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Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Dec 21, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Hi.
I am a 40-year-old male and my wife is 36 years. We have two kids.
Our marriage is normal like mostly couples.
I like to try and experience different things for which my wife is not ready. She is always happy in the normal, lazy sex life.
She never tries to initiate things or perform well in sex. She just doesn’t cooperate.
It has been 11 years since we got married and I have tried to convince her plenty of times for some extra fun but she always refused.
She is beautiful but doesn’t like to wear sexy or modern clothes. That’s why I started looking out of the box for satisfying myself.
Is there any other thing I can do?

Ans:

What do you mean by ‘looking out of the box’? I have news for you, buddy -- marriage is a box and you’re inside it!

I can understand your frustration, but it’s not like your wife is refusing you sex and you need to look for it elsewhere. I suspect that she’s refusing to cooperate because it seems unnatural to her and there’s some moral dilemma attached to her manner of thinking.

The first thing you need to do is help her remove the stigma she attaches to being sexually adventurous.

Explain that all normal couples experiment in the bedroom and that as long as it’s consensual, what the two of you do to each other behind closed doors is not for anyone to judge.

Maybe a sex therapist could better able to explain to her that giving in to some of your suggestions and fantasies is normal and not some depraved act that she should be embarrassed about.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, We have been married for close to 8 years (2014). Had our first princess in 2015 and second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally and physically.We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of 3 years after our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear. But nothing is working and this desperateness is killing me inside. I need your advice on this. How do I ensure that my urge is satisfied? In what way do I engage my wife to have intimate moments and intercourse? This however should not come at the cost of hurting or pressurising her for my needs.
Ans:

Dear CM,

This is a common challenge that many couples I work with face.

Babies take away their freedom to become intimate and this causes a lot of tension between them.

So let’s break it down for you, yeah?

Your wife right now isn’t the same woman she was before.

Being a mom, and a full-time one at that, is a huge job. A seven year old and a three year old at home can only mean full-time attention to them and little time for herself. When a woman is focused on her role as a mom, she invariably forgets who she is or how she looks; her job as the primary caregiver is all that she knows and does.

She is invariably tired and will think about rest, not action, in the bedroom. This is something that I want you to understand. Be more empathetic towards this; maybe you already are!

Now, what you do for her outside of the bedroom will define what happens within the bedroom. So,
- When was the last time you complimented her on her good looks?
- When was the last time you offered to care for the children so that she could step out with her friends and have a good time?
- When was the last time you took her out for absolutely no reason and made her feel good about herself?
- When was the last time you volunteered to cook and take care of the home while she simply sits and relaxes?

Motherhood can be very challenging, especially when the children are young.

Maybe you have tried all this and I am not about to push you back and not consider your side of the story.

But hey, she’s the one who has carried the babies, so it’s natural she is going to be around them.

Do sit down together after the children are asleep and watch a movie.

Do ask the extended family to babysit the children while the two of you spend a day doing things that you did before the babies came along.

Be aware that as you focus on yourself and your pleasures, you might forget that she is missing them too and that, at this point, you can help her feel like a ‘woman’ again.

It takes two to tango. Nothing can be one-sided. It will only end up becoming a selfish act which I am sure you are aware of. Try what I have suggested and let me know.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, We have been married for close to 8 years (2014). Had our first princess in 2015 and second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally and physically.We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of 3 years after our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear. But nothing is working and this desperateness is killing me inside. I need your advice on this. How do I ensure that my urge is satisfied? In what way do I engage my wife to have intimate moments and intercourse? This however should not come at the cost of hurting or pressurising her for my needs.
Ans:

Dear CM,

This is a common challenge that many couples I work with face.

Babies take away their freedom to become intimate and this causes a lot of tension between them.

So let’s break it down for you, yeah?

Your wife right now isn’t the same woman she was before.

Being a mom, and a full-time one at that, is a huge job. A seven year old and a three year old at home can only mean full-time attention to them and little time for herself. When a woman is focused on her role as a mom, she invariably forgets who she is or how she looks; her job as the primary caregiver is all that she knows and does.

She is invariably tired and will think about rest, not action, in the bedroom. This is something that I want you to understand. Be more empathetic towards this; maybe you already are!

Now, what you do for her outside of the bedroom will define what happens within the bedroom. So,
- When was the last time you complimented her on her good looks?
- When was the last time you offered to care for the children so that she could step out with her friends and have a good time?
- When was the last time you took her out for absolutely no reason and made her feel good about herself?
- When was the last time you volunteered to cook and take care of the home while she simply sits and relaxes?

Motherhood can be very challenging, especially when the children are young.

Maybe you have tried all this and I am not about to push you back and not consider your side of the story.

But hey, she’s the one who has carried the babies, so it’s natural she is going to be around them.

