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Doctor in love with engineer: How to convince dad?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |608 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 29, 2024

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Nivedita Question by Nivedita on Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am a doctor by profession and boyfriend is an engineer. My father doesn't want us to marry as he thinks that doctors marry doctors and he is earning less so you will not go along together in life. Both my parents are professors and they don't want me to marry in a business family as he doesn't like it. My boyfriend is a nice person, how to convince my father about this as he thinks how he will face people if he marry me there.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no hard and fast rule that a doctor should marry a doctor, an engineer an engineer, and so on. It is just their school of thought. If you do not adhere to it, you should clearly communicate the same. You both are consenting adults and well-settled; you have every right to make your own choices especially if that makes you happy. And I am assuming that your partner is also a good person, which, by the way, matters more than his profession. Please sit with your parents and have a clear conversation with them. In today's day and age, the man does not mandatorily have to earn more in a marriage. Women can and are in many cases, earning more and that has nothing to do with how happy and healthy their marriage will turn out to be; please speak to your parents. Consider introducing your partner to them. It would help humanize him.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hello I am having a relationship with my boyfriend for 12 years. We both have been maintaining long distance for the last 6 years. He comes to visit once in a year. He is very caring and loves me a lot. His actions prove that no doubt. He has not completed his graduation yet but works for a very good company in usa and earns well. We both want to get married but my father is not agreeing to it. My father thinks without the degree he is nothing, he can never keep me happy and he also thinks these type of less educated people might even torture physically and mentally. My boyfriend’s father financial condition is not good as well which is creating another hindrance as my father thinks i have no financial security. His parents have no problem with the marriage. They all stay abroad and i think my father dont want me to settle there. He wants his daughter to stay close to him. Now, i am in a dilemma of what should i do so that my father agrees to the marriage. I have totally decided that he will be the one i will be getting married to. Also i dont want to hurt my father and break the ties with him. I want my father to approve the marriage and he whole heartedly accept this marriage. How should i proceed on with everything?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You don't want this but this and that, that is okay but only if this happens. You can't solve a problem by putting so many constraints. You will reach a dead end.
Instead, be ready for some compromises that are inevitable given the outcome that you wish for.

What I mean is:
If you have decided to marry this person, be ready to accept that your father may never approve of the marriage and you may have to go through it without his approval
OR
You may have to go through the task of making both families meet and then ironing out their challenges with one another

Everything may not go as per plan so, do what's you can and then if things still don't work out, accept it...ultimately if you know your decision is right, well...

Okay, I am curious...if your boyfriend has not finished his graduation, how old is he and how old are you? Your father is then fully justified worrying about this as you two are quite young. Also, why are you going to depend on your boyfriend for your financial stability, Do you not have a job? Or do you not plan on working in the future?
Don't skirt around these questions as you know that doing anything rash and foolish can impact your entire life.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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