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Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 25, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
A Question by A on Jan 25, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru
We are in a live-in for two years.
We entered the live-in committing we were going to marry after one year if everything was fine.
But every time I ask him, he makes some excuse. Even he says because of the pandemic.
I don’t want a big wedding. Even registered marriage is fine.
I asked him many times if he does not want to marry me but he saying I am overthinking.
What do I do? I did not even want the live-in but I agreed because I love him so much.
A

Ans:

He’s stalling. Ask him why point blank.

Obviously, the living-in part was to see how compatible you are under the same roof together and, if it’s the ideal situation, he should be as on-board as you.

And yes, plenty of people are registering their marriages during lockdown and holding receptions after so that can’t be a valid reason.

If it’s so important to you, and that was the decision you made when you moved in together, tell him to honour it or let you know the truth about why he’s still not sure.

And if he isn’t sure, well that’s a whole other ballgame. You can’t pressure someone into marrying you and if you did, that would be a mistake.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

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I want to ask question I'm in relationship of 10 years ,happy relationship he care for me I do also.. but as soon as I ask about marriage we start arguing he said his family is not agree due to caste issue he can't marry .. I can't move on I'm the one who is begging to stay and get married .. I daily calls him msgs him that don't left me .. I don't know I'm doing write or wrong.he is ignoring my problem I'm mentally sick now I'm in depression now
Ans: It sounds like you’re in a very painful and confusing situation. Being in a relationship for 10 years, especially when there’s love and care involved, makes it incredibly difficult to face the possibility of it not leading to marriage, especially because of family or caste issues. It’s understandable that you’re feeling mentally exhausted and depressed from trying to hold onto a relationship that seems uncertain when it comes to the future.

From what you’ve shared, it seems like you’ve invested a lot into this relationship, but your boyfriend is unable or unwilling to take the next step due to his family’s disapproval. The fact that he isn’t making efforts to address this problem and seems to be avoiding the issue is deeply concerning, especially since it’s affecting your mental health. Begging him to stay or to get married can make you feel powerless, especially when you’re the only one pushing for a resolution.

What you're feeling is valid—after 10 years together, it’s natural to want clarity and commitment. But if he continues to avoid dealing with the caste issue or refuses to stand up to his family, it suggests that he may not be as committed to the future you envision. You should not have to beg for commitment in a relationship that’s meant to be equal and supportive.

At this point, it’s important to consider your own well-being. Staying in a situation that is causing you so much distress is not healthy, especially when your efforts are not being reciprocated. You deserve a partner who is willing to confront challenges with you and who values your mental and emotional health.

It might help to take a step back, focus on yourself, and consider whether this relationship, as it stands now, is worth the pain it’s causing. If his family’s opposition is insurmountable for him, and he’s not willing to fight for the relationship, you may need to ask yourself whether staying is truly what's best for you. Surrounding yourself with support—friends, family, or even a therapist—might help you regain clarity and rebuild your mental strength.

You deserve love, respect, and a partner who is fully committed to you without hesitation or excuses.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |505 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, i am in a relationship with a guy since last 14 years but due to some ups-downs in his life he denied to marry me two years ago so i remain single in that period and searching for suitable guy in a arrange marriage setup. Now, in this year he came back and said he want to marry me, since i did not able to find any match till then so i said yes, i tried to convince my parents for him but they did not got convinced and started forcing me for arrange marriage for the sake of community and their pride, i dont know what should i do, because whatever they are bringing are good matches and i would have consider or marry them if i am not committed to him.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have really decided that you will only marry him, then you should continue trying to convince your parents. Both of you are consenting adults and I am sure you both love each other since you have been together for so many years. Highlight these and any other positive points in your partner to your parents; let them know he is a nice person and he has been committed to you for so long.

I am not sure whether you two broke up for a while or just weren't sure about marriage, but either way, it looks like there was a break in the relationship. So this time around, if you want to rethink the relationship, there is no harm. And if you are not sure what you want, you should take some time to think about it. Don't rush.

