My son is 36 years old. Not married yet. He is Learning disabled with specific disability with numbers. Not able to to get a decent job due to his disability.His health condition is ok but got Crohns. He is under medication and may be life long. He is single child and we are more worried about his future after us. Financially there is not much of problem , he can lead a comfortable life after our life.Socially he is an introvert and may not able to live alone.He is refusing to go for counselling. In the above circumstances what we should do? Is it worth looking for a girl for this type of boy . Alternatively how to settle him independently and lead a normal life after our death.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
He seems to want to live in a place of alternate reality where the real life is wilfully blurred and a fantasy world plays out easily. This happens when the real world facts disturb him and stress him and escaping into that alternate reality feels reassuring and calming.
This can be addressed by setting up an appointment with a Clinical Psychologist who is skilled to work with teenagers. She/he will use various techniques to ease your son into the real world. Kindly act NOW. In the meantime, surround him with a lot of love and affection.
All the best!

Ans: It sounds like your son may be struggling with some social and emotional challenges related to his hearing and speech problem, and it's understandable that this could impact his ability to communicate and socialize with others. As a psychologist, I would recommend the following suggestions to help counsel your son:

Validate his feelings: Let your son know that you understand that it can be difficult for him to navigate social situations with his hearing and speech challenges. Validate his feelings and reassure him that he is not alone in feeling this way.

Encourage social interaction: While your son may be comfortable at home, it's important to encourage him to interact with others outside of the home as well. This could be through community events, volunteering, or joining social groups for individuals with similar challenges. Gradually exposing him to new situations can help him build confidence and develop new skills.

Focus on strengths and interests: Encourage your son to pursue his interests and strengths, whether it's in academics, music, or any other area. This can help him develop a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Explore therapy options: Counseling or therapy can be an effective way for your son to work through his challenges and develop coping strategies. Consider exploring therapy options, such as speech therapy, social skills training, or cognitive-behavioral therapy, which can be tailored to meet his specific needs.

Use positive reinforcement: When your son makes progress, offer positive reinforcement and encouragement. Celebrate his accomplishments, even if they are small, to help build his confidence and motivation.

Remember, counseling and support is a process that takes time, patience, and persistence. Be sure to approach your son with empathy and understanding, and work together to develop a plan that supports his well-being and personal growth.

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenging situation you and your family are facing. Caring for an adult child with complex medical and mental health issues can be incredibly difficult, especially when considering the future when you may not be there to provide support. Here are some steps you can take to plan for your son's care:

Consult with Professionals: Seek the advice of medical professionals, including your son's treating physicians and mental health providers. They can provide guidance on his current treatment plan and any potential long-term care needs.
Legal and Financial Planning: Consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law or disability law to help you establish the necessary legal documents and financial arrangements. This may include setting up a special needs trust, appointing a guardian, and creating a will that outlines your son's care and financial support after your passing.
Identify Caregivers: While you mentioned that there are no relatives or friends willing to take care of your son, it's essential to continue exploring potential options. You might consider reaching out to local support groups for parents of children with disabilities or mental health issues to connect with others who have faced similar challenges.
Government Assistance: Research government programs and benefits available to individuals with disabilities
Care Facilities: Investigate residential care facilities and group homes that specialize in providing care for adults with disabilities. Some facilities offer long-term care options that can provide a stable and supportive environment for your son.
Support Services: Look for local agencies and nonprofit organizations that offer support services for individuals with mental health issues and disabilities. They may provide assistance with housing, employment, and daily living skills.
Include Your Son in Planning: To the extent possible, involve your son in discussions about his future care and living arrangements. His input and preferences should be considered in the planning process.
Create a Support Network: Engage with local and online support communities for parents and caregivers of individuals with mental health and disability challenges. Connecting with others who have faced similar situations can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Continuity of Care: Ensure that all essential medical and psychiatric records are well-documented and easily accessible for future caregivers. This will help provide a seamless transition in case of any changes in care providers.
Regular Updates: As your son's condition may change over time, it's crucial to periodically review and update your plans and arrangements to adapt to his evolving needs.
Remember that you are not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and professionals available to help you navigate this difficult journey. Seek guidance from experts and reach out to local disability organizations to explore available support and options for your son's future care.

Ans: Dear Dipentu,

Thank you for writing in

Few aspects to look at
Identify your son's strengths and weaknesses and encourage him to explore that aligns with his abilities and interests
Life skill development and prioritizing on life skills like self-care- money management, learning to write his name and signature, organizing his room, etc. This will make him independent as he grows older.
Social skills development can opt for group activities/ therapy, and encourage him to take part in social activities, where he gets an opportunity to interact with others.
Have a personalized education plan -look for professionals who can tailor the education to his unique needs and goals.
Therapeutic Support- Consider enrolling your son in therapy or counseling with the experts to address any emotional, behavioral, or social challenges if any. Such therapy sessions help the individual in building self-confidence, coping skills, and resilience.
Have a fixed, structured, and supportive environment- Provide clear instructions, visual supports, and consistent routines to help your son navigate daily tasks and responsibilities. Plan the discipline around him. Have a schedule and tell him what he needs to follow. For example- Keep a watch in front of him with a timer and alarm and tell him you will do this X activity until the alarm rings. Give direct instructions to him. To say in big or multiple sentences. For example- Come Here, Sit here, Do this, etc.
Exercises- there are certain exercises you can make him do that will help him to do better. You can find these exercises on Youtube or look for professional experts.
Importantly be patient, supportive, persistent, and positive in guiding him and making him a confident individual.

Hope this helps.
To Your Success
Thanks and Regards
Ashwini Dasgupta
Author of Confidence Decoded. Is it a Skill or Attitude?