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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |465 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Ravi, I am 40 yrs old and have been married to my lwife for 12 years. There has been many issues between us ranging from my family's behaviour towards her, my failures in meeting her expectations especially behavioural patterns/attention. Her complain towards me is that I didn't give her the kind of attention and affection which she deserved. I acknowledge that because I struggled very hard in my initial phase of career. In today's scenario she has totally lost interest in me and get attracted towards men who even shows some attention towards her. This is has happened a couple of times. Whenever I countered her for these incidents she tell that it was I who forced her to do all this. I am ready to commit my efforts to make our relationship better but she says she can't have those kind of feelings again for me. She is under constant stress and anxiety due to this and is affecting her health a lot. She is a good person by nature so I don't want to leave her but considering the toxicity of the relation and her deteriorating health due to this relation I suggested her to get separated but she says that she can't divorce because of family/other issues. I can see her struggle/pain in this forced relationship and wanted to help her but can't find out the way. Please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tricky situation and appreciate that you are putting your partner's needs first. In this situation, there's really no one to blame. You could not give her the attention she deserved but there was always a genuine reason for it. It would have been the right choice to separate since she declared her disinterest in the marriage but even that doesn't seem like an option. There's only one thing left, to peacefully co-exist and continue to put in the effort you couldn't in all those years. Continue to live with mutual respect for the marriage, if not love. Put up some ground rules- things that you are comfortable with her doing and things you aren't; consider going for marriage counseling. Professional help can give you the structured support to bring your marriage back on track, slowly but considerably more than trying your own tricks.

One more thing, don't forget to take care of your mental health. If your wife does not want to seek counseling, you can always go for it. It helps us dig deep and gain clarity over what is important and what should not burden us.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 05, 2023

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Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am a guy 45, married and with 2 lovely children. My wife and I have great relationship from the time of love marriage. I love her a lot and as a family all is great financially, emotionally. It does seem to be like a perfect family anyone can ask for. During dating she was she was flirting with others but after all our love and commitment we moved ahead. She has this nature of seeking attention from others and I was ok as long as it was harmless. After our first child, I know it must be difficult for her as a new mother etc but I caught her with her colleague, they were having affair for 1.5 years. she regretted her decision and I forgive her. I gave her more attention and we continued, she shows all the love and affection and I know in my heart she loved me a lot as I do the same. All was good, we had a second child and the pregnancy and post pregnancy was happy. She has been very happy and giving her all to the family. Our relationship was very good from every angle. yet again she had a one night stand and also another affair. This time i was heard broken. She is independent, she earns well and better than me of which I am proud of. If she is unhappy with the relationship and marriage, i am happy if she is wants to move on for her good. But she repented again and says he cannot live without me and that she only loves me. If there is so much love I am unable to understand why she is looking elsewhere. I have asked her to make me understand but she has no answer. I have forgiven her as my love for her is a lot and I know she does love me too and we continue our marriage... but I am unable to figure out this nature and for her and myself I want to understand what can be done. I am lost.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I can see that it is very unsettling for you. It might have been a huge deal to know that your wife has been vying for attention outside of marriage and also indulging in the physical angle as well.
It's possible that she is getting used to your being okay with the entire thing and just adapting to it that there has been no thought on how she can change the way that she is. Since you have forgiven her, there is nothing that needs to change in her...that's the message that you are implying to her.

She possibly is just exploring and trying new things for herself, she is looking for validation and attention outside...the reasons could be many...wandering is only an indication of something that we are not happy with within ourselves or in our lives...If you want your situation to change, I would strongly recommend Couples Therapy to unearth what exactly is happening. It might give both of you some perspective and since there's love still within the marriage, things might actually fall in place quickly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |438 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I have been married for 5 years. Lately, I’ve been feeling lonely in my marriage. My partner and I barely talk, and it feels like we’re just coexisting. How can I bring back the emotional connection and intimacy without making it seem like I’m blaming them for the distance?
Ans: Start by creating opportunities for meaningful interaction. Sometimes the daily routines and responsibilities can create emotional walls, so finding a calm and positive environment for conversation is key. You might begin by sharing your feelings in a way that emphasizes your own experience rather than pointing out what your partner might not be doing. For example, saying something like, "I've been feeling a little disconnected lately, and I miss the closeness we used to share," opens the door for dialogue without sounding accusatory.

