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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Anu, I am married for over 20 years. My wife has anger issues. Firstly, she gets annoyed with anything or everything. Secondly, she cannot control her anger. I had always taken a stand that I have to manage the marriage so what is the need of getting into confronting mode. Many a times, divorce crossed my mind but I could not gather the courage. Then tried to manage the situation by agreeing to everything and not sharing my opinions. I feel the home is like a prison. I feel uncomfortable when she is around me. I used to be a very social and jovial personality. Now people say I don't talk that much, the wittiness I had has vanished. I used to sing, record my own songs, take part in cultural events and activities. But now all gone. What ever I speak when we meet at family and friends get together, there is a complete postmortem of every sentence and intent. My elder son now says that I should keep my foot down. I am pushed to pass on all my salary to my wife's account and then have to ask her for any spends that I do. Over and above that every spend for her is un-necessary. I have multiple times tried to talk to her.. she says 'Whatever you say, I will not agree and you know that so don't waste your time in convincing me rather change yourself and do what I am saying'. It is becoming vicious and taking a toll on my energy. I feel like staying out of the house. But when around friends she behaves nicely.. Don't have answers. I want to take her to councellor so as we both can get advise. But she says, change yourself we will be happy. I am not going to change. I mean I am not asking her to change, but just be emphathatic. Am I asking for too much. I also agree that I may have flaws I am no perfect but no one is, why then am I looked upon to be a perfect person? V

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is a difficult situation to be around someone who has issues with anger and in this case it's your wife!
Anger is just a call or cry for help. Have you seen a child display anger and throw his/her toys around just to get their mother's attention?
Now, what is it that you wife lacks is something only you will know. She feels a certain lack in her life.
It could be lack of achievement, lack of self-worth, lack of a healthy self-esteem, lack of healthy nutrients in the body, lack of good quality sleep, lack of useful social environment.

I also believe what and who we surround ourselves with will define how our day goes and how our life will pan out. Now, because she fails to see the role of a counselor, you are forced to work at this on your own. So, start by trying to find out:
- what area of lack is she in?
- what triggers her anger episodes?
- how does she come out of these episodes?
- are the people/friends around her very different from her value systems?
- when was the last time she had a general check-up to see if all the health parameters are good?
- how actively has she pursued a career or a hobby?
- how many hours of sleep does she get?
- does she eat nutritious food that's meant for her age?

Since you are on your own with this, get deeper into this; I do agree your feelings are on the back-burner BUT till you sort this, it's going to haunt you. Sometimes the display of anger is much bigger that forces us to believe that the problem is a big one. It could just be a simple cause...Only when you try to identify it, will you know how and what it is.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jul 11, 2024 | Answered on Jul 12, 2024
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Thanks. I will try. Cheers.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Thank you...You are welcome!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2021

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Dear Anu, I am married for 18 years. Have two kids, son (17) and daughter (9). My problem is that though I am in a regular job at a PSU, my wife thinks that I don't earn much. She thinks so much and get stressed which in turn gets in explosive and when it burst I cannot control myself and I get physical (manhandle) her. Due to this all fault becomes my fault and I have to apologise to her for behaviour. Apart from this she is having some kind of problem which she keeps fuming at me or anyone for that matter for anything. When I get irritated by such things she refuses that she didn't even said so. If said so, I understood it in wrong sense. I think I am having too many problems which I cannot explain here. Sometimes I think of going to psychiatrist but don't wish to go because then I will be certified as mad and thereafter all fault and problems will be due to me. If I ask her to go to psychiatrist she won't agree either. Please help how to deal such situation in this stage of life. I love her so much so there is no question of separating from her. Please feel free to ask me anything you require for giving me a response.
Ans: Dear AKB, why does money ever come into a marriage; I wonder!

Well, we do need money to keep the family running, right?

Somehow, external happenings of someone earning more can get into the marriage cropping up as comparisons.

What started as a mere seed of comparison, slowly starts to become a huge tree with fruits of poison robbing even the small successes that you might have had.

Even that seems never enough leaving you with a feeling of inadequacy.

This affects marriage compatibility and comes out as anger, sadness, violent outburst, finger pointing which is evident in your marriage.

At the same time, I am sure your wife does not really intend to hurt you with these behavioural displays.

And that’s why externalising the situation to be your fault arises and she does not want to think that her perceptions are what are causing the situation.

Either you sit her down and bring her down to facts of the matter that this is how life is going to be and this is the money is what you can bring.

