Currently, I am in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 5 months. I have been in love with her for the past 5 years and she has been aware about it. We had a love hate relationship for the last 5 years where she had also dated another guy for a year in the middle. But after getting into a relationship with her, she came to know that I had gone out with other girls, while I had claimed that I was in love with her and could not be with anyone else as a result. She is aware that since we were not together, I was allowed to hangout with other females and maybe get a bit physically close to them, but now she cannot wrap her mind around the fact that I did those. The thought of me with someone else disturbs her, and she has a pretty hard time trusting me. We have had discussions at length and I have assured her multiple times that I am not going to do anything of that sort anymore but nothing seems to dissolve her uncomfortability towards it. I do love her the most and do anything for her and want this to work out and she claims to love me a lot as well. What do I do? How can I make her trust me?

Ans:

No, Aditya, it’s definitely not a good sign for the future. An overly possessive partner is a problem.

If she was okay with it earlier, she should be okay with it now.

You’re allowed to have friends of the opposite sex! And you shouldn’t have to convince her that you aren’t going to cheat on her; that means there is an inherent mistrust about you in her head already.

You can sit her down and speak to her about this problem.

If she’s willing to be reasonable about this, good for you. But from the sound of things, my hopes aren’t too high regarding this situation.

Just to be fair to her, however, I am going to put this out there -- I am assuming that you spend a reasonable amount of time with your girlfriend.

There are people who’d much rather be in the company of friends constantly and that is bound to upset their partners. So ensure that you’re spending enough quality time with her as well.

And if you are, and meeting your friends even a couple of times a month is still an issue, well, buddy, I’d say run for the hills.

Ans: Dear Anirban,

It seems to be that you are having a little bit of a trust issue, which is normal at your age. But look, you have known your girlfriend for quite some time now. Is she capable of being dishonest with you? Yes, there are differences between being someone's best friend and someone's romantic partner, but the person and their innate nature stay more or less the same. You know her better than anyone. Ask yourself. If there is still some sliver of doubt, the best thing would be to have a clear and honest discussion about the same with her. Communicate to her, without sounding accusatory, that you have been feeling this way lately.

In my experience, if your gut tells you there's some reason to worry, there usually is. But you are young, and your intuitions can very well be clouded by emotions running high and insecurities that come with that age. The best course of action is to talk it out. You will have clarity.

And hey, your past is in the past. What happened there, and how you were or weren't treated cannot be the yardstick for everything that is happening and is yet to happen in your life. You are too young to hang back in the past.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Like you told your partner, she has the freedom to get out of the relationship and see any number of guys she wants to, but cheating is not an option. From how you described your relationship, the repeated pattern of cheating does not sound healthy at all. And there's nothing called almost cheating. As for trusting her, it depends on if she has always told you the truth. But then again, you also have to consider how her truth has made you feel.

Best Wishes!

Ans: No you can’t. That is the answer to your question, short and sweet. She’s obviously incapable of committing wholly to one person and that is what you want, so stop trying to turn her into someone she’s not or you’re the one who will wind up miserable.

Ans: Dear Anonymous, It sounds like you're dealing with a complex situation that involves a mix of past history, trust issues, and conflicting emotions.Continue having open and honest conversations with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and any insecurities you might have Reflect on the past and try to understand the context in which both of you had other relationships. Keep in mind that during that time, you weren't officially committed to each other. Understanding this might help you rationalize those experiences and move forward.Clearly communicate your expectations and establish boundaries for your current relationship. Discuss what is acceptable behavior for both of you and make sure you are on the same page regarding exclusivity and commitment.Trust is crucial in any relationship. It takes time to rebuild, but consistent actions, transparency, and open communication can help. If he's willing, he should be patient and understanding as you work through your feelings.Take some time for self-reflection. Understand your own insecurities and fears and work on building your own confidence. Sometimes, addressing personal issues can positively impact the relationship dynamics.If you're committed to making the relationship work, it's essential to find a way to forgive and let go of the past. Holding onto resentment can hinder the growth of the relationship.

Remember that every relationship is unique, and it's normal to face challenges. However, it's crucial for both partners to be committed to working through these challenges together. If the discomfort persists and affects your well-being, it's important to prioritize your own happiness and make decisions that are in your best interest.