Hello, I am male aged 32. After divorce I recently married again and I am facing issues now. I live with my wife's parents now which was not agreed before and its fine for me. Problem is my wife always finds fault in parents even though they are in very far city. She wants me to severe all ties with my parents, family and should involve only in her family circle. My parents are uneducated and very innocent and I am feeling very guilty for abandon them. All she needs is her parents and she dint have any sympathy. What should I do now? Counselling, tasks and was not useful because whatever counselor says she takes what she needs rest she ignores (Actually counselor said, we should respect both side of family)

Ans: I understand the complex and challenging situation you're facing in your marriage. It's clear that there have been significant conflicts and misunderstandings between you and your wife, and you've made attempts to resolve them. Here are some thoughts and advice from a counseling perspective:

Open Communication: Effective and empathetic communication is crucial. Encourage both you and your wife to express your feelings and concerns in a safe and non-confrontational manner. A counselor can help facilitate these discussions and ensure that both parties have a chance to be heard.
Professional Counseling: Seeking the help of a qualified marriage counselor or therapist is highly recommended. A counselor can provide a neutral perspective, offer strategies for conflict resolution, and help you both explore the underlying issues in your relationship.
Child-Centered Approach: As you have children, it's vital to prioritize their well-being. Regardless of the outcome, work together on a co-parenting plan that focuses on their emotional and psychological needs. A counselor can assist in creating a plan that ensures your children's stability and happiness.
Understanding and Empathy: Try to understand each other's perspectives, feelings, and needs. There seems to be a lack of understanding between you and your wife, and it's important to build empathy and find common ground.
Legal Matters: Consult with a family lawyer to fully understand your rights, responsibilities, and potential outcomes regarding divorce, child custody, and financial matters. It's crucial to be well-informed about the legal implications of your decisions.
Reconciliation Efforts: If both you and your wife are open to the possibility of reconciliation, be prepared for a long and challenging process. It will require time, patience, and a willingness to address the root causes of your issues.
Understanding: Try to understand your wife's perspective and feelings, and encourage her to understand yours. Misunderstandings can often lead to conflicts, and gaining insight into each other's point of view can be a first step toward resolution.
Co-parenting: Regardless of the outcome of your marriage, your focus should be on the well-being of your children. It's essential to develop a co-parenting plan that prioritizes their needs and stability. Self-Care: Take care of your own well-being. Navigating these difficult circumstances can be emotionally and mentally taxing, so ensure you maintain your own emotional and mental health.
Reflect on Your Expectations: Take time to reflect on your expectations regarding family arrangements and what you're willing to compromise on. It may be necessary to find a middle ground between your desire for a joint family and your wife's preference for a separate one.

Remember that the decision to reconcile or proceed with the divorce should be made with the well-being of both you and your wife, as well as your children, in mind. Professional counseling and mediation can provide the support and tools you need to navigate this challenging situation. Whether the ultimate goal is reconciliation or an amicable separation, the involvement of a qualified therapist can be instrumental in moving forward in a healthy and constructive way.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your drinking is the main reason why your wife cannot trust you again. Rebuilding that trust is going to take a lot of time and patience, Simply by saying that All is Well, let's move back together is not going to help.
Use this time of separation to rebuild that trust. Visit your children often and be the father that they didn't have earlier...be the husband that you were not earlier.
Actions speak louder than words...so, now focus on what you can do for your family that will make them want you back into their lives and this can definitely happen when you are staying away from them.
Allow them to slowly notice the changes in you and they will on their own accept you back...
A lot of work to be done...but anything for the family, right?

All the best!

Ans: Dear Ravi,
I wonder what is the point of all this ego tussle? Surely your wife needs to grow up in terms of managing relationships.
Now, if she has decided not to talk to her mother, that is between them and hey, you tried to patch things up as well.
What and how you interact with your parents is solely your business; it would have been nice to have your wife's presence in the same BUT the day she puts aside her ego (this needs some checking as to the root cause of why the wall is up), that day things will change.
I assume that you want to continue interacting with your parents; in that case state that to your wife that that is exactly what you wish to do. Be prepared for a backlash from her; she may ignore you or be angry or tell you that you are causing her stress when she is pregnant. This is to let you go on a guilt trip all by yourself with no chance of getting off the rails. DO NOT be guilty for speaking with your parents and instead offer more love and support to your wife.
The focus has been on what not to do to break relationships rather than what must be done to improve relationships. This may also improve the bond between you and your wife which is so needed when she is going to be a mother.
Impress the fact that the unborn child also picks off emotions and that to have a better space of mind will aid the child's growth.

Being surrounded by people who love and care will also ensure a good pregnancy. This could also be a point to make your wife understand that all battles need not be fought and a few can just be at rest so that they can resolve itself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Not everything goes as per plan and not everything that was agreed upon can be followed...as situations change, people change to adapt to that situation. There's something that does not agree between your parents and your wife.
Now, if you insist that either side put up with the other, it is unreasonable to expect them to follow what you say. They are all people with their own set of emotions and will react when triggered by the other side.
So, yes you feel a great sense of duty and responsibility towards your parents; but at what cost? If your wife is unhappy, so will your child be unhappy and subsequently the entire household. There is a sense of duty and responsibility towards your wife and child as well so balance this act between both sides. It is possible to take care of both sides by not choosing one over the other; that is where you will be the one to get caught in the middle of all the strains and stresses.
Now whether that will happen staying separately or not is something only you can fathom with the daily on-goings at home. So, cursing God may not be a great choice BUT actually asking yourself if you are holding onto your choices too harshly that it has begun to impact you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/