Rekindling intimacy often starts with small, intentional efforts to reestablish connection. This might mean setting aside time for each other, even if it’s just a few minutes of uninterrupted conversation at the end of the day. Look for moments to express appreciation for your partner, as this can help rebuild emotional warmth and remind them of the value they bring to your life.

It’s also worth reflecting on whether external stresses might be contributing to the distance. If either of you has been overwhelmed by work, family, or personal challenges, addressing those together can foster a sense of partnership and mutual support. Similarly, revisiting shared memories or engaging in activities you used to enjoy together can help reignite the bond you once had.

Lastly, be patient and consistent. Emotional intimacy doesn’t always come back instantly, but with genuine effort, kindness, and an open heart, you can rebuild the connection over time. Consider it a journey you’re embarking on together, rather than something you need to fix alone. If you feel like external guidance might help, discussing this with a couples therapist could provide both of you with tools to strengthen your relationship in a supportive environment.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7262 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
URGENT: I have taken huge loan of 15 Lac ( it started with Rs 10000 initially)but I don't have a job. I am adjusting and paying the interest and i am going on taking loans.. Don't know where it will end. Please help me? Now that I have more money than working in any company, People are giving more and more loan thinking I am well off. Sometimes I feel the only solution is Suicide!
Ans: I’m truly sorry to hear about the immense stress you're facing. It’s essential to know that this situation, though overwhelming, can be resolved with the right steps. Your life is precious, and there are people and strategies to help you regain control over your finances and emotional well-being.

Here’s a step-by-step approach to help you:

1. Immediate Steps to Address Emotional Distress
Reach Out to Trusted People: Speak to a close friend, family member, or counselor about how you’re feeling. Sharing your worries can help lighten the burden.

Professional Support: Consider consulting a psychologist or counselor to address feelings of despair. They can guide you in coping and finding hope.

Suicide Helplines: Helplines like AASRA are available 24/7 in India. They provide non-judgmental support and advice.

2. Stop Taking Additional Loans
Taking more loans will only worsen the debt cycle. Communicate with your lenders honestly and explain your current situation.

Avoid making further financial commitments until a proper repayment plan is in place.

3. Evaluate and Consolidate Existing Loans
Make a List of All Loans: Note down the principal, interest rates, and EMI for each loan.

Debt Consolidation: If possible, consolidate your loans into one with a lower interest rate. This will simplify repayments and reduce the interest burden.

Negotiate with Lenders: Speak to your lenders about restructuring your loans. Many financial institutions are willing to renegotiate terms if they see genuine repayment intent.

4. Cut Down on Unnecessary Expenses
Focus only on essential expenses like food, utilities, and basic needs.

Avoid luxury spending or non-essential purchases until you regain financial stability.

5. Seek Employment or Alternate Income
Explore freelance, part-time, or full-time opportunities that align with your skills.

Start small businesses or use your talents to generate income, even if it's modest initially.

6. Engage with a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can help create a practical repayment plan and optimise your resources. They can also guide you on managing money better in the future.
7. Prioritise Loan Repayment
Begin repaying high-interest loans first to reduce the overall burden.

Use any additional income to make systematic repayments.

8. Build a Support System
Inform your close family or friends about your financial situation. Their understanding and support can help you through this tough time.

Avoid isolation. Regular interactions with loved ones can provide emotional strength.

Final Thoughts
This phase is challenging, but it’s not permanent. Every problem has a solution, and with the right support and plan, you can overcome this.

Your life and well-being are far more valuable than any financial stress. You are not alone, and help is available. Let’s take this one step at a time, and I assure you, there’s a brighter path ahead.

