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Is My Mother-in-Law Sabotaging My Marriage? - Help From A Married Woman

Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 21, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 20, 2025Hindi

Hi I got married 2 years back. It's a love marriage. My husband was very caring and supportive. But her mother used to fill him against me everytime

Ans: Have you spoken to your husband openly about how this is making you feel? The key is to approach the conversation calmly and without blaming his mother directly. Instead of saying "Your mother is turning you against me," you could say something like, "I feel like our relationship is changing, and I miss the way we used to be. I just want us to be happy together without outside negativity affecting us."

Try to understand his perspective as well. He might be feeling torn between his mother and you, not knowing how to balance both relationships. If he truly cares for you, he will listen and try to make things better. However, if he constantly prioritizes his mother’s opinions over your well-being, it might be a deeper issue that requires counseling or a serious conversation about boundaries in marriage.

Would you like to share more about how his behavior has changed and what specific things his mother says to influence him? That could help in figuring out the best way to approach this.

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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2022

Question by GG - Mar 17, 2022Hindi

Ma'am I got married in 2017.After one month problems started. My mother in law started creating problems by emotionally blackmailing my husband. Now even after 4 years, nothing has changed. I have 1 year old son and a government job. But my husband always kept on insulting me. He behaves as per his mood. I don't know what to do. Pls help me.

Ans:

Dear GG,

What is it that she emotionally blackmails your husband with? How does she do that? Also, why is your husband yielding to these blackmails by his mother?

The information that you have shared with me is incomplete and I will try my best to guide you.

If this is getting unbearable, it’s time to seek an intervention and I feel you can ask your family to step in and speak with your husband so that he can be in an empathetic place about you.

Be strong. All the best!

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Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 23, 2023Hindi

Because of my mother my married life is falling apart.. my mother does something purposely which hurts my wife and then quarrel starts. I pleaded my mother not to do so many times but she doesn't understand what we are loosing. I don't want to loose any of them family. Pls advice what should I do.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're facing such a challenging situation. Balancing relationships with both your mother and your spouse can be difficult, but it's essential to find a way to create harmony. Here's some advice on how to handle this situation:

Communication: Open, honest, and empathetic communication is crucial. Sit down with your mother and your spouse separately and discuss the issue. Let them both know how much you care about them and the impact their conflicts are having on your life.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define boundaries with your mother and your spouse. Discuss what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Make it clear that you expect respect and kindness toward one another.
Counseling or Mediation: If direct communication doesn't resolve the issue, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family therapist or counselor, to mediate the conversation. They can provide guidance and facilitate a constructive dialogue.
Prioritize Your Spouse: Your spouse should be your primary concern when it comes to your immediate family. Make sure your wife knows that you support her and are taking her concerns seriously.
Support Your Mother's Transition: If your mother's actions are rooted in a sense of loss or fear of losing you, reassure her that you still love her and that your relationship with your spouse doesn't diminish your love for her.
Time and Patience: Resolving family conflicts can take time. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to mend the relationships.
Self-Reflection: Reflect on your role in the situation and ensure you are not unintentionally contributing to the conflicts. Sometimes, small changes in your behavior can make a big difference.
Establish Separate Boundaries: If necessary, you might consider setting boundaries that involve keeping your mother and spouse apart if they can't peacefully coexist.
Remember, it's crucial to strike a balance and prioritize your spouse and immediate family. While maintaining a relationship with your mother is important, your marital relationship should come first. Seek professional help if the situation doesn't improve, as a therapist can provide guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.

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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 21, 2024