Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
BD Question by BD on Sep 06, 2021Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I lost my father on 30 April 2021 due to Covid-19.

Now, Lockdown is lifted not a single relative visited our home, but they are visiting else where places for recreation.

My father has attended every single marriage and funeral of relatives.

My mind always gets upset on it.

Ans: Dear B, I am sorry for your loss.

But does it help thinking of what your relatives should have done or what they should be doing now or not?

You can’t control what others do; but you can certainly manage how you want to react/respond to what they have done.

They don’t seem upset over it, why are you driving up yourself the wrong alley and feeling upset?

Certainly your dear father wouldn’t want you obsessing over this especially when it’s about him.

Did it occur to you that these relatives might have had their reasons for not visiting your home.

Instead of plaguing yourself with these thoughts, please move on…it brings you peace of mind.

There’s much to look forward to by celebrating your father’s time on Earth. Reminiscing your time with him, will bring in a warm feeling that will help you be in a better mind space.

Be at peace always.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

Listen
Relationship
I am unable to overcome the guilt and grief of losing my father due to Covid since a year now. My guilt and grief is only increasing daily. I feel suicidal everyday almost most of the time. I have a younger brother, younger sister and mom. I am only alive, but I am ready to die any moment. Just holding on somehow because I am worried about my family. What should I do as I only feel deep sadness and guilt and I am unable to work and support my family.
Ans: Dear S, your grief is personal to you and I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Loved ones leave us to grieve after them and we only go deeper into that well of grief.

But I want you ask yourself this: Will my father be happy to see me this way?

Is this why he raised me to see me in grief?

Is my family happy seeing me like this?

Can I do anything to get myself to a better state of mind?

Suicide is never ever an option.

Every life must be celebrated just like you celebrated your father’s life when he was with you.

Continue in that; celebrate him, relive memories with him and talk to people about what a wonderful human he was.

Pass on his values that rest in you and your siblings to whoever you meet and that will help you remember him for all the beautiful things that he brought into your lives.

Call for a family gathering and each of you talk about him fondly and how he added value in your lives.

Celebrate people when they live and celebrate their memories when they leave you.

Grieve but don't ever give up. Your father would want to see you move on and live and thrive.

Happy rebirthing to you.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 27, 2021

Listen
Relationship
I lost my younger brother to Covid in August 2020. It’s been a year but I am stuck in a time frame which says 1st August 2020, the day my brother died. I haven’t been able to forgive my sister in law for not calling me on time. She called me hour before his death! By the time I reached , I only could see my brothers face for few seconds one last time. As I am writing thing I can’t stop my tears. I tried talking to therapist but it’s not helping. Can you help me?
Ans: Dear S, I am so sorry for your loss and can only imagine what you are going through at this point in time.

It’s unfortunate that you couldn’t spend time or be there earlier to be with him in his final hours.

Also, it’s natural to direct that anger and disappointment towards someone as that’s the way most of us deal with emotions; externalise it and it starts to become bigger and bitter.

Instead, why not, ask yourself: ‘As his wife, what must she be going through?’ Her loss is indeed huge as well!

She has lost her life partner as much as you have lost your brother.

Again, ask yourself, ‘What must have happened that she was unable to call me on time?’ Maybe, she didn’t want to bother anyone especially the way we have been in and out of lockdowns, she might have been sensitive to that.

Like I mentioned, it is simple to place blame on people to cope with grief; but I am sure your brother would not have wanted that. Be the bigger person, permit yourself to…as hard as it is…

This is the time that the family must come together and support one another.

It’s been a year and you have been carrying this seed of poisonous thought within you that will slowly eat your peace of mind and create havoc within the familial relationships.

Do give her the benefit of doubt, if you want to start with it.

Of course, whatever I say here doesn’t matter as it has to come from within you and only you can change the way you feel at this very moment.

Do you want feel sad all your life carrying this animosity OR do you want to forgive and foster positive bonds? Family is meant to stick together no matter what!
Be at peace and may you choose wisely.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 42 year old married woman. I was attached to my father very much. I lost him suddenly in 2021 by covid. He was fit and fine. I never thought he could left us like this. I feel very lonely , empty & completely of no desire for anything in life. I feel guilty and bad that the way my father struggled alone in ICU ward in his final days & we could not do anything for him. No one could met him & even saw him. I could not hugged him & even touched his body to say to goodbye in crematorium. Life got completely changed for me now. I am doing a job in which I working for very long time but not getting noticed or promoted so I feel sidelined by my seniors. I feel no use to work there or even anywhere now. I feel mentally I am tired to handle any pressure now. I am thinking to quit it to get some mental peace but not sure what I will do in free time. I have few marriage issues also & don't have any kids. I want to spend time alone & not even with my husband. Now I just want to live my life peacefully & happily without expecting anything from anyone. Tell me if I am correct or need to improve my way of thinking.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly very sorry for your loss. It might have been very difficult at not having that closure right at the end to process your loss your way. I can only imagine what you must be going through even now.

