educated although I'm also pg but still get rejected. My dad expired n was too worried for my marriage. Now my mother is with me n i dont know what to do. I hv spend approx 35k on matrimonial advertisements but got no success. Im currently in touch with girl for last 1+ year but dont know whether she likes me or not although i hd expressed my feelings to her many times but she never respond n get silent on that. Kindly help whether i should approach this girl or leave her. I like this girl very much. Should i still search for a bride or leave this issue. Kindly help.

Ans: Dear Shashank,

If you have been straightforward about your feelings for this woman and expressed the same and yet she has never reciprocated it even once so far, it might be because she does not feel the same about it. I'd suggest you talk to her about this. Instead of leaving it open-ended, like "I like you," and letting her react to it, be direct. For instance, "I like you. What about you? Do you like me?" Being direct would definitively fetch you some real answers. If she replies to your question, there you go; you have your answer. If she ignores it still, you can safely assume that she doesn't feel the same way as you do. Don't delay this; ask her as soon as possible. Stretching a relationship that ultimately leads to a dead-end will harm your peace and happiness in the longer run.

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Question by LD - Aug 01, 2023Hindi

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Hi madam, i am 41 yrs. & my wife is 38 yrs. both are planning for a baby but we were always in stress that don't know at this stage of age can my wife conceive a baby. Her periods are regular.

Ans: There should be no problem at all. Please go ahead. There are umpteen number of pregnancies in this age group. The rate of success is the same for people a decade younger. You may just need a couple more visits than the younger ones.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2024Hindi

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Hi M 45 years and my wife is 41 years old. My wife is willing to take chance for Children. We got married in 2018. Due to her sarcastic behavior, we were living separately for 4 years. She came back 5 months before. But considering age, financial challenges, future expenses and her sarcastic behavior m afraid of taking this chance/risk. How can I convince my wife to avoid pregnancy now. Request your guidance.

Ans: History noted, you are being 45 years and wife being 41 years, married since 6 years, staying separately since 4 years, now together since 5 months and with all the challenges.
Every woman has a right to plan for family and have a baby.
Considering financial challenges, future expense can be taken care of with mutual discussion Between you both.
Age factor: can be explained to your wife that fertility level might be compromised with age than if needed can undergo ivf treatment and chances if getting blood pressure and diabetes.
Sarcastic behavior can be tackled with couple counselling, family support psychological therapy and eliminating the root cause.
The above said things are manageable
Being a gynaec and obstetrician, i can take away the right of a woman from being mother and motherhood.

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