Dear Guruji,
Namaskar.
I have been married since five years (arranged) and have two beautiful kids.
The problem in my married life is that I don't find my wife beautiful or attractive.
Why I agreed to marry her back in 2016 is a topic for another day, but it was my decision and I was not forced in any way.
I am not a bad guy and believe that physical beauty is not all that matters.
She is a very honest and beautiful person by nature. I have tried and tried and tried but she just does not appear attractive to me in any way.
We have sex very rarely and now she is beginning to question me about it. I make excuses on and off but now it’s getting on me.
I want to feel the desire for sex with my wife too, but there seems to be no way. I cannot leave her coz I know she is not to blame and same goes for the kids.
Sometimes I feel that I should tell her I don't find her attractive but I know it will hurt her.
The problem is that it’s not just she who is suffering coz of lack of sex; I am also going through same.
Please advise,
Anonymous

Dear MamI am a 33 year old male working in a PSU at middle management level. Six years ago I was married happily as per my wish to a girl of my choice.Everything was just perfect. My wife is 4.5 years younger to me. I had to go against my parents wish as they were not comfortable with a non working wife. Mine was not a love story but yes I met girl through a common friend and went ahead for the alliance. Our sex life was also great in the start and we welcomed a baby girl just 2 months short of our first wedding anniversary. However now when I compare I do understand that because of household chores she could not give proper time to me, but still I feel a strong urge to have sex with her. She somehow does not reciprocate well and is dull in having sex. Apart from this we still fight over silly things and tolerance level of both of us have gone very down. Sometimes I feel to this extent that I should walk out from the marriage because I really don't want hot talks in our relationship. I agree I have a 5 year old baby girl. I do control my feelings and anger too to some extent. My wife also does the same but really small things trigger me on. Also I always have a huge sex drive and I feel that if I don't get it from my wife I should look out for other options. I have not cheated with her but I feel that given the option I can because of sex urge. May be this is due to higher libido and I do masturbate occasionally fantasizing my neighbour or other female friends and sometimes my wife too. I don't know what goes through me but seeing your column I felt I should tell you these small details so you could give me an honest answer. I don't want to leave her, I do love her a lot but these fights really make me lose my cool and feel depressed.What should be done according to you ? Should I see a psychiatrist?

Hello Kanchan I'm 43 & my wife is 39. We have known each other for almost 25 yrs now (8 yrs before marriage and 17yrs of married life). We had our ups and downs in our relationship. But somehow we stayed together. We have a daughter who is 8. I've been working abroad for 4yrs and I used to come only once in a year to see my family. Now I'm back and doing a full time job. My wife works from home as a freelancer. I've observed that, after I returned, my wife has lost interest in me. She's also not interested at all in physical relationship. It is really very irritating as I am a romantic person. She simply says she doesn't feel like having intercourse. She does love me but what's the solution? How do I satisfy my feelings? She agrees to have intercourse so that I don't feel bad. But it is not satisfying! How do I tackle this situation?

Hi, I am 42 and my wife is 36. Been married for close to 9 years. Had our first princess in 2015 & second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally & physically. We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of course 3 years into post our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those Intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear......parallel I am taking time to appreciate how caring she has been in respect to taking care of the family, complimenting her how beautiful she looks inside and outside, how much she is glowing, sometimes I take efforts to cook for her giving time offs and also I look after the kids, press her legs etc. but nothing is working and this desperacy is killing me inside so much that sometimes I have been getting false & weird thoughts in my mind to have an affair or go to a call girl. Need your advise on this....

Dear Love Guru, I am married and 18 and 9 year old boys. I am married for 20 years, and my wife lost interest in sex from last couple of years. She also doesn’t like to sleep in same bed. I have tried to convince her, but she says , this not now age to have sex and she not young girl. Without sex, I am into depression, my wife says, she is happy to give divorce, if required. What would be best in my situation, should I go for divorce ?