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Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 08, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Sep 08, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
My parents want me to get married.
I really like this guy in our office and I think he likes me too.
We talk a lot and I like how he thinks. I like the way he talks about his family though I have never met them.
But my parents will not agree to our marriage because he is from a different state and not our exact caste.
I don’t want to marry a complete stranger.
What do I do?
Name withheld on request

Ans:

I don’t think anybody wants to marry a total stranger!

First off, you need to tell your parents that. They cannot be forcing you to get hitched to a boy of their choice; this isn’t the Middle Ages.

And second, aren’t you jumping the gun a little about marriage to your colleague?

You’re not even in a relationship yet, even if there’s a mutual attraction. You need to see where that goes before deciding that you want to marry him.

So go ahead and dip your toes in the dating pool.

But before you do, I’d suggest you sit your parents down to have ‘the talk’. And leave the colleague out of it for now, or they will inadvertently draw the conclusion that it’s this boy who’s turned your head against an arranged match and will be prejudiced against him because of it.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
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My name is Anamika 27 years old from Punjab and about 17 months back i met person prakash from Bangalore age 42 through social media and initially it started as friendship and now we are loving each other a lot and we have met once and both spent considerable time together and we are ok to get married each other...problem is my family will not accept for love marriage and they are against love marrisges...i am punjabi and boy is south indian..there is 15 years age gap between us..for that reason also my family members will not accept boy...because he is 15 years elder than me...boy is already married and divorced...now i am planning to run away from home and get married with boy...as my family will not allow me to marry the person whom i love a lot...and don't want to miss thst boy...please advise what i can do in this given situation...i have brother too who is very aggressive and supporting my parents
Ans: Dear Anamika,
By running away, you are only making things more complicated for yourself.
You said: That you family WILL NOT accept this...how do you know if you still haven't asked them?
Also, let's say that they say NO...Find out what their concern is...being from the previous generation, they most likely might have an issue with him being divorced; which means you need to make an effort to make the boy and your parents meet. Let them also see what you see in him.
How easy it is to run away rather than actually facing things head on, right? Face the, fix them, work on them...then you will have a chance at more blossoming relationships. No where in your letter, I could read what the boy's opinion or reaction to the matter is. What does he feel about all this? How committed is he as you are the one planning to leave everything behind? How is his family background? These are missing gaps in your story and I urge you to look into this before taking any step. Marriage is not a movie type fairy tale; it is literally breaking into a new life and making something together as a couple. Do you two have that in you? Think...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |247 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My name is Faraha. Don't want to share my last name. I am 25 year old and working in a MNC in Bangalore. I met a guy at office who is a Hindu and we fell in love. It has been 1 years since we are into relationship, we both have agreed to become life partner and both have agreed not change religion and continue living as we are now. My parents are looking for alliance for me and they want to marry me off to a cousin working in middle East. I am not at all interested as well grew up together as a brother and sister and I have no feeling towards him. My mother tried to convenience me saying things will be better after marriage, and I dnt have courage enough to tell them about my relationship at work. I don't want to marry against my will and at the same time I don't want to break my parents heart. How do I come out of this situation? Please advice ..I have no rights to take decision on my life partner like other woman has? Why am I being published? I just want to marry the guy I love ...
Ans: Dear Faraha,

I am so sorry that you are in a situation where you feel you have no right to choose your own partner. I understand your dilemma. The only advice I can give right now is you speak to your parents about your wish not to marry the man they found for you. You can be honest and tell them your concerns. If you are not ready to disclose your relationship right now, that is okay. But the important thing is to not get forced into marrying someone you are neither attracted to nor comfortable with; you are an adult and you have every right to choose your partner. Having said that, I know how incredibly difficult it can be to convince parents. Clear and open communication is the only way. Once you can convince them to not go forward with this current alliance, you can slowly bring up the matter of your relationship. Not right away, but once things have cooled down a bit. I hope everything works out for you.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1026 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hie I need an advice about marriage, I am 28 years old and wants to marry a guy who is younger than me, however earns good salary. Also we are from different caste. I am afraid of having conversation about this with my parents and also I am confused that how to have this conversation with my parents. He loves me a lot and always support me. Also i got engaged with different person (arranged marriage), however that person broke the engagement and now I wont be able to trust and give chance to a new person to come into my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why exactly did you get engaged with someone else when you say that you are in love with another person?
I don't get this...Have the conversation with you parents stating clearly what you want. Yes, your parents will and might oppose it for whatever reason, but if you and the boy are serious, then pursue it...
Then where is the question of a new person coming and your trusting etc. From your email/letter, one thing is clear to me is that: you have no idea what you want. You love someone and say that you want to marry him and then you go and get engaged to someone else and now you are wondering if you can trust someone new.
What is going on? What happens to your 'guy'? Are you serious about that relationship at all?
I think you really need to first sit and have a conversation with yourself and then talk to your parents, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |276 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I am in relationship with a guy who is from different caste. It's been three years but his family is not agreeing due to family status and intercaste. My family is ready as I am the eldest daughter of my family and unturned 30 this year. I have no time but he can't marry me without his parents concent. My family is searching a boy for my marriage. I can't marry with another guy. what shall I do to marry him to convince his family or what should he do his monther is so rigid. Please ???? support us what should we do? Two lives will be spoiled bcz of this. The only problem is upper and lower caste.
Ans: Navigating a relationship where cultural norms and family expectations conflict is challenging, but it's crucial to approach it with empathy and patience.
You're deeply committed to your partner despite the pressure from his family due to caste differences. While your family supports your marriage, his family, especially his mother, is firm in their opposition. You're also facing time constraints and societal pressure, making the situation urgent and stressful.
Your partner needs to have ongoing, respectful conversations with his parents, emphasizing your love and commitment. He should explain why you are the right person for him and how you positively impact his life. Understanding and addressing their specific concerns, whether they are about societal judgment or family honor, is crucial.
Sharing personal stories and demonstrating the depth of your bond can help his parents see beyond the caste issue. Highlighting your shared values and how you both support each other can make your relationship more relatable to them.
Seek help from a trusted family member or friend who can mediate and help his parents see the relationship from a new perspective. A respected family elder who has navigated similar challenges can also be influential.
Changing deep-seated beliefs takes time. Your partner should continue to gently and persistently show his parents that his happiness lies with you. Patience will be key as they may need time to adjust to the idea
Engage with support groups or counselors experienced in intercaste relationships. They can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Discuss potential scenarios if his parents don’t approve. Consider whether options like elopement or giving them time to come around could work for both of you. These conversations should be open and honest to ensure mutual understanding.

Throughout this process, maintain strong communication and support each other emotionally. Navigating these challenges together will strengthen your bond and help you both find a path forward that honors your relationship and family ties.

..Read more

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