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Kanchan Rai |405 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 02, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Question by Keshav on Mar 30, 2023Hindi

Hello Kanchan I'm 43 & my wife is 39. We have known each other for almost 25 yrs now (8 yrs before marriage and 17yrs of married life). We had our ups and downs in our relationship. But somehow we stayed together. We have a daughter who is 8. I've been working abroad for 4yrs and I used to come only once in a year to see my family. Now I'm back and doing a full time job. My wife works from home as a freelancer. I've observed that, after I returned, my wife has lost interest in me. She's also not interested at all in physical relationship. It is really very irritating as I am a romantic person. She simply says she doesn't feel like having intercourse. She does love me but what's the solution? How do I satisfy my feelings? She agrees to have intercourse so that I don't feel bad. But it is not satisfying! How do I tackle this situation?

Ans: Hello Keshav

It sounds like you're going through a tough time in your relationship. It's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding towards your wife's perspective. It could be that she's going through her own challenges that are affecting her desire for physical intimacy. It could also be that the dynamic of your relationship has shifted with your return, and you both need to find a new balance.

The first step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings and concerns. Listen to her perspective and try to understand what might be causing her lack of interest in physical intimacy. It's important to approach this conversation without judgment or blame.

If there are underlying issues that need to be addressed, it might be helpful to seek the support of a couples therapist or counselor. They can help you both work through any challenges and find ways to improve your intimacy and connection.

In the meantime, it's important to focus on building emotional intimacy in your relationship. This can be done through spending quality time together, having meaningful conversations, and expressing appreciation and gratitude for each other. This may help to improve your physical intimacy over time.

Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, but with effort and communication, you can work through challenges and strengthen your connection with your partner.

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Anu Krishna |1312 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

Question by HS - Nov 12, 2020Hindi

I have problem with my wife from last 10 months, she is not interested in sex. Every time I told for that she denied me and reason that in winter she says chilling and in summer she told any other reason. Please give some solution to me what can I do?

Ans: Dear HS, Isn’t it time that you actually asked your wife what she wants rather than just focusing on what you want?

Since you haven’t mentioned her age, I may not be able to relate a particular phase of a woman’s life and sex in relation to that age. But broadly, I can say that for a woman to be in a mood to have sex/make love only when she is emotionally well and fit.

Maybe there is an underlying stress condition that must be looked into as this might make her lose interest in sex.

Also, certain hormonal changes with age can make women less responsive in bed. And sometimes a few medical conditions may also cause this challenge.

Whatever, it maybe, she is your partner and spouse. I would suggest that you first get down to a peaceful communication where the intent is not to drive your agenda of sex but instead being there for her and understanding her as well.

This will create a space of trust where she will be able to share her feelings and what she is going through.

Do get a basic blood work done where a few medical conditions can be ruled out as well.

And if it still persists, then it’s perhaps time to seek a professional out who can help put things into perspective by going deeper into what exactly is going on.

A strong emotional distress maybe the cause for this too.

Whatever it maybe, be with her through this entire journey. She will need a friend to fall back on for sure.

Happy bonding and all the best!

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Anu Krishna |1312 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 19, 2023Hindi

I'm 60 yrs old & my wife is 54 years old. We are married for 33 years now and have 2 grown-up children. My wife was always having less interest towards the physical relationship. She had lost further interest since last 10 years and totally stopped since last 6 years. She sleeps in a sperate room to avoid any physical relationship. She always says we are too old for physical relationship and let us not do physical relationship now. I feel an urge to have a physical relationship atleast one a week and because of no relationship, I feel irritated and this is also effecting our general day to day relationship. Unfortunately she is not understanding this and is adamant. Please suggest what should to do to resolve this problem?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I think your query has been answered here:
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/m-60-yrs-amp-wife-54-married-33-2-grown/5144376
Copy paste this link in your browser to view the answer.

All the best!

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