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Can I marry my engineer boyfriend? My doctor parents oppose it.

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1176 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 02, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Nivedita Question by Nivedita on Sep 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am a doctor by profession and boyfriend is an engineer. My father doesn't want us to marry as he thinks that doctors marry doctors and he is earning less so you will not go along together in life. Both my parents are professors and they don't want me to marry in a business family as he doesn't like it. My boyfriend is a nice person, how to convince my father about this as he thinks how he will face people if he marry me there.

Ans: Dear Nivedita,
As adults, I am sure you and your partner must be in a position to take a decision about your lives. Now whether your father is ever going to agree or not is a wild guess...
If the only concern for him is that he earns lesser, then how do you propose to convince him? Make your decision and also appeal to the 'father' in him and hope that someday he will see your partner for who he is.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Hello sir, I have been in relationship for 4 years, once my cousin elder caught me with my bf and told my parent. I told my parents that I wanted to get marry with him. But they denied. Due to my brother listening. Now it's been 4 years from that period. My bf is asking me for marriage. I wanted to convience my parents. But I m not able to tell them. And my Bf is less educated and I am employed graduate person. He works as a driver,but loves me a core. What shall I do to convience my parent. As Im of 25 years old and he is one year elder then me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a challenging situation. If you want to convince your parents, the first thing is to acknowledge their concerns. It is normal for parents to be worried about their child's future. You mentioned your partner is comparatively less educated than you and works as a driver; while every profession is equally important and as long as he is honest and hardworking and puts food on the table, he is doing well, parents can find the financial situation a little concerning. Instead of avoiding or being defensive about these concerns, address them. Let them know how you plan on tackling these differences in your relationship. Emphasize his character, personality, and all the qualities that drew you to him. Tell them how you have been in a stable relationship for 4 years, despite all the odds. In today's day and age, that is a huge thing. Convincing them would also require you to show that you are mature enough to make this decision so have the discussion once you and your partner have a solid plan and have the nitty-gritty all sorted.

Be practical and do not expect them to be onboard immediately. They have your best interest at heart and you know that your situation isn't ideal. Give them time to come around. It might take some compromises as well.

In the end, I would also urge you to think this through before introducing the relationship to your parents. Marriage is a big decision. Ultimately, it's your happiness and life at stake. Don't rush.

Best Wishes.

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Milind Vadjikar  |281 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I manage to buy five house from where I get Study rental income of 1.2 lakh(net worth of the house is about 4cr). I deposited FD of 80 lakh on my wife's name thru which she gets steady income to pay rent of 30k, and school fee of the kids and house hold expenses. I don't have any loans but bought two more flats for which I may need to take loan for 1CR soon. I have about 50 lakhs in PF, 50 Lakhs in mutual funds, 10 lakhs in shares, 16 lakhs in gold investments. Since I don't have any monthly expenses as of now, all my salary 2L+ I am inviting in different assets in the market. I am 48 year old. Somehow still I am not getting conference to retire yet. I need your help to make me feel comfortable where I stand if I leave my job today. My house hold expenses are 50k. Kids already set for higher studies not more than 30 lakh. From two flats I am bought, I can cancel one flat and get only 50 lakh loan. Please help.
Ans: Hello;

I can see 2 factors that may force you to delay your retirement:

1. Kids higher education+ wedding expenses are underestimated.

2. So long as you have a loan, you need to have salary income to fund the EMIs.

Rental income may help to enhance your corpus or prepay the loan but shouldn't be substituted as source for loan repayment in my view.

If you don't take loan then I can say with some degree of comfort that you are retirement ready but more allocation for kids future expenses is a must(1 Cr+) and also the term insurance cover(1.5-2 Cr) for self and healthcare insurance for the family(Min 50L) are highly desirable.

Feel free to revert in case you have any queries.

Happy Investing!!

