My husbands 25 year old niece is too obsessed with him. She shares everything and discusses every bit of her work with him. They go to gym together, classes together. She is married and stays with us with her husband. Most of the time she is around and just does not give space. For eg. she keeps on asking questions to my husband or has some or the other topic to discuss. My husband is also very attentive to her every need. I don’t find this right. And it upsets me to next level. Is my feeling right? Please help.

Ans: Cousins getting along well is normal; a wife feeling insecure as a result of that is not. Haven’t you got a brother or male relative you’ve bonded with since childhood? Still, giving the benefit of the doubt to your instinct as his wife, I would suggest you look out for subtle signs of anything more than familial ties. Does he look for any excuse to spend time with her? Do they meet alone very frequently? Do you pick up on any romantic vibes between them? Hugging between cousins is very normal, but are they overly tactile? Short of any of that, leave it alone and address your own insecurities.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am assuming that your brother-in-law is your wife's brother which explains why she may not want to ask him to move out.
But, if there is a general discomfort and personality clashes, I guess you must express your concerns to your wife. Too much of being on each others' faces only causes stress around the house.
See if there can be a WIN-WIN in this situation where the brother-in-law can visit over the weekends or your wife can visit him when she wishes to. That way, she will not feel the pain of asking him to move out.
If this also doesn't work out, do make her aware that this is putting a strain on the marriage. If she cannot talk about this without it upsetting her or understanding the impact of her decision to have her brother at home, then she needs to know that she has begun to take her marriage for granted.
So, talk to her on moving towards the WIN-WIN...that seems like the only way out through this situation.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
So, let them work on an arrangement where she can go along with them to visit her in-laws maybe once or twice a month instead of every weekend? She obviously cannot avoid them and neither can she ask her husband to not visit his parents. So, let him go visit them every weekend, but since she finds it exhausting, she can work out something and choose her number of visits to them.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are in a tricky spot but it is important to understand that when it comes to their child, they have the right to make decisions and ignore everyone else's, even yours. You should keep your relationship and their co-parenting situation separate. Having said that, if you think your BF's ex is overstepping, communicate that to your partner, while letting him know that it bothers you and might even create friction in your relationship. An open and honest discussion is the only way around it. If expressing your discomfort is causing tension or considered ‘controlling,’ then you need to rethink the relationship.

I am sure your partner is truly trying to balance things, but since he is dating you, he should be aware of the areas where that balance is lacking. Communication is the only way.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Hello mam,
Yes it is sometimes tuf to handle such situation. You plz keep your calm and maintain your cool. Next step is to talk to your husband about this without saying anything bad about your sister in law. You can say that "I agree that your sister is caring about us and she is sharing hee motherhood experience with us and guiding us, but we should be handling our matters on your own now. She also has a family to take care. She should feel free from our side so that she can take care of her family without our tension."
This way he ll feel that you don't have any problem with his sister and will take into consideration your family's privacy.
Try this and revert back.
Take care!
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