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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 02, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Keshav Question by Keshav on Mar 30, 2023Hindi
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Hello Kanchan I'm 43 & my wife is 39. We have known each other for almost 25 yrs now (8 yrs before marriage and 17yrs of married life). We had our ups and downs in our relationship. But somehow we stayed together. We have a daughter who is 8. I've been working abroad for 4yrs and I used to come only once in a year to see my family. Now I'm back and doing a full time job. My wife works from home as a freelancer. I've observed that, after I returned, my wife has lost interest in me. She's also not interested at all in physical relationship. It is really very irritating as I am a romantic person. She simply says she doesn't feel like having intercourse. She does love me but what's the solution? How do I satisfy my feelings? She agrees to have intercourse so that I don't feel bad. But it is not satisfying! How do I tackle this situation?

Ans: Hello Keshav

It sounds like you're going through a tough time in your relationship. It's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding towards your wife's perspective. It could be that she's going through her own challenges that are affecting her desire for physical intimacy. It could also be that the dynamic of your relationship has shifted with your return, and you both need to find a new balance.

The first step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings and concerns. Listen to her perspective and try to understand what might be causing her lack of interest in physical intimacy. It's important to approach this conversation without judgment or blame.

If there are underlying issues that need to be addressed, it might be helpful to seek the support of a couples therapist or counselor. They can help you both work through any challenges and find ways to improve your intimacy and connection.

In the meantime, it's important to focus on building emotional intimacy in your relationship. This can be done through spending quality time together, having meaningful conversations, and expressing appreciation and gratitude for each other. This may help to improve your physical intimacy over time.

Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, but with effort and communication, you can work through challenges and strengthen your connection with your partner.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 17, 2023

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Relationship
Hi, I am 42 and my wife is 36. Been married for close to 9 years. Had our first princess in 2015 & second princess in 2019. Before having the second one, my wife had a very good sex drive both mentally & physically. We were having intercourse for at least 3 times a week. But over a period of course 3 years into post our second child being born, my wife has lost interest. Sex has been like may be once in 30 to 45 days. I am not forcing her but rather trying my best to have those Intimate moments like hugging tightly, kissing her, do a little bit of smooching, try to touch and kiss on sensitive areas like belly, feet, ear......parallel I am taking time to appreciate how caring she has been in respect to taking care of the family, complimenting her how beautiful she looks inside and outside, how much she is glowing, sometimes I take efforts to cook for her giving time offs and also I look after the kids, press her legs etc. but nothing is working and this desperacy is killing me inside so much that sometimes I have been getting false & weird thoughts in my mind to have an affair or go to a call girl. Need your advise on this....
Ans: Dear Chandra,
I am glad that you are putting in all efforts in a non-sexual manner which is what most people miss out on.
But since it isn't working, I think it could be just caring for two young children. It can sap a woman's/primary caregiver's energy to a point that intimacy is the last think on her mind.
You children are at an age where they are dependent on parents and also are full on energy with high demands. This could be the reason as well.
I would also suggest that with growing demands from the children in terms of time and attention, what might be overlooked is your wife has some vitamin deficiency which can lead to lethargy, lack of interest and more. My suggestion would be to visit a doctor who will write down specific tests that may get to the root of the problem.
Till then, be the supportive husband that you have been AND a call girl is a momentary rush of adrenaline; so be wise...

All the best!

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