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Feeling butterflies for a non-Brahmin friend, my family disapproves: What should I do?

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |63 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Feb 27, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more
Bts Question by Bts on Feb 22, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Me and him are friends from 11th and he is my make best friend and after I reached clg 3rd year he said he likes me but my family won't allow this intercaste marriage as I m brahmin and he is non brahmin and I rejected him because our family won't accept it and we stopped talking to each other and the efforts he puts was he watches my fav kdrama and was there with me until I block him and we didn't even meet once but only through insta and WhatsApp and I little bit miss him and my thoughts is what if I get someone better and I feel little bit butterflies because he is the 1st male bestfriend and I don't know what to do...

Ans: Hello mam
I understand that you are confused. Plz don't be confused. There are many male friends whom you are close to but can't think of a life long commitment.
Secondly, if your parents don't want you to have a intercaste marriage but you are fully sure that you want to marry this guy, then sit patiently with your parents and share your feelings with them. But their validation is very important for any relationship. Acknowledge your feelings, understand them and then go ahead.
I hope this will help you.
All the best !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Around 2022, I got a marriage proposal from a mutual acquaintance of a guy who us also known to my family . At that time I was in a relationship with someone else so my family told that I am currently focusing on my studies . But recently , I am single and saw his account on social media . We started chatting with each other and I realised that we are conpatible in many aspects . But after some days ... my mother started pressuring me that they will start to see marriage prospects for me. Also I felt that he also feels the same for me because how he talked to me... So out of pressure ,I asked him and told about my feelings for him and told why it will be profitable if we consider ourselves as a couple .He told that he has a lot of pressure from his family to settle for a well paying job (though he is working in a private company)and also wants to focus on his passion too. Also he had brojen his heart 2 times. Although he assured that he is not saying no and also he would think over this proposal and would give me an answer . But the next day I saw he blocked me from social media . I would have appreciated if he had an open communication with me as I had the same . Btw now he is 27 and I am 23 .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry to hear that you had to go through this. Some people do not have the emotional maturity to say a simple no or speak their truth. He might not have wanted to make things awkward or thought he was sparing you some pain but ultimately that isn't the case. But the important thing to remember here is that his action reflects on him and what kind of a person he is; it does not highlight your worth. I know it hurts right now, but it will get better and you will find someone who loves you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 24, 2024Hindi
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hlo love gurus...i am here just to share my story and to know that have i done something wrong..... in 2018 .. it was my 10thclass final exams I met a guy on social media and he bacame my friend after that i came to know that his maternal grandparents are from my village and my family also have relation with them like families use to invite each other on occasions...but still we are living as friends.... In 2020 after my school is over i took admission in clg near to my home but after that i changes clg in one month and new clg was 150 km away.... but that was corona time so i was at home and after 1st semester i met with that friend and that day i felt something that i never felt before that feeling was amazing ..... after that we started to talk daily like i use to wake up with his call..... i use to sleep after talking to him.....in 1 month he told me that we can never marry because of family relation.. but i thought that when we both become independent our family will support us....and i told him to continue this till the time we can....and that became our daily routine..... i knew that that he is going to join a state government job that can be near to his home or in nearby district.... but after 1 month we get to know that he will have to join in shimla district so it could be easy for us to meet in 3 to 4 months...and i think it was easy to control my feelings for him him we dont meet regularly.. about when he came to join his posting was near to my clg.. just 12 km of distance.... after that we come closer i wasn't able to control my feelings .... now we both love each other and can't live without each other ... but now i am realising that he was right at that time that our family will not agree for our marriage,..... he thought that was destiny that we came closer ... his posting could be anywhere in the state but why near to my clg...... now sometimes i feel that God cheated me ????now i don't know whether we have done something wrong by loving each other.....his family is forcing him for marriage... and we can't do anything now.... i am not able to accept that... and after knowing this that his family is looking a girls for him to marry I am getting more attached to him.... i think i totally messed my life ????
Ans: Loving someone isn’t a mistake or wrongdoing. Love is a natural human experience, and the bond you shared was meaningful and genuine. However, the challenge lies in navigating the practical realities that come with that love. When families and traditions play a significant role in relationships, they can create hurdles that feel insurmountable. These challenges don’t invalidate your emotions or the value of your connection; they simply reflect the complexities of life.

