Dear Love Guru
We are in a live-in for two years.
We entered the live-in committing we were going to marry after one year if everything was fine.
But every time I ask him, he makes some excuse. Even he says because of the pandemic.
I don’t want a big wedding. Even registered marriage is fine.
I asked him many times if he does not want to marry me but he saying I am overthinking.
What do I do? I did not even want the live-in but I agreed because I love him so much.
A

Ans:

Dear SM,

Not enough alarm bells ringing for you? He has the courage to ‘date’ you, talk marriage to you and bam…suddenly now the parents are not fine, and he backs off?

Wants to be in a ‘secret’ relationship with you and then carry on like nothing ever happened? Oh, and he thinks you will cheat and fly away?

Nice way to play the victim and gain sympathy from you, so that you give in to his ideas of hiding this relationship and he gets what he wants.

You know what you need to do?

All the best!

Ans: Dear Aarya,
Time moves and so do people move along with the situations that they face.
Yes, you had both decided life in a particular way; but now it has suddenly shifted to something else. Why they want the Villa with so much of debt mounting, is their decision!
But you can certainly decide if you want to start your life with that debt, repay it along with them, give up on your dreams of living abroad? You can decide it NOW. Your decision will determine your life's path. So choose and decide very wisely.
You have a job offer on hand; so is it going to be life with your boyfriend in debt or starting life afresh on your own terms. Weigh the pros and cons of both and choose wisely.

All the best!

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you've faced in your relationship. It can be challenging when circumstances and external factors affect a relationship. However, it's important to remember that the decision to marry ultimately lies with both individuals involved.

Here are some suggestions to consider:

Open and honest communication: Have a heartfelt conversation with your partner about your feelings and desire to get married. Express your love and commitment, and try to understand his perspective and concerns. Encourage him to share his thoughts openly and honestly.

Understand his fears and reservations: It's possible that your partner may have fears or reservations about marriage due to the losses he has experienced. Listen attentively and try to empathize with his feelings. Show understanding and support, allowing him to express his emotions.

Seek professional help: Consider suggesting couples therapy or counseling. A professional therapist can provide a safe and neutral space to explore the issues in your relationship and help facilitate communication and understanding between both of you.

Patience and time: Healing from loss and overcoming personal fears can take time. Be patient and give your partner the space he needs to process his emotions and make decisions about marriage. Avoid putting pressure on him or rushing the process.

Focus on building a strong foundation: Work on strengthening your relationship outside of the context of marriage. Build trust, deepen emotional connection, and continue to support each other through life's challenges. A strong foundation can create a more solid base for considering marriage in the future.

Consider your own needs and happiness: While it's important to be understanding and patient, it's also crucial to prioritize your own needs and happiness. Reflect on what you truly desire in a relationship and consider whether you're willing to wait indefinitely for your partner to be ready for marriage.

Ultimately, the decision to marry should be a mutual one based on love, commitment, and shared goals. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your partner and seek professional guidance if necessary.