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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Currently, I am in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 5 months. I have been in love with her for the past 5 years and she has been aware about it. We had a love hate relationship for the last 5 years where she had also dated another guy for a year in the middle. But after getting into a relationship with her, she came to know that I had gone out with other girls, while I had claimed that I was in love with her and could not be with anyone else as a result. She is aware that since we were not together, I was allowed to hangout with other females and maybe get a bit physically close to them, but now she cannot wrap her mind around the fact that I did those. The thought of me with someone else disturbs her, and she has a pretty hard time trusting me. We have had discussions at length and I have assured her multiple times that I am not going to do anything of that sort anymore but nothing seems to dissolve her uncomfortability towards it. I do love her the most and do anything for her and want this to work out and she claims to love me a lot as well. What do I do? How can I make her trust me?

Ans: Dear Anonymous, Please understand that trust is a delicate aspect of any relationship, and rebuilding it requires time, patience, and consistent effort from both partners. It's important to create an environment where both of you feel secure and valued. You must have heard action speaks louder than words demonstrate through your actions that you are committed to the relation. If you've promised to change certain behaviors, make sure you follow through. Reassure her of your love and commitment. Continue to have open and honest conversations about your feelings, concerns, and the reasons behind your past actions. Encourage her to express her thoughts and emotions as well. Make sure she feels heard and understood.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 08, 2021

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Dear Love Guru,Some of my closest friends are girls.My girlfriend was okay with it earlier, but she is getting too possessive now.She does not want me to hang out with my female friends but she is okay with my hanging out with my male friends.I don’t have a romantic interest in these girls and nor do they have a romantic interest in me.And I am not someone who will cheat.How do I convince her?Is this a good sign for the future?Aditya
Ans:

No, Aditya, it’s definitely not a good sign for the future. An overly possessive partner is a problem.

If she was okay with it earlier, she should be okay with it now.

You’re allowed to have friends of the opposite sex! And you shouldn’t have to convince her that you aren’t going to cheat on her; that means there is an inherent mistrust about you in her head already.

You can sit her down and speak to her about this problem.

If she’s willing to be reasonable about this, good for you. But from the sound of things, my hopes aren’t too high regarding this situation.

Just to be fair to her, however, I am going to put this out there -- I am assuming that you spend a reasonable amount of time with your girlfriend.

There are people who’d much rather be in the company of friends constantly and that is bound to upset their partners. So ensure that you’re spending enough quality time with her as well.

And if you are, and meeting your friends even a couple of times a month is still an issue, well, buddy, I’d say run for the hills.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |295 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2023

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I'm a 19 year-old-boy and I have been in a relationship for 1 year. We know each other a lot as we're best friends before we decided to be couple. But due to some incidents I'm having trust issues. She is a little bit desirable with me only but I'm imagining if she gets intimated with any other due to her excitement or if she leaves me. I really want to trust her. I've experienced this before when I was in another relationship 5 years back. Maybe it's my past which is hovering. I don't know. I want to believe her. How can I ?
Ans: Dear Anirban,

It seems to be that you are having a little bit of a trust issue, which is normal at your age. But look, you have known your girlfriend for quite some time now. Is she capable of being dishonest with you? Yes, there are differences between being someone's best friend and someone's romantic partner, but the person and their innate nature stay more or less the same. You know her better than anyone. Ask yourself. If there is still some sliver of doubt, the best thing would be to have a clear and honest discussion about the same with her. Communicate to her, without sounding accusatory, that you have been feeling this way lately.

In my experience, if your gut tells you there's some reason to worry, there usually is. But you are young, and your intuitions can very well be clouded by emotions running high and insecurities that come with that age. The best course of action is to talk it out. You will have clarity.

And hey, your past is in the past. What happened there, and how you were or weren't treated cannot be the yardstick for everything that is happening and is yet to happen in your life. You are too young to hang back in the past.

Best Wishes!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Currently, I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 5 months. He has been in love with me for the last 5 years and I have been aware about it. We had a love hate relationship for the last 5 years where I have also dated another guy. But after getting into a relationship with him, I came to know that he had gone out with other girls, while he had claimed that he was in love with me and could not be with anyone else. I am aware that since we were not together, he was allowed to hangout with other females and maybe get a bit physically close to them, but now I cannot wrap my mind around the fat that he did those. The thought of him with someone else disturbs me, and I have a pretty hard time trusting him. We have had discussions at length with him, but nothing seems to dissolve my uncomfortability towards it. I do love him a lot and want this to work out and he claims to love me a lot as well. What do I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous, It sounds like you're dealing with a complex situation that involves a mix of past history, trust issues, and conflicting emotions.Continue having open and honest conversations with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and any insecurities you might have Reflect on the past and try to understand the context in which both of you had other relationships. Keep in mind that during that time, you weren't officially committed to each other. Understanding this might help you rationalize those experiences and move forward.Clearly communicate your expectations and establish boundaries for your current relationship. Discuss what is acceptable behavior for both of you and make sure you are on the same page regarding exclusivity and commitment.Trust is crucial in any relationship. It takes time to rebuild, but consistent actions, transparency, and open communication can help. If he's willing, he should be patient and understanding as you work through your feelings.Take some time for self-reflection. Understand your own insecurities and fears and work on building your own confidence. Sometimes, addressing personal issues can positively impact the relationship dynamics.If you're committed to making the relationship work, it's essential to find a way to forgive and let go of the past. Holding onto resentment can hinder the growth of the relationship.

Remember that every relationship is unique, and it's normal to face challenges. However, it's crucial for both partners to be committed to working through these challenges together. If the discomfort persists and affects your well-being, it's important to prioritize your own happiness and make decisions that are in your best interest.

..Read more

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