Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Trapped in a Toxic Marriage: Help! My Husband is a Mama's Boy and His Mother is Controlling

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 11, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I got married 1year back. It was an arrange marriage. But boy & his mother put so much efforts for convincing me for a year, though I was not comfortable by his mom’s behaviour of over controlling & dominating (she is on various anti psychotics medicine for 10-15 years), her husband is no more. I had my only parent my mom who got expired 3years back, no siblings. I am in good profession with job since 6 years. I kept myself busy in hobbies to get out of this loss. During that period, this family approached my relatives. I talked to them but couldn’t get convinced by their behaviour as his mom seemed to be very cunning. But finally got married to same person as my relatives were already convinced. They apologised & promised for their past misbehaviour. From first month, I got to know that I m married to a mama’s boy who made fake promises for protecting me. He becomes so unstable & had multiple outbursts. He puts all blames on me, he gaslights about me, whenever he is under his mom’s affect. My job is far away from their home. So I didn’t quit my job & living alone even after marriage. We both husband-wife meet on weekends. But as soon as he spends a day with his mom, he starts talking shit about me. His mom directly targets me in front of him, he never defends me. He just compensates with outings.. but later on, blames me that I asked him to take me out. I go home only for weekends.. but in that also his mom speaks something out of her own insecurities. I am clear now that her only intention is to make us fighting so he never visits me. And if I visit them, she does something blackmailing to threaten his son if he tries to ignore her. (For more info— she has all the authority & money though she was always the homemaker, no contact with her own in-laws, her own brothers & parents , even her own married daughter). I am totally helpless to save my marriage. I tried various therapists for couple counselling sessions but he does not show much if compliance & his mom just hate when u suggest couple counsellings. She wants everything in her hand, which I understood so early , so I kept continuing my work & living at my workplace. But my husband also never recognise the root cause. He gives me silent treatment for days till weekend. He just blames me everyday , very very sarcastic tone that I don’t want to talk to him even on a call. He does something for me & then everyday he blames me for asking for that which is totally false. Now I refuse to take any favour from my husband. I tried for baby but miscarriage. There was so much stress & immediately I moved to my workplace. Plz any suggestions?? For how long, me & my husband will be living like this ? Is there any similar case with some positive hope ?? I know he has some personality issues, one moment he is nice to me & within hours he backfires continues to talk without listening with full energy of blaming me for everything. He imagines something false to portrait about my image & doesn’t trust me at all. On other hand by their behaviour, I am constantly missing my beloved mom. And getting into that grief of losing her deeper. I am seeing my mom in my dreams regularly these days. I am feeling betrayed by trusting them & made a wrong decision on their fake promises.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You did ignore all the red flags that you already had spotted. You have married a man who is completely under his mother's spell. And from what you have shared counseling hasn't helped either. It would not have as until people think that they want things to change, nothing much will change.
I am unsure about how things can turn positive unless both spouses get deeply involved in working on the marriage. Also, how far are you willing to go to put that single-handed effort for you to see the change in him...It could be a heavy task on you!
It's about time that you evaluate where you stand in this marriage and how much longer you be the one to keep the marriage together? This should give you an indication on what your next steps can be...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I got married to the person who was behind me for years. I always considered him as my friend and supporter even after knowing his intention. My mom kept advising me we should go behind that person who cares and loves us. I obeyed her. Soon after things went into proposal mode his family started demanding for dowry and other stuffs. My friend was not from a well fed family which I was not aware. They lied to is they are very rich, hence they need what the demanded since the marriage news was widw spread wit no options we arranged and gave. My friend and his mother brain washed and convinced us to agree for this marriage. Even since I got married my husband and his mother is ruling on me and family. It was late when we got to know that they have been lying to is on their assets. Now when we ask them they deny and keep harassing me. My family got fed up of these fights started maitaining distance and since I Don want to trouble my divorced mother I stop complaining about the issues I am facing. My in-laws demand increases day by day. My mother-in-law is a mother of two kids a son and a daughter but everytime she tortures me and her son is quiet most of the time. When responsibility comes she supports her daughter and makes us to take responsibility which is not fair. Responsibiloty is parallel and must be shared. I am not well, my husband doesn't even give me money or take me to doctor. I am been told marriage means providing food and shelter. Please advise me what shud I do I am fed up
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Basically you have been cheated; period!
What do you with even a basic thing like being cheated at a shop? Do you actually keep the product OR return it?
Yes, relationships are not like that BUT do understand that your marriage has been nothing but a transaction with mean minded people out to destroy you and your peace of mind.
There are no children in the equation so far...so do know you are free to take a decision. Today, it's harassment and giving you no money, tomorrow who knows what else!
Do you not see that they have begun to make you depend on them for the basic things? This is how it all begins before it gets into other shades of harassment which I do not want to speculate.
Put yourself first; be selfish and think about what to do next to actually live a peaceful and carefree life like the way it was before marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I married four years back. I born broughtup in metrocity but i respect n follow my village roots n relatives. Now my MIL, Fil sil joint fmly. In taluka place. My mil second wifeof my fil. The problem started after my baby arrived. My MIL is very possessive to my husband, he has to follow her words. No cinema, hotel no new cloths even kirchief. He has to take her permission or inform her. Never went to outing as mil against everything. Problem started seriously when my started behaving negative towards me n my fathers family. Getting angry, throwing things, using absurd words , keeping recorder in my office bag, etc. I hv to cook food items for all before going to office. Never asked me to eat food. When i told this to my aunties n uncles n mamas, they confirmed my mil is controlling my husband through black magic, vamaachara pratice. When things got worst, i was forced to leave my in laws house, by my sil, mil. I am trying my best to keep in touch wd my hubby. But it is not going well. He takes sis n mom side. Now my baby is 2 yr old. All my relatives tried to make them understand but they are very rude, abuses everyone. Husband never spent or gave any money to me. Mil says no to do so. Sil not married, hv serious health issue. Says i dont marry, i will stay here only. Hubby not takling to me now. Please suggest how to solve this problem
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am unaware or have no knowledge of the practices that you have mentioned, so I would not like to comment on those.
As far as where you are seems like a very toxic environment and it requires your husband to be receptive to listen to what is bothering you. Try yet again asking the elder family members to talk to his family and see what happens. If nothing changes and your husband still continues this drama, then you might have to think of how much longer you want to put up with this toxicity?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8296 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2025
Money
Dear Sir/Madam, I am considering investing in a commercial property located approximately 3-5 kilometers from the upcoming Navi Mumbai International Airport. I have identified a few commercial areas priced around Rs. 40 lakhs, offering a carpet area between 100-200 square feet. The anticipated average monthly rental yield is approximately Rs. 15,000. I plan to invest Rs. 25 lakhs of my own funds and would like to secure a bank loan for the remaining Rs. 15 lakhs. Currently, I have no existing loan liabilities and am employed in a salaried position. However, I am uncertain if this is a wise investment decision, especially since my bank EMI would exceed the expected monthly rental yield, and I may face additional expenses related to the property purchase. I would greatly appreciate your guidance on this matter. Thank you in advance for your assistance.
Ans: You have rightly thought about growing your wealth.

