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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Ravishankar Question by Ravishankar on May 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi gurus I m 38 yrs old nd married for last 6 years. I have one kid. My wife is little poised to toxic and she has a fight with her mom for nearly before 6 months and have not spoken a word also. Her mother is more rigid than her as she never bothered to give a call though she came to know recently that my wife is pregnant. Now comes the main picture - as I m neutral in nature. I tried calling her twice and my wife herself said don't loose your esteem by calling her often as every one in her family knows that she is moore adamant. Now comes the twist now my wife is asking me after 2-3 months that i should stop speaking to my parents and asking me to don't pick the calls from my parents and I too should not talk to them as in some reasons we are also involved in their fight between her nd her mother which is actually not the cent percent reason . Now please tell me what should I do as she checks for the mobile whether i had spoken to my parents or not. Please advise .. i m loosing peace and not able to concentrate at work . Thanks Ravi

Ans: Dear Ravi,
I wonder what is the point of all this ego tussle? Surely your wife needs to grow up in terms of managing relationships.
Now, if she has decided not to talk to her mother, that is between them and hey, you tried to patch things up as well.
What and how you interact with your parents is solely your business; it would have been nice to have your wife's presence in the same BUT the day she puts aside her ego (this needs some checking as to the root cause of why the wall is up), that day things will change.
I assume that you want to continue interacting with your parents; in that case state that to your wife that that is exactly what you wish to do. Be prepared for a backlash from her; she may ignore you or be angry or tell you that you are causing her stress when she is pregnant. This is to let you go on a guilt trip all by yourself with no chance of getting off the rails. DO NOT be guilty for speaking with your parents and instead offer more love and support to your wife.
The focus has been on what not to do to break relationships rather than what must be done to improve relationships. This may also improve the bond between you and your wife which is so needed when she is going to be a mother.
Impress the fact that the unborn child also picks off emotions and that to have a better space of mind will aid the child's growth.

Being surrounded by people who love and care will also ensure a good pregnancy. This could also be a point to make your wife understand that all battles need not be fought and a few can just be at rest so that they can resolve itself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi Anu, this is Rajkiran here, I am 34 years old I have been married 4 years back to a girl through the relatives reference. My wife is govt worker and she only has one independent parent which is her mother. The marriage happened in a very short time during corona period and we had healthy few chats of how we expect our life's to be and we were both in common understanding and when I asked what is her expectations then she said she had no expectations at all and go by how life takes on. I was happy that I got right match and I am person not into any relationships and nothing and this marriage relationship was so new and started loving her more and she was also the same. She had also no relationships and not interested in marriage but due to her mother's pressure she got married to me. She also started liking the relationship and valuing it After 6 months she was pregnant and she went to her mom's house to stay as she was feeling comfortable there and I aslo let her stay as she wishes. Child was born in 2022 April and problem started here We had to name the child and it's usually dad who names the child because its family tree and decendent. But my wife got in middle and said she wants name as suggested by her mother, the first fight started and later i compromised for child sake and I agreed to her on the naming of child. After the naming ceremony done her mother acted differently to me and she was looking for fight, my wife was also on the same route they were allowing me see my child once in a month and she also did not bother to spend time and let child because with me. I love to be with child but unfortunately I am not able to spend time with him. This made me feel suffocating inside and was feeling bad, one day we planned to bring child to my home along with my wife and she also agreed to stay for 3days and for some reason child was crying as it was new to adapt and new people. My wife used the situation to pull a fight with me and she said I want to go home saying child is crying and he will fall sick. I requested to wait for another few hours if he calms down and we will see but she didn't listen and got very pissed off and had cold war with her for week. She stopped talking and she stopped everything. I had no idea what was so wrong that I did and it so bad. I tired always to talk to her and she didn't give space to me and my feelings. From September 2022 we were not together till now. I December 2022 I approached marriage counselling for her and me to unite with her, she also had come for counseling as it was religious institution and she had no option to opt out. Counselling was done and she told that she will be coming my house in a Weeks time. After a week again same story she didnt turn back and she didnt even want to put one step to solve issue, adament nature and influence of her mother. I waited for a year and approached legally by filing petition on restitution of conjugal rights. I went through 2 hearings she is not turning back. I am left no where and for this sake why I should have married. I don't want another marriage or any i have great love for my child and even my wife whatso ever she does i just love her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are a few individuals on Earth who sadly fail to see the larger picture; in your case your wife fails to see how marriage can bring stability to life and the child's growth.
Now why she wants to run back to her parents' place is something I don't understand BUT she surely has forgotten that making a marriage work means staying together and even if the two of you need to stay apart, it has to be due to work or other commitments that require that kind of an adjustment.
Do you know why she is so quick to run back to her family home? Even if she was pressured in marrying you, what's the point running away from what is obvious.
If you are sure about not wanting the marriage, kindly factor in that you have a child. Make an attempt to get back together, so that your child has a stable home. Request an elder member from your family to intervene and talk some sense into her mother who seems to be ignorant to the fact of ruining her daughter's life. Is her mother going to take on the responsibility of her daughter and her child? See where this line of action leads you to and then step in and appeal with your wife...This is all that you can do...Hope for the best thing to happen...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am going through some situations in relationship with wife and not able to distinguish as what step shall I take In short I may explain We have arranged marriage We married in 2019 We had a distance relationship as both are working Due to some misunderstanding we detached from each other since April 2021 till July 2024 with zero contact and conversation Now she again contact me in July 2024 And decided to again start a new venture She put some demand As I am here now and may be posted anywhere in India wherever my company may post me For this I contacted one of my friend who works in same institution and is my childhood friend He told me yes it is good to take promotion and if she will take promotion then forever she will keep roaming anywhere in India My friend told me ( actually he knew all our situation of relationship) that see looking at your situation you both are already not living like a couple so she should think for social life which she can while refraining promotion which is possible. My wife now asking me as she wants baby And told me as baby will remain with me and since my wife had no brother she also told me as she would keep her parents forever with her. I told her ok I just want a life where we all may enjoy together and if we may be blessed with any baby so he or she should get love of all ( you ,me and our parents). She denied and told me it isn't possible Now am suffering from lots of thoughts and stress with uneven mood swings as if I go for baby then how it will work She isn't underpaid or unemployed Earning almost more than lakh a month I told her am ok with ur promotion but I want all should get love and care of baby Now I am struck in between
Ans: First, it’s important to acknowledge how difficult this must be for both of you after such a long period of no contact. Rebuilding a relationship after being apart for over three years, especially with such different expectations, will take patience, understanding, and honest communication.