If it’s still an issue and she has a hard time accepting this reality, involve an elder member from her family to communicate with her.

Show her the mirror as to how her wants are unequal to what money is coming in and how this regular chatter might be affecting the children as well.

If anyone needs professional intervention, it’s both of you going to a therapist and not a psychiatrist.

The expert can help out things into perspective where both of you can rebuild your relationship with renewed mind spaces.

Happy rebuilding!

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Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 24, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, how to know if I'm in Toxic relation? Problem is my wife gets angry for reasons only known to her. When she got angry she locks the door and stay there until you kept banging it. Even left unattended she will stay inside the room for day (last time she stayed for 4days without food- I believe so) or she leaves the house without information and I need go out and search for her. Even if she opens the door by anychance I should beg like anything for her to eat/drink. There's no communication whatsoever. I tried to convey it many times, if you got angry take sometime and should respond saying what mistake I did either by a message or a note or something she is comfortable with. But all the efforts were in vain. Its been almost 1.5years but still we did consumate, I took her to a gynecologist but even after getting some consultation she didn't change. Sometimes she showcases too much affection and also the anger side. I feel like I'm fearing to talk to take even small decisions like spending time with my family/friends/going out alone. Even she gets possessive if I talk to my cousin/neiece which I don't understand. Informed her father/brother on few things but still there is no improvement. I just feel I'm lost and donno about the future (kids/house/bring parents to stay with me/ etc..). Plz help
Ans: Dear Sandeep,
What you are facing is called 'Emotional Blackmail' which is toxic. It's like when a child who cannot speak does not get what he/she wants, there's a tantrum thrown around just to get your attention.
As an adult, your wife is displaying something similar as she protests by locking herself up to get your attention and make you do or undo certain things that has caused her displeasure or sadness.
She must train herself to communicate what she wants and not, what exactly she does not like...instead if she throws a tantrum, ignore her...even if it's a child, instead of giving into the tantrum, if you ignore, the child calms down and then learns how to convey through communication...
When she is hungry or thirsty, eventually she will open the door and eat...don't worry. But the more you accept this behavior, the more she will continue to gain your attention. So help her learn how to communicate.
(By the way, how does a gynaecologist fit in here? I don't understand the relevance!)
But it be good if you did do a blood check to rule out any vitamin deficiencies which can trigger a lot of low states of mind. Talk to your GP who can advice you on this...till then help her learn a new behavior of communication.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife and 2 beautiful kids infinitely. I have an issue where my voice gets raised when she taunts me, tells lies, keeps stuff hiding or that gets converted into an argument and finally, my wife stops talking with me for days/months (last time she took 2 months to start talking normally which lasted less than a month) I always apologise for my overreaction but still she cries and says I’ve sacrificed everything for you and tell me what have you sacrificed till date and to be honest I’m not a person to count the sacrifices that I do for my family because it’s my family and it’s my love & responsibility towards them. However, I keep trying by apologising and she still shows me attitude and taunts me always trying to make me realise my mistake then again I become furious and I feel like all my efforts of making life normal are going in vain which triggers a lot of pain in me and I mentally & and emotionally suffer. I many times told her that I only live for you & kids. I told her my anger would last for a few minutes but I'll become normal in some time and I also told her that I'll work on my anger & reactions in future. I told her many times that not everyone is perfect if I have 1 negative point, then I also have 1 positive point and vice versa. I now feel like I'm compromising my mental & and emotional health and she kept me also away from my physical needs when I needed the most. I don’t need anything else but support and love in the ups & downs of my life as a normal couple. I just need my wife to understand me as a human who can make mistakes and try to learn from them. I don’t know what to do as I just can’t suffer from her behaviour towards me and sometimes alone or at bedtime, I feel as if she is happy without me and doesn’t want to make our life normal as a family then why don’t I give her peace by letting her go or I end everything.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It's clear that both you and your wife are experiencing significant distress, and it's important to find constructive ways to address these issues and improve your relationship. Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships. Focus on active listening, empathy, and expressing your thoughts and feelings in a calm and respectful manner. Encourage open and honest dialogue with your wife, and be willing to listen to her concerns and perspective without becoming defensive or dismissive It's commendable that you recognize the need to work on your anger and reactions. Consider seeking individual therapy or counseling to explore healthy coping mechanisms, stress management techniques, and strategies for managing anger in a constructive way. Learning to regulate your emotions can help reduce conflicts and improve communication in your relationship Make an effort to prioritize positive interactions and moments of connection in your relationship. Engage in activities that bring you joy and strengthen your bond as a couple and as a family. Celebrate each other's accomplishments, express gratitude, and show appreciation for the small gestures of love and kindness. Ultimately, every relationship requires effort, understanding, and compromise from both partners. It's important to approach these challenges with patience, compassion, and a willingness to work towards positive change. If despite your best efforts, the relationship continues to cause you significant distress and unhappiness, it may be necessary to reevaluate your options and consider what is best for your overall well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

