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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
H Question by H on Apr 13, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

I am Haarika, mother of two sons. Actually I take any decision after thinking a lot and wisely. But, recently, I made a mistake. I applied for a transfer to another place in order to save me mentally from the harassment of my womanizer and idiot boss. The people who promised me that they will help me in my choice of posting in new place took a U turn. Here I met higher officers, but they didn't consider my appeal. I’m feeling guilty that I took wrong decision and troubled my kids. My kids are 23 years and 19 years old. I’m very guilty why I took such a foolish decision. 
Pl. Help me to get rid of this mess.

Ans:

Dear H,

What is done, is done!

Time to salvage what you can now…

Is it possible for you to try for a job in a new place?

Who else in the current place can actually help you out of this?

Is there a possibility of exposing your boss? What will be the challenges doing this?

What else can you do that you haven’t yet done before to retain the job and yet be at peace?

How can your sons support you in this time that their mother is in need?

Sometimes, we feel that we have reached the end of the tunnel but remember that that is the place where your power will determine how you can bring the dark tunnel down to feel the light back.

Empower yourself with positive thoughts and begin the day with not what has gone wrong, but what more you can do to lift yourself up?

We are defined by our ability to pick ourselves up and overcome challenges and you have done this many times before, why not one more time?

Best wishes!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Madam, I am 61 years old , retired from Govt service an year ago. I have a problem in my family. Though my wife is a post graduate, she refused to take up any Job and wants all others including her in laws to give her money eternally. Misbehaved with my parents & sent them out of our house for their supposed conservative style and refused to allow my sisters family on a visit and quarreled with me on this ground time & again. She quarrels with me on silly issues loudly infront of kids. She reflects her mother`s attitude in dealing with my parents & relatives. Later She re-started her love affair with her ex lover . Fed up with quarrels at home and keep her away from unwarranted affairs, I decided to go abroad and took her also with me with our 2 daughters. There again, she started another illicit affair with my classmate cum colleague (whom i knew for 2 decades and i treated like a brother and was already married with kids). After 18 months of secret affair , behind me, they finally disclosed and wanted to elope leaving their families behind. Stunned by their ghastly betrayal , I sent my family back to India and also reported the matter to boss, who repatriated that Traitor back. I had to forgive my wife for sake of my Daughters who were aged 12 yrs and 9 yrs then. I am unable to come to terms with their ghastly actions though 2 decades have since passed. We sleep in separate rooms and I have no physical relation with her, ever since as our marriage is over for all purposes. I believe that mutual Trust & respect are the foundations of any marriage. Both are lost in our case. Now my daughters aged 31, 29 are Post graduates but are sitting idle at home wasting time in TV and refuse to do any job as their mother keeps telling them why should women work ?. They refuse to receive any external counselling nor willing to get married nor take up a job nor pursue any studies. They are financially dependent on me. I am now retired and live on Govt Pension. They refuse to understand the reality around them. They have no friend either in Relatives or in their college circles. What to do with their Intransigence? .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 61, you look back and reflect; what choices have you made that has led you to be where you are right now?
Have those choices robbed you of your peace of mind and a better life?
If Yes, it still isn't late to rework and revisit those choices and make better ones.

But for that, this obsession with their ghastly affair must end. The more you are focused on the past, it becomes difficult to create anything beautiful for today and tomorrow. Yes, you felt hurt and were in pain, but to continue to feel the pain is a choice and that is only going to make you more bitter. Consider what is happening with your marriage; you might have to accept that this is the way it will be. If you are not happy with this, then think of what you want to do about it.

