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Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 12, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I AM 43 years old business man my love marriage happened in 2010 against parents I got two kids 11years my wife short tempered i supported financially her 11 years for her carrier spent lot of money even in my busy life now she got job gulf lost ten years she took money but she never allowed my kids to meet me she lives in Kerala my business in Telangana I did my best for her last two year's she not allowed me call my kids i tried Kerala court trails take twos years still no progress now my parents forcing for another marriage I miss my kids if I marry again my kids won't come in my life is my biggest fear i willing wait for there 18 years age so I can meet my kids legally but parents saying after 18 years kids won't change within a day for u past is past u marry another why r your wasting your life my mind not thinking second marriage but pressure on me from parents 10 years waited for kids she left me simple reason I am work addicted n father s lovely kid my parents age 70s she never bothered about my parents but I spent lot money for her family too her intentions are simple if I stop kids I will leave them in old-age but I can't left my parents unable to make decisions due to personal reasons my business also not much improving when I go to out side if I see kids roaming with parents I feel my kids absence money not matters. Iam missing my kids life Indian courts eating my money. Next next next time. Madam this is my life how to overcome this problem

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When it comes to legal matters, it's only what the lawyers say that can help you...
But when it comes to dealing with your mind on all of this, it's hugely possible that you are left feeling hopeless and disappointed. Running around courts can be mentally exhausting and to not be able to meet your children is really sad. If you can take a break from work or work out of Kerala for a short time engaging lawyers in Kerala to fight your case, it is possible that you might be able to meet your children through some legal intervention as well. Waste no time and engage a good lawyer soon and NEVER LOSE HOPE! If you want to see your children and be a part of their lives, this is a clear ASK from your lawyer to fight your case...

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Madam, I am 61 years old , retired from Govt service an year ago. I have a problem in my family. Though my wife is a post graduate, she refused to take up any Job and wants all others including her in laws to give her money eternally. Misbehaved with my parents & sent them out of our house for their supposed conservative style and refused to allow my sisters family on a visit and quarreled with me on this ground time & again. She quarrels with me on silly issues loudly infront of kids. She reflects her mother`s attitude in dealing with my parents & relatives. Later She re-started her love affair with her ex lover . Fed up with quarrels at home and keep her away from unwarranted affairs, I decided to go abroad and took her also with me with our 2 daughters. There again, she started another illicit affair with my classmate cum colleague (whom i knew for 2 decades and i treated like a brother and was already married with kids). After 18 months of secret affair , behind me, they finally disclosed and wanted to elope leaving their families behind. Stunned by their ghastly betrayal , I sent my family back to India and also reported the matter to boss, who repatriated that Traitor back. I had to forgive my wife for sake of my Daughters who were aged 12 yrs and 9 yrs then. I am unable to come to terms with their ghastly actions though 2 decades have since passed. We sleep in separate rooms and I have no physical relation with her, ever since as our marriage is over for all purposes. I believe that mutual Trust & respect are the foundations of any marriage. Both are lost in our case. Now my daughters aged 31, 29 are Post graduates but are sitting idle at home wasting time in TV and refuse to do any job as their mother keeps telling them why should women work ?. They refuse to receive any external counselling nor willing to get married nor take up a job nor pursue any studies. They are financially dependent on me. I am now retired and live on Govt Pension. They refuse to understand the reality around them. They have no friend either in Relatives or in their college circles. What to do with their Intransigence? .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 61, you look back and reflect; what choices have you made that has led you to be where you are right now?
Have those choices robbed you of your peace of mind and a better life?
If Yes, it still isn't late to rework and revisit those choices and make better ones.

But for that, this obsession with their ghastly affair must end. The more you are focused on the past, it becomes difficult to create anything beautiful for today and tomorrow. Yes, you felt hurt and were in pain, but to continue to feel the pain is a choice and that is only going to make you more bitter. Consider what is happening with your marriage; you might have to accept that this is the way it will be. If you are not happy with this, then think of what you want to do about it.

