Hello Gurus! I am 40 yr divorced NRI man in the UK. I have a 10 yr old son and he lives with his mum in a different country. I have visitation rights and I meet him regularly. I have been divorced for 6 years now. I have been trying to date since last 5 years and it has been quite a frustrating experience. I do not want to jump to Matrimonial Sites as I would prefer to date someone to know them better before deciding to settle in a committed relationship. Also, there are many frauds on the Matrimonial Sites. My challenge is that most of the single women in the age range of 36 – 42 that I have met in last 5 yrs is that either they have unstable career and looking for someone to depend upon or if they have a career, they are arrogant and unruly. Though I look decent, I don’t have looks as a criteria. I worry sometimes if will I ever find love and affection in my life. Apart from the dating apps, where else do you suggest I could try to meet decent and normal woman?

Ans:

I have a friend who's sailing in the same boat as you.

She's a newly single mom and was very worried during her divorce that she would never find love again. Her husband had already taken up with another woman before their paperwork was finalised.

So I'm going to give you the same advice I gave her -- stop looking.

She did and, a year later, she's in a new but happy relationship.

The guy she's with is someone she always knew as an acquaintance. Post her divorce, they became close and he is fond of the child as well.

There may be challenges ahead but the point is, as soon as she let life take over instead of this obsession to find someone else, a relationship came up unexpectedly and out of nowhere.

So breathe, recover from old wounds and let things happen as they must. Stop planning a second marriage right away. 

 

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Online dating will be perfect for you. Most dating apps encourage people to take a second chance at love. And divorce is not the end. There are plenty of divorcees looking for real connections. And, let me assure you, "at this age" is not an issue in virtual dating. It comes without the burden of judgment. You can and should absolutely try dating apps to find genuine love. My advice would be to be clear about your divorce status; do not hide it. Second, when you set up your profile, mention your requirements and intentions in the bio. For instance, you want to find love. If you write it in your bio, only people who want the same will connect with you, helping both you and your match save time and effort on the wrong person. Third, even if you are rejected a few times in the beginning, don't give up. The right match can be right around the corner. Finally, find a dating app that caters to your need. For instance, some apps cater to users generally interested in long-term and serious relationships and then there are apps that focus more on casual relationships. Based on your preference, pick the right dating app to get better results.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Varun,

Genuine connections happen only when you are open to them and ready for it. If you are ready to give it a shot, you might want to sign up for a dating app and scope the dating pool before jumping into action. Meet new people, make some new friends, and see what’s all this hype about romance and online dating. If you happen to enjoy it, get to work; start looking for a serious partner.

It's easy to meet people online and easier to attract the right person. Be sure to set your intentions clear in your BIO and once you have connected with someone. Get to know each other. A match is not a commitment. If it does not seem to work out for you, you can mutually part ways. And repeat the process. Soon enough you will find the right person for you.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I agree what's happening to you is not fair, and however you are feeling right now, it is valid. But having said that, you can't justify saying "why cry later for justice, domestic violence and cheating." These are entirely different and serious matters. Do not trivialize them. Rejecting a man who would've loved her does not automatically mean the woman deserves to find a man who should cheat, beat, or abuse her.

Now, coming to your issue, rejection comes for several reasons; it doesn't necessarily have to do anything with your appearance. Since you mentioned getting rejected even before a conversation, my first guess would be that the profile might not be standing out in the crowd of profiles out there. You can try adding hints of humor to your BIO to make it more attractive. Use the 70-30 method in your Bio, where 70% of it showcases you as a person and the remaining 30 subtly indicates your version of an ideal partner. Additionally, try optimizing your DP and select something that shows your fun side.

But I would like to remind you that not everyone's love story runs at the same pace; some take time to start. I know you think it's cliched but people say it because it has truth to it- keep going; I am sure you will find someone.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Thank you for addressing this to me - I am not sure about your gender - either ways 52 is very young.

More power to you about being a parent, you must be feeling proud for them being independent. Parenting is one of the toughest things in the world and you have done so and are continuing to do so.

You have to take away words as 'desperate' - finding someone does not mean this - instead it means you are looking out for someone.

You need to put yourself out there and also check out what I am building. Having said this do know you will need the following as you search

PATIENCE. TIME. EFFORTS.