Moreover, consider your parent's point of view. Why are they not convinced? Are they seeing something in your partner that you are overlooking because of love? You can ask them for the reason directly and evaluate how reasonable they are.
Hope these suggestions help

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Then doctor asked her why she stopped and what I said, my wife said that he is asking for female staff and doctor said “I am a doctor and I am not having female staff and there is nothing male and female in doctor’s consultation” my wife got convinced and told me that we are continuing with this doctor and I also shaked my head as consent sign but not aware with the upcoming surprise and then she open her upper body part and doctor did the check up by pressing or whatever doctor does. And I was not ready for this So, I am still in trauma due to this, but I don’t want her to show her body to any male doctor. That picture comes again and again in my eyes. I don’t want to break my relation with wife, because we married 20 years before and we have 2 daughter and I love her too much. But she has disobeyed me and obeyed that doctor. I am in a trauma. What should I do to come out of this trauma. Please let me know.
Ans: To address your trauma, start by having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings. Express your emotions calmly, without blame, so she can understand the depth of your discomfort and help you work through it. It's also crucial to recognize that trust and mutual respect are fundamental in any relationship. Your wife’s decision was likely driven by her need for medical care, not a desire to hurt or disobey you.

Consider seeking professional help for yourself. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space for you to explore these feelings, work through the trauma, and develop strategies to cope with intrusive thoughts. They can also help you understand the importance of medical privacy and the necessity of certain procedures, which may ease your discomfort over time.

Additionally, you might want to explore couples counseling. This can help both of you navigate this situation together, rebuild trust, and strengthen your relationship. Remember, your goal is to maintain a loving and supportive partnership, and professional guidance can be instrumental in achieving that.

Your love for your wife and your desire to keep the relationship strong is evident. By addressing these feelings head-on and seeking support, you can move towards healing and maintaining the bond you cherish.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7548 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 17, 2025Hindi
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Money
I'm 35 years old. I want to invest INR 65000 for retirement at 50 years old. My current expenses 65000 per month. Please guide me.
Ans: Retiring at 50 with your current lifestyle requires a carefully crafted investment strategy. Here’s a detailed guide tailored to your goal.

Step 1: Define Retirement Corpus Requirement
Current Monthly Expenses: Rs. 65,000.
Inflation Adjustment: At 6% inflation, your expenses will increase significantly by 50.
Retirement Corpus: The corpus must sustain you for at least 30+ years post-retirement.
Lifestyle Goals: Include travel, medical emergencies, and aspirational expenses in calculations.
Step 2: Asset Allocation Strategy
A balanced mix of equity and debt instruments can help grow your wealth steadily while minimizing risks.

1. Equity Mutual Funds (70% Allocation)
Why Equity? High growth potential to beat inflation over the long term.
Recommended Categories: Flexi-cap, mid-cap, and large-cap funds.
SIP/Investable Amount: Invest Rs. 45,500 monthly in equity mutual funds.
2. Debt Instruments (30% Allocation)
Why Debt? Stability and regular income during volatile markets.
Recommended Options: PPF, short-term debt mutual funds, or NPS (Tier I).
SIP/Investable Amount: Allocate Rs. 19,500 monthly.
Step 3: Include Inflation Protection
Inflation reduces the value of money significantly over time.
Your retirement corpus should grow faster than the inflation rate.
Equity exposure helps overcome inflation impacts effectively.
Step 4: Ensure Tax Efficiency
1. Equity Mutual Funds
Tax Rules: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.
Action Plan: Use annual redemption to manage gains below taxable limits.
2. PPF and NPS
Tax Benefits: Both offer tax-saving benefits under Section 80C.
Lock-in Period: Ensure alignment with your retirement timeline.
Step 5: Emergency Fund Creation
Build an emergency fund equivalent to 12 months’ expenses (Rs. 7.8 lakh).
Park it in liquid funds or a high-yield savings account for quick access.
Step 6: Health and Risk Coverage
Health Insurance: Ensure adequate coverage to avoid depleting investments during medical emergencies.
Life Insurance: Use a term plan to secure your dependents until you achieve your retirement goal.
Step 7: Regular Portfolio Reviews
Review your portfolio every six months.
Rebalance based on performance, changing goals, and market conditions.
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner for optimized asset allocation.
Step 8: Additional Recommendations
Avoid Real Estate: Illiquid and high transaction costs make it unsuitable for your timeline.
Avoid Direct Investments: Opt for regular plans via mutual fund distributors guided by a CFP.
Diversify Investments: Explore international mutual funds for added growth.
Step 9: Incremental Contributions
Increase your SIP amount annually by 10-15% to align with income growth.
This ensures your corpus grows significantly over time.
Finally
Achieving financial independence by 50 is ambitious but achievable. Consistency in investments, inflation-adjusted growth, and regular reviews are critical. Focus on disciplined execution of the outlined plan for a secure and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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