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Intercaste Love: Torn Between Tradition and My Best Friend

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |134 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 31, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have fallen in love with my male bestfriend and we love each other. But our castes are totally different and both of our families are against this. We are unable to leave each other and he is so obsessed with me that wants a casual relationship where we'll provide support to each others feelings until we find our serious partners in the future. What should i do? Should i part our ways or should i continue to be with him even though there's no future but we love each other more than anything. Is it good to have a relation that is more than friendship and less than relationship? I really want him but i'm afraid of what if i'll have flashbacks of him? Please help

Ans: I am assuming you are an adult and not a minor, if an adult - you decide on the pros and cons on what you want from this relationship. If you do go for something casual, detach emotions. Secondly do indulge in safe sex.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1236 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

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Hi Anu, I am a married 27 yr old girl pursuing my medical PG degree in a college and my husband is also fellow doctor residing in another city. I stay in a hostel and I was in a relationship with a guy during my UG days. Actually he used to be my best friend. We are a gang of 4 and no one knows about my relationship except us both. We moved on due to caste issues and foreseeing the problems after marriage in our families. We are in touch with each other. He got PG degree in my college and seeing him is haunting my memories though we talk casually and not on regular basis. My husband knows about us and asked me to avoid him. But I can't give up on my friendship. Can a friendship aged in love not be reverted to friendship?
Ans:

Dear DR,

Feelings aren’t something that can be set aside that easily.

To lead a different relationship than the one that you were in with the same person requires a lot of emotional maturity from both of you to make this real and honest.

If you look at it from the point of view of your husband, he might either be insecure about this, or he can foresee a situation up ahead which might not be very pleasant.

You have mentioned that seeing him is bringing back memories.

Are you really ready to maintain a friendship without the feelings coming in the way? Are you ready to manage what this might do to your husband?

If you are ready and be objective about all of this, then first sit your husband down and talk to him and his fears.

Reassure him but like any relationship, all this requires a lot of work and then it’s also time to ask yourself, is this all worth it and do I really need to do this?

Also, is the other person from your past, also willing to understand that this requires him to put your marriage above his needs?

So, check with yourself what and how much you can handle and whether you are ready for this new challenge?

Best wishes!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |369 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear LG, Please keep this anonymous. I have been married since 6 years. However, since past 5+ years we have not been intimate. We haave a 5&1/2 year kid. Since his birth we have had a lot of differences and his family interference was lot leaving me alone and wounded. I don't stay with my husband and in-laws since then. I had made up that work is worship. But 2 years back I met a colleague. He is 10 years younger to me and we have extremely similar vibes. We enjoy each other's company and cared a lot. Eventually i fell in love with him. But he always knew he wont be able to go against his family. We also had relationship. Now he has strated looking for girls and wants us to stop being intimate. He is saying he wants to be friends and not loose me but not have relationship. We both work together in same space and our area of work is also same. I am unable to forgive my husband and forget this person. He never goes away. He is always there telling that I want to see you happy. He needs me for professional development. And i am not able to loose our relationship. He says physical intimacy only I cant have remaining Im there. Then again says I don’t know when I will be there so I am unable to give assurance or promise. I am tormented with a child, work and my health is getting affected. Can you please help?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough spot. My advice would be to move on. Yes, I realize that it is easier said than done but let's put things into perspective- first, you have no future with this man, and he has made it clear. Are you okay to keep hanging on to him while he builds his own life? I am assuming no, especially since you have a child. Second, what about your self-respect? He is directly telling you that this relationship is headed toward a dead end. Do you believe you deserve to be with someone who does not want to settle down with you? I believe you deserve better.

I am not blaming him because he made no promises. You are not to be held guilty either because you were in a tough spot and you grabbed the first emotional support you found. But the current reality is that he wants out. And convincing him to stay is not an option. At this point, moving on with your head held high is the best decision. If you want to accept his friendship, that is completely fine. But if that's too much for you, you can always decline it. I understand that working in the same space with an ex is difficult, but as long as you avoid interacting outside of the office and keep things professional, there should not be an issue. On the emotional front, I won't lie, it will hurt for a while. But this too shall pass. I strongly recommend you not to value yourself so low that you stop believing that you deserve a person who loves you back as much as you love him.

Best Wishes.

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |21 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Oct 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Health
Resected Madam, I am a 72 years male . I had undergone left hemicolectomy with diversion ileostomy ( open "Surgery" )for carcinoma descending colon on 23 March,2024 and the stoma closure was done on 17th July,2024. As per the consultant Oncologist the carcinoma was localized , did not spread to other parts of the body and I was not advised to undergone chemotherapy etc for the same reason. Kindly advise which Yoga postures I can practice now to ease constipation and also the yoga postures I must not / avoid now. With Kind Regards,
Ans: After your surgery, gentle yoga postures can help ease constipation and improve digestion. Start with simple poses like Pawanmuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose), which can relieve gas and promote bowel movements. Lie on your back, hug one knee to your chest, and gently press it down to your abdomen, then switch legs. Practicing Supta Baddha Konasana (Reclining Bound Angle Pose) can also be very calming and helps stimulate digestion. Breathe deeply and allow your body to relax fully.

However, avoid intense twisting poses (like Ardha Matsyendrasana) and deep forward bends as these may strain your abdominal area. Also, postpone advanced poses or any practice that puts pressure on your core until you’ve fully regained strength and mobility.

Consulting a certified yoga coach is essential to ensure you perform these poses safely, especially after surgery. A coach can help you adapt postures to your current needs and gradually increase the intensity as you progress.

Warm Regards,
R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |28 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 25, 2024

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3856 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Oct 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
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Career
Avenues for BSc Honors Botany 3rd year
Ans: Lakshmi, Some of the options for you choose from:

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Government Jobs:
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• Teaching in Schools or Colleges: With a Master’s degree, qualified for assistant professor roles or school teaching jobs.
• PhD in Botany or Related Fields: Essential for research-focused careers, teaching in universities, and leading scientific projects.

Industry and Corporate Jobs:
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Certificates and Short Courses
• You can consider for Remote Sensing & GIS, Ethnobotany, Plant Tissue Culture, Agriculture Technology, or Bioinformatics.

All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, ask / follow Us here in RediffGURUS.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3856 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Oct 25, 2024

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