Do sit down together after the children are asleep and watch a movie.

Do ask the extended family to babysit the children while the two of you spend a day doing things that you did before the babies came along.

Be aware that as you focus on yourself and your pleasures, you might forget that she is missing them too and that, at this point, you can help her feel like a ‘woman’ again.

It takes two to tango. Nothing can be one-sided. It will only end up becoming a selfish act which I am sure you are aware of. Try what I have suggested and let me know.

All the best!

 

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 21, 2023

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Sir, I am 52 and my wife is 43. I have a ver strong sex drive and urge however my wife doesnt like it at all. Through we still have almost daily once (sometimes twice) sex. She is not at all interested in sex and seems she does not like it because of no foreplay / heavy weight (she is 80kg). I dont like to do it forcefully but have no choice as I cannot go outside or have extra marital affairs. How can I increase her interest?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sexual compatibility between couples if often a miracle. So, if there is a clear mismatch, there is also clearly a reason behind it. You stated it yourself: Lack of foreplay and your wife being overweight. So, take care of the foreplay part...what stops you from indulging in active foreplay that will get her going? There is no need to jump into the act and then complain about her not being interested in sex.
- Instead change course and pay attention to foreplay.
- Also, indulge in a lot of non-sexual forms of intimacy like cuddling, hugging etc that helps her connect with you at an emotional level and this could give way to the act.
- Pay her compliments and every once in a while surprise her with little gifts. It validates her presence and importance within the marriage.
The point that I am making is: shift focus on non-sexual intimacy first before jumping into the 'sex' part. You will see that, that bonding helps sexual compatibility.

The other part on her being overweight could also be a challenge as it can affect the way she perceives herself besides ill-health that can impact sex life greatly. Gently coax her into working out/exercising everyday with a good nutrition plan which will go a long way in not just physical fitness but an overall well-being in all areas of life. If it helps, the two of you can look at this together and make 'couple goals' to fitness and compatibility. It can keep both of you motivated and also encourage a good bond as well.

And oh! Please do not count the number of times you actually have sex. There's no competition and no medals awarded...Please bond better first...

All the best!

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9447 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 26, 2025

Career
Hello sir... I got 86.7%ile in jee mains (CRL 196706, EWS rank 28516, girl) and secured 93..2% in my 12th Cbse board.I have haryana domicile and want to pursue btech in cse, it or ece. What are my chances of getting a good govt college and is there any chance in CSAB for NITs or IIITs ? Thankyou
Ans: Lavisha, With an EWS Home-State rank of 28,516, securing Computer Science seats via CSAB Special in premier NITs under Home-State EWS quotas is challenging, as CSE at NIT Kurukshetra closed near 8 198 for general HS and the EWS HS cutoff typically tracks within 25 000–35 000—just within reach. Electronics & Communication Engineering at Kurukshetra closed around HS?Open 9 692–15 127, with EWS HS often extending to 45 000–57 000, making ECE a viable target. In JoSAA 2025, IIIT Kota’s HS-EWS CSE cutoff was 39,410, which places your rank comfortably within the acceptable range. Beyond these, peripheral GFTIs such as CIT Kokrajhar (CSE up to ~150 500 CRL) and Assam University, Silchar (CSE ~75 981) admit EWS candidates with ranks well above 28 000. All these institutes meet AICTE/NIRF accreditation, maintain ≥70 percent placement consistency, feature modern labs, active MoUs for internships, and have outcome-based curricula.

Recommendation: CSAB offers special preferences for assured entry into Electronics & Communication Engineering at NIT Kurukshetra under HS-EWS, followed by listing CSE at IIIT Kota and CSE at peripheral GFTIs like CIT Kokrajhar and Assam University. Simultaneously, pursue Haryana state-counselling seats at PEC Kurukshetra and Deenbandhu Chhotu Ram University for core-branch safety. However, have 2-3 Private Engineering Colleges also as back ups with your JEE Score instead of relying only on CSAB. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9447 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 26, 2025