It's a good thing that you have begun to focus on your children. They seem to be in need of focus and direction. Since they are adults, it's time you gave them an ultimatum to find a job and move out of home. It sounds cruel, but at times, as a parent you need to do the right thing for your children. So, act NOW and without hesitation.
As for you, as you decide what you want to do with your marriage, involve yourself in social circles and hobbies, travel etc. It will give you a distraction and also a way to calm your mind to take decisions.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 42 years now. I am an elder son in my family, then my sister and two younger brothers. My father was a clerk in state govt. office. Being an elder son I did all my duties at par with my father. I spent my entire 9 years’ salary on my family, it includes sister marriage, brothers education (Engineering/Polytechnic), their coaching for competitive exams, books other monthly expenses. Under my guidance they both got job. I also performed co-applicant to Education loan to one of my brother. But now my father, mother and brothers betrayed (Beyimaan). Because my younger brother’s wife was selected in state govt. job and my wife is not employed. They kicked off us from their house. All it happens like TV serial. Now my wife also get job in central government under my guidance. My family member also did same with my younger brother and kicked - off them also. Now they ask me to live with them. I am very much in stress. I want to totally detach with my family. I want to close my all relationships with them. I also don’t want my father’s property. But every now and then they call me. They never help me. We live in same city. Please help me out. I don’t want to be part of B. P. and Sugar patient. I want to be a Vinod Khanna dialogue Parva Nahi from film Dayavan.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Time for you to do things for yourself! It may seem selfish at the beginning but taking care of yourself and your needs is self-care above everything else...
For once put your needs before everyone else's and resist any sort of manipulation from family. Serving themselves was their agenda at your expense; why still allow it?
Firmly refuse moving in with them as it won't take them long before they kick you out when things are not in their favour. You have the ability to be by yourself and support yourself...maintaining a healthy distance in fact helps relationships grow stronger. So, time for you to be kind to yourself...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2023

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Relationship
Actually to say the truth this incident has made my life very difficult. Due to financial burden and for the sake of kids life, came abroad to earn money. Had huge faith and trust in my wife. suddenly this incident have ruined all the happiness. Even though i had many conversation with my wife and she assured me of faith and true to our relationship; i couldn't digest this. My daughter is just 9 years old, she doesnt know anything. But my son is 15 years old and he understands things. This incident have made him arrogant towards her. my kids love me and i am living for them and to make their life better working away from home. Actually they want me to be with them and take care of them. But my wife always insisting me to return back after becoming financially stable. Initially i was also hoping for the same. But now its totally different. Knowing that the guy is just few kilometers away from my home and working in the same company where my wife works is making me go wild sometimes. But as of now i am controlling my emotions and trying to trust my wife. But this is really taking a toll on me. One side i have to take care of my aeging parents, clear debts, take care of kids education and other family expenses. Other side this issue. My wife earns money just to spend for her family and her day to day expenses. nothing of use to me nor kids. So i am totally struck and dont know how to handle. Moreover i am keeping all the things within me and couldnt discuss with either friends nor family. Feeling lonely and betrayed.
Ans: It's understandable that you're feeling a range of emotions given the complexities of your situation.Honest and open communication with your wife is crucial. Share your feelings, concerns, and the impact this situation is having on you. Encourage her to express herself as well. Clear communication is key to rebuilding trust. Consider what is best for you, your children, and your overall well-being. Assess whether staying abroad or returning home is the most viable option for your family. It's important to take care of your own mental and emotional well-being. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This might include exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends.

Best Wishes

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I AM 43 years old business man my love marriage happened in 2010 against parents I got two kids 11years my wife short tempered i supported financially her 11 years for her carrier spent lot of money even in my busy life now she got job gulf lost ten years she took money but she never allowed my kids to meet me she lives in Kerala my business in Telangana I did my best for her last two year's she not allowed me call my kids i tried Kerala court trails take twos years still no progress now my parents forcing for another marriage I miss my kids if I marry again my kids won't come in my life is my biggest fear i willing wait for there 18 years age so I can meet my kids legally but parents saying after 18 years kids won't change within a day for u past is past u marry another why r your wasting your life my mind not thinking second marriage but pressure on me from parents 10 years waited for kids she left me simple reason I am work addicted n father s lovely kid my parents age 70s she never bothered about my parents but I spent lot money for her family too her intentions are simple if I stop kids I will leave them in old-age but I can't left my parents unable to make decisions due to personal reasons my business also not much improving when I go to out side if I see kids roaming with parents I feel my kids absence money not matters. Iam missing my kids life Indian courts eating my money. Next next next time. Madam this is my life how to overcome this problem
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When it comes to legal matters, it's only what the lawyers say that can help you...
But when it comes to dealing with your mind on all of this, it's hugely possible that you are left feeling hopeless and disappointed. Running around courts can be mentally exhausting and to not be able to meet your children is really sad. If you can take a break from work or work out of Kerala for a short time engaging lawyers in Kerala to fight your case, it is possible that you might be able to meet your children through some legal intervention as well. Waste no time and engage a good lawyer soon and NEVER LOSE HOPE! If you want to see your children and be a part of their lives, this is a clear ASK from your lawyer to fight your case...

