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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |144 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I loved a girl who is a good friend of mine. She knew my feelings because I proposed her twice. But when I last proposed her she declined so I decided to move on. Even she mentioned that she like someone else but see's me as a friend only. So I decided to distance her. Now it has been around 9-10 months we don't talk but my feeling are not fading. She is still to me a sweet little kid I loved. So I am deciding to go back to her to befriend me again. How should I do it that it don't seems creepy. Also how can she take me back in her life as a BAE

Ans: Stop - the girl has been clear in telling you she likes you as a friend. She has not connected you in the last 9-10 months. She knows how you feel - if she felt the same she would have connected with you in the months that passed by. You have no clue what space she is in. It is best you focus on moving on unless she reaches out. Having said this you will do as you wish. All the best.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |526 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, myself is 31 years old guy and I was in relationship with the women (collegue of mine in previous company) who is married and had 1 son and she is 9 years elder then me. Basically I was going through a tough time as I had breakup in 2017 and started drinking and smoking which usually everybody does after a heartbreak. In year 2019 she got to know about my drinking habits and she starting giving her time to me so that I stop all this things. She used to behind me to stop all these things but gradually after a year or so we started developing feelings for each other. We used to talk to a lot like almost we used to share everything and in year 2020 we got into relation and we proposed each other. Everything was fine till 2021. In year 2021 I went for a group picnic where my Ex was also present and my biggest mistake was that I didn't shared this thing with her but she got to know this from one of our common collegue who was also part of the picnic & after that disaster started in our life. She started doubting me that I am still in relation with my Ex but I was not there & continuously I have to prove myself that I don't have any feelings for my ex & I love you only. I was ready to do anything for her even just to surprise her I travel to her city where she went on vacation to her parents house. But unfortunately that was the last time we were together the moment I came to my hometown things started getting worse as she again started doubting me and in anger I just burst on her and after that she stopped talking and bcz of which I went into a depression and due to which I was completely mess was not able to do anything in my life except drinking. Now it has been 2 years that we don't talk except only on some occasion she calls or msg. Still I am having the same feeling for her which I had 3 years back & I need her back in my life. Please suggest me what should I do in this scenario.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear you are facing such challenges in your life. Doubt and jealousy can ruin a relationship and your relationship is proof of that. While you might not have had bad intentions when you did not reveal your ex being present in the gathering with you, it is also understandable that your partner's trust suffered a crack which finally gave away completely. The thing to learn here is that open communication could have saved you all these sufferings. But that's all in the past. Right now you are separated from your partner and I assume she is not interested in getting back together. Your question should not be how to get her back, but rather how can I move on. Your job is not to convince her but to convince yourself that this is for the best. And it truly is; no relationship can survive in the shadows of doubt.

Focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends. Understand that you made a tiny mistake but you tried your best to convince your partner of your loyalty to her; it did not work out but you are not to blame. Some things just don't, and your relationship was one of those things. Forgive yourself if you feel guilty for not disclosing the situation to your partner. You know you were not a cheater and it's no longer your job to convince her of that. Give yourself ample time to grieve the loss and accept that it's lost. Don't keep looking for ways to get back together or you will never move on. It will hurt in the beginning but it will get better soon. Once you feel better, go out and meet people. I am not saying your ex-partner wasn't great but trust me, there are more people out there, who are amazing; they will help you not just heal but also grow.

It's time to let go.

Best Wishes!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |526 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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Janak