Investing with careful assessment is always a smart and disciplined move.

You are trying to create an extra income source, which is a wonderful financial habit.

However, your current investment plan needs careful re-evaluation.

Your concern about EMI being higher than rent is very valid.

You are already spotting possible cash flow risks at an early stage.

That shows your awareness and maturity towards financial planning.

Three cheers for this clarity at the beginning itself.

Analysis of Your Commercial Property Plan

Property near a new airport can seem attractive to many investors.

However, real estate investments have hidden risks and complexities.

Your rental yield expected is Rs. 15,000 per month.

But your EMI for Rs. 15 lakh loan will be higher than Rs. 15,000.

Thus, there will be a cash shortfall every month.

Also, maintenance charges, property taxes, brokerage fees will further eat into returns.

Finding a tenant immediately after purchase is also not guaranteed.

There could be long vacancy periods with no rent income.

Repairs, legal paperwork, society charges will cause unexpected additional expenses.

If tenant defaults, the recovery process is complicated and stressful.

Selling commercial property in future can also take a lot of time.

Real estate resale value depends on market cycles, which are not predictable.

Commercial spaces sometimes stay unsold or unrented for many months.

Hence, your investment capital will be locked and liquidity will become poor.

You will not be able to exit easily during an emergency.

Further, real estate price growth is slow and sometimes stagnant.

Even in prime locations, commercial properties carry such risks.

Thus, it is not ideal for generating safe monthly income.

Assessing Your Monthly Cash Flow Stability

You are a salaried person without any loan burden now.

Taking a new loan when EMI exceeds income from asset is risky.

It can cause high financial stress if job loss or salary cut happens.

Debt without guaranteed cash inflow weakens your financial strength.

Financial freedom comes by reducing liabilities, not by increasing EMIs unnecessarily.

Right now, you should focus on strengthening your cash flow safety.

Ensure your investments earn stable and predictable income for you.

Avoid entering into investments where outflows are bigger than inflows.

A mismatch in cash flow can derail your future financial goals.

Alternative and Safer Investment Strategy

You have a wonderful opportunity to invest Rs. 40 lakh wisely.