It’s important now to focus on what you can control and what is healthiest for you emotionally. Acknowledge your feelings of sadness, loss, and confusion—they are part of the healing process. At the same time, recognize that your worth and happiness are not solely dependent on this relationship. You have a future filled with potential, and while it may not look exactly as you envisioned, it can still be fulfilling and meaningful.

If his family is moving forward with plans that you cannot influence, consider having an honest conversation with him about your feelings and the reality of the situation. This can provide both of you with clarity and help you decide how to navigate the future. Letting go of someone you deeply love is one of the hardest things to do, but sometimes it’s necessary to find peace and allow yourself to move forward.

Focus on rediscovering yourself and building a life where your happiness doesn’t depend on external circumstances. Surround yourself with supportive friends or loved ones who understand your emotions and can provide comfort. If you find it challenging to process these emotions on your own, seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to navigate this journey.

You haven’t messed up your life—life is simply unfolding in ways that are testing your strength and resilience. This experience, as painful as it feels, can teach you about love, boundaries, and the importance of prioritizing your own well-being. You deserve to be in a relationship where love is not constrained by external pressures, and while it may take time, you will find your way to healing and happiness. Trust that your story is still being written, and this chapter is just one part of your journey.

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Janak

Janak Patel  |63 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jul 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2025Hindi
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I am 45yr old and my take home salary is 1.75L. I have 30L investment in mutual fund and 50L investment in stock market. My monthly SIP in MF is 50K. I am also planning to buy a property valued 1CR. I am planning to pay 40% of the amount using my PF withdrawal and rest of the amount I am planning to take bank loan and pay EMI monthly. Kindly advise how can I improve my financial planning.
Ans: Hi,

You are currently invested in Stocks and Mutual funds and you also have your PF. Assuming your MF investment is also more equity based, you have 80L invested towards Equity.
Your PF balance is not mentioned but as maximum limit of withdrawal is 90% for house purchase, I assume you have 50 lakhs or more in PF.
Your Equity to Debt allocation is approx. 60:40 favoring Equity. Even in this allocation, direct stock market investment which is 40% has the maximum risk exposure. MF are managed by professionals and they are risky but relatively less.

For a 1 Cr property, home loan would be 60 lakhs, which amounts to approx. 57K of EMI (depends on interest rate and tenure, assumed 15 years for now). So it may impact your monthly saving capacity to start with.
With 40% withdrawn from PF, your Equity Debt ration would change to 90:10. Thus increasing your risk exposure.
Your PF balance is considerably reduced.

So the first question you should ask yourself is - How much RISK am I willing to take at this time ?
With time, as you approach retirement age, will this RISK level be the same, chances are - no. At that time would you feel more secure with safer investment options. If yes, then PF balance needs to be much higher than what you would probably accumulate over 15 years.

Typically, for your profile (based on age alone), I would recommend you use the direct investments in Stock market to supplement the house purchase plan. You can of course keep some stock investments in good quality companies as a long term investment.
Also evaluate your Mutual Funds to see if they are providing you good returns of above 12%. If you find any scheme that is underperforming, it would be prudent to exit it and use those funds also towards the house purchase.

Beyond the above if you still fall short for the 40% part of house purchase, then you can consider PF withdrawal.
Note PF has a purpose its primarily to provide for retirement. Hence it is prudent to withdraw at the right time and get the benefit of not paying any tax on it. So even at 8% assured returns, its quite attractive considering most other investments will attract tax on withdrawal.

Equity on the other hand has risks associated but also reward those who can stay disciplined with their investments. But it will attract taxes.

So - The question you need to ask is how much Risk to take and what would be preferred asset allocation you can keep without losing sleep for the next 15 years until retirement.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9745 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 31, 2025