Janak Patel  |17 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 13, 2025

Money
In early 2018, I had faced some financial problems (monthly Rs. 10,000 deficit) as I was working with a public sector enterprise. At that time, I was searching for a loan and got an agency that can provide Rs. 10,000 as Payday loan (monthly basis maximum 35 days) and rate of interest was 1% per day. These loan products were from NBFCs. I took this loan and this was the starting point. Due to my financial problems, I started taking these type loans from various agencies and rate of interest 0.7%-1% per day. In 2022, I had almost 15 payday loans amounting Rs. 10 lakhs. After that, I have been applying for a loan from almost all banks and NBFCs to close these paydays, but nobody is able to provide a loan due all payday loans have been shown in CIBIL as well as few bounces of my personal loan I had already with Kotak Bank. Now the situation is like that I have more than 25 payday loans amounting to more than Rs. 15 lakhs. Last 2 years I have been applying for a personal loan to close these but no banks and NBFCs are not providing. Every month I am giving and taking payday loans and the interest amount is too high. I have a Tata AIA pension policy as well as PF, both cannot be surrendered at this moment. Now, the major issue is how to overcome this financial mess I did. I don't have any options left at this moment. So I would request you if anybody can provide me assistance through your sources / channels to solve my financial problem. I can return the amount on a monthly installment basis and give my Tata AIA pension policy as well as PF documents for security. I have been working in an engineering consultancy firm and monthly income is almost Rs. 2 lakhs
Ans: HI Jitu,

In summary, you have 15 lakhs loans at 1% per day interest (= 365% per annum). No options to borrow from any other organized sources like Bank/NBFC. So monthly Interest is 4.5 lakhs.
Monthly Income is 2 lakhs.

This is called a Debt Trap, where your income is less than your outflow (debt), so you are in a negative balance always and keep borrowing to fill the gap. No point in going into the history of the situation but I hope this has been a big life lesson for you.

Borrowing against you Pension policy can be considered but depends on the company and note that this will be at a high interest rate.
Borrowing from PF funds is only under certain situations (e.g. illness, education, marriage) and so even that is ruled out.
I assume you have already considered all/any asset you may own to repay.

The solution cannot be a very simple one. But I can recommend a couple of options which you can see if they help. You plan should simple -
1. Find a source of funds to repay your current loans
2. Stay with bare minimum requirement for next few years and repay maximum amount towards new loan
3. Do not take any new loans and stay on track for next few years, no matter what.

With a salary of 2 Lakhs, you should take a hard look at your living expenses and cut out all except the basic necessities. At least on paper come up with a number that you can discuss with prospective lenders mentioned below. Give them confidence of your ability to pay back every month with a realistic number e.g. over 1 lakh per month. Make this as high as you can make it. Make compromises everywhere possible and evaluate each expense to see what you can eliminate for the next couple of years, except food and absolutely basic needs, compromise on everything else. And ensure you make this work no matter what. You will have to be strong willed to achieve this and make it work.

Check with any close friends/family members/relatives who will trust you and provide you with some loan and provide you with time to repay. Offer to pay them interest which is higher than FD but reasonable for you and you can go as high as 20% per annum. At 20% you can pay back 55~60K per month for 3 years and payback the loan with interest.

Assuming you have a bank account for direct salary deposit, approach the bank and explain your situation truthfully to them and request an overdraft/loan and offer them to recover an agreed amount at an agreed interest rate from your account directly as soon as your salary is deposited. Again the interest rate will be high but if this works, you will be on your way to recovery. Even if they offer an interest rate of 30%~40% per annum and recover in 3 years, your EMI will be around 62K~70K per month.

Approach your employer and discuss if a loan can be provided to you at a reasonable rate of interest and recovered from your salary each month. If you have been employed with them for over a year or longer, and if they consider to extend a loan this may be the best solution you can get. You can offer to sign a contract for this (stay with employer for a period or until loan is paid up).

Is there any other source of funds you can approach with a similar proposal then do so, as long as you can get a chance to payoff your current set of loans and have a manageable EMI amount to pay back over the next few years, just take the best option and keep every desire aside and stay focused on getting back on track.

Please note that borrowing from an alternate source is not going to work if you take a loan and relax after that. You have already impacted your CIBIL score which makes lenders stay away. Now your top priority will be to find a source of funds at reasonably high interest rate between 20% to 40% resulting in an EMI of 55K to 70K for 3 years, and ensure you do not default the payments and clear this ASAP. If you can pay higher amount each month, then do that and get out of these loans as quickly as possible.

With honesty and sincerity if you continue to stay on track, you can eventually start coming back to normal life where you can plan your expenses and save and invest too. But do remember to live within your means and save as much as possible. Over time build back your CIBIL score for future requirements.

Hope this is helpful in some way.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

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