Instead of commercial property, choose safer and smarter options.

Invest in a diversified portfolio of debt mutual funds and hybrid mutual funds.

Opt for regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner for guided support.

Debt mutual funds provide stable returns and monthly income through SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan).

Hybrid mutual funds (Balanced Advantage Funds) can protect against inflation better.

Actively managed funds perform better than index funds in tough markets.

In index funds, you are tied to market ups and downs with no professional edge.

Hence, actively managed funds through a CFP offer better risk-managed growth.

Debt mutual funds taxation is reasonable under the new rules from April 2024.

Long-term capital gains are taxed as per income slab in debt funds.

For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5% now.

Overall, the post-tax returns in mutual funds are attractive compared to property rentals.

Also, mutual fund portfolios are far more liquid than real estate.

You can sell or redeem easily whenever needed without heavy expenses.

Emergency Fund Creation Should be Priority

Before thinking about monthly income investments, secure an emergency fund.

Park 6 to 12 months of your expenses in liquid mutual funds.

Liquid funds are safe, low-risk, and can be withdrawn anytime within 1-2 days.

Never depend only on salary or investment income without a backup emergency fund.

Emergency funds give huge mental peace and financial confidence.

Health and Life Insurance Check

Ensure you have adequate health insurance cover for you and your family.

Minimum Rs. 10-15 lakh health cover is recommended individually.

Without health cover, one hospitalization can destroy your savings.

Also, take a pure term life insurance cover if dependents exist.

Avoid ULIP and endowment policies for insurance, they are not cost effective.

Pure term plan provides large cover at low premium, ensuring financial protection.

Retirement Planning Should Also Be Balanced

While creating monthly income now, plan for future retirement too.

Allocate some portion to long-term equity mutual funds through SIP.

This ensures you beat inflation and create a good retirement corpus.

Today’s Rs. 15,000 monthly expenses will be Rs. 50,000 after 20 years.

Hence, balancing current income needs and future corpus building is very important.

Important Risks If You Invest in Property Now

Cash flow mismatch (EMI greater than rent)

Long periods of vacancy

High transaction cost in buying and selling property

Maintenance cost, repairs, tenant-related legal issues

Property market volatility and slow appreciation

Difficulty in exiting when urgently needed funds

Poor liquidity compared to mutual funds

Simple Action Plan for You Now

Do not invest in commercial property at this stage

Invest in diversified mutual funds portfolio (Debt + Hybrid funds)

Start SWP for monthly income after proper fund selection with CFP guidance

Build emergency fund in liquid mutual funds (Rs. 4 to 6 lakh)

Take health insurance and term insurance cover without delay

Keep small allocation for long-term SIPs for retirement corpus

Review portfolio every 6-12 months with a Certified Financial Planner

Finally

Your goal of building a stable monthly income is very good.

However, investing in commercial property near airport is risky and unsuitable now.

Focus on low-risk, liquid and inflation-beating mutual funds for regular income.

Have a well-rounded 360-degree financial plan covering income, emergency, insurance, and retirement.

Your financial journey will be much safer, stronger, and stress-free.

Right strategy today will help you achieve real financial freedom tomorrow.

You are already thinking smartly, now just align execution with a structured plan.

If you wish to reach out personally, you can connect through my website mentioned below.

This platform restricts direct personal contact sharing. Hope you understand.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8296 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2025
Money
Sir, I am an NRI (aus), 40 years old. I am aiming for 10cr in 10 years with 20L per year investment. I zeroed in the following, are they good? Assuming 15% growth per annum. Parag Parekh flexi cap direct Axis flexi cap direct g HDFC mid cap opportunities direct g SBI small cap fund direct g ICICI pru technology direct g.
Ans: You want to build Rs 10 crore in 10 years.

You plan to invest Rs 20 lakh per year.

Your target is very inspiring and focused.

You assume 15% growth per year from investments.

This ambition is achievable but needs careful planning and right execution.

At 40 years, you still have time, but need to be very disciplined.

It is good that you are thinking seriously about long-term wealth creation.

However, we need to assess the investment choices deeply.

Evaluation of Your Current Selection
You have selected 5 direct mutual fund schemes.

You selected flexi cap, mid cap, small cap and technology sector funds.

Your selection shows you are willing to take higher equity risk.

Still, few important points must be considered before proceeding.

I will explain the strengths and risks clearly below.

Problems with Direct Mutual Funds
Direct mutual funds are cheaper but not automatically better.

Without Certified Financial Planner guidance, wrong direct fund choices can happen.

Direct funds need constant monitoring and periodic rebalancing.