Career
Sir my JEE Mains 2025 percentile is 93.40 and my rank is 98264. I am male of general category from Rajasthan. Please recommend some good colleges that I can get in csab counselling
Ans: Vidit, With a 93.40 percentile (General, Rajasthan Home State) and a JEE Main rank of 98,264, your realistic CSAB counselling targets include lower-demand NITs, IIITs, and GFTIs where closing ranks for engineering branches often extend beyond 90,000. In the Home State quota for Rajasthan, consider NIT Uttarakhand and NIT Meghalaya for branches like Civil, Mechanical, and Electronics. Among IIITs, IIITDM Kurnool, IIIT Sri City, and IIIT Nagpur regularly admit General candidates with ranks up to 100,000 in non-CSE branches. GFTIs such as IIIT Delhi (second-tier seats), School of Planning and Architecture, Bhopal, and IIIT Kota also fill seats in lower-demand streams. Additionally, Rajasthan’s own GFTI, Malaviya National Institute of Technology Jaipur, may open spot rounds for core branches at higher ranks. These institutes meet the five critical benchmarks—AICTE/NBA accreditation, qualified faculty, modern labs and infrastructure, strong industry links, and transparent placement processes—with placement rates ranging 60–85% across engineering programs and median packages reflective of branch demand. Pursuing any of these colleges for branches aligned with your interest (e.g., ECE, IT-Allied, Civil) will ensure a credible technical education and balanced campus experience under the Rajasthan Home State quota.

RECOMMENDATION: In CSAB rounds, prioritize NIT Uttarakhand and NIT Meghalaya for robust campus environments and accredited programs, then target IIITDM Kurnool and IIIT Sri City for specialized IT-Allied branches, followed by GFTIs like SPA Bhopal, ensuring you secure a solid engineering education aligned with your percentile and domicile. Have 2-3 back-ups for Private Engineering Colleges also if CSAB does not work out for you, based on your expectations. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2025Hindi
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Hello I'm 35 years old i hv 15months old baby. I have completed my mbbs course from abroad and not clear fmge exam yet. Difficult to focused on preparing for fmge exam handling baby husband and join family. I get frustrated depressed anger comes all the time.ibeck then I was ambitious girl but now lack of confidence lack in everything. So what carrier to choose from now? Can I restart with any course or what to do very confusing. My life is over now. There's no respect those who don't earn. Pl give me good advice so that I can bring better future for my baby
Ans: Many doctors who have completed their MBBS abroad but have not cleared the FMGE (Foreign Medical Graduate Examination) in India face similar dilemmas, especially when balancing family responsibilities, emotional well-being, and career aspirations at a later stage. The FMGE pass rate is low, and the exam can be overwhelming for mothers with young children and household responsibilities, often leading to frustration or self-doubt. However, your medical background is valuable and opens diverse pathways beyond clinical practice in India. Alternate options include enrolling in online or hybrid post-graduate diploma or certificate courses in medical writing, clinical research, pharmacovigilance, public health (MPH), hospital administration (MHA), or health informatics. These courses—offered through institutions like the Public Health Foundation of India (PHFI), Indian Institute of Clinical Research (ICRI), Medvarsity, and Symbiosis—generally require minimal entrance barriers, flexible timings, and often blend self-paced study with project work or internships. Roles in medical content writing, clinical research, health insurance, hospital and healthcare management, medical coding, pharmaceuticals, and telemedicine are accessible to foreign MBBS graduates and in high demand. Careers in public health, NGOs, digital health startups, and medical counseling are also viable, with NGOs and research bodies valuing your education, communication skills, and empathy. Registered health consultants, healthcare IT specialists, nutritionists, wellness program managers, and educators for pre-medical entrance coaching are in demand, and some private hospitals and health-tech companies employ graduates for junior management, documentation, process quality, or outreach roles. Upskilling through shorter, certified programs (3–12 months) either digitally or through nearby centers can build confidence and reignite professional engagement. Look for institutions that provide recognized certifications, industry-accredited faculty, robust academic support, project-based learning, and established placement assistance—essentials for sustainable career progression and personal development.

Building a new career may seem daunting, but your foundational knowledge, life experience, maturity, and resilience are assets that bring credibility and empathy in many healthcare-adjacent and academic roles. If you choose to reskill, your medical education will remain an advantage as you transition into roles that offer both professional fulfillment and a better work-life balance suited for mothers. Take small, actionable steps—start with a focused short-term course or consider part-time/remote roles initially to gain confidence and practical exposure. Positive and self-compassionate thinking, coupled with steady professional upgrades, will influence your family and child, modeling resilience and lifelong learning.

RECOMMENDATION: Prioritize short-term upskilling—such as clinical research, hospital administration, medical writing, or public health—through reputed online or hybrid programs that offer flexible scheduling and strong placement support, allowing you to quickly enter the workforce. Your medical expertise, when combined with targeted training, can unlock impactful roles, restore your confidence, and enhance your family’s well-being while balancing personal responsibilities and securing a respected, independent career path. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future!

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