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

Money
Hello sir, With your earlier suggestion to achieve 5Cr for retirement and my 3yr old son's education, I'm planning the following monthly investment ( apart from current Parag, Nippon and Mirae investment of 10L+ 10L in PPF): Son's Parag: 8 My Parag:10 Mirae nifty ev & new age:30 Quant Infra:15 Nifty500 Manufacturing:10 Small cap:10 Mid cap:10 NPS vatsalaya:5(giving 25L) Term plan of 3Cr:8K Monthly in-hand savings:15k Plz suggest if I'm over diversifying & suggestion for small and mid cap fund
Ans: You have a good balance between long-term goals, such as retirement and your son's education, with monthly investments across multiple funds.

Investing Rs 15,000 of monthly savings alongside current investments and having Rs 10 lakh each in Parag and PPF is commendable. This shows discipline in securing your financial future.

Portfolio Overview
Let’s assess the diversification of your portfolio:

Son's Parag: Rs 8,000/month
This could be a good long-term investment for your child's future.

Your Parag: Rs 10,000/month
This adds value to your retirement goal.

Mirae Nifty EV & New Age: Rs 30,000/month
Investing Rs 30,000 in a thematic fund is a bold move. However, ensure this is for the long-term, as sector-specific funds can be volatile.

Quant Infra: Rs 15,000/month
Infrastructure is a good bet for growth in India. However, similar to thematic funds, it can be cyclical.

Nifty500 Manufacturing: Rs 10,000/month
Manufacturing is an essential part of India’s growth story. Still, its performance can depend on broader economic factors.

Small Cap: Rs 10,000/month
Small caps provide high growth potential but come with higher volatility. Keep a horizon of at least 7-10 years.

Mid Cap: Rs 10,000/month
Mid-cap investments are good for growth, but they too require a longer horizon.

NPS Vatsalaya: Rs 5,000/month
A good addition for retirement, as it provides long-term benefits and pension security.

Term Plan of Rs 3 crore: Rs 8,000 premium
This is a necessary expense to ensure your family’s financial security in your absence.

Assessing Over-Diversification
While diversification reduces risk, too much of it can dilute returns. Your portfolio seems slightly over-diversified.

Consider reducing thematic exposure (Mirae Nifty EV & Quant Infra) as they make up a large portion of your investments.

It might be more beneficial to concentrate on core funds like small caps, mid caps, large caps, and a flexi-cap fund for diversification across market caps without the risks of being overly thematic.

Small Cap and Mid Cap Suggestions
For small cap funds, consider selecting ones with a consistent performance history and a good track record in handling market volatility.

For mid cap funds, those that have shown steady growth across different market conditions will be a safer bet for building long-term wealth.

Instead of focusing on individual scheme names, select funds with a solid investment team, strong processes, and consistent performance.

Direct vs Regular Funds
Switching to Direct Funds might seem like a good idea due to the lower expense ratio. However, this shift means losing the valuable guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can help you optimize your investments over time.

By sticking with Regular Funds through a professional MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor), you get personalized advice, monitoring of your investments, and support with tax-saving strategies. Regular funds also provide better handholding, which is crucial in volatile times.

Disadvantages of DIY Platforms
Platforms like MF Central or Zerodha may look attractive for their lower fees, but they have their drawbacks:

Complexity: Managing your portfolio without professional help can be complicated, especially when it comes to tracking performance, rebalancing, or adjusting investments based on changing goals.

Lack of Tax Optimization: Without professional guidance, you may not optimize for taxes, potentially losing out on gains.