If you miss reviewing, risk will increase over years.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner + MFD gives full 360-degree service.

A regular plan managed through MFD with CFP ensures disciplined monitoring.

Professional rebalancing keeps your portfolio healthy against market ups and downs.

Saving 1% expense ratio is not useful if you lose 20% capital by wrong strategy.

Thus, direct funds are not recommended for serious wealth building goals like yours.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Although you have not mentioned Index funds, still important to highlight here.

Index funds blindly follow the market, they do not aim to beat it.

They invest even in poor companies just because they are in index.

No active decision-making to protect during market fall.

In India, actively managed funds have consistently outperformed index funds.

Index funds are good only in developed countries, not in India yet.

Thus, actively managed mutual funds are better for your 10 crore goal.

Analysis of Your Selected Categories
Now let's look at each category you have selected.

Flexi Cap Funds
Flexi cap funds are very versatile and flexible.

They invest across large, mid, and small cap companies.

They are core funds and suitable for long term investing.

Having two different flexi cap funds is slightly overlapping.

One good flexi cap fund is enough.

Select based on strong consistent performance under Certified Financial Planner guidance.

Mid Cap Fund
Mid caps offer higher growth potential compared to large caps.

They also carry higher volatility risk.

Mid cap exposure must be limited to 20-25% of portfolio.

Selection of quality midcap fund is critical.

Blind selection can backfire badly during market corrections.

Small Cap Fund
Small caps are even more volatile than mid caps.

They give high returns only when market is extremely strong.

In down markets, they can fall 60-70%.

Small cap exposure should not exceed 10-15% of total portfolio.

Handling small caps requires experienced monitoring.

Not suitable for very aggressive allocation unless monitored monthly by CFP.

Technology Sector Fund
Sector funds like technology funds are very risky.

If sector performs, gains will be big.

If sector underperforms, losses will be severe.

Sector exposure should be maximum 5-10% of your portfolio.

Technology sector is very cyclical and policy dependent.

Too much sector allocation can derail your 10 crore goal.

Ideal Structure for You
Now, based on your inputs, here is a better structure for you.

Again, no scheme names are suggested, as per your instruction.

Core Portfolio (65% to 70%)
One strong Flexi Cap fund (managed by good fund manager).

One Large and Mid Cap fund (balanced approach towards large caps and midcaps).

One Conservative Hybrid Equity Fund (for stability during market volatility).

Satellite Portfolio (30% to 35%)
One focused Mid Cap fund with proven track record.

One selected Small Cap fund but with strict monitoring.

Minimal sector exposure like Technology, not more than 5%.

Regular review of sector allocation every quarter.

Important Points to Consider
Maintain proper diversification across sectors and market caps.

Avoid duplication of same category funds.

Choose only consistent long-term performers.

Annual rebalancing is a must.

Review fund performance once in 6 months minimum.

Align investments based on market valuations with CFP guidance.

Managing Risk and Returns
When aiming for Rs 10 crore, managing risk is as important as earning returns.

Never keep 100% equity exposure throughout 10 years.

Move part of profits to safer instruments as you near 10 years.

Create an asset allocation roadmap now itself.

Follow the roadmap strictly under Certified Financial Planner supervision.

Use Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs) whenever shifting money between categories.

Inflation and Taxes
Inflation is your biggest enemy, bigger than taxes.

At 6% inflation, Rs 10 crore after 10 years will feel like Rs 5.5 crore today.

Thus, you must keep wealth creation target a little higher than 10 crore.

New MF Capital Gain Tax rules must be kept in mind:

Equity fund LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains taxed at 20%.

Debt funds fully taxed as per your income slab.

Plan withdrawals carefully to minimise tax impact.

Importance of Certified Financial Planner Support
Since you are serious about wealth creation, professional support is very important.

A Certified Financial Planner will give you:

Proper asset allocation based on your risk capacity.

Right fund selection based on 360-degree analysis.

Regular portfolio review and timely rebalancing.

Tax efficient withdrawal planning.

Contingency planning in case of emergencies.

Alignment of investments with your long term goals.

Emotional discipline during market volatility.

Peace of mind that your future is well protected.

Final Insights
You have shown excellent clarity and commitment towards your financial goals.

However, building Rs 10 crore is a serious, full-time task needing expert care.

Your fund selection direction is good but needs fine-tuning for stability and efficiency.

Direct mutual funds without professional guidance can expose you to unnecessary risks.

Active management, regular reviews, dynamic rebalancing will increase your success chances.

Focus on wealth preservation as much as on wealth creation over next 10 years.

Please make sure your family is also aware of your plans and investments.

I sincerely appreciate your proactive and visionary thinking for your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |350 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x