This heavy heartedness has most likely caused you to lose interest in many things in life including your work life. Even things that were simple to handle might have become too much to deal with. You need to heal by grieving and slowly going into acceptance. Is this hard? Oh yes, but with the help of someone who specializes in grief counselling and therapy, you can heal through this. This doesn't mean that you have to forget your father; it only means you process what has happened to transition into a better mind space. This will help you get a grip over your life for what it is now and like all of us, you deserve to be happy and at peace. Do consider this option and see an expert; it will really help you...

All the best and do know that this too shall Pass!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Shyam

Dr Shyam Jamalabad  |78 Answers  |Ask -

Dentist - Answered on Nov 14, 2024

Listen
Health
Dr. Shyam, I had my teeth cleaned 6 months ago and after that was done I saw discoloration on certain teeth that wasn't there before. Years ago I had my teeth cleaned and one particular tooth after the cleaning was sensitive to touch. I had a crown put in from two different dental offices. The first one did the crown right, but was trying to charge me $3,500 more than the agreement they made with Medicare. Medicare corrected that. I other dentist did a crown and it didn't go all the way up to my gums and is sensitive to especially cold things. I'm not having very good experiences with dentist by and large. Can't find an honest one or one that can actually do the job right. I feel being on Medicare your a target to bring in money. Not sure what to do next. Supposed to go back and have them redo the crown that didn't go to my gums, but it also was ttd place to didn't clean my teeth right and discolored some of them. Any suggestions on how to trust there is actually an capable and honest dentist out there who can perform properly?
Ans: Identifying a capable and honest dentist is crucial for your oral health and well-being. Here are some tips to help you find one:

1. Ask for referrals: Ask friends, family, or coworkers for recommendations. They can provide valuable insights into a dentist's work quality and bedside manner.

2. Check credentials: Ensure the dentist has the necessary qualifications, certifications, and licenses. You can verify this information with your state's dental board or professional organizations like the American Dental Association (ADA).

3. Check online reviews: Look up the dentist on review platforms. Pay attention to the overall rating and read the comments to understand the strengths and weaknesses. At the same time, do not rely on reviews alone as these can be manipulated, fake reviews can be easily generated.

4. Evaluate their communication style: A good dentist should listen to your concerns, explain procedures clearly, and answer questions patiently. Ensure you feel comfortable asking questions and discussing your treatment.

5. Assess their facility and equipment: A well-organized and modern dental office with up-to-date equipment is a good sign.

6. Check their approach to preventive care: A capable dentist emphasizes preventive care, including regular cleanings, exams, and education on oral hygiene.

7. Be wary of over-treatment: A honest dentist will not recommend unnecessary procedures. Be cautious if you feel pressured into extensive treatments.

8. Trust your instincts: If something feels off or you don't click with the dentist, it's okay to explore other options.

10. Schedule a consultation: Many dentists offer initial consultations or meet-and-greets. Use this opportunity to assess their approach, ask questions, and gauge your comfort level.