If you’d like, I can assist you further in creating a repayment strategy or exploring additional income options. Please let me know how I can help.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7262 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 14, 2024Hindi
Money
Dear Mr. Ramalingam, I have been reading your column regularly and feel you are giving great advice. Would like your advice and help in seeing what would be my income going forward per month and will that be adequate and how to supplement it. I am aged 62 in kerala. My wife is 58 not working and unmarried daughter, independently earning, who we hope will get married this year. Savings: 1.2 cr in Fd’s in banks and Post office 66 lakhs in PPF (I have been extending it by 5 years each time) 14 lakhs in NPS 1 lakhs in EPF last employment was in Jun 2024 44 lakhs in shares (portfolio bought many years back based on friends recommendation but only few stocks are doing ok rest is just sitting there) 90 lakhs in Mutual funds with several mutual funds (all in growth plans) 86 lakhs at cost price for A flat where I am staying and empty plot (both fully paid for) Income currently is from: LIC Jeevan Suraksha Plan, receiving Rs. 7,021 per month till death LIC Pradhan Mantri Vaya Vandana Yojana -annual receipt of - Rs. 77,979 (till mar 2032) when I get lumpsum back of app Rs. 10 lakhs New Jeevan Shanti Plan – fully paid up but receipts to commence from Mar 2027 monthly Rs. 36,450.00/- till death of self and wife Interest income from few of the FD or break fd principal when required. Little income from dividends Expense: Tata ULIP 20 yr plan premium of 1 lakhs till last payment in 2026 (2 payments left), mature in 2027, current value is 57 lakhs. TATA AIA Fortune Guarantee Pension – annual payment of Rs. 3,06,000/ till last payment in 2026 (2 payments left). 1,07,000 per year from Apr 2028 for life of both of us and return of premium at end of both lives. Aditya Birla Guaranteed Milestone Plan –Paid Rs. 1,02,500 for 5 year last payment this year. Will receive Rs.8,94,000/ in Dec 2031 has life cover of Rs. 15 lakhs (Worst plan I was conned into taking) Family Health insurance of 8 lakhs cover plus a super top up floater of 5 lakhs, covering all 3 of us approximately 45,000 for both policies 12 year old car with 4,000 insurance policy Other expenses approximately 30,000 per month for food etc. Should I change any of my investment etc to get a better income to meet future needs Thanks
Ans: You have diligently built a robust and diversified portfolio. It includes fixed deposits, mutual funds, real estate, and insurance plans. You also have various annuity and pension products. Your current financial situation showcases foresight and discipline.

However, to ensure your monthly income meets your needs and grows with inflation, some restructuring is necessary. Let’s evaluate your assets and income streams in detail and suggest ways to optimise them.

Existing Income Sources and Expenses

Current Income

LIC Jeevan Suraksha Plan: Rs. 7,021 per month (lifetime income).

LIC Pradhan Mantri Vaya Vandana Yojana (PMVVY): Annual income of Rs. 77,979 till 2032.

New Jeevan Shanti Plan: Monthly income of Rs. 36,450 from 2027 (lifetime for self and wife).

Interest Income: From fixed deposits and dividends from shares.

Current Expenses

Household expenses: Rs. 30,000 per month.

Insurance premiums: Rs. 3,51,000 annually until 2026.

Health insurance: Rs. 45,000 per year.

Asset Analysis

Fixed Deposits

Current Value: Rs. 1.2 crore.

Analysis: While secure, FD returns are low and may not keep pace with inflation. Only retain a portion for emergencies.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)

Current Value: Rs. 66 lakh.

Analysis: PPF offers tax-free and risk-free returns. Continue extending it as a safe long-term investment.

National Pension Scheme (NPS)

Current Value: Rs. 14 lakh.

Analysis: NPS has market exposure, offering potential growth. Partial withdrawal for reinvestment can be considered post-retirement.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF)

Current Value: Rs. 1 lakh.

Analysis: Withdraw and reinvest for higher returns.

Shares Portfolio

Current Value: Rs. 44 lakh.

Analysis: A few stocks are performing, while others are stagnant. Retain fundamentally strong stocks. Sell non-performing ones and reinvest proceeds.

Mutual Funds

Current Value: Rs. 90 lakh.