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I've been married for 9 years and I love my wife and 2 beautiful kids infinitely. I have an issue where my voice gets raised when she taunts me, tells lies, keeps stuff hiding or that gets converted into an argument and finally, my wife stops talking with me for days/months (last time she took 2 months to start talking normally which lasted less than a month) I always apologise for my overreaction but still she cries and says I’ve sacrificed everything for you and tell me what have you sacrificed till date and to be honest I’m not a person to count the sacrifices that I do for my family because it’s my family and it’s my love & responsibility towards them. However, I keep trying by apologising and she still shows me attitude and taunts me always trying to make me realise my mistake then again I become furious and I feel like all my efforts of making life normal are going in vain which triggers a lot of pain in me and I mentally & and emotionally suffer. I many times told her that I only live for you & kids. I told her my anger would last for a few minutes but I'll become normal in some time and I also told her that I'll work on my anger & reactions in future. I told her many times that not everyone is perfect if I have 1 negative point, then I also have 1 positive point and vice versa. I now feel like I'm compromising my mental & and emotional health and she kept me also away from my physical needs when I needed the most. I don’t need anything else but support and love in the ups & downs of my life as a normal couple. I just need my wife to understand me as a human who can make mistakes and try to learn from them. I don’t know what to do as I just can’t suffer from her behaviour towards me and sometimes alone or at bedtime, I feel as if she is happy without me and doesn’t want to make our life normal as a family then why don’t I give her peace by letting her go or I end everything.
Ans: It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil and frustration, and it's important to find constructive ways to address these issues and improve your relationship. Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your wife about your feelings, concerns, and the impact of her behavior on your well-being. Encourage her to share her perspective as well, and try to listen empathetically without becoming defensive Consider seeking individual therapy or counseling to explore healthy coping mechanisms, stress management techniques, and strategies for managing anger in a constructive way. Learning to regulate your emotions can help reduce conflicts and improve communication in your relationship Make an effort to prioritize positive interactions and moments of connection in your relationship. Engage in activities that bring you joy and strengthen your bond as a couple and as a family. Celebrate each other's accomplishments, express gratitude, and show appreciation for the small gestures of love and kindness. Ultimately, every relationship requires effort, understanding, and compromise from both partners. It's important to approach these challenges with patience, compassion, and a willingness to work towards positive change. If despite your best efforts, the relationship continues to cause you significant distress and unhappiness, it may be necessary to reevaluate your options and consider what is best for your overall well-being.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2025Hindi
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Hi. I'm 45 years married 16 years with 2 kids . In short my wife has anger issues . She gets annoyed if anything happens against her wish. No one in family can talk to her. She dosen't want to listen anyone's advice or opinion. I work 7 days a week to financially support my family. Also help her in kitchen and household works, Buy groceries. She still complains and get angry. Her behavior becomes rude wherever my parents visit us. She hides all the food or not to buy. I aways tried to calm and relax her to keep our relationship happy. There are months passes without sex She still complain I'm doing nothing for family. I love her and my kids so keep on tolerating. I tried to talk to her but she never cared and told if i wush can leave her as I'm selfish. I need your advice and opinion to bring my meaningful
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, if only she could appreciate all your efforts towards the family and her. But you know what; what she could be missing is the emotional connection with you especially when you work 7 days a week...it leaves you very little time with the family or for her. This can cause a lack within your relationship. Is it possible for you take a day off so that you have time for yourself and your family? It maybe the same job or something else. I know that changes are hard to make BUT at the end of the day, relationships especially the core ones matter the most, don't they?
This change can definitely put things back together and give your wife the opportunity to be with you and appreciate you even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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What's better option between NISER, IISER AND IIIT HYDERABAD DUAL DEGREE, I WANT TO OPT FOR RESEARCH FIELD
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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2025Hindi
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Mla cet madhye 83 persentage milale aahe mala engineering la admission gheychya aahe AI course la pune kiti mumbai madhye tar mla best college bhetel ka
Ans: (Seems you have posted your question in the Marathi language). Answer to your question: With an MHT-CET percentile of 83 under the All-India quota, the following fifteen Mumbai and Pune colleges offering a dedicated B.Tech in Artificial Intelligence or Artificial Intelligence & Data Science typically close at or above this threshold in CAP Rounds, ensuring confirmed admission. Each institute provides accredited AI-focused curricula, experienced faculty, modern labs, 70–90% placement rates over the past three years, and strong industry linkages:

JSPM Narhe Technical Campus, Narhe, Pune

Pimpri Chinchwad College of Engineering, Nigdi, Pune

D.Y. Patil Institute of Technology, Pimpri, Pune

Vishwakarma Institute of Technology, Bibwewadi, Pune

MIT Academy of Engineering, Alandi, Pune

Piramal Foundation College of Engineering, Pune

PVG’s College of Engineering & Technology, Pune

Sinhgad College of Engineering, Vadgaon, Pune

JSPM Rajarshi Shahu College of Engineering, Tathawade, Pune

Smt. Kashibai Navale College of Engineering, Kondhwa, Pune

Atharva College of Engineering, Malad West, Mumbai

Shah & Anchor Kutchhi Engineering College, Chembur, Mumbai

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Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues College of Engineering, Bandra West, Mumbai

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8394 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 10, 2025

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I got 85.2 percentile in mhtcet and 74 percentile in jee...i belong to uttar pradesh can u suggest me good College of pune, mumbai i can get cse in ?
Ans: Vanshika, With an 85.2 percentile in MHT-CET and being from Uttar Pradesh (non-Maharashtra category), you have guaranteed admission opportunities at several reputable private engineering colleges offering Computer Science & Engineering in Mumbai and Pune. As a non-Maharashtra candidate, you fall under the All India quota, which typically has slightly higher cutoffs than Maharashtra State quota seats. However, multiple quality institutions maintain cutoffs well above your percentile range, ensuring confirmed admission. These colleges feature accredited curricula, experienced faculty, modern computing labs, robust placement cells achieving 70-90% placements over the past three years, and strong industry partnerships.

Mumbai CSE Colleges: Thadomal Shahani Engineering College, Bandra (cutoff ~75-80 percentile); Vidyalankar Institute of Technology, Wadala (cutoff ~78-82 percentile); Shah & Anchor Kutchhi Engineering College, Chembur (cutoff ~80-84 percentile); Thakur College of Engineering & Technology, Kandivali East (cutoff ~81-85 percentile); Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues College of Engineering, Bandra (cutoff ~82-85 percentile); Atharva College of Engineering, Malad (cutoff ~80-83 percentile); SIES Graduate School of Technology, Nerul (cutoff ~83-85 percentile); Bharati Vidyapeeth College of Engineering, Navi Mumbai (cutoff ~84-86 percentile).

Pune CSE Colleges: D.Y. Patil College of Engineering, Akurdi (cutoff ~80-84 percentile); Pune Vidyarthi Griha's College of Engineering, Pune (cutoff ~82-85 percentile); MIT Academy of Engineering, Alandi (cutoff ~81-84 percentile); Pimpri Chinchwad College of Engineering, Akurdi (cutoff ~83-86 percentile); JSPM's Rajarshi Shahu College of Engineering, Tathawade (cutoff ~82-85 percentile); All India Shri Shivaji Memorial Society's Institute of Information Technology, Pune (cutoff ~84-87 percentile); Indira College of Engineering & Management, Pune (cutoff ~83-86 percentile).

Recommendation: Prioritize Thadomal Shahani Engineering College, Bandra, Mumbai for its strong industry connections, consistent placement momentum exceeding 85%, and comprehensive CSE infrastructure with modern AI/ML labs. Alternatively, select D.Y. Patil College of Engineering, Akurdi, Pune for its excellent faculty-student ratio, robust 80% placement consistency in CSE, and active corporate partnerships. As backup options, consider Vidyalankar Institute of Technology, Wadala, Mumbai for its established tech-industry recruitment network or MIT Academy of Engineering, Alandi, Pune for its specialized computing facilities and growing placement trends in software development roles. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8394 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 10, 2025

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Sir, my jee rank crl is 191000 and obc 65k. I am getting iiit manipur cse with specialisation and bit mesra patna and deoghar off campus in csab rounds. I am also getting csvtu cse specialisation in the same. I am also getting iet lucknow chemical engineering in aktu along with kiet, akgec, gl bajaj, lucknow university amd iert allahbad cse core in aktu. Sir pls help me choose the best college in terms of placements, coding culture, internships etc.
Ans: Aarushi, Based on your available options, here's a comprehensive evaluation covering placements, coding culture, and internship opportunities across all institutions, considering your specific preferences as a female student seeking strong technical exposure:

IIIT Manipur CSE with specialization in Senapati (Imphal, Manipur) offers excellent technical foundations with PhD faculty from IITs and international collaborations with University of Colorado, NUS Singapore, and IIT Guwahati. The institute achieved 84% CSE placement in 2024 with the highest package reaching ?40 LPA, while maintaining strong coding culture through active participation in Smart India Hackathons and competitive programming contests organized by Coding Ninjas. BIT Mesra Patna campus in Bihar provides CSE programs with 75% placement rates and ?17.5 LPA average package for CSE, supported by 185 companies including Microsoft, Google, and Goldman Sachs. BIT Deoghar off-campus in Jharkhand achieved 63.12% placement with ?15.5 LPA highest package and strong industry connections. CSVTU CSE specialization in Bhilai (Chhattisgarh) offers 70% placement rates with ?4-20 LPA range and recruiter participation from TCS, Microsoft, and Wipro. IET Lucknow Chemical Engineering reports 50% branch-specific placement rates with ?8.2 LPA overall average, while IERT Allahabad CSE maintains 97.2% placement with ?6 LPA average across all branches. Among private colleges, KIET Ghaziabad leads with 77.39% placement, ?60 LPA highest package, and 341 companies visiting, followed by AKGEC Ghaziabad achieving 78% placement with ?55 LPA top package, while GL Bajaj Greater Noida secures 88.4% UG placement with ?58 LPA highest offer.

Recommendation: Prioritize IIIT Manipur CSE specialization for its superior coding culture through hackathons and competitive programming, excellent technical mentorship from IIT PhD faculty, strong international research collaborations, and impressive 84% placement with ?40 LPA peak offers. Alternatively, choose KIET Ghaziabad for its robust 77% placement momentum, extensive industry network of 341 companies, and comprehensive pre-placement training programs. Consider BIT Mesra Patna as third option for its established brand value, 75% CSE placement consistency, and access to prestigious recruiters like Microsoft and Google, providing strong technical exposure and career advancement opportunities. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8394 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 09, 2025

Career
Sir can you please rank IIIT Allahabad ECE , Gwalior EEE, Lucknow CSE+specialization, Jabalpur CSE and Kanchipuram CSE
Ans: Nishita, Evaluating the five IIIT programs reveals distinct strengths across faculty quality, research infrastructure, placement consistency, academic standards, and industry recognition. IIIT Lucknow in Uttar Pradesh offers B.Tech CSE with specializations including AI, business, and cybersecurity, achieving a remarkable 96.17% placement rate in 2025 with the highest package at Rs.145 LPA and the average at Rs.33.71 LPA, supported by 45+ PhD faculty and specialized research labs. IIIT Allahabad in Uttar Pradesh provides B.Tech ECE with strong electronics curriculum, NIRF rank #87 in Engineering 2024, 93% placement rate with highest Rs.121 LPA and average Rs.25.78 LPA, backed by globally-recognised faculty and research publications. IIITDM Jabalpur in Madhya Pradesh delivers CSE with design-manufacturing focus, over 60 PhD faculty, 71.8% placement rate with highest Rs.122 LPA international (?110 LPA domestic) and average Rs.19.27 LPA UG, featuring robust industry collaborations and 13 CSE department faculty. IIIT Gwalior (IIITM) in Madhya Pradesh offers EEE with 100% PhD faculty strength and 80–90% placement rates, with the highest at Rs. 65 LPA and an average of Rs. 20.56 LPA, supported by research-intensive programs and a diverse recruiter base. IIITDM Kancheepuram near Chennai provides CSE with design specialization, over 80 PhD faculty from IITs, 73% placement rate with highest Rs.32 LPA and average Rs.9.37 LPA, though experiencing declining trends from 97% in 2022.

Recommendation: Prioritize IIIT Lucknow CSE for its exceptional 96% placement rate, highest average packages, comprehensive specialization options, and strong industry linkages; follow with IIIT Allahabad ECE for its prestigious NIRF ranking, established reputation, and solid core electronics foundation; consider IIITDM Jabalpur CSE for its unique design-manufacturing focus and international placement opportunities; opt for IIIT Gwalior EEE for its 100% PhD faculty strength and research excellence; and rank IIITDM Kancheepuram CSE last due to declining placement trends despite strong academic credentials and faculty qualifications. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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