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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1769 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 10, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Samrat Question by Samrat on Oct 17, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hii Anu, first of all thanks you answered my question. My question is related to previous one. As you have mentioned that attraction can happen to anyone and it doesn't say anything about your relationship status, I wanted to ask do you ever have come across with the situation where attraction arises from admiration turned into extramarital affair. To be precise, I wanted to know do all extramarital affairs or cheating in a relationship is always a result of something missing in a relationship or something is wrong with the person e.g. self-esteem issues or any kind of personal insecurity ?

Ans: Dear Samrat,
Attraction can turn into an extra marital affair but an affair does not need a precursor to it. It may or may not be dependent on anything.
Yes, most often a lack in a relationship can cause people to look outside of marriage but this may not be the only reason. It's also the time and place and how the opportunity presents itself and how much one is willing to explore the realms outside of a marriage/relationship.
A person who practices monogamy will have very strong opinions about why one needs to be true to his/her partner whereas where people believe in multiple relationships will justify things according to what they believe. So there is no black and white answer just the way life is...they grey area comes around to confuse, question, debate and set us on a path that aligns well with our beliefs.

All the best!

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Hello . I am Samrat and in past I have asked many questions. Recently I have gone through a lot of infidelity cases. The one thing that crosses my mind is that ", Are those people who cheat in their relationship have some common personality traits " , not everyone but most of them ? Because I used to think that anyone can cheat based on circumstances and no one should judge earlier whether one is cheater or not and neither all the cheater are necessarily bad persons. But the more I am delving into it the more I am getting a feeling that these are specific kind of person not all but most of them like they basically withdraw themselves from relationship no what his/her partner is doing for them. they are mostly self-centred etc. because if any reason can support their argument about cheating it should be apply to everyone. But as we all know both male and suffer but don't get indulge into such kind of activities. I request please respond Hope you're fine Regards Samrat
Ans: Hello Samrat,

That's an interesting take and thanks for sharing your thoughts. Infidelity is very complex and though inexcusable, there are certain circumstances when people are forced to make choices that they would not normally. For instance, couples in unhappy marriages are often seen cheating on their partners. Even though it's unethical, we don't have a clear idea of what pushed them to make such a decision. Having said that, I agree that you might be onto something- in fact, research shows that there are, at certain times, some common attributes in people who tend to cheat. Narcissism, commitment issues, impulsivity, and the like are often observed among people who indulge in infidelity.

But even though these traits might be common among some individuals, it does not apply to all. Situational factors should be weighed in before evaluating.

I hope this helps.

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2026Hindi
Relationship
Girls reject me because I am not so tall and handsome. I am 41, single. I have a 9 to 6 job earning 12 lakhs per annum. I lost my dad and live with my mother. My younger sister is married and has two kids. Somehow I have not been lucky with online dating. Girls reject me beause I am average in looks and salary. I am 5 ft 1 inch. I don't have any special talent or passion. I have tried to take up singing, art, dance, gym but it's not working for me. I go to temples with my mom, I do social work on weekends to keep myself positive and busy. When it comes to dating and marriage, it is disappointing sometimes. I am afraid to express myself to girls now. I don't judge anyone but how do I find someone who understands me, beyond my looks and salary. My mother is 64, I also need a companion. Is it too much to expect?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First let me reassure you that you are not asking for much. Wanting love and wanting someone who sees you beyond your looks and salary is very natural. You have faced rejections and it hurts; it does create a kind of fear, and right now that fear is stopping you from approaching anyone or hoping that someone will love you for who you are. It’s not the reality; it’s the fear speaking and it’s totally understandable. Let me address all the issues one by one. Yes, height can be important for some women, but not all. The ones who rejected you for it, were not meant for you. You don’t need everyone to accept you; you only need the right woman. Second, 12LPA salary is not average. The expectation online is very inflated. If you are doing an honest day’s work and earning a decent amount and taking care of your needs and your family’s as well, that does not make your earning average. Third, caring for your mother is your biggest strength in personality. You work, take care of your mom, do social work, and you are consistently trying to improve yourself. That’s far deeper than physical appearance. Now, I suggest that you stop trying to mold yourself into someone women would find attractive but rather continue working on yourself for yourself. That would spike your confidence and confidence is key. Most people, not just women, might be initially attracted to looks but for the longer run, they want someone who is dependable and responsible, and you are that. So next time you seek a partner, look for someone who is not only looking to date but to settle down. Someone who has the same clarity as you; someone mature, who understands the importance of strong character traits than mere physical appearance. Your frustration and fear is valid, but don’t let it make you go inside a shell. You deserve everything and you will get them.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

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