Analysis: Growth plans are suitable for long-term wealth creation. However, evaluate and streamline the portfolio with the help of a Certified Financial Planner.

Real Estate

Flat: Rs. 86 lakh (self-occupied).

Plot: Value not mentioned.

Analysis: These assets provide stability but do not generate regular income. Retain them as non-liquid investments.

Insurance Plans

TATA ULIP: Current value of Rs. 57 lakh, matures in 2027.

Recommendation: Surrender post-2026 and reinvest in mutual funds for better returns.

TATA AIA Fortune Guarantee Pension: Annual payout of Rs. 1,07,000 from 2028.

Recommendation: Retain as a fixed income source.

Aditya Birla Guaranteed Milestone Plan: Payout of Rs. 8.94 lakh in 2031.

Recommendation: Retain until maturity. Avoid similar plans in future.

Recommendations to Enhance Income

1. Restructure Fixed Deposits

Retain Rs. 30 lakh as emergency funds in liquid FDs.

Reallocate Rs. 90 lakh into debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns. Choose funds with low risk and stable performance.

2. Optimise Shares Portfolio

Retain strong-performing stocks. These can provide growth over the long term.

Liquidate underperforming stocks and reinvest proceeds into equity mutual funds. Select funds aligned with your risk tolerance.

3. Streamline Mutual Funds Portfolio

Review your existing funds to avoid duplication and underperformance.

Retain well-performing funds and shift others to actively managed diversified funds.

Opt for regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice and monitoring.

4. PPF and NPS

Continue extending PPF for tax-free returns.

Do not withdraw from NPS until it’s mandated. Allocate the lumpsum received wisely at maturity.

5. Insurance Plan Adjustments

Allow the TATA ULIP to mature and surrender it in 2027.

Retain the TATA AIA and Aditya Birla plans until maturity as fixed income sources.

Avoid high-premium insurance plans in future.

6. Increase Monthly Income

From 2027 onwards, New Jeevan Shanti and other payouts will provide substantial monthly income.

Until then, use dividends, interest from debt mutual funds, and systematic withdrawals from mutual funds for supplementary income.

7. Plan for Inflation

Maintain a mix of equity and debt investments to beat inflation.

Ensure equity exposure is at least 40% of your portfolio for long-term growth.

8. Health Insurance Adequacy

Current health insurance of Rs. 8 lakh with a Rs. 5 lakh super top-up is reasonable.

Review coverage every 2-3 years and increase if necessary.

Final Insights

Your financial portfolio is solid and well-diversified. With minor adjustments, it can provide inflation-adjusted income. Focus on reallocating underperforming assets and streamlining investments. Regular reviews will ensure your wealth grows while meeting your needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |93 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Career
I am 35, MBA from a reputed college. I recently took over as senior project manager in a software company. Over the last few months, I’ve been asked to lead more high-stakes presentations, but every time I step in front of a group of senior professionals, my nerves take over. I can’t seem to communicate my ideas clearly, and I end up rambling or losing the audience. It’s frustrating because I know the content is strong, but I can’t deliver it with the confidence it needs. I’m starting to feel like this could affect my career growth if I don’t improve. I want to know how to seem more confident and present my ideas with clarity.
Ans: Hi!!

I can understand what you are going through.
I have helped many a people to become better communicators, presenters and public speakers. I agree with you when you say .. that these skills will augur well for your career growth.
What I can say is this .. that it is a learnable skill. Practice and more practice is the only way ahead. You said your content is strong, that is 50% of the job done, so build up on this confidence and practice your delivery in front of the mirror or in front of encouraging family/friends.
The only way to gain confidence is to "JUST DO IT"....to calm your nerves- deep breathing techniques and visualizations techniques will be useful.
I can help you on this journey of being a person who delivers with panache!

There are books by Dale Carnegie on public speaking which can help you out. Also read about Abe Lincoln and his journey of becoming a great orator, it can maybe help you.

Remember, PRACTICE AND PRACTICE is the key to unlock your confidence and become the person who delvers with panache.

All the best!!

...Read more

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