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BITS Goa EEE or NIT Calicut EEE
Ans: BITS Pilani K.K. Birla Goa Campus offers a B.E. in Electrical & Electronics Engineering with NAAC A+ accreditation and Institute of Eminence status. The program features modern infrastructure including specialized EEE laboratories, a Central Sophisticated Instrumentation Facility with advanced equipment like confocal microscope, FESEM, and Raman spectrometer, alongside comprehensive industry partnerships including Amazon Web Services and GitHub for startup support. The campus spans 180 acres with fully residential facilities and smart classrooms. NIT Calicut's B.Tech in Electrical & Electronics Engineering holds NBA accreditation for 6 years (2022-2028) under the stringent Tier-I evaluation scheme and is ranked 25th in NIRF Engineering rankings 2024. The institute achieved a remarkable 97.01% placement rate for EEE students in 2024, with 130 out of 134 registered students securing positions, demonstrating exceptional industry demand. Both institutions maintain essential benchmarks including statutory approvals, modern laboratory facilities, research-active faculty with doctoral qualifications, active industry Mships, and consistent placement support exceeding 75% over three years. BITS Goa commands higher fees of ?20.76 lakh for the complete program versus NIT Calicut's ?5 lakh, but offers unique Practice School programs ensuring 7+ months of industry experience. The BITS alumni network includes prominent entrepreneurs and unicorn founders, while NIT Calicut benefits from the extensive NIT Alumni Network spanning multiple countries.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9854 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello sir, I am 38 right now, I have 60 Lacs in mutual funds , I dont have any liabilities and I dont want to have kids in future. I have a house on which there is no loan I have properties worth 4 cr which I am planning to sell and invest in properties where I can get rent, a rental yield of 3-4% so that I can earn monthly rent. I have health insurance of 10 lacs, but since I have kidney problems no company will give me health insurance now. I have term insurance of 50 Lacs. I want to retire at 40, is it possible, considering my lifestyle my monthly expense is hardly 30k, I take a trip once a year so my yearly expense will be 5-6 Lacs max not more than that. I am fed up with my job and just want to quit and live peacefully, what is your advise??
Ans: Your clarity of thought is very good.
You have no debt.
You have good savings.
And you understand your expenses well.
This gives you a great starting point.

Let us now go into every aspect deeply.
You want peace of mind.
You want financial security.
We will look at every angle to build that for you.

? Current Assets and Liabilities

– Mutual funds: Rs. 60 lakh.
– No loans or EMIs.
– One house fully paid off.
– Properties worth Rs. 4 crore.
– Health insurance cover: Rs. 10 lakh.
– Term insurance cover: Rs. 50 lakh.
– Medical condition: Chronic kidney issue.
– Monthly expenses: Rs. 30,000 approx.
– Yearly lifestyle expense: Rs. 5–6 lakh.

Your asset base is quite strong.
Your lifestyle needs are limited.
This makes early retirement a possible goal.
But we must plan it very carefully.

? Your Real Retirement Goal

You are 38 years old now.
You want to retire by 40.
That means financial freedom for 40+ years.
From age 40 to 85 or 90.
That’s around 45–50 years of no active income.

You must prepare for:
– Regular income.
– Inflation.
– Medical expenses.
– Unplanned needs.
– Market ups and downs.

With that clarity, we’ll plan every element.

? Dependence on Real Estate

You wish to sell Rs. 4 crore of property.
You want to reinvest in rent-yielding properties.
But rental yield in India is very low.

Even at 4% rental yield:
– Rs. 4 crore gives only Rs. 13.3 lakh per year.
– That is around Rs. 1.1 lakh per month.
– This rent is not fixed.
– There will be vacancy periods.
– There will be maintenance costs.
– Rental laws are complex.
– Property is not liquid in emergencies.

Also note:
– Real estate does not give compounding growth.
– Real estate does not beat inflation reliably.
– Property income is taxable fully.
– Reinvestment also involves stamp duty, GST and legal fees.

Instead of property, we need a more fluid and tax-efficient plan.

? Better Way to Generate Regular Income

You already have Rs. 60 lakh in mutual funds.
Mutual funds grow faster than rent.
They are more flexible.
They offer compounding growth.
They give better liquidity.

You may follow this route:
– Divide your corpus into two buckets.
– Bucket 1: Emergency + short-term (liquid + arbitrage + conservative hybrid funds).
– Bucket 2: Long-term growth (equity + balanced advantage + large & midcap funds).

From year 1 to 5:
– Use Bucket 1 for monthly income.
– Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) to get Rs. 50,000 monthly.
– Adjust yearly for inflation.

From year 6 onward:
– Start withdrawing from Bucket 2 (which grew meanwhile).
– This plan can last 40+ years.
– Keep reviewing funds with a Certified Financial Planner.

This approach is safer than property.
Also better tax-wise and return-wise.

? Your Health Insurance Gap

You already have Rs. 10 lakh health insurance.
But your kidney issue limits new policy chances.

Still, you can do these:
– Check if your insurer offers top-up policy on existing cover.
– Check if your existing policy allows critical illness add-on.
– Start building your own “Health Corpus” in mutual funds.
– Keep Rs. 15–20 lakh for future medical use.
– This fund should be in short duration debt and hybrid funds.
– Do not use it for any other purpose.

You must keep upgrading your medical buffer.
This protects your peace during retirement.

? Your Term Insurance and Estate Plan

You have Rs. 50 lakh term cover.
But you don’t have dependents.
You don’t want kids.