It's a good thing that you have begun to focus on your children. They seem to be in need of focus and direction. Since they are adults, it's time you gave them an ultimatum to find a job and move out of home. It sounds cruel, but at times, as a parent you need to do the right thing for your children. So, act NOW and without hesitation.
As for you, as you decide what you want to do with your marriage, involve yourself in social circles and hobbies, travel etc. It will give you a distraction and also a way to calm your mind to take decisions.

All the best!

..Read more

Harsh

Harsh Bharwani  |56 Answers  |Ask -

Entrepreneurship Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2023Hindi
Career
Dear sir i am 51 yr old ,i had a very tough life,i was bright and honest student..i got adhoc lecturer ship which i have to left as it was adhoc only i like my profession but i had to left ..than i join with help of my friend sales which i don't like but to earn i did and rose to higher management level...my married elder brother was having depression,i left the parental home to help him ,my parents were both retired govt employees getting good pension...i struggled to make both ends meet..later on my parents get medical trouble still my wife took care of them at my house.. I left the job in 2010 me and my friends who bring me job started the business but he ditched me the first day on business i take courage and continued the business... Meanwhile my parents refused yo help....after 3 yr of my business my parents come to help them as my mother has to do 3 month complete bed rest ,me and my wife helped them after that they come for 2 -3 months in a year for 5 years but after that my mother starts querlling with my wife ,i stoped their coming but told i will help them they need..i helped them during covid ,and other medical problems ,in 2021 my father passed away in i met an car accident my mother refused to give registery of copy in cour yo get bail..i stopped my all relation on this ...my daughter went to canada in sep 2021..i took 7 lacs loan and rest i paid from my savings ..this month her course was supposed to finish but what i realize that she failed in 13 exams..she told me first time than i told her to not worry i concentrate for future one but she lied and failed in other one also what she disclosed now,i have to pay further 10 lacs..my business is alo down and my son is not selected my medical field business,i have to collect aprx 40 lacs from market ,i tried hard for tie up overtake or job at this age but kot getting...it is become hard to run business with no family member in same business in future and tonpay to daughter ..i am gojng to shut it down in next month and do something else...with low cost business as i have to pay monthly salaries and rent of aprox 2.5 lac...i am in big trouble...No one to help me out..i never tried my 0mother brother sister whom i helped in their every cause...i knew they will not help as they not helped me in all my troubles...
Ans: I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult circumstances you've faced in your life. It sounds like you've gone through a lot of challenges and have been dealing with various setbacks. It's understandable that you may feel overwhelmed and frustrated at this point.
In times of hardship, it's important to remember that there is always hope and the possibility of finding solutions. Here are a few suggestions to consider:

1. Seek Professional Help: Given the complexity of your situation and the emotional toll it has taken on you, it may be beneficial to seek professional support. Consider reaching out to a counselor, therapist, or support group to help you navigate through your challenges and emotions. They can provide guidance and assist you in developing coping strategies.
2. Financial Assistance: If you're struggling with loans and financial obligations, it might be worth exploring options for financial assistance. Consult with a financial advisor or research available schemes, grants, or loans that could potentially help you manage your debts and ease the financial burden.
3. Career Transition: As you mentioned, shutting down your current business and exploring other low-cost business options might be a viable solution. Assess your skills, interests, and market demand to identify alternative business opportunities that align with your capabilities and resources. Consider seeking advice from business mentors or professionals in your desired industry to help you make informed decisions.
4. Network and Support: While it may feel like you're alone, reach out to your social network for support. Friends, acquaintances, or industry professionals might have insights, connections, or opportunities that could be beneficial. Building a support system can provide emotional support and potentially open doors for new opportunities.
5. Prioritize Self-Care: In challenging times, taking care of yourself is crucial. Make sure to prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, relaxation, hobbies, and spending time with loved ones. Maintaining your physical and mental well-being will help you navigate through difficulties with a clearer mindset.
6. Maintain Resilience: Remember that setbacks are a part of life, and resilience is key. While it may feel overwhelming now, focus on developing a positive mindset and persevering through challenges. Draw on your past experiences of overcoming adversity to fuel your resilience and determination.

