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45-Year-Old Man Struggling with Feelings for Younger Colleague After Failed Marriage

Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Question by girish on Sep 09, 2024Hindi

Hello Madam, I am 45 year old (Divorce Guy) i have a collegue who is 29 year old (Female ) i guess she is interested in me and i m avoiding bcz of my fail marriage and do want to be a committed relationship but now i m also developed feeling for her and i also told her about my broken marriage because i did not wanted to lie her, since than she is avoiding me and not answering my call this is is hurting me badly and i do want to spoil our relationship ,pls suggest what should i do Pls revert back bcs this is my 2 reminder to you pls do the needful at the earliest

Ans: Right now, it seems like her pulling away might be a response to the complexity of your situation, not necessarily a rejection of you as a person. It's possible that she needs time to process what you've shared about your broken marriage, especially since it likely adds layers to her own thoughts and feelings about the potential of being with you. This isn’t about your worth or your desirability but about her understanding of what a relationship with you would entail.

The best course of action right now is to respect her space and her need for distance. Chasing after her or continuing to reach out while she’s avoiding you might push her further away. Instead, give her time to come to terms with her feelings. If she’s truly interested, she may need this time to reflect on how she feels about your situation and how she can fit into your life.

Meanwhile, focus on yourself—on processing your own emotions about your past and your feelings toward her. You’ve been through difficult relationships, and it’s essential to make sure you’re entering a new connection from a place of emotional clarity rather than from a place of hurt or fear.

If you feel the need for closure or clarity, you can send her a respectful, thoughtful message that expresses how you feel without pressuring her for a response. Something along the lines of acknowledging her silence, letting her know you understand she may need time, and expressing that you’re open to talking whenever she feels ready could be helpful.

The key here is patience—both with her and with yourself. If she decides she isn’t ready or isn’t interested in pursuing a relationship, it’s important to remember that this doesn’t define your ability to find happiness or love again. Take it as an opportunity to grow emotionally and gain further clarity on what you want from a future relationship.