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Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Mohit Arora is a relationship coach, image consultant, soft skills trainer and the founder of Real Dating School. He has a BTech degree in computer science from the Rayat & Bahra Institute of Engineering and Biotechnology, Mohali, Punjab. He has been conducting customised skilling and communication workshops since 2014.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi

I recently joined a job. And met a man, he said that he’s separated from his wife he’s 43 (I’m 27) and has 2 teen kids. He has been claiming that he loves me, we have been sexually involved, but here’s what - 1. My instincts says that he’s not right for me 2. One of my female colleagues claimed that he had sex with her (which he denies outragingly he even cried, vomited, and is willing to do anything to prove it) 3. He lies a lot. I have caught him on smaller lies but I have no proof of anything Now I communicated that I wish to be end this relationship but he insists that he wants to spend time with me till 30th. I am feeling suffocated and forced. He acts entitled to my time and energy. Every time I try to end things it leads to huge drama. What should I do?

Ans: Go to HR. It's the best way out.

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Hey Anu, I am a 27 year old girl, employed. I was in a relationship with a man who was very caring and lovable but he was not earning well. I used to help him financially. He used to say we will marry, have a family and all that. I was thrilled by his commitment and made me more desperate. His bhabhi had filed a case against his family which he says is completely false and I do believe that he is right. That is not the problem. After the case he has become too negative. He says I’m not thinking about marriage; let's be practical and work on our relationship (when he was under jail, we used to have a lot of fights and I blamed him several times. I don't know if I should have done that or not. I used to tell him you used me according to your needs)My question is should I support him and be with him or just leave everything as I don’t find a connection between us? If I say let’s end it, he puts all the emotional baggage on me. Help me out

Ans:

Dear R,

And what exactly more do you want as evidence for you to value yourself much more?

His being in jail wasn’t enough? Whether he was falsely accused or not is something that you will never know.

Yet, you want to look the other way and give him the benefit of doubt on a man who hasn’t managed to stand on his own feet.

The fact that you feel used is perhaps stemming from your inner voice and you are just protecting yourself.

If you support him, you are always going to wonder whether him going to jail was under a false accusation or not.

So, think if you want to spend time with someone who is dependent on you emotionally and financially and someone who possibly has a hidden past.

Be happy and wise!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2022

Question by SB - Feb 11, 2022Hindi

Dear Ma'am, I have been in a relationship since the last 4 years with a person 8 years older to me. We're of different caste plus I'm still in my career building phase and I can't even think of taking it to the next level. Also, since last few months the relationship has been a pain in my neck, it has been damaging my inner peace and equilibrium. He leaves and then comes back, each time I'm firm that I won't resume it but I do love him more than anything else so we get back together. In this entire process, I feel too exhausted now and the damage feels beyond repair. He's 31 already and his parents are forcing him for marriage now. Considering the impracticable situations, I know he has already given up on us but continues to be around for the emotional comfort he gets from me. He doesn't understand that it's damaging me, I can't run around in circles. He thinks let's continue it till we can, but what after that? He'll suddenly tell me he's getting married and what then? What would I do with all the anger and dissent within? Everyone around me keeps telling me to leave him because of all these reasons. Also, I'm in my early 20s and I have an entire life in front of me, I want to build my career. Also, I don't feel the need to see someone else just as a relapse or desperate situation, I'm a very conserved person that way. But I do need to break this toxic cycle and regain the control over my life. I want to grow and prosper, but this entire myriad of emotions drags me down..Please tell me what to do? Thanking you in anticipation.

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Dear SB,

What are you? His emotional sponge?

One thing I want to appeal to you is: Self-respect is something that we are so ready to give up for just a little love and attention. And the way you treat yourself is how others will treat you.

You are in your early 20s and you have an entire life in front of you and you want to build your career.

With the current space that you are in, do you feel you are choosing wisely to fulfil what you want from life and for yourself?

Also, are there other ways in which you can bring this relationship together. Like sitting him down and talking; maybe an elder in the family can do this.

If nothing works, remember, your life, your choice, your terms…nothing and no one can mess with your peace of mind unless you give them the permission to do so.

You want to prosper, then think and act in a manner that will allow you to prosperity and think of losing all that is keeping from feeling this prosperity.

Step up, take charge of your life NOW. All the best.

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