Finally, know that it's never too late to make a fresh start or seek new opportunities. It may take time, effort, and a shift in mindset, but with perseverance and resilience, you can work towards a better future. Reach out for help, explore available resources, and stay determined. Wishing you strength and the best of luck as you navigate through this difficult period.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Madam, i am 49 and married with 2 kids (10th standard and 8th standard), my problem started we move to india and settled near my mother/sister-law and there is lot influence things happened alast 2 year and also i have drinking habit which i have overcome by attenting rehibition, but last 8 month i am staying with mother house due my health and now i ok, but every time last 3 months i asking my wife can we staying together but no proper answer and she away most of time on spiritualty, even i allow her go but she is not inform were about even after 20 phone call that triggers me and i drink and make my life diffocult myself, recently i have asked move alone with me and kids but again blaming for all the past thing, due to this i have flight my parents and brother which not keep peace to them....i am really confused and what stage they will expect me i know sure..please let me know any suggestion
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your drinking is the main reason why your wife cannot trust you again. Rebuilding that trust is going to take a lot of time and patience, Simply by saying that All is Well, let's move back together is not going to help.
Use this time of separation to rebuild that trust. Visit your children often and be the father that they didn't have earlier...be the husband that you were not earlier.
Actions speak louder than words...so, now focus on what you can do for your family that will make them want you back into their lives and this can definitely happen when you are staying away from them.
Allow them to slowly notice the changes in you and they will on their own accept you back...
A lot of work to be done...but anything for the family, right?

All the best!

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam,I love a boy..We both are from different states.We both work as software engineers and earn well.I am 24 and he is 26.My parents were looking alliance for me so i told them ki I like a boy..From the day I have told them they have not even asked ny opinion .My mom just keeps on repeating your dad will die as he has high bp and diabetes..you will become fatherless..My dad says he will drink poison and kill me as well..he himself told me that his image in society is more important to him and no one has give me rights to marry a boy of my own choice..My parents keep on calling me to my home so that they can make me quit my job..even after telling that I love a boy my parents went behind my back and fixed a boy for me..they say that the boy they are looking for me will be perfect..now my dad is asing me to come home..pls suggest me what should i do ..should i run away or convince them
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Classic emotional blackmail...this is not new and I have seen this in many households. Your parents are not wrong from their point of view as they feel they will choose the best person for you. But obviously blackmailing you with consequences like your father will die etc is childish and immature...
You are an adult and know what you are doing. But also, take your parents into confidence by reassuring them that you know what's right for you. Eventually in due course of time, they will come around...They might not too...Don't stress over it as any relationship that you enter into if it is based on what your parents wish may not be the best for you...
It's not about them but they are making all this about them...turn the attention onto yourself by talking to them about your independent thoughts, financial independence and how the boy is right for you (if of course the boy is right for you).
Wait patiently till they turn over...make this attempt with baby steps without giving into fights or bouts of arguments!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2170 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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Money
I am retiring with a corpus of 1.8 Cr in May 2024.I will be getting a monthly pension of 90,000.Please suggest investment options for my retirement corpus.
Ans: Congratulations on your upcoming retirement! Having a 1.8 Cr corpus and a 90,000 monthly pension puts you in a great position to enjoy your golden years. Now, let's talk about smart investment options to make your corpus last!

Understanding Your Needs

First things first, we need to understand your lifestyle and spending habits. Knowing your monthly expenses will help decide how much you can safely withdraw from your corpus each month.

Security and Stability

Since retirement is about enjoying life without worry, focus on a good mix of secure and growth-oriented investments. This will provide you with a regular income and the potential for future growth.

Investment Options to Consider

Here are some investment options to explore, keeping in mind your need for both safety and growth:

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): SCSS offers a safe and guaranteed return, with interest credited quarterly. It's a good option for a portion of your corpus.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs): These are mutual funds that invest in a mix of stocks and debt. They offer regular monthly payouts, while also giving your money a chance to grow.

Debt Funds: Less risky than stocks, debt funds invest in government bonds and corporate bonds. They provide stable returns and are good for building a buffer.

Actively Managed Equity Funds (AMCs): AMCs invest in stocks, aiming for capital appreciation over the long term. They can be riskier, but offer the potential for higher returns if the fund manager makes good choices.

Remember, diversification is key! Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Spread your corpus across different asset classes to manage risk.

