Hello Dr.Sehgal, my wife has separated, for her personal priorities, citing physical abuse. How can I win her back?

My wife aged 40 years left me after 20 years of marriage. We had one son aged 19 years also. She is citing mental torture by me as the main reason for her decision. She is never allowing to negotiate on the separation issue and is refusing to attend meetings with parents, elders, relationship counceller etc. She only tells that she had suffered a lot till now and will never stay with me in future. She insists for settlement of a house or equivalent money in cash and divorce. I insisted that the past disputes were minor in nature and not sufficient ground for divorce/separation and assured that I will be more careful in future and will never make her sad. Still she is reluctant and avoids any thing that brings reunion possible. She is not having any crush on another person but intends to live a solitude life. She found a job and is living independently without my son. Pl guide me what to do TSR

Hi Ravi, I am 40 yrs old and have been married to my lwife for 12 years. There has been many issues between us ranging from my family's behaviour towards her, my failures in meeting her expectations especially behavioural patterns/attention. Her complain towards me is that I didn't give her the kind of attention and affection which she deserved. I acknowledge that because I struggled very hard in my initial phase of career. In today's scenario she has totally lost interest in me and get attracted towards men who even shows some attention towards her. This is has happened a couple of times. Whenever I countered her for these incidents she tell that it was I who forced her to do all this. I am ready to commit my efforts to make our relationship better but she says she can't have those kind of feelings again for me. She is under constant stress and anxiety due to this and is affecting her health a lot. She is a good person by nature so I don't want to leave her but considering the toxicity of the relation and her deteriorating health due to this relation I suggested her to get separated but she says that she can't divorce because of family/other issues. I can see her struggle/pain in this forced relationship and wanted to help her but can't find out the way. Please help.