No Personalized Advice: Unlike a Certified Financial Planner, DIY platforms will not provide you with tailored advice for your financial goals, leaving you to manage everything yourself.

Long-Term Return Expectations
Your current mutual funds are performing well, but you must be prepared for market volatility. While returns can be 20% in short-term spurts, a more realistic long-term average would be around 12-15%. This will help in planning more effectively for your goals like your son’s education and your retirement corpus of Rs 5 crore.

Final Insights
Your disciplined approach and allocation to mutual funds and NPS are excellent for long-term wealth building. However, fine-tuning your portfolio for better efficiency and consolidation will enhance your returns.

Review the Thematic Funds: Consider reducing your exposure to thematic funds like EV, infrastructure, and manufacturing. These sectors can be volatile and may require active monitoring.

Stick with Regular Funds through an MFD: While direct funds may seem appealing, sticking with regular funds and leveraging the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner ensures you won’t miss out on personalized advice and tax optimization.

Focus on Core Funds: Keep a balanced allocation towards small-cap, mid-cap, and large-cap funds to ensure you cover different market cycles and benefit from market growth.

Adjusting for Volatility: Remember that 20% returns might not be sustainable over the long term. It's safe to plan for 12-15% average returns for your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

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Money
I have ~40L in my portfolio and all my MF`s are Regular funds since I have been investing thru ICICIDirect. Now I want to start investing into Direct funds since I realize that Direct funds have lower Expense ratio. So I want to invest thru MFcentral or Zeroda. Now, my quesiton is: Is it a good idea to cancel my existing MF`s (not redeeming) in ICICIDirect and start new direct SIP`s ? Will I be loosing compounding effect of my existing regular MF`s? I dont want to redeem the SIP`s since it will incurr large LTCG taxes
Ans: It may seem tempting to switch to Direct Funds for the lower expense ratio, but there are key factors to consider before making the switch.

Here are a few points in favor of continuing with Regular Funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or a professional Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):

Value of Professional Advice
A professional MFD or CFP adds value by offering timely advice, portfolio reviews, and strategic changes based on market conditions and your financial goals. They help you stay focused on long-term plans and avoid emotional decisions.

Platforms like MF Central or Zerodha do not offer personalized advice. You’re left managing the complexities of your portfolio alone, which can be overwhelming and risky, especially during volatile markets.

Disadvantages of Direct Platforms
MF Central and Zerodha are DIY (Do-It-Yourself) platforms. While the lower expense ratio seems appealing, managing the portfolio on your own requires time, expertise, and market insight. Any wrong move could cost you more than you save in expense ratio.

MF Central is not user-friendly and does not offer real-time support for managing SIPs, rebalancing, or tracking your overall portfolio’s health.

Zerodha is a trading platform, but it doesn’t come with personalized advice. It lacks the long-term relationship benefits that an MFD or CFP provides, including goal-based planning and tax-efficient strategies.

Compounding Effect & Tax Implications
Cancelling your existing SIPs and switching to direct funds will not directly affect the compounding of your current investments. However, starting new SIPs in Direct Plans could lead to a disjointed investment strategy. You may also lose out on expert guidance that helps optimize the compounding effect through proper fund selection and market timing.

Switching to direct funds might seem cost-effective in the short run but could result in higher LTCG (Long Term Capital Gains) taxes if you later decide to rebalance your portfolio on your own without professional help.

Avoid Disruption
Switching platforms might disrupt your current portfolio management process like consolidated reports and capital gains tracking, which helps during tax filings. On DIY platforms, you will have to manage all of this yourself.

If you are not satisfied with ICICIDirect's services, you can always switch to another professional MFD or Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A good MFD will still provide the benefits of seamless portfolio management, including consolidated reports, capital gains tracking, and regular reviews, which are critical during tax filings and for keeping your investments aligned with your goals.

Final Thought
Instead of switching to direct plans, continue with Regular Plans through a professional MFD or CFP. The personalized advice you receive will often outweigh the slight difference in expense ratio. Regular reviews, goal setting, and rebalancing help ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your long-term objectives.

Making hasty decisions based on expense ratio alone can lead to missed opportunities and higher risks in the long run.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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