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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi I m 42 Years.old..i live wirh my wife and 8 year old Daughter ..I run A Recruitments business and Stock brokin business..My wifes works at Senior positon At a Bank..Till Covid all was Doin Good..After Covid My Business till today has not been Good..Now its reach to Bottom where i m Fully Broken..And Too much into Depression ..I Cant do A Job.as at this Age i m not getting A Job..We had planned after certain Time My Wife wil leave Job..but now i m not able to tell to To Leave Job..As my Into Lots of Financial Stress..i have Lived Life Kingsize wherein money is never problen ..but now i m too strssed..Getting Sucidal thoughts too But Seeing My Daugher Face i CNt take that Step...please Advicd me

Ans: I think you need professional help and you shouldn’t be ashamed to seek it. You’re in a depression and obviously not in a mentally healthy space, which is also probably why you are unable to get your business back on its feet. Look, your wife still has a job. Sort yourself out. Take some time to heal from the difficult times you’ve faced. Things will get better. Be strong for the sake of your family — they’re worth it!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 29, 2023

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Maam sir good morn.I m K.S .i am.the sole bread earner of my.family .i m 52 and do.not have a job. I m not a spend thrift but due to lot of loans i have taken for education etc i m totally stressed up. I.get depressed and do not have the motivation to move ahead in life. I want to clear up all my dues and i fight day in and day out to find a job but to.no success. Finance are getting.lesser.. I m on the verge of breakdown. Plz help.
Ans: Dear KS,
First things first. A lot of decisions have gone wrong. It cannot be erased, but certainly you must find a way of recovering from it.
Yes, it is highly disheartening, but once you decide that you want to be in a better place, you have to take certain actions to reach that better place.
So, time to quit being upset and taking firm actions on what to do next to get out of this situation that you are in.
Seek the help of someone within your family or friends circle who is strong with their finances and managing their monies well. Of course, they must be someone you trust as well. Share everything with them (you need the help, so kindly be truthful and honest with them).
Let them put together a plan of action that manages your existing financial resources and inbound channels and match that with all the payments and debts.
Allow them to 'advise' you as you need this strong advice right now. Discuss what's possible and what's not and they will come up with something that is close to perfect.
Once, you start with the first small baby step. things start to look up. Even clearing a small debt will take a load off your chest. So, get into that action mode NOW. And yes, do promise yourself that this situation is teaching you a lesson on how to be financially prudent and that you will learn from it.

Best wishes and look bright and happy NOW!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2023Hindi
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Hi Anu,Iam completely in to a bad a stage.I lost my job,my son is a disabled kid doesn't have money to run future completely in hell Been a banker for 19 years and not getting any jobs outside Please suggest what should be my next step
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I do hear you...
It is perhaps time to do something different. You have a wealth of experience of 19 years and it can be put to good use.
Independent consulting in Wealth management maybe something that you might want to consider. There are courses online that help you get initiated in this and using your Banking knowledge it maybe possible to consider this option.
Also, speak with your close circle of friends and family and take their advice as well. It will also help you to take strategic advice from someone in your field and who has also is updated with all the current happenings. Someone senior is what I suggest...
What you need is some direction which this expert in your field can offer...what else you need is some confidence, which you need to instil within yourself.

When something does not work, do something else for a different result...But giving up hope is the worst option...Push yourself to think different and ask:
What else can I do to make things work?
What can I do differently than before for things to align better for me?
How can I keep my state of mind upbeat even though things are not going well for me?

Asking useful questions can change the course of one's life...So keep at it please...

All the best!

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

...Read more

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