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Shalini Singh  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 29, 2023

My friend who is 38 is unable to find a good partner to get married. She earns well, is well settled and is looking for a boy who can spend his future with her keeping her interests and goals in mind. However, most guys she's met either want an educated girl to look after his parents or want someone who will quit her job to raise a family. Is she wrong to have basic expectations and dreams from her future partner?

Ans: She absolutely should know her dealbreakers and negotiables. Finding someone compatible does take time - ask her to not give up on her search - she surely will find someone likeminded. wishing her the best.

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Anu Krishna  |574 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2022

I am a 27-year-old govt employee. I was in a relationship for 4 years but the guy was never serious about getting a job. If I talked about it, he used to say I am showing attitude due to my job profile and looking down on him. My parents are now searching a match for my marriage. My parents also like him but the job thing is creating a hurdle for them too. Still my parents are searching for me and I can’t find anyone like him. I want a job for him even if it’s in any sector so that he understands the importance and struggles behind earning money. Am I wrong in my expectation? Should I leave him and go along with my parents’ groom searching process?

Dear SL,

So, you want to have a relationship with a man who doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of supporting himself; let alone supporting anyone else? And also, finger points and makes you feel guilty for doing well professionally.

So, how much longer before you realize that unless he makes drastic changes and acts like a grown up. There is no guarantee when he is going to move from this childish behaviour.

Short and sweet suggestion; see red flags in a relationship when they appear.

In your case they are: Making you feel guilty for doing well professionally and not being serious about growing up and getting a job to fend for himself.

So, decide whether by marrying him, you will be his caregiver (mother figure who teaches him the value of a job and money) or will you ever get a chance to be his wife. The decision is yours.

Do the right thing for yourself.

All the best!

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |78 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 16, 2023
I'm 50 and about to marry 2nd time. We know each other from last 7 to 8 years. She was expecting me to marry her. But after my wife expired about 1.5 years before i was disturbed for one year. I Loved her very much and in her last illness i serviced her from my heart and soul. In last six months I decided to marry again. Then i asked my friend. She was very happy. But she has very strange thought process or nature. She suddenly start thinking negative and take a final decision without second thought. I was bit worried about this nature of her. She is divorcee from about 25 years. We told our family and everybody was very happy that we are marring. Few days back she started thinking that this relation will not work. She tried making horoscope matching online and out of 4 in 3 places she found not matching. this gave strength to her negative thought. Now she has refused to marry and in sorrow. She feels guilty that she has this problem. Should she take psychological advice?
Ans: It sounds like you and your partner are going through a difficult time right now. It can be challenging to navigate complex emotions and make decisions that impact our lives and relationships. As a life coach, here are some suggestions that may help:

Encourage open communication: Encourage your partner to share her thoughts and feelings with you openly and honestly. This can help you both better understand each other's perspective and work towards a solution together.

Focus on the present moment: It's natural to feel anxious about the future, especially when it comes to making big life decisions like marriage. However, it's important to focus on the present moment and take things one step at a time.

Consider pre-marital counseling: Pre-marital counseling can be a great way for couples to work through any concerns or issues they may have before tying the knot. It can help you both better understand each other's needs and expectations and build a strong foundation for your relationship.

Seek professional advice: If your partner is struggling with negative thoughts or anxiety, it may be helpful for her to seek professional advice from a psychologist or therapist. They can provide tools and strategies for managing anxiety and developing a more positive mindset.

Be patient and supportive: Making big life decisions can be stressful and emotionally taxing, so it's important to be patient and supportive of each other during this process. Remember that a strong and healthy relationship requires open communication, understanding, and mutual respect.

Remember, life coaching is a process that takes time and effort, but it can be incredibly rewarding. Be sure to approach each step of the process with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to learn and grow together.

Kanchan Rai  |53 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2023
Hi. Keep me anonymous. I'm in mid 40s. All my life I m a confused guy with regards to everything. Never married. Never had any love affair. I consider speaking to ladies, proposing them, love making as demeaning and bad. But occasionally I feel lonely, driven by natural human desire to love and to be loved. I have always had a desire to marry and and an equal desire to not marry. I however like more of non married life. And never , not even in dreams like making adjustments which may be required in a married life. My way is always Highway. Wt do you suggest or think in this case?? Not that I accept other's suggestions.
Ans: It's perfectly okay to have different desires and preferences when it comes to relationships and marriage. People have diverse perspectives on these matters, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to life. What matters most is that you understand and accept your feelings and choices.