By following these steps, you can increase your chances of finding a capable and honest dentist who prioritizes your oral health and well-being.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |416 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, I am 30 years old not married & now my parents are forcing me to get married. I think i am good looking guy. It's not like i have never been with girls. I have had brief flings with multiple girls. And there was one girl whom i was in a platonic relationship with with lot of emotional sharing & have spent a lot of time with her. The same goes with another girl. Both of them have told me that i have been pretty cool & girls would like me to be their bf or husband. But i am not able to accept anyone because of the guilt that of my past that i never had a relationship. Never been able to tell anyone that i had a gf. I know this is wrong to compare my life but i can't stop thinking that way. Can you tell me what to do? Like a contsant regret of not having a very steamy cool fancy relationship from outside. I know relationships have it's own ups & downs. But this guilt is killing me that i missed out lot of things in life & if get married in an arranged marriage i would feel myself to be a looser who couldn't even find a girl on his own. Though i know all of these comparisons are wrong & i should be rational. I am not able to help it. Please help me out
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Whatever you are feeling, it is very normal. More people than you could imagine go through this same phase. But as you mentioned, these are just thoughts; there is no truth to them. Not having a relationship does not make you uncool. It merely means that you did not meet your perfect match yet. I understand that you feel like you have missed out on something and that feeling is valid. It might not be reasonable, but it's very natural to think this way. I can suggest one thing- why don't you try a dating or matchmaking app to find your own partner? That way, you will be keeping your parents' wishes and won't let yourself down either. It will also give you more control over choosing your life partner.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |416 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 14, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hi, I got married to my ex gf in an arranged setup. I had a 7 year of relationship with her before breakup. My career switch try from private to govt job was the reason. When I failed I returned back to corporate. 3 years after the breakup her father who is a good friend of my father sent proposal which led to our marriage. No one knew that we dated. We never had a word between the acceptance and marriage. None of us initiated the conversation. When she came after marriage her behavior towards me in private is totally strange. We never had an emotional conversation. Neither we discuss romance nor intimacy. In private we hardly have any intellect discussions which was an eternal part before our breakup. But when she is in public she behaves like she cares for me a lot. She is a darling of everyone in the house whether my parents or siblings. Most of the time she remains with my mother and she has good bond. In front of her she cares for me a lot. She had this double faced attitude from the first day. Our intimacy is limited to my ask she could agree or disagree but she never initiated it. She was pretty passionate before our breakup which I never saw after our marriage. I tried everything but nothing has happened she never opened up. She disconnected with almost all our mutual friends after marriage. Whenever I tried through some of her friends she says to them I overthink a lot. Marriages and relationships differs. All useless and weird reasons. Everyone blames my teenage short temper issue. Which I have completely overcame when I started working. After marriage we had a boy. She says no for a next child for which I am fine. But the problem is now my child is growing and she has started understanding her hypocrisy. Now she blames me for teaching him wrong things. We hardly had fights as she walks out or I won't say word usually after she didn't answer for anything. I am unable to see the light in this relationship. She had 3 relationships in between but I never had one which I never discussed. Now I hardly ask for anything. Day by day we are becoming only room partners or fake couples in public. Everyone sees her as an ideal daughter in law or wife due to her public hypocrisy. Please guide.
Ans: Dear Salman,
I understand that marital issues take a huge toll on people. Whatever you are feeling, it is very normal. I strongly suggest you seek professional help- you can either opt for personal counseling sessions to manage the distress caused by your partner's indifference, or the best approach is to convince your wife to go for marriage counseling with you. It would be good to get to the root of the matter; why is she behaving a certain way, where is this coming from, are there unresolved issues from when you dated? These questions will finally get an answer and you can work on them together. If she does not agree to go, tell her to do it for your child. No child should have to see their parents unhappy with each other.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |163 Answers  |Ask -

Health Science and Pharmaceutical Careers Expert - Answered on Nov 14, 2024

Listen
Career
I want to give NEET exam but my 12th in Maharashtra Board marks are less than 150 in PCB (general), so I am not eligible. can I give retest of 12th to get better marks so that I can give NEET.
Ans: Hi, Being a retest candidate is considered a second attempt in +2. I think the medical council will not allow admission to medicine. Instead, you can consider B.Pharm / Pharm D.

To join, the following are the requirements:

For pharm D: Minimum qualification for admission to. – a) Pharm.D. Part-I Course – A pass in any of the following examinations - (1) 10+2 examination with Physics and Chemistry as compulsory subjects along with one of the following subjects: Mathematics or Biology. (2) A pass in D.Pharm course from an institution approved by the Pharmacy Council of India under section 12 of the Pharmacy Act. (3) Any other qualification approved by the Pharmacy Council of India as equivalent to any of the above examinations. Provided that a student should complete the age of 17 years on or before 31st December of the year of admission to the course.

FOR B.PHARM:
Minimum qualification for admission to – A. First year B. Pharm – A pass in any of the following examinations - i. Candidate shall have passed 10+2 examination conducted by the respective state/central government authorities recognized as equivalent to 10+2 examination by the Association of Indian Universities (AIU) with English as one of the subjects and Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics/Biology as optional subjects individually. “However, the students possessing 10+2 qualification from non-formal and non-class rooms based schooling such as National Institute of Open Schooling, open school systems of States etc. shall not be eligible for admission to B.Pharm Course.” ii. Any other qualification approved by the Pharmacy Council of India as equivalent to any of the above examinations. Provided that a student should complete the age of 17 years on or before 31st December of the year of admission to the course. Provided that there shall be reservation of seats for the students belonging to the Scheduled Castes, Scheduled Tribes and other Backward Classes in accordance with the instructions issued by the Central Government/State Government/Union Territory Administration as the case may be from time to time.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x