So term insurance is not really needed now.
Let it lapse at the end of the term.
Instead, make a clear will.
Write down who will get your assets.
Nominate someone responsible.
Also choose a healthcare nominee.
This avoids future legal hassles.

A good estate plan brings clarity and peace.

? Why Real Estate May Not Be Ideal

As said before, rental income looks attractive.
But it has many hidden costs.
Also rental returns are flat for years.

Let’s look at its limitations:
– Property values don’t grow fast now.
– Selling takes time and effort.
– Rent is taxable at slab rate.
– Property attracts maintenance, tax, legal issues.
– Natural disasters or tenant damage is risky.

Instead, mutual funds offer:
– Tax-efficiency.
– Diversification.
– Liquidity.
– Passive income via SWP.
– Better visibility of returns.
– Option to rebalance anytime.

You don’t need to block Rs. 4 crore into property.
Keep your assets fluid and productive.

? Asset Allocation Plan

You can retire with peace if assets are well divided.
This kind of allocation may suit you:

Rs. 30 lakh – Short-term & medical corpus (in hybrid & debt funds).

Rs. 1 crore – Long-term equity corpus (flexi cap, large & midcap, balanced advantage).

Rs. 30 lakh – Opportunity fund (in dynamic asset allocation + gold + global equity).

Rs. 50 lakh – Health buffer + SWP support (in hybrid conservative funds).

From age 40, start SWP from Rs. 60 lakh gradually.
The remaining grows for later years.
A Certified Financial Planner can optimise this plan yearly.

? Tax Planning and Capital Gains

Your mutual fund gains have new tax rules:
– LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.
– STCG taxed at 20%.
– Debt fund gains taxed as per your slab.

You must plan your withdrawals smartly.
Use funds where gains are under threshold.
Split redemptions smartly to minimise tax.

A Certified Financial Planner can guide this in detail.
Real estate has less tax flexibility.
Mutual funds give better post-tax returns.

? Mental Peace After Retirement

You are tired of work.
You want to relax, travel, and enjoy your hobbies.
You want no financial pressure.

That means your income must:
– Be predictable.
– Be tax-efficient.
– Grow with inflation.
– Be flexible.

Only actively managed mutual funds with SWP offer this.
Rent cannot match this.
Rental is fixed and does not adjust to inflation.
Also, if property is vacant, your income stops.

So build your post-retirement life around flexible income.
Mutual fund route is better for that.

? Lifestyle Budgeting

You spend Rs. 30,000 monthly.
Annual travel: Rs. 1–2 lakh.
Total: Rs. 5–6 lakh per year.

Even if we account for inflation:
– Rs. 8–10 lakh per year after 10 years.
– Plan to withdraw this much through SWP.
– Corpus must grow more than inflation.
– Fund selection and review is key here.

A Certified Financial Planner can review every year.
They keep your portfolio aligned to lifestyle changes.

Don’t depend on fixed income like rent alone.
You need flexible wealth.

? Avoiding Index Funds or Direct Funds

Some people may suggest index funds or direct mutual funds.
But those are not ideal for your case.

Here’s why:
– Index funds mirror the market blindly.
– They don’t protect downside.
– They give no active management.
– Direct funds give no advisor support.

In your case, you need safety, growth and personal advice.
So regular funds through a CFP or MFD is better.
You get expert support.
You get help in withdrawals, taxes, rebalancing.
You can’t afford mistakes during retirement.

Always go with actively managed regular plans.

? Emergency Planning

Keep Rs. 15–20 lakh in short-term funds.
Use only for medical, travel or family needs.
Do not mix with lifestyle fund.

Emergency planning is essential in your case.
It avoids stress and unwanted debt.
It gives peace during health issues.

? Portfolio Review and Execution

Once you retire, you must review portfolio every 6 months.
Funds may underperform.
You may need to switch assets.
Inflation may rise faster.
Tax rules may change.

A Certified Financial Planner tracks this for you.
They adjust things proactively.
That gives confidence for 40+ years of retired life.

? Final Insights

– You have a solid base to retire by 40.
– You don’t need rental properties.
– Sell your existing real estate slowly and smartly.
– Reinvest in mutual funds across buckets.
– Use SWP for monthly income from age 40.
– Plan Rs. 6–8 lakh yearly income for 45+ years.
– Avoid direct or index funds.
– Avoid annuities.
– Do not over-rely on rental income.
– Build a health corpus of Rs. 20 lakh.
– Keep Rs. 15 lakh as emergency fund.
– Let Rs. 1.5–2 crore grow in equity for long-term.
– Get help from a CFP every year.
– Your journey can be peaceful and safe.

Stay consistent.
Stay invested.
Stay reviewed.
Early retirement is not a dream.
It is a plan.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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