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Anu Krishna  |1176 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 25, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am in a relationship and have been trying to convince my parents for the past two years. We belong to different castes, and our families live far apart, which makes it difficult for us to meet in person. I am a 29-year-old woman, and my parents have finally been convinced. However, the issue is now with the boy's family. They are delaying making a firm decision. This is the second time they haven’t confirmed whether they are ready. The boy's father is elderly and unwell, but I can't tell this to my parents, as they might think his family is using it as another excuse to delay. The boy is under a lot of stress because his family blames him for his father's illness. Meanwhile, my parents are losing interest, as this is the second time they’ve been convinced, only for the boy’s family to delay. Both families have met twice, but there has never been a discussion about how to proceed with the marriage. We have a mediator known to both families, but since the boy’s parents haven’t given a clear answer, the mediator got frustrated and said something to my parents, making them suspicious. Now, the mediator wants to clear things up, but the situation on the boy's side is so sensitive that he cannot talk to his parents directly. The delays are making my parents even more frustrated. I do not want to leave him. My parents believe that because this is the second time things have fallen through, it's a bad omen. While the boy's mother and brother have no issues with the marriage, his father is still not fully convinced, and they are not taking any initiative. I’m unsure what to do. My parents are pressuring me to leave him and make a final decision. It's been 10 days since this situation escalated, and I keep fighting with them. They believe there’s no solution to this problem, but I am not ready to leave him, and neither is he. For my parents, two years feels like a long time to wait, and they think it’s time to move on.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your parents seem to be right from their point of view. Two years is a lot of wait time. I think you need to step in and bring in this perspective to your boyfriend that you cannot wait forever. It's time that he took charge and understands that by postponing, the problem does not go away!
So, let him deal with his side of the family as only he can get through to them. Stay away from worrying about his family as he needs to take responsibility for it. Talk to him and clearly state to him that waiting forever is not what you can or wish to do. Sometimes, an ultimatum can bring closure to situations that are hanging in balance.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind Vadjikar  |281 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2024Hindi
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Hi. I'm 45 years and lately I've been investing in MF myself through app. I do lumpsum as I prefer to avoid monthly payments. But as I don't have much knowledge now a days I'm getting quite concerned on the risks involved as most are high risk funds. Taking our market growth, are there chances to lose my principal amount. I can hold these funds for 5-10 years as my kids are small. Please find my portfolio below. If I need to switch, please advice to which fund. Also is it unwise investing into many funds ? Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU Equity Growth Direct Plan - Rs 151200 Bank Of India Flexi Cap Growth Direct Plan Rs 50000 Canara Robeco Small Cap Growth Direct Plan Rs 347240 Franklin India Smaller Companies Growth Direct Plan Rs 102000 HDFC Focused 30 Growth Direct Plan Rs 181550 HDFC Infrastructure Growth Direct Plan Rs 120000 HDFC Mid Cap Opportunities Growth Direct Plan Rs 50000 Invesco India Infrastructure Growth Direct Plan Rs100000 Invesco India PSU Equity Growth Direct Plan Rs 30650 Motilal Oswal Midcap Growth Direct Plan Rs 210000 Nippon India Power & Infra Growth Direct Plan Rs 52550 Nippon India Small Cap Growth Direct Plan - Rs 201868 Quant Flexi Cap Growth Direct Plan Rs 57780 Quant Infrastructure Growth Direct Plan Rs 191500 SBI Consumption Opportunities Growth Direct Plan Rs 198873 SBI Contra Growth Direct Plan Rs 415100 SBI Equity Hybrid Regular Growth Plan Rs 1080700 SBI Focused Equity Growth Direct Plan - Rs 1625400 SBI Large & Midcap Growth Direct Plan Rs 548850 SBI Magnum Global Growth Direct Plan Rs 454000 SBI Magnum Midcap Growth Direct Plan Rs 166350 SBI PSU Growth Direct Plan Rs 111650
Ans: Hello;

You have a corpus of around 64.5 L spread over 22 mutual fund schemes.

My investment precept is if your investible scheme count is going beyond single digit then you are spreading it too thin.

Investing has to be done objectively only based on concrete criteria with no scope for any familiarity or recency bias.

High allocation to thematic/sectoral funds is a huge risk.

I recommend you to change your portfolio allocation as follows:

1. Flexicap cap fund: 25%
(PPFAS flexicap fund)
2. Large and Midcap type Fund: 25%
(SBI Large and Midcap fund)
3. Small cap type fund: 10%
(Nippon small cap fund)
4. Thematic fund: 10%
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5. Dynamic asset allocation fund: 15%
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6. Multi asset allocation fund:15%
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This allocation tries to acquire growth primarily through equity also adding a semblance of stability through moderate exposure to debt and gold.

Funds have been recommended based on long-term returns in their respective category.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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