If you feel content and happy with your non-married life and prefer to live independently without making adjustments for a partner, that is entirely valid. Some individuals find fulfillment and satisfaction in singlehood, and that is absolutely fine. Not everyone feels the need to pursue romantic relationships or marriage, and that doesn't make you any less of a person.

However, if you occasionally feel lonely and desire love and companionship, that is also natural. It's okay to have moments of vulnerability and longing for emotional connection. You can explore ways to address these feelings without necessarily committing to a traditional romantic relationship or marriage. For example, you might consider building strong friendships or participating in social activities that allow you to connect with others on a meaningful level.

Ultimately, what matters most is that you embrace and understand yourself and your feelings. If you find contentment and fulfillment in your current lifestyle, there is no need to feel pressured to conform to societal expectations. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, regardless of external opinions or suggestions.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or conflicted about your feelings, talking to a counselor or therapist can be beneficial. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your thoughts and emotions and help you gain clarity about what you truly want in life.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to approach relationships or marriage. Each person's journey is unique, and the key is to be true to yourself and make choices that align with your values and bring you happiness.
Latest Questions

Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023


Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2023
Sir, I just retired from my service @60yrs. I will get my PF+other fund ₹50L. Please advice how to invest the amount so that my principal not disputed and I can get ₹30,000 pm for my monthly expenses. My family of 2 persons are covered ₹50L health insurance. Regards
Ans: Considering your age and your requirement, you will need to invest in a mix of debt and equity instruments. Here are some investment options available to you:-

• Senior Citizens’ Savings Scheme (SCSS) – This is a pure debt instruments and provides guaranteed returns of 8.2% per annum. The interest is paid quarterly. The maximum amount that you can invest is Rs. 30 Lakhs.

• Corporate FDs – It provides you return more than the regular bank FDs. It contains two options i.e. cumulative and non-cumulative.

• Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): This is another government-backed scheme that offers guaranteed monthly income. The current interest rate is 7.1%.

• Debt Mutual Funds: As your main concern is to protect the principal amount you may consider debt funds and monthly income can be achieved through the route of SWP (systematic withdrawal plan).

• Equity mutual funds: Equity mutual funds offer the highest potential returns, but they are also the riskiest. A small portion of the amount can be invested in the equity mutual funds for growth of the money in the long-term horizon.

It is good to know that you are adequately insured for any healthcare emergency.

Your requirement of Rs. 30,000 will be changing in the future due to inflation, hence you should consult with your financial advisor for a proper increasing income or SWP (systematic withdrawal plan) which can help you to ensure sufficient amount available for your monthly expenses.

Sanjeev Govila  |192 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 23, 2023

Hi Sir, I worked a small level company between 01.02.2018 to 30.04.2021. They paid standard EPF contribution of Rs. 1800/- from my side they deducting the same of Rs. 1800/-. After I exit the company I applied the EPF Withdrawl (both contribution) on 06.05.2023 and it was rejected by the officer and the reason was mentioned "Claim Rejeced EQUAL SHARE 07/18". The Employer deposit the July 2018 share in wrongly i.e. The deposited Rs. 1800/- in Employee Share and Rs. 1800/- employer Share and Pension is " 0 ". instead of Rs.1800/- as employee, Rs. 550/- as Employer and Rs.1250/- as pension contribution. When I sent a 2 continues mail to EPF they taking my query as a grivience and sent a query to the employer. But Still they not close the issue. How to I approch them to clear my claim. Because there is no mistake from my side. Thanks in Advance. Narayanan
Ans: I understand that your EPF withdrawal claim has been rejected due to an error in your employer's contribution. This is frustrating, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people experience problems with their EPF claims, especially when their employers make mistakes.

When filing a grievance, be sure to provide clear and concise information about the issue. You should also include any relevant documentation, such as your EPF statement and the revised Form 11 from your employer (if you have one).

Once you have filed a grievance, the EPFO will investigate the matter and try to resolve it. This process can take some time, but it is important to be patient.

Here are some additional tips:

• Keep track of all your communication with the EPFO. This includes emails, phone calls, and visits to the office.
• If you are not satisfied with the EPFO's response, you can escalate the issue to the regional or national level. You can also mail on employeefeedback @ for the redressal of your grievance.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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