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Anu Krishna |1414 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by BD on Sep 06, 2021Hindi

I lost my father on 30 April 2021 due to Covid-19.

Now, Lockdown is lifted not a single relative visited our home, but they are visiting else where places for recreation.

My father has attended every single marriage and funeral of relatives.

My mind always gets upset on it.

Ans: Dear B, I am sorry for your loss.

But does it help thinking of what your relatives should have done or what they should be doing now or not?

You can’t control what others do; but you can certainly manage how you want to react/respond to what they have done.

They don’t seem upset over it, why are you driving up yourself the wrong alley and feeling upset?

Certainly your dear father wouldn’t want you obsessing over this especially when it’s about him.

Did it occur to you that these relatives might have had their reasons for not visiting your home.

Instead of plaguing yourself with these thoughts, please move on…it brings you peace of mind.

There’s much to look forward to by celebrating your father’s time on Earth. Reminiscing your time with him, will bring in a warm feeling that will help you be in a better mind space.

Be at peace always.

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Anu Krishna |1414 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

Question by S - Aug 12, 2021Hindi

I am unable to overcome the guilt and grief of losing my father due to Covid since a year now. My guilt and grief is only increasing daily. I feel suicidal everyday almost most of the time. I have a younger brother, younger sister and mom. I am only alive, but I am ready to die any moment. Just holding on somehow because I am worried about my family. What should I do as I only feel deep sadness and guilt and I am unable to work and support my family.

Ans: Dear S, your grief is personal to you and I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Loved ones leave us to grieve after them and we only go deeper into that well of grief.

But I want you ask yourself this: Will my father be happy to see me this way?

Is this why he raised me to see me in grief?

Is my family happy seeing me like this?

Can I do anything to get myself to a better state of mind?

Suicide is never ever an option.

Every life must be celebrated just like you celebrated your father’s life when he was with you.

Continue in that; celebrate him, relive memories with him and talk to people about what a wonderful human he was.

Pass on his values that rest in you and your siblings to whoever you meet and that will help you remember him for all the beautiful things that he brought into your lives.

Call for a family gathering and each of you talk about him fondly and how he added value in your lives.

Celebrate people when they live and celebrate their memories when they leave you.

Grieve but don't ever give up. Your father would want to see you move on and live and thrive.

Happy rebirthing to you.

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Anu Krishna |1414 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 27, 2021

Question by SC - Aug 27, 2021Hindi

I lost my younger brother to Covid in August 2020. It’s been a year but I am stuck in a time frame which says 1st August 2020, the day my brother died. I haven’t been able to forgive my sister in law for not calling me on time. She called me hour before his death! By the time I reached , I only could see my brothers face for few seconds one last time. As I am writing thing I can’t stop my tears. I tried talking to therapist but it’s not helping. Can you help me?

Ans: Dear S, I am so sorry for your loss and can only imagine what you are going through at this point in time.

It’s unfortunate that you couldn’t spend time or be there earlier to be with him in his final hours.

Also, it’s natural to direct that anger and disappointment towards someone as that’s the way most of us deal with emotions; externalise it and it starts to become bigger and bitter.

Instead, why not, ask yourself: ‘As his wife, what must she be going through?’ Her loss is indeed huge as well!

She has lost her life partner as much as you have lost your brother.

Again, ask yourself, ‘What must have happened that she was unable to call me on time?’ Maybe, she didn’t want to bother anyone especially the way we have been in and out of lockdowns, she might have been sensitive to that.

Like I mentioned, it is simple to place blame on people to cope with grief; but I am sure your brother would not have wanted that. Be the bigger person, permit yourself to…as hard as it is…

This is the time that the family must come together and support one another.

It’s been a year and you have been carrying this seed of poisonous thought within you that will slowly eat your peace of mind and create havoc within the familial relationships.

Do give her the benefit of doubt, if you want to start with it.

Of course, whatever I say here doesn’t matter as it has to come from within you and only you can change the way you feel at this very moment.

Do you want feel sad all your life carrying this animosity OR do you want to forgive and foster positive bonds? Family is meant to stick together no matter what!
Be at peace and may you choose wisely.

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Anu Krishna |1414 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2023Hindi

I am 42 year old married woman. I was attached to my father very much. I lost him suddenly in 2021 by covid. He was fit and fine. I never thought he could left us like this. I feel very lonely , empty & completely of no desire for anything in life. I feel guilty and bad that the way my father struggled alone in ICU ward in his final days & we could not do anything for him. No one could met him & even saw him. I could not hugged him & even touched his body to say to goodbye in crematorium. Life got completely changed for me now. I am doing a job in which I working for very long time but not getting noticed or promoted so I feel sidelined by my seniors. I feel no use to work there or even anywhere now. I feel mentally I am tired to handle any pressure now. I am thinking to quit it to get some mental peace but not sure what I will do in free time. I have few marriage issues also & don't have any kids. I want to spend time alone & not even with my husband. Now I just want to live my life peacefully & happily without expecting anything from anyone. Tell me if I am correct or need to improve my way of thinking.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly very sorry for your loss. It might have been very difficult at not having that closure right at the end to process your loss your way. I can only imagine what you must be going through even now.

This heavy heartedness has most likely caused you to lose interest in many things in life including your work life. Even things that were simple to handle might have become too much to deal with. You need to heal by grieving and slowly going into acceptance. Is this hard? Oh yes, but with the help of someone who specializes in grief counselling and therapy, you can heal through this. This doesn't mean that you have to forget your father; it only means you process what has happened to transition into a better mind space. This will help you get a grip over your life for what it is now and like all of us, you deserve to be happy and at peace. Do consider this option and see an expert; it will really help you...

All the best and do know that this too shall Pass!

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