Dear Love Guru
We are in a live-in for two years.
We entered the live-in committing we were going to marry after one year if everything was fine.
But every time I ask him, he makes some excuse. Even he says because of the pandemic.
I don’t want a big wedding. Even registered marriage is fine.
I asked him many times if he does not want to marry me but he saying I am overthinking.
What do I do? I did not even want the live-in but I agreed because I love him so much.
A

Ans: He is making it clear that he is not ready for marriage and that you should go ahead and meet folks being introduced by your parents. There is no confusion. Accept it. For your sanity block him on social media so that you do not have urge to reach out to him or reply to him when he responds.

Ans: It sounds like you’re in a very painful and confusing situation. Being in a relationship for 10 years, especially when there’s love and care involved, makes it incredibly difficult to face the possibility of it not leading to marriage, especially because of family or caste issues. It’s understandable that you’re feeling mentally exhausted and depressed from trying to hold onto a relationship that seems uncertain when it comes to the future.

From what you’ve shared, it seems like you’ve invested a lot into this relationship, but your boyfriend is unable or unwilling to take the next step due to his family’s disapproval. The fact that he isn’t making efforts to address this problem and seems to be avoiding the issue is deeply concerning, especially since it’s affecting your mental health. Begging him to stay or to get married can make you feel powerless, especially when you’re the only one pushing for a resolution.

What you're feeling is valid—after 10 years together, it’s natural to want clarity and commitment. But if he continues to avoid dealing with the caste issue or refuses to stand up to his family, it suggests that he may not be as committed to the future you envision. You should not have to beg for commitment in a relationship that’s meant to be equal and supportive.

At this point, it’s important to consider your own well-being. Staying in a situation that is causing you so much distress is not healthy, especially when your efforts are not being reciprocated. You deserve a partner who is willing to confront challenges with you and who values your mental and emotional health.

It might help to take a step back, focus on yourself, and consider whether this relationship, as it stands now, is worth the pain it’s causing. If his family’s opposition is insurmountable for him, and he’s not willing to fight for the relationship, you may need to ask yourself whether staying is truly what's best for you. Surrounding yourself with support—friends, family, or even a therapist—might help you regain clarity and rebuild your mental strength.

You deserve love, respect, and a partner who is fully committed to you without hesitation or excuses.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have really decided that you will only marry him, then you should continue trying to convince your parents. Both of you are consenting adults and I am sure you both love each other since you have been together for so many years. Highlight these and any other positive points in your partner to your parents; let them know he is a nice person and he has been committed to you for so long.

I am not sure whether you two broke up for a while or just weren't sure about marriage, but either way, it looks like there was a break in the relationship. So this time around, if you want to rethink the relationship, there is no harm. And if you are not sure what you want, you should take some time to think about it. Don't rush.

Moreover, consider your parent's point of view. Why are they not convinced? Are they seeing something in your partner that you are overlooking because of love? You can ask them for the reason directly and evaluate how reasonable they are.
Hope these suggestions help

Best Wishes.

Ans: Hello mam
I understand that you are going through this problem. If you like someone, and you want to marry him, then you can talk to your parents. If both the sides agree then atleast you do a small ceremony and then wait for few years to settle down. But as in this process both the families are involved then should be agree to this. Talk to them and give yourself and your families some time to decide.
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

Ans: Dear Zeenat,
I understand your problem. The best course of action would be to inform your parents about your relationship. Let them sit together and come to a middle ground, like an engagement or something that solidifies your relationship till your partner is ready to be married or his siblings are married off. This way, you both are compromising a little and yet getting somewhat of an official commitment.

But the first step is to bring the parents into the loop and see how it goes.

Best Wishes.