Seeking Professional Help

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be a valuable resource. They can assess your needs, risk tolerance, and recommend a personalized investment plan that aligns with your retirement goals.

Regular Reviews are Important

The market keeps changing, so your investment plan needs to adapt as well. Schedule regular reviews with your CFP to ensure your investments are still on track.

Living Within Your Means

The key to a happy retirement is living within your means. Don't overspend your corpus. Plan your monthly expenses and withdraw only what you need.

Focus on Long-Term Growth

While some income is important, don't neglect long-term growth completely. A portion of your corpus can be invested in AMCs for potential capital appreciation.

Be Patient and Enjoy!

Building wealth takes time. Don't get worried by short-term market fluctuations. Stay invested and enjoy your retirement!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2170 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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Money
I am 27 years old and have investment goal of 2 crs of by the age of 31. please suggest some sip or mutual munds which is the better
Ans: That's a fantastic ambition you have! Setting a clear goal like this at 27 shows real planning smarts. Reaching 2 crores by 31 through SIPs is possible, but it requires a well-crafted investment strategy. Here's why actively managed mutual funds might be a good fit for you:

Understanding Your Risk Appetite

First things first, we need to figure out your risk tolerance. Actively managed funds are generally considered riskier than passively managed options like index funds. This is because actively managed funds have a fund manager who tries to outperform the market by picking individual stocks. This can lead to higher returns, but also comes with the chance of underperformance.

Why Actively Managed Funds?

While index funds offer a diversified, market-matching approach, actively managed funds can potentially deliver higher returns if the fund manager makes good stock selection calls. This "outperformance" can be crucial for achieving your ambitious goal within a shorter timeframe. However, remember, actively managed funds aren't guaranteed to outperform!

Building a Diversified Portfolio

Here's the key: Don't put all your eggs in one basket! To manage risk, consider a diversified portfolio of actively managed funds across different asset classes like large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. You can also explore sectoral funds that focus on specific industries like IT or pharma.

Remember, diversification is your friend!

Seeking Professional Guidance

Since actively managed funds involve more analysis and selection, consider getting help from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A CFP can assess your risk profile, investment goals, and recommend a suitable mix of actively managed funds to create a personalized investment plan for you.

Regular Reviews are Key

The market keeps changing, so your investment plan needs to adapt too. Regularly review your portfolio with your CFP to ensure your chosen actively managed funds are still aligned with your goals and risk tolerance.

Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint!

Staying Invested Matters

Don't get swayed by market fluctuations. Actively managed funds aim for long-term growth. Stay invested and avoid frequent withdrawals to benefit from the power of compounding.

Discipline is Your Secret Weapon

Consistent SIP contributions are key to reaching your goal. Even small amounts invested regularly can grow significantly over time.

Focus on Long-Term Growth

Actively managed funds are for long-term investors. Don't expect quick riches. Stay focused on your 2 crore target by 31 and avoid chasing short-term gains.

Be Patient and Persistent

Building wealth takes time and discipline. There will be ups and downs, but staying patient and persistent with your SIPs will increase your chances of success.

Believe in Yourself!

You've set an ambitious goal, and that's a great first step. With the right approach and guidance, you're well on your way to achieving it. Keep the faith and stay invested!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2170 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir, Me and my wife both are 40 years old. Together, we both earn around Rs. 2.5 lacs per month. We have around Rs. 1cr in MF and 50 lacs in Stocks. We are investing monthly SIP of Rs. 1 lacs per month.All the SIPs are equity oriented.Paying Rent Rs. 45k and our monthly expense is around 90 k (including rent). We have 2 kids ( 7 years and 2 years), one is having medical (Cerebral Palsy) Issue. We plan to buy a house in Gurgaon. What should be our Ideal budget to buy a property? Understanding 1 kid will always be dependent on us . No other EMI as of now.
Ans: Here's some guidance on your ideal budget for a property in Gurgaon:

Financial Strength:

Combined Income: Rs. 2.5 lacs per month is a good starting point.
Savings: Rs. 1.5 cr (Rs. 1 cr in MF + Rs. 50 lacs in Stocks) is a significant sum.
Investments: Rs. 1 lac monthly SIP shows strong saving habits.
Challenges:

Dependent Child: Having a child with Cerebral Palsy will require long-term financial planning for their care.
Monthly Expenses: Your current expenses are Rs. 1.35 lacs (including rent).
Considering these factors:

Don't stretch too thin: While you have a good income and savings, prioritize your child's needs and future medical care.
Target a 15-20 year loan term: This keeps your monthly EMI manageable.
Recommended Budget:

Focus on affordability: Aim for a property with a total cost (including registration and other charges) between Rs. 50 lacs - Rs. 1 crore. This translates to a monthly EMI of around Rs. 30,000 - Rs. 60,000 (assuming a 15-20 year loan term).
Location: Consider areas in Gurgaon with good healthcare facilities and accessibility for your child's needs. Explore areas like Sectors 56, 70, 84 or Gurgaon outskirts like Sohna or New Palam Vihar which may offer better affordability.
Additional Tips:

Talk to a Financial Advisor: Discuss your situation with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to create a personalized financial plan considering your child's needs and future goals.
Research Property Options: Look for resale flats, builder floors, or upcoming projects in your budget range. Use online portals like MagicBricks or NoBroker to get an idea of prevailing prices.
Factor in Additional Costs: Remember, there are additional costs besides the property price – registration charges, stamp duty, maintenance fees, etc.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,


Chief Financial Planner,


www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii.. i feel totally stucked in life...not only me my husband too feel helpless. We both don't know what to do in such situation. The problem is we have a son who is 22 yrs old, doesn't want to work; wants to stay at home on pretext of preparing for any exam. He is not even studying at home. We can clearly see that but he refuses to go out for work whether at his own shop or for a job. We have given him enough time to stay at home for studies but every year there is different exam for which he wants to prepare. He doesn't study sincerely at home. At least 5-6 years have passed. He's not even attending his regular college for studies. All he wants is to stay at home. He refuses to step out from his comfort zone and has become too aggressive and abusive. Please guide us what we can do to motivate him to work. Thank you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly your son has gotten used to all the comforts at home. What is the necessity to do anything?
Also, I suspect that writing one exam or the other is a way of escaping from what he truly wants to do in life. He is unclear and afraid to face what he might want and afraid that he might fail. This fear of failure will simply make him write one exam after the other in the hope that he does not have to decide what he needs to do.
Kindly take him to a Career Counselor who can evaluate his strength areas and suggest an academic course that is suitable for him. After which seek an appointment with a professional who can streamline his thinking and put him on a goal-focused path. This might help him.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |856 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
To start with i live abroad . I was married in 2009 with 1 kid and divorced later in year 2017 abroad only as i got into a new love relationship and married after 1 yr with no kids my present wife knows about my past and moreover we trying to have baby but due to medical conditions and diabetic myself unable and have to hear negative things she is working well and independent but due to all this i befriended another girl and had developed a feeling towards her and had relationship with her as well she knows about that i am married but cant leave my gf want to marry her we had good communication as well between us but at times we fight due to issues that i am married still not divorced and moreover she doesnot know about my 1st marriage either sometimes i feel embrassing whag ppl will think of me i am tired of my life being the only child of my mom i cant do anything as she is too old 85 yrs and heart patient. I am 42 currently married with wife 41 yrs age but seems lost interest in her and often fight shd doesnt live with me as i am away for 3 years and goes home 1 a year. The new gf is 35 yrs old but dont want to lose her we have been to nany trips together in about 5 to 6 countries . I am having mentally stress what to do sometimes feel to end up my life
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I don't mean to sound judgemental here...but what exactly are you stressed about? You seem to be hopping about from one relationship to another without working on things when they get stressful.
Did it occur to you that when things sour between two people that it is possible with some effort to work on things? The answer does not lie in running away and jump into the arms of another women.
There's a clear pattern of possible 'escapism' when things get uncomfortable...So, STOP and reevaluate what you are running from, what comfort do you run towards and how is this actually helping your mental state...
Do the right thing for yourself and your wife...take care of your marriage first before jumping into another relationship; you will only find something wrong with that as well...So, please STOP and check what exactly is happening...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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