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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2023

Sanjeev Question by Sanjeev on Aug 25, 2023Translate
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I love my sister-in-law very much and want to build a relationship with her, but her husband has died just 2 years ago, how can I explain to her.

Ans: Dear Sanjeev,
You can't explain love to anyone...because they must feel it for themselves in their own way...
You may want a relationship with her, but does she want a relationship with you?
Have you given a thought that she might still have raw wounds from her husband passing on? She may still not have moved on or may have chosen to still hold on to it.

What you can do is be a friend to her and know how she feels about another relationship...if she is ready, she may talk to you about it provided she feels like sharing all this with you. If she dismisses it, stay clear. Remember, you already have a relationship label that you are under within the family structure. Do respect it and respect her place in the family!

This will also save you from any heartbreaks if you have been making plans and working towards it. Know your boundaries and also protect your mind space as you respect the family structure.

All the best!

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Hi. Please keep my identity anonymous. My elder sister has been married for 20 years and she has had turbulent times with her husband. During the first few years of marriage, she did all she could to please him and get his attention. She went out of her way to keep him happy. But her husband always chided her for her looks. She was lean initially but put on weight after pregnancy. Unfortunately her husband had a playboy nature and she caught him red handed committing adultery thrice. Last time he went physical with his young cousin who was brought up in my sister's place as their own . She went into depression when she found out and was on the verge of committing suicide and killing her daughters but relented. Although she forgave him for the first two times, this time she could not control herself. We had to toil hard to counsel her not to take extreme measures. While this incident happened few years ago, from outside things appear to be normal as before. But deep within I feel she is leading a fake life. She says she has to put up a brave face for her daughters’ sake. I know that she has a lot of anger and frustration inside which can burst out any moment. She doesn't want to talk about the incident despite me advising her to seek psychiatric help. I want to seek your opinion on what I can do as a brother? I sometimes feel I am worthless seeing her suffer silently.
Ans:

Dear S,

It’s unfortunate that relationships outside of marriage seem to be used as a way of escaping something that is deeper.

Your sister’s children I presume must be older where they understand what is happening to the mental health of their mother. It might be wise for your sister to relook at her life in a new light.

Children have grown up and now she can think for herself; even if she is financially not independent, things can be sorted out.

She needs to take the decision to what that change else as a brother no matter what you try, it will not work as your sister is used to living life as a victim and this possibly offers her a roof over her head and that of her children.

Also, it isn’t easy to live life as a single woman and hence she might have never allowed herself the thought of being independent.

Give her a lot of love and support her, but tell her that giving up on her life only will mean that her husband would have achieved a clear path to do more of what he already has.

Set up an environment for her to flourish, maybe she can study something or start working.

It will empower her to take strong decisions for herself and her children.

Enable her to do the right thing for herself.

Best wishes!

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Anu Krishna  |628 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 19, 2023

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2023

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Hai i am 58 and retired my wife expired 30 months back i had two daughters who are working and yet to be married. very frequently these days i get dreams where i feel i am lost on my journey to somewhere or i am simply attending an office without any proper work or in my dreams i get one of my uncle (who is no more now passed away 7 years back )and his family members with whom i stayed during my studies for six years 40 years back. can you please analyse
Ans: Dear P,
I am truly sorry for your loss...

I am not a dreams analyst or someone who interprets dreams. I can only make a few guesses from what you have shared and suggest something that will guide you to be more positive and happier.
Dreams are a manifestation of deep desires, fears, dark memories, happier memories...dreams basically can indicate what lies deep within the subconscious mind. It's possible from what you share that 'LOSING' your wife has triggered many more situations where you had lost someone or you fear that you might lose someone or something. Maybe that explains the dream of you going to office without paper work...

Losing someone dear is a very difficult journey and it can show up in different ways. The only way can process grief is through time and an understanding that nothing is permanent in life. It's a momentum of give and take, having and losing...Maybe if you are able to consciously adapt and accept this, over time your subconscious mind starts to change and adapt as well. Again, I will reiterate: You certainly will still miss the person and feel sad; it's just that you will start to miss differently as the acceptance will allow you to graciously be in a space of understanding. Difficult BUT Possible!
Also, practice the Art of Gratitude. Being thankful for every little thing, lets you be in a positive space allowing you to be at peace more often.

These are only suggestions from what I could gather from the information that you have shared and not an analysis or interpretation of your dreams.

All the best!
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