It sounds like both of you have valid concerns. She wants to balance her career and family, and you want a life where the child is surrounded by love and stability. However, her desire to have her parents with her permanently and your concerns about how the baby will be raised need to be discussed thoroughly before making any decisions.

Your friend’s advice about considering how to balance personal and professional life is worth thinking about, but ultimately, this is about what you and your wife want from your relationship. A good starting point would be to sit down with her and have an honest, open discussion about your expectations. It's important to figure out whether both of you can compromise on certain issues. For example, can you find a middle ground where you both feel supported in your careers while also prioritizing the family dynamic you both envision?

Consider couples counseling, as it might help both of you communicate better and understand each other's perspectives more deeply. The key is to align your goals and see if you're both willing to make adjustments for the future you're trying to build together.

Lastly, take care of your emotional health. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it might help to talk to someone neutral or even a counselor to help you process your thoughts and make decisions with more clarity.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8204 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 08, 2025

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Money
I am 51 years want to park 10 L recieved from LIC. I have Nippon liquid and Axis Short term funds. Where should I keep this,in these debt fund or some other for max return and least risk . Or some balanced advantage funds?
Ans: Since you're 51 years old and the Rs. 10L is from an LIC maturity, I’ll assess this from a 360-degree perspective with low risk and reasonable return focus.

Let us structure this under simple and clear headings:

Understand the Nature of the Rs. 10L
This is a one-time amount, not a regular income.

So, capital protection is important.

Also, some growth is expected, but not with high risk.

Evaluate Your Existing Funds
Nippon Liquid Fund is very low risk.

Good for short-term parking, like few months.

Returns are around 5.5% to 6% yearly.

You can use it if you need money anytime soon.

Axis Short Term Fund is slightly better return.

Slightly higher risk than liquid fund, but still low.

Returns can be around 6% to 7% yearly.

Suitable if you are okay to stay invested for 2-3 years.

Should You Switch to a Balanced Advantage Fund?
These funds invest in both equity and debt.

They adjust the mix based on market conditions.

They give better return than debt if held for 3-5 years.

But, they carry moderate market risk.

Return range can be 8% to 10% per annum.

Not guaranteed, but historically stable.

Suitable if your risk tolerance is moderate.

Also, you must stay invested for at least 3 years.

What You Can Do Now (Allocation Suggestion)
Here is a simple, low-risk and flexible suggestion:

Rs. 2L in Nippon Liquid Fund: For immediate needs.

Rs. 4L in Axis Short Term Fund: Safe with better return.

Rs. 4L in Balanced Advantage Fund (via MFD with CFP): For better growth.

Choose an actively managed regular plan.

Avoid direct plan. They lack support and monitoring.

Regular plans offer advisor support and rebalancing guidance.

Why Not Direct Plan?
Direct plans look cheaper.

But they don’t guide you during market falls.

Many investors panic and exit early.

This leads to poor returns.

With MFD + CFP support, you stay invested longer.

Long-term behaviour matters more than cost.

Why Not Index Funds?
Index funds blindly follow the market.

No protection during market fall.

No fund manager to adjust strategy.

Active large-cap or balanced funds adapt better.

At your age, protection is more important than chasing index.

Important Tax Point
Debt funds and balanced advantage funds are taxed as per income tax slab.

If you hold for 3+ years, tax is less due to indexation benefit in earlier rules.

But now, for debt funds, tax is same as your slab.

So, choose based on your tax slab also.

But do not let tax alone decide. Safety is first.

Final Insights
Your Rs. 10L should grow slowly and stay safe.

Split into 3 buckets: short-term, mid-term, and medium-risk.

Liquid fund for liquidity.

Short-term debt for capital stability.

Balanced advantage for gentle growth.

This mix gives you flexibility, return and low risk.

Please review once a year with a Certified Financial Planner.

He/she will help you shift the mix if your goal or market changes.

No need to chase high returns. Protect capital, grow steadily.

You already took a right step by asking before investing.

That clarity helps avoid mistakes.

With this structure, your money can stay safe and still grow.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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